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house ad from DC Comics cover-dated May 1982

house ad from DC Comics cover-dated June 1984

Just a few thoughts:

• There was only about a five year or so gap between the end of the original Swamp Thing series and the early ’80s relaunch. It always seemed a lot longer to me. (Then again, there was only a seven year gap between the last Golden Age Flash comic and the Silver Age relaunch…that’s another hiatus that seemed like it should have been longer.)
• The first issue of Saga was never much of a “collector’s item” — near mint copies only sold for three or four bucks, not enough to retire on…sorry. Though, to be honest, I haven’t checked its price lately, and I don’t have my Overstreet handy at the moment. It is a 25 year old comic now, and it’s possible high grade copies may be slightly harder to find, bumping up prices slightly.
• I like that they pushed that fact that Swampy’s creator Len Wein was going to edit the book, to, I guess, allay the fears of ST fans about the character’s handling.
• Pasko and Yeates’ initial thirteen issue storyline was pretty good, tending towards the wordy side but still readable and appropriately creepy, and Yeates’ art was lush and highly detailed. The issues following (the two parter illustrated by Bo and Scott Hampton, the debut of the Steve Bissette/John Totleben team) ain’t too bad, either…and it’s a shame these stories aren’t likely to reprinted anytime soon. A black and white Showcase book would be ideal, and could include the long-lost Alan Moore debut on the series…and while we’re at it, a reprint of issues 11-24 of the original series would be nice. And a pony. I’d like a pony.
• If it weren’t for the Swamp Thing movie goosing DC into getting a new ST title on the stands, there wouldn’t be a Vertigo imprint today. Topless Adrienne Barbeau gave us Preacher and Fables. Thank you, Adrienne Barbeau!

Not everyone loved Wein and Wrightson’s (and editor Joe Orlando’s) original Swamp Thing run unconditionally, as seen in this letter from issue #5 (July/Aug ’73):

The pontoon in question from the end of issue #3, in case you were wondering:

Somehow I have a hard time seeing that particular method of stowing-away on an airplane as being particularly stealthy.

And here’s a brief excerpt from issue #10’s letter page, in response to #7 (the Batman issue):

So don’t mention the Conclave, the organization responsible for the bombing of Alec Holland’s lab, leading to his transformation, or the bio-restorative formula, which turned Alec into the Swamp Thing and is the reason why Swampy is constantly on the move (keeping any remnants of the formula still in his system from falling into the wrong hands). Got it!

Of course, nowadays all that stuff is pretty much forgotten about (the Conclave never made it out of ’70s comics, the formula only mentioned in passing in retellings of Swampy’s origin, its importance retconned and revamped away), so hopefully whoever wrote that letter is happy now.

…that no one lays a verbal smackdown quite like Darkseid:

from Swamp Thing #62 (July 1987) by Rick Veitch & Alfredo Alcala

“You’ve spent too much time trying to unravel the physics of reality, Metron, and not paid enough attention to cabal. Let me warn you — there shall be no room for intellectuals in this universe when Darkseid solves the Anti-Life Equation.”

Two things: one, Metron is such an obsequious dork in this issue, desperate to offer knowledge in trade to Darkseid for access to the “X-element” he needs. Quite a contrast to the all-wise, all-knowing, unflappable Metron that usually pops up nowadays.

You just know that if Metron were real, he’d be some overbearing, socially maladjusted know-it-all who would immediately start groveling and panicking the second he suspected he wasn’t going to get his way.

Two, the phrase “academic chicken” has been floating around in my head for twenty years, ever since I first read this, just waiting for the opportunity to whip it out on somebody. Haven’t had the chance to do so yet, but my time will come, oh yes.

Bonus images: Metron and Darkseid kicking back in their respective chairs – Metron in his Mobius Chair, Darkseid in his Swamp Thing chair:

Long story there about the Swamp Thing chair.

And here’s a glimpse at a handy space-chalkboard featuring an apparent segment of the aforementioned Anti-Life Equation:

How do you square the swastika?

