Okay, enough of the ’50s and ’60s Batman comics. For now, anyway.

• So what would Lost star Josh Holloway look like as DC Comics’ Jonah Hex? Darned frightening, that’s what he’d look like.
• See, I did manage to sell a copy of Gene Simmons’ Zipper. Okay, not at our store, but still…
• I’ve seen a couple of links, here and there, to this article about Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonists contributing to a forthcoming issue of Mad Magazine. The bit of the article that gets me is near the end, where representatives of the mag claim the average age of its readers is 26 years old (median 19).

  My initial reading period of Mad was from when I was about 7 years old ’til I was about 11 or 12 years old, and I guess, because of that, I’d assumed that’s about the same period most kids discover and read Mad, and thus made up the bulk of its readership. I suppose nowadays there a lot more folks like me in their readership, who read Mad as a kid, and just (relatively) recently started picking it up again, and not as many people getting exposed to it, and picking it up, at an early age.

  Or maybe it was always something older kids read, and much younger kids (like I was, once, centuries ago) were the exception. I really don’t know.

• If you happen to be in Santa Rosa, CA this coming Saturday, why not drop by the Schulz Museum and say “howdy” to pal Nat, who’ll be the Cartoonist in Residence for that day. Check that second link for details.
• Apparently there was yet another discussion about lightsabers vs. Superman, and a commenter there with a long memory linked back to my post about finding a fantastic message board discussion on the topic. (Or, rather, a “Jedi Vs. Superman” discussion, which, inevitably, brought us to the brilliance of the “Kryptonite lightsaber.”) After the debate continues in the comments, someone worries “you’re really trying to get Mike Sterling to laugh at us,” but he needn’t worry. At this point, there’s nothing left but tears.

  I’m reminded, in a way, of a minor plot aside in an episode of (I believe) Angel, where two characters go on and on arguing about who would win in a fight…cavemen or astronauts. This apparently was based on real behind-the-scenes activity on the show, where that topic was brought up, decried as being “a really stupid thing to talk about,” and yet, the concept wormed its way into everyone’s head, and everyone suddenly had a strong argument for their position, pro-astronaut or pro-caveman.

  I think “Superman Vs. Jedi” has the potential to be another one of these mind-grabbers. Something you don’t want to have an opinion on, but sooner or later…you will.

  And if you have to discuss it on my site, for God’s sake, continue in the comments section for my original post.

• Dafna at the Bispectacult recently posted a Youtube video featuring a musical adaptation of a Jack Chick religious tract. It’s not too much different from the actual comic.
• Employee Aaron (looking through the preview copy of Millar and Hitch’s Fantastic Four comic…due out next week, effendi!): “So, what’s the big deal about this comic again?”

  Me: “It has a lot of splash pages.”

  Aaron: “Oh.”

• Happy Blogiversary to my Blogging Neighbor only about 45 minutes north of me…Carla at Snap Judgments!
• Tim O’Neil comments on a couple of recent quiet moments in superhero books.
• Ken has a few words about super-fans (i.e. the ones who lack any sense of perspective and self-awareness, not people like me or you, my fine, upstanding, intelligent, Mike’s-Amazon.com-link-using readers), and Bitterandrew also has a few allegory-tastic words along those same lines.
• At the shop, I mentioned in passing that I may — may — be going to the Los Angeles Wizard World convention in March, and a customer asked if I’d be going in costume. I replied “Yes…I’ll be dressed as a Klingon who’s dressed as a Stormtrooper.”

  Employee Aaron was apparently amused enough by this concept to knock out a quickie preliminary sketch:

  
  I really need to give that boy more to do at the store.

…so be prepared:

from Batman #160 (Dec. 1963)

After encountering a group of alien creatures wandering around Gotham City and causing disturbances, Batman and Robin try to get to the bottom of things:

Blish is apparently under the assumption that Batman is to give his class a tour of the city. Batman’s not sure why, but he plays along just to keep an eye on these beings, in case there’s more trouble.

And that was a good idea, it seems, as the students continue to make mischief. Assorted pranks follow, including this rather spectacular example:

The extraterrestrial student’s “Virgil Partch Ray” terrifies the populace:

…And finally gets on Blish’s last nerve:

After gathering the kids, a little Bat-spanking justice is applied:

Having learned their lesson, the three students decide to help out when they witness a bank robbery in progress:

However, they bypass the bandits and lay an alien whammy on the boys in blue:

Batman’s had enough, and he’s on the verge of kicking all their asses off the planet when Blish comes to a sudden realization:

Things apparently work a little differently there on that other planet, which not only explains why the kids protected the bank robbers, but why they assumed Batman was their tour guide:

Sounds a little convenient, but that’s okay, I guess.

