…except you’d think they’d be easy to fight, since they’re all soft and squishy and probably really easy to damage. Unless Swampy’s referring to the whole flying thing, since I could see where that would be a problem.

Anyway, from the same issue is this big red fella. I love this monster:

Look at the detail on his spear, and on the monster’s skin, and inside the monster’s mouth…I know Wrightson is the standard by which ST artists are judged, but man, Bissette and Totleben really created some awesomely weird-ass work on this series.

Also, I kind of miss the days of Swamp Thing comics where the title character would get carted around in wooden crates, as shown above, to avoid startling the populace. Swamp Thing doesn’t catch rides inside cars as a regular passenger too often anymore, either:

…but the cat can still pilot a mean jeep.

images from Saga of the Swamp Thing #17 (Oct. 1983) by Marty Pasko, Steve Bissette & John Totleben, and from Saga of the Swamp Thing #10 (Feb. 1983) by Pasko, Tom Yeates & Totleben

What I like most about ads like these:

…are the little cartoony drawings contained therein. For example:

Wha–? That dog’s not working at all. He’s just hanging around outside the office building, taking yet another smoking break, the shirker.

I’m not sure how happy a real policeman would be about someone passing out fake parking tickets. Unless that’s the prankster in the 88-cent “Impersonate an Officer of the Law” costume, moments before the arrest.

The expression is great…he is dismayed and puzzled by the explosions on his fingertips. “The pinky’s gone nuclear…nuclear!”

This is quite possibly the saddest person alive. He simply can’t believe one of his “friends” pulled this hoary old joke on him. “Did you really blacken the end of a telescope to give me a black eye? Really? …Which of the Little Rascals put you up to this?”

And…hey, wait a second:

…is that the same as one of these? Looks like some of the ten functions may be a little different now.

…via a commission piece given to me by pal Dorian, because he’s a swell guy and a good friend.

You can get more hot Benjamin Birdie action at his very own website, or you can see him strut his stuff multiple times a week at America’s favorite comic strip about a comic shop, The Rack (written by known accomplice Kevin Church).

So on a New Comics Day a couple of months back, as we were breaking down the order in the morning before we opened, Employee Aaron, Kid Chris, and I were discussing the works of Dr. Seuss, as we often do. Specifically, we were discussing The Lorax, and I found myself in the position of trying to recall the name of the Lorax’s industrial nemesis.

Now, as a former children’s librarian, and as a former child who had been exposed to both the book and film versions of The Lorax multiple times, I should have remembered the antagonist’s name. But, at that moment, all I could come up with was this: “Well, I know this isn’t the character’s name, but it sounds something like…’the Sneezler.'”

Well, this was apparently the funniest thing Employee Aaron and Kid Chris have ever heard, because they laughed their fool heads off that morning, and even now, months later, they’re still giving me a ration of shit about it.

The character’s actual name, by the way, is the Once-ler, but I’m sure I didn’t need to tell any of you folks that. I figure, though, that the Sneezler could have been a fitting nemesis for the Lorax, chopping down forests and pulping trees to make enormous supplies of tissue paper for his gargantuan nose, as seen here in this hastily-drawn rendition:

Yes, the Sneezler also goes barefoot. He’s allergic to shoes. I guess.

So there you go…I didn’t have anything to say about comics today, so instead you get another example of why I’m a big dope and none of you should ever listen to me about anything.

1. So my gag in yesterday’s post about Piers Anthony’s Incarnations of Immortality series resulted in some unexpected knowledge, courtesy reader Brian: that’s there’s an eighth book in the series, released relatively recently. Entitled Under a Velvet Cloak, it adds Arthurian legend into the mix (which I don’t recall being part of this series prior to this, though feel free to correct me) and despite the fact the series hit diminishing returns fairly quickly, I still feel that urge to read this one, too. Hell, I’ve read Star Wars novels…I’ll pretty much read anything.

I’ll just drop one of these handy things in here, in case any of you want to read it as well:

I had to go look it up on Amazon right away after Brian dropped that bombshell on me. I totally thought he was joking.

I may have been a bit hard on the series…I did enjoy it overall, and like Tim said, For Love of Evil, the sixth book in the series, was actually a bump upward in the series’ quality. But the clever world-building from the first book seemed more forced as the series progressed, the situations more ridiculous, the suspension of disbelief less willing…keep in mind it’s been a while since I’ve read these, so I’m working off general remembered impressions rather than any specifics. Could very well be if I reread them today (and I could if I wanted…they’re still right there on my bookshelves) I’d like them for the quickie surface-level fantasy pulp adventure that they are and be less of a Mr. Critical-Pants about them.

But seriously, the magical giant flying fish everyone was riding around in. There’s just no getting over that.

2. THIS:

…is completely awesome. It’s also completely sold out, alas, but second printings are coming. It’s a wonderful piece of work by Roger Langridge, structured just like an episode of the Muppet Show, with skits, behind the scenes mayhem, Statler and Woldorf, and even a musical number which, oddly enough, actually works on the printed page. Boom Studios really knocked this one out of the park, and if you can’t find a copy right now, be sure to look later in April when the reprints hit the market.

3. I was totally lying yesterday about having eaten spicy chicken wings. I don’t like spicy foods. Progressive Ruin regrets this shameful episode of deceit.

