"…One bad night at taco bell and supes is bringing the thunder."
I’ve already had a few submissions to the “Make Mike a New Logo Banner Because He’s Too Lazy to Do It Himself” thing, and there are some good’uns coming in. If you’ve got a good idea and some spare time, please feel free to send one in. Remember: 825 by 100 pixels, “mike sterling’s progressive ruin” (all lower case) in monospaced Courier. A couple folks have sent in banners that are quite a bit smaller…but I’ll see if I can’t find some kind of use for those, too!
Again, thank you…I’m having a lot of fun seeing what you folks come up with, and it’s actually quite touching that people are willing to take valuable time to contribute. I can’t wait to share some of these contributions here on the site.
Diesel Sweeties features a cameo by a certain muck-encrusted mockery of a man in a recent installment of the strip’s print edition. Mr. R. Stevens was kind enough to send me a sneak peak of the cameo a month or so ago, but it’s nice to see it unleashed upon the world at large!
Matt from Alert Nerd saw this Newsarama thread, and, of course, immediately thought of me and sent it my way.
The topic at hand?
“Originally Posted by PatrickG
Superman doesn’t get dirty or sweat, secrete waste products or mucus.
“This is the second time I’ve heard this claim in about a week or so, and I’m at a loss as to where it comes from. I could likely find plenty of pictures of him dirty and/or sweating. But has anyone got any reference for this whole ‘Superman doesn’t need to go to the bathroom’ thing?“Because I think this could easily get more funny than Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex.”
Or gross, if you think about it. And you really probably shouldn’t. Anyway, let’s see what folks have to say:
“I seem to recall that Mark Schultz once said in Wizard that one of the things he most wanted to do was make Superman able to sweat or urinate. Apparently, he wrote a scene that had Superman sweating and editorial wrote back that Superman doesn’t sweat.”
“Under the yellow sun, his digestive system completely breaks down the food (when he chooses to eat), and leaves no waste. Under a red sun, though, I’m sure he could and would do all the same stuff that we have to do.”
“So all those times that Supes was dosed in Red Sun radiation, I bet he had to drop a deuce like no one’s business, huh?”
“wait……then why does he have a butt?..seems like a waste of space….he should just remove it.”
“LOL! This thread is classic! What next? Whats an Amazon/WW’s poo like?”
“Maybe he saves all of them somewhere in space, and will use them to make a new Krypton in the future :P”
“A superman who doesn’t piss shit or fart or sweat is incapable, in my opinion, of truly understanding what it’s like to be a human being. He doesn’t think his shit stinks, because…he produces none.
“Humans have to deal with a lotta shit. How can you trust a hero that never needs to take a dump?”
“This explains why he wears his underwear outside his pants, he doesn’t know what they are for.”
This person explains the Secret Origin of the Fortress of Solitude:
“…no damned conventional toilet could handle that kind if turd.
“THAT’S WHY HE CREATED THE FORTESS OF SOLITUDE
“i’m just betting that if every muscle in his body is super, then his colon must be one of the most powerfull things on earth. that dude farts and people think billy batson must be in the area summoning shazam. ’cause one bad night at taco bell and supes is bringing the thunder . he would need somewhere private where he could ‘cut one’ and not have people thinking that an apocolyptic thunderstorm in heading in their direction.
“and just to show one point that the fortress of solitude os just one super sized kryptonian strength crapper.
“it’s white
it’s sterile
it’s cold“it’s the most powerfull turd house in the universe.”
This person has the right idea:
“Also, I think from a purely aesthetic point of view, it would be kind of useless to mention or show a character in a comic book taking a dump.
“Honestly, can anyone name a scene where Lois is taking one, or even peeing? And she’s human.
“why the hell am I even writing about this??????????????????????????”
And someone warms my heart by bringing up this story:
“I recall that he did sweat in Alan Moore’s ‘The Jungle Line’, wherein an alien fungus/virus infected his system, dulling out his powers and bringing on a fever that would have resulted in death…if not for the Swamp Thing.”
Thanks, Matt, for pointing this out to me…I think.
So lately I’ve been rereading my old Turok Son of Stone comics, and, really, if you can come up with a High Concept Comic that appeals more to kids than “Indians Fighting Dinosaurs,” I’d like to see it.
The “lost valley” Turok and Andar are stuck in is actually a giant collapsed cavern somewhere in New Mexico, the nature of which is explained in this text piece that appeared in early issues, as well as the giant-sized Turok special from ’61:
This is one huge valley (or “valleys”), judging by how much traveling and how many bodies of water, different tribes, etc., are present there. The Valiant Comics revamp of the character reveals that Turok was actually in another dimension or time pocket or some darn thing, which is as good an explanation as any.