The class finally departs, leaving behind a token of their appreciation for their caped and crusading friends:

Now that’s a trophy that needs to be put back on display in the modern-day Batcave. Forget about showcases containing costumes of minor supporting characters….we need to petition DC editorial for more photos of Batman’s alien pals decorating the place. There’s an effort I can get behind.

It’s the most unique sailing ship on the seven seas…the S.S. Batman!

Only one man can pilot this ship, and that man is Captain Batman:

The people rejoice at the coming of the S.S. Batman:

Please note Robin’s presence in the “Bat’s Nest,” oddly never referred to as such in the narrative, though the gag seems plainly obvious.

A replica of the Batcave is squeezed below deck, somewhere:

The guy shouting “gosh, it’s just like the real Batcave” — either he’s the annoying know-it-all in this crowd, or he’s dealing with a Batman who’s a heck of a lot less secretive than his modern “Mr. Urban Legend” counterpart. I’m picturing photo spreads in Look, after taking the photographer there blindfolded, so he wouldn’t know the cave’s location.

Much of Batman and Robin’s crime-stopping equipment is on display as well, such as their crime lab:

Now, are those prop file cabinets, or are they actually filled with copies of their crime files? I’m guessing the latter…DC superheroes, particularly about this time, were pretty obsessive about that level of detail.

Look out, S.S. Batman! There’s an unwelcome guest aboard!

Turns out that “Batman” is actually part of the S.S. Batman’s high tech security system:

So long, S.S. Batman! We may never see the likes of you again!

---

From the letters page of this issue, a type of missive that the Bat-editors probably don’t see a whole lot of nowadays:

Oh, I’d give almost anything for a return to the “Batman’s Time Travel Crimes on Venus” era of Bat-comics.

The “ape” half of DC Comics’ Angel and the Ape, Sam Simeon, was a cartoonist when he wasn’t helping Angel in her detective work. As a filler page in issue #6 of their series (Sept/Oct 1969), an alleged sample of Simeon’s work was presented:

Reminds me a little of this issue of Batman (#294, Dec. 1977):

But Sam’s version has the little pointy, fleshy Bat-ears, which makes me a tad queasy, frankly.

The logo for Sam’s cartoon is also oddly disturbing:

Giant hairy letters with paws moving of their own accord. Please enjoy this nightmare fuel.

---

Special programming note: Dafna and Kid Chris have a new Bispectacult comics podcast up for your enjoyment. It’s an hour’s worth of silliness, and it’s free! Free Tell them Mike sent you.

from Four Color #1034 (Sept-Nov 1959)

1. If you’re gonna name your cabinet the “Cooky Cabinet,” you’re just asking for trouble. Okay, even if your name’s “Cooky” because you’re, you know, the cook, any kid poking around in the camp kitchen is gonna see that and go lookin’ for cookies.

1a. Then again, the “Cooky Cabinet” could mean that, within its confines, things are completely kooky and wacky and crazy. I mean, don’t you wish you had a Cooky Cabinet like that in your house, that you could reach into at any time when the situation demands it?

2. I don’t even want to know how Sluggo was distracting Camp Director Mr. Simply so that he could write “Sluggo Was Here” across Simply’s knees.

3. Speaking of those knees, let us consider this image:

Either Sluggo’s lettering is defying physics, or Sluggo used his expert lettering technique to create foreshortened and otherwise distorted writing to make the lettering appear as normal from this angle, even as it goes around the natural curves of the legs. Like, if you were to look at, say, that “G” from the side, it would look all stretched out, but from where we readers are looking, it looks like a standard “G.”

Or maybe Mr. Simply’s flabby leg-flesh just slammed together into a flat and clammy wall upon which Sluggo could make his mark.

Or maybe, while Mr. Simply was distracted, Sluggo wrapped Simply’s knees in cellophane, and….

…Okay, I’ll stop.

Here’s something I should have mentioned in yesterday’s “End of Civilization” post:

“I Think It’s Batman” strikes me as bit of an odd name for this shirt, if the one they’re offering is in fact the image shown there. Well, it’s a guy dressed as Batman, behind a giant logo that reads “Batman” — I’m reasonably certain that is, indeed, Batman. Unless it’s some guy other than Bruce Wayne just dressed up as Batman, which would be a weird thing to put on a shirt.

Also, the other day we received our copy of Dave Sim’s newest comic Glamourpuss:

Complete with personalized message and autograph…here’s the message:

I’ve given this a read-through and…well, it’s certainly not like any comic I’ve read before. It’s part Dave discussing art of past comic masters like Alex Raymond, part exploring how and why he’s following his Cerebus epic with a comic about fashion, and part brief introduction to the fictional narrative, following the internal reflections of fashion model N’atashae, along with a couple parodies of fashion-mag type columns/articles. It certainly keeps your attention, even as you’re trying to grasp just where Dave plans on going with this.

