Progressive Ruin Presents…The End of Civilization.
Yes, it’s that time of the month yet again, where through long hours of hard work and personal sacrifice (and by “sacrifice” I mean “I’m doing this instead of reading my newly acquired copy of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier“), I once again present…the End of Civilization: Special “Naked Girl PVC Figures from Japan-Free” Edition. If you have a copy of the December 2007 Diamond Previews, why not follow along? (Links to earlier installments may be found in the sidebar.)
p. 276 – Ghostbusters Winston Zeddemore Limted Edition Lithograph:
For some reason, I was just struck by the sheer randomness of this item. I mean, were you expecting to see this? I wasn’t.
p. 358 – Honey and Clover Volume 1 TP:
It seems to me that there’s some kind of…I don’t know, event horizon, or saturation point, or critical mass, or something, where the caricaturing of young ladies in manga crosses the line from “cutesy” to “life-threatening.” You know, like the eyes are too big and watery, a Keene painting X 1000, a tiny mouth, a GIANT head…all exaggerated body elements pushed to their ultimate extremes, forming a horrible black hole of cuteness, sucking in all light and energy and matter for light years around.
Honey and Clover doesn’t quite reach that point, but we should take its warning seriously.
p. 363 – Great Figures in History: Mother Teresa & Nelson Mandela GNs:
I’m not ready for the adventures of Superdeformed Pokemon Teresa. Though I am curious if Nelson ever finds all the Dragonballs.
p. 379 – The Shatner Show:
Sometimes there are things that happen that make you wonder about the world around you, and whether you really, truly understand what’s going on, what dwells within the minds of your fellow humans. One of those things is an art collection devoted to illustrations of that man among men, William Shatner.
p. 385 – The Golden Compass Movie Storybook:
“…And then the heroes killed God, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.”
p. 402 – Rolling Stones Premium Trading Cards:
I know this is a new card set, and not just a warehouse find of Rolling Stones cards from the 1970s…but they certainly look like a ’70s artifact, don’t they? That’s probably a problem inherent in any Stones merchandise. Also, I wonder if there are chase cards in the set…you know, prop cards with pieces of Keith Richards, that sort of thing.
p. 409 – Superman “Real Heroes Never Die” Black T-shirt:
From the “Trying Too Hard” clothing collection, comes this fine piece of pandering….
p. 409 – Batman Laser Cut Logo Necklace:
Apparently “imported from Italy,” which is how they get away with charging you nearly 95 bones for it. For 95 bucks that thing had damn well actually summon Batman.
p. 417 – Tonner DC Stars Batman & The Joker Collector Dolls:
Okay, I can kind of handle “1990s Nondescript Sitcom Actor” Bruce Wayne, but I’m afraid that Liberace Joker is far, far too terrifying:
p. 424 – Star Trek Retro Cloth Scotty Figure:
What the hell is Scotty doing? “Och, Capt’n, I’ve got descriptive text crawlin’ up me pants! My disco moves canna stop ’em!”
p. 425 – Star Trek Wrath of Khan “Death of Spock” Spock Figure:
You know, if you coat your Spock figure with radiation burns, you’ve pretty much limited your play options. “Oh, no, Spock died…again.” “Oh, no, Spock has been terribly burned.” “Oh, no, Spock has been terribly burned…and he died.” Though some imaginative kids could work around it, I’m sure…not that many of these will end up in the hands of kids, of course.
p. 438 – Spider-Man Six Arm Mini-Bust:
At last, a commemorative statue of the storyline that’s notable for being the former Worst Spider-Man Story until “The Clone Saga” came along. (At least, people used to think Six-Arm Spidey was the worst, way back when…do people look more kindly upon it now, particuarly since it likely compares favorably to a lot of the nonsense published recently?)
p. 440 – Back to the Future Flux Capacitor Replica:
$275 seems like a lot for a box with some lights inside that happens to look like something you saw in a movie, once.
p. 444 – Lord of the Rings Animated Twilight Ringwraith Maquette:
So we’ve cycled through figures and statues of the characters as they appeared in the movies, now we have to make merchandise based on some nonexistent “animated” versions of the same films. “How to tell when a franchise line is reaching the end of its licensing cycle.”
p. 476 – Revoltech Danboard Action Figure:
Oh, c’mon, jointed plastic boxes…? You people just aren’t even trying.
p. 495 – Star Trek “D.J. Spock” Ringer T-Shirt:
It’s cute seeing companies still trying to make Star Trek “cool.” Not working, sorry.