I scanned this ad out of Superman #376, which had a cover date of October ’82, so it was actually on the stands around July or August. With a deadline of September 1st, that didn’t leave much time for dilly-dallying about, wondering if one should enter. Just to make sure, I checked through the early issues of Saga of the Swamp Thing, and, yes, the ad doesn’t pop up ’til the October issue.

Had I thought about it, I probably would have entered the contest at the time, though I’ve never been much of a contest-enterer. I mean, sure, there was little chance at getting the grand prize, but I had a shot at getting that free year’s subscription to Swamp Thing, and that $7.20 value is nothing to sneeze at, mister.

So, how short lived was that excitement? Yeah, I know the Swamp Thing film stands as bit of a camp classic now, but at the time…well, okay, Roger Ebert liked it, but as a follow-up to Superman: The Movie, DC’s film about a guy in an ill-fitting rubber suit may have been something of a comedown. Okay, it’s not an awful film, really. Costuming aside, it’s actually not bad…it’s a quirky, cheesy adventure with some knowing humor and occasional moments of genuine emotion. But it still had no chance of being a blockbuster like Superman (which was quirky and campy in its own way).

I don’t have anything to say about this next bit, really, aside from noting the contortions the writer had to go through to get Swampy’s old, now mostly forgotten tagline into the ad:

All joking aside, the grand prize sounds like a pretty sweet deal:

Okay, trip for two, hotel, etc. — that’s all well and good. And I wonder if, the ad blurb says, the contest winner actually met the literal creators of the character, Len Wein and Bernie Wrightson, or if they meant “creators” in the general, copyright-ownership sense of the term; i.e. it’s owned by DC Comics, legally DC Comics is the creator of the character…you know, like that. “Hi, we’re DC Comics, and we create all your favorite superhero adventures right here in these offices!” Or did they mean the then current creative team, Marty Pasko and Tom Yeates? (And Wein, too, since he was editing the series at the time.) I know Mr. Wein is just a click and a comment away from me asking him these questions, but I don’t want to pester the man.

But what I”m really curious about is what Broadway show they went to. It could have been Cats, which opened on Broadway about then. (And now for the smart-alecky crack that’s gonna show me where my readers stand….) If it was Cats, well, that’s more of a penalty than a prize, isn’t it?

I recall seeing no one held up as the winner of this contest. But I do wonder how many people actually entered…a long time ago, I read an interview (don’t remember where) with someone (don’t remember who…take it from me, kids — don’t get old!) regarding a full-page ad they’d run in some DC Comics, and that the number of responses they received was very low.

I imagine a contest certainly gathered more response than just a plain ol’ ad, but I wonder, not if they got enough entries to give away all 201 prizes, but if they received lots of entries well above and beyond the 201 limit, or if they just barely made it.

EDIT: That’s one! Only 200 more to go!

That’s probably the rarest Swamp Thing collectible of them all…if it turns out Rich has that list of winners, I’ll turn green with envy. Because, you know, it’d be funny, since Swamp Thing is green, and…oh, fergit it.

A little Batman versus Swampy action from Brave and the Bold #176 (July 1981) by Martin Pasko & Jim Aparo:

CLICK TO HUGE-IFY
1. “Felicia” is Catwoman’s sister, in her (only?) appearance. (Has she popped up at all in recent years?) It’s a little strange that they introduce a sibling for a long-established major villain of one of DC’s headliners, and not in one of the main titles but in a team-up book, and then kill her off.

2. For some reason, the thought of Batman shouting his darn fool head off and beating the tar out of somebody with a club amuses me. It’s like the proto-All Star Batman.

3. I do like how over the course of the story Batman picks up minor clues as to the true nature of Swamp Thing. For example, when they’re about to bury Felicia:

Why he couldn’t be just a swamp creature that once saw a funeral, maybe, I have no idea.

‘Course, suspicions aside, Batman still just sorta waves “good-bye” to Swampy at the end of the tale and doesn’t, you know, offer to help him or investigate the Swamp Thing further or anything:

I got a late start on my “End of Civilization” post from yesterday, so I was pretty tired while I was working on it and forgot to mention this wonderful, wonderful item:

p. 420 – Cthulhu Gloves:

It sorta looks like random pieces of leftover bits of fabric sewn together, doesn’t it?

