I’ve already had a few submissions to the “Make Mike a New Logo Banner Because He’s Too Lazy to Do It Himself” thing, and there are some good’uns coming in. If you’ve got a good idea and some spare time, please feel free to send one in. Remember: 825 by 100 pixels, “mike sterling’s progressive ruin” (all lower case) in monospaced Courier. A couple folks have sent in banners that are quite a bit smaller…but I’ll see if I can’t find some kind of use for those, too!

Again, thank you…I’m having a lot of fun seeing what you folks come up with, and it’s actually quite touching that people are willing to take valuable time to contribute. I can’t wait to share some of these contributions here on the site.

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Diesel Sweeties features a cameo by a certain muck-encrusted mockery of a man in a recent installment of the strip’s print edition. Mr. R. Stevens was kind enough to send me a sneak peak of the cameo a month or so ago, but it’s nice to see it unleashed upon the world at large!

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Matt from Alert Nerd saw this Newsarama thread, and, of course, immediately thought of me and sent it my way.

The topic at hand?

“‘Superman doesn’t poo'”

“Originally Posted by PatrickG
Superman doesn’t get dirty or sweat, secrete waste products or mucus.

“This is the second time I’ve heard this claim in about a week or so, and I’m at a loss as to where it comes from. I could likely find plenty of pictures of him dirty and/or sweating. But has anyone got any reference for this whole ‘Superman doesn’t need to go to the bathroom’ thing?

“Because I think this could easily get more funny than Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex.”

Or gross, if you think about it. And you really probably shouldn’t. Anyway, let’s see what folks have to say:

“I seem to recall that Mark Schultz once said in Wizard that one of the things he most wanted to do was make Superman able to sweat or urinate. Apparently, he wrote a scene that had Superman sweating and editorial wrote back that Superman doesn’t sweat.”

“Under the yellow sun, his digestive system completely breaks down the food (when he chooses to eat), and leaves no waste. Under a red sun, though, I’m sure he could and would do all the same stuff that we have to do.”

“So all those times that Supes was dosed in Red Sun radiation, I bet he had to drop a deuce like no one’s business, huh?”

“wait……then why does he have a butt?..seems like a waste of space….he should just remove it.”

“LOL! This thread is classic! What next? Whats an Amazon/WW’s poo like?”

“Maybe he saves all of them somewhere in space, and will use them to make a new Krypton in the future :P”

“A superman who doesn’t piss shit or fart or sweat is incapable, in my opinion, of truly understanding what it’s like to be a human being. He doesn’t think his shit stinks, because…he produces none.

“Humans have to deal with a lotta shit. How can you trust a hero that never needs to take a dump?”

“This explains why he wears his underwear outside his pants, he doesn’t know what they are for.”

This person explains the Secret Origin of the Fortress of Solitude:

“…no damned conventional toilet could handle that kind if turd.

“THAT’S WHY HE CREATED THE FORTESS OF SOLITUDE

“i’m just betting that if every muscle in his body is super, then his colon must be one of the most powerfull things on earth. that dude farts and people think billy batson must be in the area summoning shazam. ’cause one bad night at taco bell and supes is bringing the thunder . he would need somewhere private where he could ‘cut one’ and not have people thinking that an apocolyptic thunderstorm in heading in their direction.

“and just to show one point that the fortress of solitude os just one super sized kryptonian strength crapper.

“it’s white
it’s sterile
it’s cold

“it’s the most powerfull turd house in the universe.”

This person has the right idea:

“Also, I think from a purely aesthetic point of view, it would be kind of useless to mention or show a character in a comic book taking a dump.

“Honestly, can anyone name a scene where Lois is taking one, or even peeing? And she’s human.

“why the hell am I even writing about this??????????????????????????”

And someone warms my heart by bringing up this story:

“I recall that he did sweat in Alan Moore’s ‘The Jungle Line’, wherein an alien fungus/virus infected his system, dulling out his powers and bringing on a fever that would have resulted in death…if not for the Swamp Thing.”

Thanks, Matt, for pointing this out to me…I think.

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So lately I’ve been rereading my old Turok Son of Stone comics, and, really, if you can come up with a High Concept Comic that appeals more to kids than “Indians Fighting Dinosaurs,” I’d like to see it.

The “lost valley” Turok and Andar are stuck in is actually a giant collapsed cavern somewhere in New Mexico, the nature of which is explained in this text piece that appeared in early issues, as well as the giant-sized Turok special from ’61:

This is one huge valley (or “valleys”), judging by how much traveling and how many bodies of water, different tribes, etc., are present there. The Valiant Comics revamp of the character reveals that Turok was actually in another dimension or time pocket or some darn thing, which is as good an explanation as any.