For another review, here’s one I found through Mr. Spurgeon where the fellow worked off his memories of reading a preview copy at his shop, since the store wouldn’t let him take it home. I have the comic right here in front of me as I’m typing this, and I don’t think I’m able to do better than this person’s review. Unlike that reviewer, however, I am sufficiently intrigued to see what’s gonna happen in #2. Even if it’s more of this unusual mix of personal observation/reflection, art history, and an ongoing fashion narrative, rather than traditional funnybooking, it’s unique and interesting enough to bring me back.

In other news:

• DC Comics is offering a download of a full issue of Saga of the Swamp Thing on this page for the Swamp Thing Vol. 1: Saga of the Swamp Thing trade paperback. It’s issue #21, the second issue of Alan Moore’s classic run (and not issue #1, as it says on that page). It’d be nice if, maybe, they could offer a download for Moore’s first issue, #20. Heck, how ’bout a downloadable PDF “book” for the first 20 issues, since it doesn’t seem likely they’ll ever get reprinted in trade form anyway.
• Captain America #34, with the debut of the “new” Captain, hasn’t had the real world news-driven sales as yet, at least among the folks who don’t think about comics until they see them mentioned on the magic moving-picture box. Our regular customers are picking it up, but haven’t been seeing any new ones for it. Maybe we haven’t had enough coverage of the return in our local media yet, or maybe the story hasn’t got around enough yet (it just popped up on Yahoo, for example), or maybe “new guy in costume” doesn’t attract as many folks as “YAY DEATH.” We still have weekend sales coming up, so I’m not ready to call this an Adventures of Superman #500 situation just yet (where retailers way overordered on a book, expecting a mass media-pushed sales blitz that never arrived).

  It could be just a local thing, too. Is it selling in your area? To regular folk, or to weirdoes like us what already read the funnybooks?

• Y The Last Man #60: down to our last copy of the last issue of this series. Sold better than previous issues, which means 1) some people are picking it up solely because it’s the last issue, or 2) we just happened to have a bunch of people visiting from out of town stopping by here to grab their new funnybooks.

  Mostly I just mention this so anyone who read my comment about Y here will realize I was joking.

---

For no good reason, other than I’ve been looking for an online copy of this for quite a while, and, at last, here it is…the Conan O’Brien “Lincoln Money Shot” bit.

Not Safe for Work, likely, and Not Respectful to Lincoln in the slightest, but boy, it makes me laugh:

I’m terribly, terribly sorry…by which I mean, “not sorry at all.”

Here you go…the 36th monthly installment of the End of Civilization! Yes, that’s right, I’ve been doing this catalog round-up for three years, kids…staying up late nights the day the Previews arrives, foregoing sleep and putting off reading my new funnybooks, just to do this. Why? Because I’m a masochist, that’s why. I thought you knew that.

Anyway, whip out your February 2008 Previews and follow along…by the way, when I say that, do any of you actually follow along in your Previews?

Well, here you go. Let the carnage begin:

p. 176-7 – Spawn: Age of Pharaohs:

That would be Warrior Isis, the Only Figure That’s Gonna Sell from This Set. Well, okay, maybe Sebek (as he’s called in the catalog…he’s called “The Crocodile King” on the website) will, too.

p. 182 – Witchblade/Devi #1:

Now, I’m not a regular reader of Virgin Comics’ Devi or anything, but it seems to me she usually wears slightly more clothing than that, at least judging by the covers. If I’m wrong, let me know…but if I’m not, see what teaming up with Witchblade does to you?

p. 187 – Wanted Graphic Novel (New Printing!):

It says “Soon to be a major motion picture” in the ad, but the only movie called Wanted I can find is this one, and it doesn’t look a darn thing like this comic. Is there another movie called Wanted in the works?

(Note: That would be “sarcasm.”)

p. 197 – Wizard Exclusive Marvel Zombies Spider-Man Bust:

You know, there are a bunch of Walking Dead zombie statues later in the catalog…I’d imagine having those on display throughout the house would raise far fewer questions than having this thing glaring at you from the china cabinet.

p. 282 – The Silence of the Lambs Minimates:

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, given the rather wide range of licenses that have appeared in Minimate form. But given their prediliction for variant figures, look out of the Pantless ‘n’ Tucked Dancing Buffalo Bill Minimate.

p. 403 – Iron Man Teen Novelization MMPB:

That there has to be a special “teen” edition of the book based on the Iron Man movie, a Hollywood action movie (traditionally not the most intellectually-challenging of entertainments) based on a Marvel superhero comic book…honestly, I don’t know how much more dumbed down it can get. Maybe the word “shit” appears in the “adult” novelization, and goodness knows no teenager has ever heard the word “shit” before, so we’d better put out a special version of the book for them. (Or, more likely, to keep their parents from complaining that they found a dirty word in a superhero book their precious snowflake was reading.)