Speaking of that post, my gag about the Revoltech Danboard Action Figure was kinda lost…I was trying to imply that the figure looked unfinished, like they didn’t bother sculpting the arms, torso, and legs, and just put a finished head on a clunky, unfinished body. Sorry, guess I wasn’t clear…don’t post when you’re sleepy, kids!

And some of you folks seem really excited about this. So what do I know?

In other news:

• That Albedo #2 that we had up for auction, which I mentioned the other day? It ended Friday afternoon at $565.00! Holy crow. If only I had another couple dozen in the back room…I’d be set.
• I added the link to my original post on the subject, but in case you missed it: Dwayne goes through the first couple issues of the Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters mini-series and examines some blatant photocopying. And believe me, there’re more examples than just the ones Dwayne points out.
• Can we maybe stop using the term “underwear perverts” to refer to superheroes? It was kinda cute the first couple of times, but now it’s just kinda pretentious and annoying. Yes, you’re a cooler nerd than superhero fans, we get that you don’t like that Marvel and DC jointly own the word “superhero” — fine.

  This from the guy that continually uses the word “funnybook” to annoy people, I know.

• Here’s the new short-lived cover redesign for the forthcoming quarterly Fantastic Four run by Millar and Hitch.

  Okay, that’s kinda dickish of me. But I don’t care what they say, about how much they’re working ahead, etc. etc. — I’ll believe this will come out on a monthly basis when I see it. My customers certainly don’t believe it…a lot of them read Millar and Hitch’s Ultimates, and they remember how long it took for that series to get cranked out.

  Don’t get me wrong…I like that redesign, the preview pages look great, and I think this comic will sell just fine. But if they’re going to attempt to keep a monthly schedule (less of an apparent concern for the Big Two in recent years), I expect fill-ins. Or six monthly issues, then a gap or fill-in, or something.

• I’m getting a connect error at the moment (probably from all the people simultaneously trying to download MY exciting interview), but there’s already a new installment of the latest Bispectacult podcast. Take one Dafna, one Dave, and add a dash of Kid Chris, and there you go.

  Er, if the site’s back up by the time you read this.

If not, then download and listen later…it’s Part One of the long-awaited Bispectucult podcast featuring yours truly, where I am given the third degree by Dafna and Kid Chris. We talk about comics, weblogging, and and other stuff you have to know. Someone’s fiddling with the microphone through part of it, but I’m reasonably certain it wasn’t me. WARNING: Patrick Swayze’s magnum opus Road House is briefly discussed.

Also, I may be responsible for the audio gold that opens the podcast.

Yes, it’s that time of the month yet again, where through long hours of hard work and personal sacrifice (and by “sacrifice” I mean “I’m doing this instead of reading my newly acquired copy of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier“), I once again present…the End of Civilization: Special “Naked Girl PVC Figures from Japan-Free” Edition. If you have a copy of the December 2007 Diamond Previews, why not follow along? (Links to earlier installments may be found in the sidebar.)

p. 276 – Ghostbusters Winston Zeddemore Limted Edition Lithograph:

For some reason, I was just struck by the sheer randomness of this item. I mean, were you expecting to see this? I wasn’t.

p. 358 – Honey and Clover Volume 1 TP:

It seems to me that there’s some kind of…I don’t know, event horizon, or saturation point, or critical mass, or something, where the caricaturing of young ladies in manga crosses the line from “cutesy” to “life-threatening.” You know, like the eyes are too big and watery, a Keene painting X 1000, a tiny mouth, a GIANT head…all exaggerated body elements pushed to their ultimate extremes, forming a horrible black hole of cuteness, sucking in all light and energy and matter for light years around.