Reaction to flying through air in elevator – bored disinterest:

Reaction to Hostess® Cup Cakes – Excitement!!! and lots!!! of exclamation!!! points:

See the full ad here.

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A follow-up to my post about the Daily Planet item: all of the photos have been identified. I was right about Jenette Kahn and Karen Berger, and the rest have been I.D.ed in the comments section. The Planet’s editor…not Perry White, but Mark Waid his own self…popped up to identify a couple, which was very nice of him.

And my statement about not knowing where Funky Flashman has appeared recently…Steve reminds me that Funky popped up in the acclaimed Dr. 13: Architecture and Mortality story, which I’m embarrassed I forgot. And there was a cameo by Funky in Paul Di Filippo and Jerry Ordway’s entertaining Top Ten sequel.

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In another comment to that post was a mention of Gerard Jones’ fanboy parody “Sidney Mellon,” as the Mellon character had a column in the Daily Planet paper.

We had Gerard Jones at the store many years ago for a signing, and I had him autograph three comics for me…Green Lantern: Mosaic #1 (still one of my favorite series), Tommy and the Monsters #1, and the Sidney Mellon-scripted Thunderskull! — Mellon’s constantly forthcoming “graphic masterpiece” that he’d continually discuss in his various fan commentaries in the ‘zines of the time. Until it was actually published, that is, at which point he would continually encourage everyone to go out and buy it.

Here’s the signature on my copy:

In case you can’t make it out, it says next to his signature “coauthor of the introduction.” And the comic is just as overblown and fanboyish and “Mary Sue”-ish and absolutely fantastic as you’d imagine.

That is, if you can imagine, if you were lucky enough to have encountered Sidney in his prime. If not, go seek out some of his columns in late ’80s Amazing Heroes…big laffs, guaranteed. That people got so worked up over him at the time seems stunning to me…he was clearly a parody, and that he raked Gerard Jones over the coals in numerous columns was a big clue that Jones was somehow involved. But, as “Suedenim” mentions in my comments, he gained the ire of a few folks…I’m realize some of them were just playing along, but I suspect more than a few weren’t.

I wish Sidney Mellon would come back. He’d fit right in with online fandom, I think.

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A couple links for you:

A link recently sent to me: giraffes in art history…site is in German, but giraffe art surely transcends the barrier of language. Unless you know German, in which case you’re all set.

Dara Naraghi of Ferret Press has a new graphic novel coming out called Lifelike. It’s a collection of 11 short “slice of life” stories, all written by Naraghi and illustrated by artists of many lands. A generously sizable preview may be seen at the official site.

From the Daily Planet Invasion crossover tie-in “newspaper” published by DC in 1988, here is…

1. I like how they make Abby Arcane (from Swamp Thing, natch) sound like a crazy person.

2. When was the last time we saw Funky Flashman in anything? Wikipedia sez 2005, but maybe he’ll turn up in the Death of the New Gods series.

3. I’m trying to identify which DC staffers/executives/creative talents were cajoled into letting their photos be used for this. I’m reasonably certain that’s former DC publisher Jenette Kahn as her semi-namesake Dr. Jenet Klyburn, and is that Karen Berger as Abby? I don’t know…set me straight, internet pals.

4. The presumably post-Killing Joke Barbara Gordon entry just made me sad.

5. And it really did take me a second to remember who Eric Strauss was…which means it time to pull this Dr. Fate mini-series out of the Vast Mikester Comic Archives and give it a good rereading.

6. Actually, this whole Daily Planet paper is kinda fun, with in-universe stories, TV listings, horoscopes, business reports, showbiz gossip (including another Swamp Thing reference, to supporting character Liz Tremayne), sport stories (including one on a game interrupted by a superhero battle), soap opera synopses:

“SECRET HEARTS: Cara’s life as Lynda Lee turns out to be only a dream. Zorra and Laura try to help their daughter but find themselves in a devastating earthquake and die. Plagued by dreams of a cousin Karl, Cara finally finds peace when her grandfather Ariel reveals the family secrets to her.”

…and even comic strips:

It’s only 16 pages long, serving as an interesting snapshot of where DC continuity stood in the late ’80s, but packs plenty of in-jokes and fanboy humor into those pages. That’s either an enticement or a warning, depending on your leanings.

So the award for “Stinkiest Comic” this week goes to Atomic Robo #1. No, not “stinky” as in “this comic is no good” — it looks just dandy to me, I mean “stinky” as in “oh God, someone shoot off my nose” stinky. It literally reeked. Something about the paper, or the ink, or the cover stock, or a combination of all these things, and maybe a skunk wandering around the Diamond warehouse…Good Lord, it was awful. Awful smelling, I emphasize…this is no slam on the actual quality of art and storytelling.