Just to go off on a slight tangent here…honestly, “shit” barely even counts as a swear word any more. It’s not any worse than “damn” or “hell.” And every English speaking person on the planet says it. And plenty of non-English speaking people say it, too. And the people who say they don’t say it really say it far more than you do, just not where anyone can hear them. It’s used so much it can’t possibly have any kind of impact, any more. Plus, it’s Comics Code-approved.

So, “shit.” Say it to your teacher during class. Drop it into conversation with Grandma. Spice up the hymnal a little. And if anyone complains, just let them know your special internet friend pal Dorian said it was okay!

p. 430 – Batman/Superman Foiled Duct Tape Symbol Grey T-shirts:

I don’t even know what to say about this. “Hi, I look like the upholstery in my college roommate’s 20-year-old Datsun 280Z!”

p. 431 – T-shirts:

“Say, do you have anything that combines an ancient video game with a movie that was sorta popular last year?”

“Why, yes, I do…I have this stylish ‘This Is Zeldaaa’ shirt that combines 300 with the Legend of Zelda:”

“Ah, and do you also have a shirt that lets people know that I can’t tell when fads are on their way out?”

“Well, I’m out of my ‘Underwear Perverts‘ shirts, but I do have this snazzy ‘Zombie Crossing’ number.”

“Oh, I hope it’s a black t-shirt!”

“Today is your lucky day, friend:”

“Okay, now I need something to let women know I’m an absolute pig undeserving of the touch of the fairer sex.”

“Here’s just the thing….the ‘Girls Gone Wild Camera Crew’ t-shirt, guaranteed to enforce that celibacy:”

“Wrap ’em up…I’ll take ’em! And make it snappy…I’ve got a hot date tonight!”

“No, you don’t.”

“Sigh. No, I don’t.”

p. 440 – Tonner “Justice Protector” Wonder Woman Previews Exclusive Doll:

Well, I guess it’s kinda Wonder Woman-ish. And is that a bird on her head?

Good gravy.

p. 453-4: Star Trek “Amok Time” Action Figure 2-pack:

Oh, look, Kirk’s pecs are smiling at you!

If this set doesn’t come with a sound chip that plays the time-honored Star Trek “fight music,” then mister, color me uninterested.

In fact, let’s have a little taste of “Amok Time,” complete with said music:

Ahhhh…that’s good Trekkin’.

p. 468 – Lord of the Rings: Dark Galadriel Mini-Bust:

Okay, I’d ordinarily not bother with the LOTR busts, since they’re been scraping the bottom of the barrel for a while now…it’s only a matter of time before we’re back to Gandalf statues that can hold your, ahem, “incense.” But, according to the full-page ad for this bust two pages later…THIS BUST LIGHTS UP. That’s just the right amount of “tacky” to gain my admiration.

p. 474 – Lord of the Rings Balrog Monument:

And they ain’t yankin’ your chain about “monument” — 48 inches long, 40 inches high, 26 inches deep, and PURE FREAKING EVIL:

Dropping the required $2000 on this item will cement your reputation as the neighborhood Satanist. I mean, look at that thing. Holy freakin’ cow.

p. 486 – Dr. Hofmann Glow-in-Dark Edition 8-Inch Toyer Qee:

This is just such a weird conglomeration of pop culture elements that I had to note it. Nothing weird to say about it…just, you know, let it sink in a little. Stare at it. Let it occupy your thoughts.

p. 500 – Doctor Who The Face of Boe 5-inch Figure:

If it’s just a face, does it really count as a figure?

I think the Face of Boe would have made a good Boglin toy.

p. 517 – Kit Rae Black Legion Battle Axe:

It’s described as having a “false-edged finish,” but I think that’d be small comfort if that thing’s swinging your way, false edge or not. That’s a beheading waiting to happen.

p. 549 – Comic Book Pencilling with Stephen Platt:

“…Comic illustrator Stephen Platt [Moon Knight] covers how to create a fully pencilled page from beginning to end. […] In addition, he discusses industry conventions as well as advice on portfolios and earning a living in professional comics.”

Weren’t those Moon Knights 15 years ago? I know he did Prophet and Soul Saga, too, but I don’t know that he’s done any comic book work in recent years. I was just surprised to see his name, after all this time, and on a $49 instructional DVD. Certainly wasn’t inspecting that.

p. 549 – DC Comics 52 Audio CDS:

“DC Comics’ epic comic book mini-series, 52, is brought to life with this pulse-pounding, multicast ‘Movie in your Mind’ audiobook featuring professional actors, scoring, and digital effects!”

Okay, I shouldn’t buy these, but I want to. One of you out there needs to stop me…before it’s too late. But then again, maybe it’ll provide inspiration for my forthcoming amateur stage production of “Todd McFarlane’s Spider-Man.” “His webline” — dramatic pause — “advantageous!”