Honey and Clover doesn’t quite reach that point, but we should take its warning seriously.

p. 363 – Great Figures in History: Mother Teresa & Nelson Mandela GNs:

I’m not ready for the adventures of Superdeformed Pokemon Teresa. Though I am curious if Nelson ever finds all the Dragonballs.

p. 379 – The Shatner Show:

Sometimes there are things that happen that make you wonder about the world around you, and whether you really, truly understand what’s going on, what dwells within the minds of your fellow humans. One of those things is an art collection devoted to illustrations of that man among men, William Shatner.

p. 385 – The Golden Compass Movie Storybook:

“…And then the heroes killed God, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.”

p. 402 – Rolling Stones Premium Trading Cards:

I know this is a new card set, and not just a warehouse find of Rolling Stones cards from the 1970s…but they certainly look like a ’70s artifact, don’t they? That’s probably a problem inherent in any Stones merchandise. Also, I wonder if there are chase cards in the set…you know, prop cards with pieces of Keith Richards, that sort of thing.

p. 409 – Superman “Real Heroes Never Die” Black T-shirt:

From the “Trying Too Hard” clothing collection, comes this fine piece of pandering….

p. 409 – Batman Laser Cut Logo Necklace:

Apparently “imported from Italy,” which is how they get away with charging you nearly 95 bones for it. For 95 bucks that thing had damn well actually summon Batman.

p. 417 – Tonner DC Stars Batman & The Joker Collector Dolls:

Okay, I can kind of handle “1990s Nondescript Sitcom Actor” Bruce Wayne, but I’m afraid that Liberace Joker is far, far too terrifying:

p. 424 – Star Trek Retro Cloth Scotty Figure:

What the hell is Scotty doing? “Och, Capt’n, I’ve got descriptive text crawlin’ up me pants! My disco moves canna stop ’em!”

p. 425 – Star Trek Wrath of Khan “Death of Spock” Spock Figure:

You know, if you coat your Spock figure with radiation burns, you’ve pretty much limited your play options. “Oh, no, Spock died…again.” “Oh, no, Spock has been terribly burned.” “Oh, no, Spock has been terribly burned…and he died.” Though some imaginative kids could work around it, I’m sure…not that many of these will end up in the hands of kids, of course.

p. 438 – Spider-Man Six Arm Mini-Bust:

At last, a commemorative statue of the storyline that’s notable for being the former Worst Spider-Man Story until “The Clone Saga” came along. (At least, people used to think Six-Arm Spidey was the worst, way back when…do people look more kindly upon it now, particuarly since it likely compares favorably to a lot of the nonsense published recently?)

p. 440 – Back to the Future Flux Capacitor Replica:

$275 seems like a lot for a box with some lights inside that happens to look like something you saw in a movie, once.

p. 444 – Lord of the Rings Animated Twilight Ringwraith Maquette:

So we’ve cycled through figures and statues of the characters as they appeared in the movies, now we have to make merchandise based on some nonexistent “animated” versions of the same films. “How to tell when a franchise line is reaching the end of its licensing cycle.”

p. 476 – Revoltech Danboard Action Figure:

Oh, c’mon, jointed plastic boxes…? You people just aren’t even trying.

p. 495 – Star Trek “D.J. Spock” Ringer T-Shirt:

It’s cute seeing companies still trying to make Star Trek “cool.” Not working, sorry.

So yesterday was not New Comics Day, as I’m sure most of you knew, or at least discovered when you popped in to your local Comick Shoppe Emporium and Painless Dentiste and discovered the mockery of empty shelves and the derisive laughter of store employees, pointing and laughing and drinking deep your tears. At least, that’s what happened at our store. Maybe things were different where you’re at.

Anyway, no new comics calls for drastic measures, so up went the “graphic novels 25% off – today only” signs, and our new comics-less Wednesday was indeed saved. Sold lots of books…not enough manga, alas, since we could stand some thinning of the herds there, but money is money and by golly, we’ll take it. Sold an expensive slipcased volume or two, got rid of some Batman books, gave a few customers that additional incentive to try out a series they’d been meaning to get around to…all in all, a good day at the shop.