It still sold well, however.

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Every once in a great while, as I’m listing and relisting on the eBay, I’ll relist something that, oops, we’d sold already, due to some failure in my recordkeeping, or due to my just plain not paying attention.

Recently I’ve been listing a bunch of old posters from the backroom…stuff that had sort of gone past its sell-by date, at least locally, but now has found some new retail life on the internationally-spanning inter-webs. One item I listed a while back was a poster released in conjunction with the original late ’80s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, featuring Raphael in an overcoat:

Yes, yes, I know, he looks like a flasher. But that poster sold pretty well at the time, leaving us with only one copy left over to vanish into the backroom for a couple decades.

Anyway, I sold the poster through that auction…and a week ago, I listed and relisted a whole bunch of TMNT posters, accidentally relisting the Raphael in overcoat one. And, of course, I didn’t realize it until just before that auction ended, too late to cancel it.

Even though I was pretty sure the copy I’d previously sold was the last in the store, I still delved deep into our storage, frantically seeking through our boxes of past-their-prime posters, hoping I wouldn’t have to eat some crow and beg forgiveness of our bidder.

I found another copy of the Raphael in overcoat poster. I had one more copy of an 18-year-old poster that, I was almost certain, we not longer had in stock.

What we can find in our backroom scares me, sometimes. It’s a labyrinthine treasure trove of wonders and horrors, beauty and treachery.

We also have about a dozen copies of the “Donatello in a straw hat” poster. Apparently that was slightly less popular than the Raphael’s overcoat poster.

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This is one of the cards from the newly released, hideously expensive DC Legacy trading card series from Rittenhouse Archives. The design is nice…the modern version featured in color on one side, with an embossed silver outline of the original version of the character on the other. Usually it makes for an interesting contrast, but in the above example of Supergirl, the newer version doesn’t exactly compare favorably to the old. Granted, it’s not as if the anatomy on the original Supergirl drawing is spot on or anything, but it’s nowhere near as aggressively appalling as the dead-eyed gal on the left. It’s a progression from “cute” and “charming” and “quaint” straight into “kewl” and “horrific” and “just plain dumb looking.”

I don’t care for the usual art for this new version of Supergirl; can you tell? This Renato Guedes version we’ve had lately has been a welcome relief from the straight-outta-the-early-’90s version we’d been enduring.

And because if I don’t point it out, one of you will…though the back of the card talks solely about the Kara Zor-El version of Supergirl, the “classic Supergirl” image on the front is, in fact, “Super-Girl,” a pre-Kara tryout of the Supergirl concept from 1958. Wished into existence by Jimmy Olsen, in fact. I imagine you can probably read a lot into that, if one were so inclined.

So, anyway….

Okay, I’ve been kind of out of it the last few days, and been a bit gung ho with the scanning and the image posting since, as I noted in this Twitter doodad a day or so back, I’ve not been up to writing at length about much of anything.

I wasn’t out of it enough to take a break or enter “Low Content Mode” or anything like that, but…I don’t know, I guess I needed to scale back and recharge the batteries a bit, I suppose. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you keep reading as I get back up to speed.

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Yesterday we were puzzling out how to order on Captain Marvel #1, the revival of the very famous-deceased superhero. On one hand, this is the revival of a classic Marvel character, one that it seemed unlikely would return. On the other hand, will nostalgia for the character be enough to drive sales? On the other other hand, it is spinning off out of the Civil War crossover, and the CW one-shot that reintroduced CM sold very well. On the other other other hand, unless the cover for this new CM #1 has “from the pages of CIVIL WAR” on the cover, I don’t expect that same sales level. On the other…okay, I’ll stop, but you see the problem.

I’m fairly certain we’ve nailed down a pretty good number for the order, and if enough customers express interest between now and the time we have to do order adjustments, I can always bump numbers up then. Or bump ’em down, as it were.

Are any of you looking forward to the series? What sort of interest is out there for this book? I’m just kind of curious.

By the way, the premise behind the Captain Marvel series (in which a currently dead character is brought from the past to the present, knowing he’ll someday return to his own death) reminds me a bit of Marv Wolfman’s idea for reviving the Barry Allen Flash (second question down).

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One of the things I keep meaning to do is get around to responding to some of the comments for my post last week, asking what was annoying and/or exciting you in the comics industry.

