from Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #42 (July 1963) – art by Kurt Schaffenberger

“Bono Expects Spider-Man Musical To Set New Standards”

“‘It should be a hallucinogenic experience for theatergoers. […] The myth of the arachnid and the elasticity of these characters – you can turn theatre upside down.’ And Bono and The Edge plan to bring a wide range of music to the production. Bono adds, ‘We’ve got some punk rock in there and some beautiful opera.'”

(I know everyone’s been linking this…I just can’t get over what a bad idea this sounds like.)

…In tie-form:

Customer: “Excuse me, sir…I’m looking for a few back issues….”

M: “Sure, what are you trying to find?”

C: “Well, do you have any comics that start off with a point-of-view shot from inside Venom’s mouth?”

M: “You bet…here you go, Spirits of Vengeance #6 :

C: “Great! Now I’m seeking a comic where C3PO tries to talk R2D2 out of his spanking fetish.”

M: “Um, okay…how about Droids #3?”

C: “Just what I’m looking for! Now how about a comic where there’s a creationism versus evolution debate between Usagi Yojimbo and one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”

M: “So happens we just received a copy of Usagi Yojimbo Vol. 2 #2 the other day…I think this’ll do you.”

C: “Delightful! Now I can use a comic where Baby Superman and Baby Lois Lane are just on the verge of getting married.”

M: “Well…I do have Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #42….”

C: “And one last thing…do you have a comic which features Speedball reimagined as a dark, gritty, angsty vigilante with a piercing fetish…?”

M: “Yeah, sure!”

C: “…That’s any good?”

M: “Um, sorry, can’t help you there.”

C: “That’s too bad…does he at least have really pointy shoes, and does he maybe kick someone in the head?”

M: “As a matter o’fact….”

C: “Wrap it up…I’ll take it!”

M: “Huzzah!”

1. I plan on addressing, soonish, a few of the topics brought up in your responses to my deliberately vague question of…well, here, lemme cut ‘n’ paste:

“…Regarding comics…what’s on your mind? What are you worried/excited/disgusted/terrified/happy/crazy about in the funnybook world?”

So go ahead…have your say.

2. Finally got around to seeing the movie adaptation of 300…I thought it was okay, for what it was. Sometimes you’re just in the mood for a corny, over-the-top bloody violence-fest, and there it was. The knowledge that the Mystery Science Theatre guys created a Rifftrax commentary for it had me imagining, as I was watching the film, what Mike, Crow & Servo Bill & Kevin would be saying about certain scenes, which probably undermined the gravitas of the proceedings a tad.

I think I would have liked it better had the whole thing been animated, like its credits. (Though, to be honest, it pretty much was animated, wasn’t it?)

3. Hey, stop wasting your time reading about comics and movies, when you can be learning something useful instead. Like, oh, say, Navy slang:

from Don Winslow of the Navy #26 (1945)

So I noticed a couple books as I was plowing through Diamond Previews for the latest End of Civilization that I wanted to mention outside of the “Oh, God, can you believe this?” context of that post.

First was a new Ms. Tree novel from publisher Hard Case Crime, a publisher that specializes in new novels done in the vintage crime paperback style, as well as reissues of classic crime books. Johanna covered this new book before I got a chance to do so, but I just wanted to note that, as a Ms. Tree fan, I’m looking forward to reading this. (You can read a sample chapter, and get a better look at the cover, here.)

The other book I wanted to point out was that the latest in George R. R. Martin‘s long-running Wild Cards series is being solicited: Inside Straight, a sample of which you can take a gander at right here. Since the last, rather obscure, entry in the series has seemingly wrapped up most of the dangling plotlines from the previous dozen ‘n’ a half books, this new book is apparently being positioned as a jumping-on point, pushing ahead several years and with a new cast of characters. I’m not sure how much of a jumping-on point it really is…at this point, it’s like trying to find a clean jumping-on point for Uncanny X-Men, I’d imagine, but as a fan of the series since Book 1, and thus well-versed in the shenanigans inherent in the saga, I can’t wait to read it.

Say it with me: “We’re all fanboys about something.”

---

At the store yesterday: finally fixed the problem with the register that prevented customer receipts from printing properly (ink roll was sitting too low, fixed with a pair of pliers and some bending), created a new display for our trading card accessories (two 5000 count card boxes, stacked and arranged perpendicular to each other, holding all our snap ‘n’ slide plastic card boxes, penny sleeves, top loaders, etc.), resorted our Punisher comics (I now have “Minis/One-Shots” sections for Punisher [MAX], Punisher [Marvel Knights], and Punisher [Plain Ol’ Marvel Universe]), sent our order adjustments to Diamond on the forthcoming Marvel ‘n’ DC books (ordered more Green Arrow: Year One, and, oh, c’mon, another Marvel zombie variant?), had to tell a guy his bag of water-damaged, brittle and crumbling ’70s comics weren’t worth a darn thing, had to tell the same guy that, no, he didn’t have a Spider-Man comic from the 1930s, had to tell someone else the old “no, I don’t know which comic will be sure to become a valuable collectors’ item” thing (haven’t had that in a while), and listened to Employee Aaron receive regular reports from home on the status of his pregnant dog’s litter delivery (result: three puppies).

Not at the store yesterday: lots of customers. Happens once in a while, but slow days are a real drag. Luckily, there’s always something to do (aside from my exciting activities, above), so the day wasn’t a total wash.