Unfortunately, I also found out that, while we are getting our reorders of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier in this week’s shipment, that’s gonna be it for the time being. DC’s now taking orders for a second printing, which will be released just in time to not be in time for Christmas…well, this year’s Christmas, anyway, as they’ll be out ’round ’bout Dec. 28th. Save your gift certificates for that, kids.

And I’m getting my copy, this time. Pal Dorian keeps mocking me with his copy.

Lessee…what else happened on New Comics-less Wednesday? I got asked if I knew how much the action figures were going to be for the next Hellboy movie (“Um, that’s not coming out ’til next year sometime.” “Yeah, but how much will the figures cost?” “Well, fifteen bucks or so, maybe? I don’t know.” “Okay, thanks!”), found out the reason I hadn’t seen one of my longtime customers lately is because he’s been acting on sitcoms and getting parts in feature films, found a copy of one of those Megaforce comic book ads for a customer (“DEEDS NOT WORDS,” man), and, for reasons too silly and convoluted to go into, I drew, on an old backing board with a felt tip pen, a stick figure Dracula. “Stickula,” if you will. I don’t have the original…the gal from the game store next door saw it and asked if she could have it, and since I’m a soft touch, I said, “five bucks and it’s yours.” But, here’s a detailed reconstruction of said image:

Those little squiggly lines at the sides are supposed to be his menacing cloak, you see. Have I mentioned lately that I’m 38 years old? Yes, I certainly am.

So, anyway, in other news:

• Okay, let’s be clear on this. I’m not going to make a habit out of featuring auctions on the eBay that you folks are running and decide to e-mail to me. It better be something pretty darn cool, or unusual, or just plain goofy for me to give you some good ol’ fashioned Progressive Ruin plugging. I mean, if I’m going to plug a running auction, I’m going to plug our own. For example, right now we have Albedo #2 up on the eBay in an auction that ends tomorrow. As I write this, it’s up to $350. Holy crow. ‘Course, the comic is as rare as an on-time comic book written by a big name TV writer, so the price shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise, but still, yowza, you know?

  Er, back to the topic. Anyway, Reader Rick wrote in to tell me he had something on the eBay that I’d find of interest, since I seem to have an affinity for goofy eBay comic book stuff. And, goodness me, Reader Rick was right, for what he presented to me was nothing less than the X-Men Mutant Gear Survival Kit:

  
  You can look at the auction itself for more detailed pictures. This item isn’t that old, but I’d never seen it or heard of it ’til now. I was describing it to Employee Aaron and he says he thinks he had one.

  But check it out…it comes with two bars of Wolverine soap, Wolverine lip balm, Cyclops band-aids, and a little blue plastic carrying box with some X-Men decals affixed to its exterior. It’s probably be too much to hope that the shape of Wolverine was carved into the soap. The band-aids at least, from the look of the packaging, have X-Men images on them.

  The real puzzler is the Wolvie lip balm. “Wolverine doesn’t suffer from chapped lips…thanks to his special X-Men brand LIP BALM. Oh, and his healing factor.”

  I am kind of curious as to what the original retail price for this item was, because I’m betting it was way above the six or seven bucks any of this stuff would have cost, total, had you purchased them seperately and without a bunch of X-Men labels on them.

  But, still, kind of cool. And silly. And thanks to Reader Rick for being brave enough to send in this link to me.

  By the way, Reader Rick has the greatest eBay user name ever. Go check it out.

  And to all you sellers on the eBay out there, looking for some free publicity for your auction…before you click that “send this e-mail to Mike at ProgRuin” button that all computers now have installed at the factory, ask yourself one question. “Is my auction cooler/weirder/sillier than the Mutant Gear Survival Kit?” Because if it’s not, then friend, spare that e-mail.

• Speaking of selling things…I just wanted to express my appreciation for you folks who bought goodies on Amazon through my little search box in the sidebar, there. The little bit of scratch I’m earning through that does help, and I thank you.

…because as cranky and as annoyed as I may get at times:

from The Durango Kid #30 (July/Aug 1954)

…at least I don’t shoot the customers.

Well, not yet, anyway.

I do look like that, however. Though my hat’s taller.