In yesterday’s post, it was indicated that The Spirit did more poorly in the box office than Punisher War Zone, when in fact the opposite is true. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

Also in yesterday’s post, it was claimed that Green Lantern #40 was only reprinted in three other publications, but apparently it has been reprinted in more places than originally noted. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

In addition, certain assumptions were made regarding potential scheduling problems with Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely’s forthcoming Batman and Robin series. These were already addressed in interviews with the creative team. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

In a previous post, Secret Invasion was described as “readable.” Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

In this site’s review of the Watchmen film, Dr. Manhattan’s penis was only mentioned in passing, when in fact it should have been discussed and commented upon and joked about ad nauseum. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

During last year’s Free Comic Book Day giveaway, the store associated with this site gave away as many comics to as many people as was possible, until supplies ran out. Progressive Ruin was supposed to regret this error, apparently.

Over the last several years, All Star Batman and Robin has been described by many a fan and critic as not being a good comic. Progressive Ruin regrets your error.

Due to a records issue, the age of this site’s owner was noted last week as being 40, when in fact he is 24. Progressive Ruin wishes this was an error to regret.

A while back, this site spent about a week discussing the Batman and Robin movie. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

About three years ago Employee Aaron was hired. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

The site’s owner kept reading Piers Anthony’s Incarnations of Immortality series past, oh, the third or fourth book. Progressive Ruin doesn’t really regret the error, as such, but boy that was rough goin’.

While the store ordered a lot of the book itself, Watchmen tie-in products and parodies and the like were ordered at very low numbers. Progressive Ruin regrets the er…well, no, actually, it doesn’t.

Many years ago, the site’s owner saw both Mannequin and Mannequin 2: On The Move in the theatre. Progressive Ruin really doesn’t know what it was thinking.

About five and a half years ago, the Progressive Ruin weblog was started. Progressive Ruin only occasionally regrets the error.

In the ’90s, a crossover series between Valiant Comics and Image Comics seemed like a great idea and that the store should order lots of copies. Progressive Ruin regrets the error.

For lunch, this site’s owner had an extra helping of the spicy chicken wings. Hoo boy, is he regretting the error.

In a previous post, a number of bird images were mislabeled. Progressive Ruin egrets the error.

• Saw the Punisher War Zone movie over the weekend, finally…yeah, I can see why Punisher fans seemed to like it. Hell, sometimes you’re just in the mood for excessive violence and explosions, and the film delivered. Not enough Wayne Knight as Microchip. Too much scenery chewing by the villains, though that’s just par for the course, really. Interesting that they “retconned” the film-Punisher’s origin to be more like the one in the comics, as opposed to the “everyone Frank Castle was related to, or even just sorta knew, is killed by criminals at a family reunion” origin the previous film gave us. I guess this was a retooling of the character for the Punisher film franchise, though given the only other big-budget movie to do worse than this one last year was The Spirit, I’m guessing the point is moot.
• Via the DC solicits, I see the entry for the new Batman and Robin title by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely. I can’t wait to read it…I’m sure it’ll be great, but the real question is this: are they going to have fill-in artists to maintain the monthly schedule, or are they just going to publish the issues as they get done? Because, seriously, no way this is going to stay monthly as is.

  Also, a big thumbs up for the reprinting of George Perez’s ’80s run on Justice League of America, one of my favorite comics as a young Mikester.

• So over the weekend someone asked me for a Green Lantern comic that would go into the backstory of GL’s bosses, the Guardians of the Universe. My first thought was “oh, yeah, Green Lantern #40, that’ll do the trick,” because I could have sworn that there was a one-off reprinting of that comic, like a Millennium edition or a Silver Age Classics, or a reprint in the Greatest Green Lantern Stories Ever Told, or something like that. But no, it just appears to be currently available in the Archives, and in the black and white Showcase volume. Oh, and in on the digests from the early ’80s, but alas, we didn’t have that one.

  I did find the customer a few comics to satisfy his Guardians need, though he didn’t want to go for the Archives or the Showcase. But still, I really thought there was some kind of standalone reprint of GL #40. I could even see it in my head. Ah, well, at my advanced age the mind is the second thing to go.

• Speaking of reprints, Alan Doane has been discussing the ’80s Baxter paper reprints from Marvel and DC over a couple of posts. I quite liked those reprint series, which helped me catch up on some otherwise difficult to find or afford classic stories…like Deadman, or the Neal Adams Green Lantern/Green Arrow run. I do remember at the time (and I mention this in the comments over at Alan’s) there were several complaints about the market being flooded (particularly by Marvel) with unnecessary reprints, presumably to take the retailer dollar away from those upstart indie companies that were popping up all over the place at the time. I can see where that may have been a problem, but still, I don’t know that I would have read, for example, Jim Starlin’s Captain Marvel or Warlock comics otherwise. And it certainly was easier, and less of a financial impact, to get the reprints at $2 a shot per month, instead of, say, buying a $10 or $15 book.
• And just talking about the paper stock sorta stirs up a nostalgic feel for me, as it seemed like we were always discussing paper stock on comics back in the ’80s. Newsprint, Mando paper, Baxter paper, Miraweb, whatever Marvel Fanfare was printed on, and so on.

  Nostalgia for paper stock discussions. I’ve been doing this too long.

EDIT: Pal Nat corrects me on the respective takes for Punisher War Zone and Spirit, but my original point stands…don’t expect another Punisher movie anytime soon.

And there are other corrections and elaborations and such in my comments, too…my research team will be beaten accordingly.