---

This isn’t my most exciting post ever, by any means. (That’d be this post.) Kinda wiped out after the rest of the week. I mean, just look at all that content!

So, tell me, regarding comics…what’s on your mind? What are you worried/excited/disgusted/terrified/happy/crazy about in the funnybook world?

Feel free to let me know, internet pals!

BEHOLD! The End of Civilization cometh yet again, and its prophet is Diamond Previews, the October 2007 edition. Yea, you will bring forth your copy and follow along, forthwith and forsooth and all that. (Previous installments in the sidebar to the right.)

p. 185 – Spider-Man 3 Unpainted Spider-Man Bust:

“Sapstein, get in here!”

“Yes sir?”

“Our profit margins on these funnybook busts is slipping…we need to do something to increase our take on these things.”

“Well, sir, maybe we can raise prices….”

“Nothing doing, Sapstein…these things are hard enough to sell as it is, unless we sex ’em up, and then they sell like gangbusters.”

“Let me think, then, sir…wait! I’ve got it! We don’t paint them! We save costs on paint, and we can sell it as…um, let’s see…an ‘Unpainted Limited Edition Production Bust!'”

“Sapstein, you’re a genius! Give yourself a raise!”

p. 185 – Kotobukiya of Japan Presents Brown Wolverine Statue:

Wolverine proves once again that he’s way too tough on couches.

p. 187 – Premiere Collection Formalwear Sue Storm Statue:

No, honest, it’s Sue Storm of the Fantastic Four, not some generic blonde woman in a fancy dress that, you know, really could be anybody, since this doesn’t look anything like any standard version of Sue Storm that anyone would immediately recognize, “4” base or no “4” base, and maybe if they’d made the sculpt’s face look like, say, the Jack Kirby version of Sue, maybe some of the fanboys would have picked up on it, or it could have been a statue of the Jessica Alba version of Sue from the FF movies, in which case you’d just have a Jessica Alba statue and, likely, higher sales, and now I’m ending my sentence.

p. 191 – Spider-Man 3 Pumpkin Bomb Prop Replica:

Add this to your list of “Things Not to Bring with You When Traveling by Air.”

p. 387 – The Truth About Chuck Norris MMPB:

This will look good on the shelf next to my copies of The Dancing Baby Art Book: One Frame Per Page, Mr. T Ate My Balls: The Complete Saga, and OVERKILL: Flying Spaghetti Monster, Talking Like A Pirate, and Other Once-Fun Internet Fads.

p. 410 – Superman/Doomsday II T-shirt:

“Mommy? Why is the monster on that man’s shirt trying to poop?”

“I don’t know, honey…stand closer to Mommy, okay?”

p. 413 – Superman “Owned” Camo T-shirt:

This is what happens when you leave your shirt designs up to the Random Faddish Elements T-Shirt Amalgamatron 3000. Here, let’s give the Amalgamatron another spin…hey, it’s a Zombie Big Dog flipping the bird to Osama Bin Laden! Let’s try another…it’s a tie-dyed shirt featuring Family Guy‘s Stewie saying that He’s with Stupid!

p. 422 – Harry Potter Die-Cast Collector’s Edition Sets:

“Packaged in a hinged flip lid box that resembles Harry’s school trunk, the vehicles are made to an authentic 1:43 scale in First Shot, resin, and finished die-cast form.”

Okay, they’re limited, they’re in a fancy box, but I look at the prices and all I can think is “sweet holy Baba O’Riley, over a hundred bucks for some Hot Wheels cars?”

p. 442 – Witchblade “Bikini Armor” Statue:

Okay, let’s take a good look at Witchblade’s armor:

Bikini area? Impenetrable.

Nipples? Tweak-free.

Right hand? Covered.

Left wrist? Practically bullet-proof.

Feet? Tootsies are stubbing-free.

Bits of forehead and cheekbone? Secured.

Upper buttical region? Safe as babies.

THIS WOMAN IS TOTALLY ARMORED AND READY FOR ACTION.

p. 496 – A Christmas Story: Leg Lamps:

So the Leg Lamp, which embodied tackiness and kitsch in A Christmas Story, is now itself an actual tacky gift item. It’s the great Circle of Merchandise Life. There’s a whole page of these things. There’s a string of Christmas lights in the shape of the Leg Lamp. There’s a Leg Lamp Snowglobe. And yes, there are Leg Lamp Lamps.

It’s the ultimate “Funny for Five Minutes” gag gift, until the recipient realizes that, yes, he or she does in fact now own one of these.

p. 498 – I’m not putting the title to this, because I want to test something.

When I turned to this page, I went “Aaaah!” in shock.

When Pal Cully popped by the store on Wednesday, I showed the page to him, and he reacted with a “Aaaah!”

I showed it to Employee Aaron, and he too went “Aaaah!”

So, quickly, scroll down, and see how you react:

p. 501 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Chainsaw Prop Replica:

“Own an authentic replica of Leatherface’s infamous tool of terror! This highly-detailed and unique piece is movie-accurate and limited to 500 pieces worldwide. No fan of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre will want to miss this!”

For only $214.99, now you too can make every single person you know…very, very nervous.

p. 502 – Land of the Lost Sleestak 12-inch Vinyl Bank:

My immediate question of “why are they making this now?” is overwhelmed by my desire to have one of these…which of course invalidates my criticism of pretty much every other piece of merchandise here, and, also, answers my question.