Someday I’ll get to it, but I did want to note someone’s negative reaction to the startling prevalent $3.99 price point on standard-sized comics from the Big Two, particularly on the mini-series. I do like the format for DC’s extra-sized $3.99 books, with the feature-length lead and the shorter back-up, though the comics themselves have had mixed results. Tales of the Unexpected was unusual, in that the lead was almost universally met with indifference, while the Dr. Thirteen back-up has been rightfully championed as a genius piece of work. I’ve had several customers (and some fellow webloggers) note that they’d given up on the Spectre story early on, but kept buying the book to follow the shorter supporting story.

Then there’s Countdown to Adventure, with Adam Strange, Animal Man and Starfire costarring in the lead, and a back-up featuring the Forerunner character from the weekly Countdown series…I tried the first issue, and it didn’t grab me. In fact, I’m trying to remember something about it, and I can’t. I guess it made just that much of an impact on me.

The newest $3.99 title in this format, Countdown to Mystery, has an improved mix on content. It lacks the mismatch in quality of Unexpected‘s stories, and it’s more memorable than Adventure. The main story, starring Doctor Fate, features Steve Gerber’s solidly weird and entertaining writing, and the Eclipso back-up, at least in its first installment, has me intrigued, and manages to make the Spectre more interesting in a few pages than the eight chapters of Unexpected.

…Okay, I’m perhaps being a little too harsh on Tales of the Unexpected. Tell you what, I’ll give it a rereading and let you know if it holds together a little better being read over a shorter period of time than eight months.

Anyway, $3.99…don’t mind it for the extra-sized DC anthologies (or for the extra-sized books in general…surely we’re getting $3.99’s worth of entertainment out of World War Hulk), but I can really do without that price point on every mini-series that comes down the pike. Like Captain America: The Chosen, or Punisher Presents Barracuda…lose the slick covers, drop the cover price a buck. Yeah, there are probably complex economic reasons for the prices being the way they are…higher cover prices making up for lower print runs, that sort of thing.

Or perhaps it’s just getting everyone ready for the next big price level jump, as maybe three bucks just isn’t cutting it as a profitable price point for your standard issue comic any more. We’ve been at the $2.95/$2.99 funnybook price point for a while now, we’re about due for a change. So, what do you think? $3.50 by the end of ’08? $3.99 as the primary price point of your 32-page comic book by ’10? Or am I being overly optimistic?

And of course, there’s the inevitable argument for the transition of the comics marketplace from periodicals to paperbacks, which you can see on pretty much any and every comic book website, and in every comic book magazine, from the last few years. I don’t think the periodical magazine aspect of comics will ever go away, but I expect some kind of evolution to occur to the 32-page format in the near future, if that price point climbs up any higher. My personal vision, which I’ve think I’ve mentioned on this site before, is of a thick, 200 or 300 page comics magazine front-loaded with ads ahoy, about 1/3 to 1/2 of the book, in order to keep the cover price down. Of course, that brings up the additional problem of finding that many advertisers willing to pay for that adspace, and paying enough to actually make a difference in this theoretical magazine’s cost.

Oh, here’s where I’ve talked about this before…when I brought up an Amazing Heroes April Fools newscolumn about Marvel’s alleged new 100 page format, and how that may not be far from what we’ll eventually see.

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Wow, I was all over the place, there. Sorry about that. Here, to make up for it, have an interview with Zelda Rubinstein. Yeah, I know, it’s an Ain’t It Cool News link, but dude! Zelda Rubinstein! And there are MP3s of the interview! And she totally dishes on Tobe Hooper! But don’t look at the comments section there, as I’m pretty sure it’s carcinogenic.

Also, dig this Cover Browser site, which features lots and lots of pages with lots of good-sized cover scans of comic books, pulps, and even some album covers. Scan quality can vary, slightly, but not too badly. A fun site to while away the hours if you’re trying to put off doing anything important.

In other bloggery:

• Pal Chad is looking at the X-Men: Inferno crossover, the poor bastard (starting here).
• Plastic Pumpkin is gearing up for Hallowe’en (the sad thing about this late ’70s Jack and Jill magazine, at least for me…I’m pretty sure that issue came out after I’d stopped reading Jack and Jill. Stupid aging!).
• Pal Tom is still trying to ruin what’s left of his brain by watching every new TV show this season. Well, except for Gossip Girls. I mean, he’s not crazy.
• I almost bought this comic for myself, but pal Dorian looked up at me with his big, sad, puppy dog eyes, and how could I deny him the greatness of that funnybook?
• Please join me in mourning the passing of fellow comics weblogger Tim O’Neil, shot down in mid-post by none other than the Scourge of the Underworld.