"I had no one to chest bump – but I totally would have!"
I don’t know why I find this review of an advance screening of Transformers so amusing, but I keep looking at it, and it keeps not getting any better. It’s not as soul-wrenchingly evil as AICN’s Blade II review (which I keep linking to because 1) it’s such a car wreck, and 2) I’m a bad, bad person), but this Transformers review has an entertainment value of its own.
“…A very studio looking guy stood up in front of the theater and told us that ‘a lot of effects weren’t done and the music was temp’ blah blah. […] He finally says we are the ‘first audience to see TRANSFORMERS!’
“There was a loud cheer in the theater, I looked around and many of the older moms/dads didn’t quite get it, but their kids seemed to know the score. I saw two 15ish year old fat kids do a chest bump…alas, I had no one to chest bump- but I totally would have!”
[…]
“‘I’ve got a fever, and the only prescriptions is MORE STARSCREAM!!!!!!'”
[…]
“Optimus Prime- sword arm- fuckin sick! That’s all im gonna say about that.”
[…]
“…There are many many nods and references to the history of TF, it’s clear that there was a lot of thought into adding some ‘fan only’ moments into the film that the general audience wont get, which was great.”
I am tempted to agree with the reviewer, though, in that Michael Bay does seem ideally suited to this movie. The film appears as if it’ll be Big, Loud, and Stupid, and I think from Mr. Bay’s oeuvre we can see that he’s completely in his element.
Anyway, assuming this person isn’t yet another studio plant feeding glowing reviews to AICN (and a number of the folks leaving comments appear to believe he is…by the way, don’t read the comments…Good Lord), and that the review is even true at all (another worry by the message boarders there), he appeared to enjoy it, so you Transformers fans may not need to worry.
One of the bones of contention is that the review mentions Optimus Prime’s “lips” being in the film, a turn of events that, when originally discovered, was met with gnashing of teeth and tearing of clothes. However, according to the director’s official site, the rumor started with some test footage featuring said lips, which do not appear in the film. I actually Googled “transformer lips” to research this. Thank goodness no Transformers porn turned up.
Of course, it’s very possible that the film does feature robot lips…okay, you know what? I was going to say something about how “the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing” in regards to the possible existence of robot lips in the movie (especially considering every time we hear about Galactus in the new Fantastic Four movie, we get a different story), but dear God in Heaven, I’m writing about robot lips. Is this what my life has come to? Okay, look…we learned to live with Spidey’s organic web-shooters, we learned to live with Matt Cable being a woman (and how!), and if it turns out to be the case, you Transformers fans can live with rob…I can’t even type it again.
Speaking of the coming FF movie, a new trailer is up…and I do have to say, the trailers we’ve seen so far look absolutely spectacular. They certainly make me want to see the film…of course, it could very well be another example of all the good stuff being in the trailer, and the film itself being a huge dud. But, as I’ve said before, I’m at least cautiously optimistic. I’m one of the few people that actually sorta liked the first film, even with all its flaws, so here’s hoping they’ve learned from their mistakes. And here’s hoping Galactus is in it. Not holding my breath on either count, mind you.
And, as noted, I’ll be seeing Spider-Man 3 this Friday, so look for my review on that shortly after. My prediction: entertaining, but not as good as the second one…probably not enough Venom, too much evil Harry Osborne. (If you’ve seen it already, and I know some of you have…don’t tell me if I’m right or wrong. I’ll find out myself soon enough.)
In DVD news, a little bird tells me that a new Region 1 DVD release of the 1980 cheesy classic Flash Gordon will be gracing the shelves of our local video emporiums this summer. Alas, another little bird tells me that the special features will be lacking on this release. That means no commentary tracks. That means no commentary track from BRIAN FREAKIN’ BLESSED, which, as previously reported, appears on the UK edition. I cannot express enough my disappointment in not getting to hear Mr. Blessed shout at me for ninety minutes while I’m watching this film. …It’s time for the region-free player, I think.
In some non-movie news, pal Sean is finally posting on his site again, and his most recent post is about…er, movies. Anyway, go read…encourage the man.
Lulu and friends freak the mundanes.
One of my favorite recurring gags in Little Lulu is the shock and/or amused reactions of otherwise uninvolved onlookers to the kids’ shenanigans. To wit:
BONUS: In any other story, this next panel would only be a prelude to absolute tragedy:
Oh, Lulu, no.
A vent, a gent, and an event.
Dear every parent that came into the store with their children on Saturday, and then proceeded to let them do whatever they wanted without supervision:
1. The comics are in order in the back issue bins for a reason. Maybe I’d like to find that copy of Superman #173 again someday, which will be hard to do when it’s shoved in the middle of the Avengers section.
2. It’s hard for me to sell the trade paperbacks as new when the ones your children are reading (and, after I asked, you told me have no intention of buying) are pressed open flat on the ground, stressing (if not outright breaking) the spines.
3. We’re not a playground — footraces around the bookshelves are discouraged.
I know these are entirely unreasonable expectations. I guess that makes me the jerk.
And thanks for not spending any money. I was hoping we’d receive no compensation for cleaning up after your little darlings.
Love, Mike
And before anyone asks, no, neither I nor employee Aaron were rude or pushy to any of these folks. I politely asked if the comics were pulled out the bins, leave ’em out for us to put away, and to please go a little easier on the books, and so on.
You know, 99% of the time, parents and kids come in for comics, and everything goes swimmingly. But yesterday was our day for problems, I guess.
Why, if this keeps up, I might start getting gray hair or something.
The other day, I had a fellow claim that a comic in his possession was about to skyrocket in price when the summer movie season started. Why? Because the comic in question features not only the Transformers (who have a new Michael Bay tragedy movie opening soon), but it also guest-stars Spider-Man, who also has a movie opening Real Soon Now. And not only that, but the Spider-Man in this comic is wearing his black costume, which is (get this!) just like the black costume in the movie!
Okay, he was talking about Transformers #3 from the mid-1980s. When I hear stuff like this, I just sorta let it go in one ear and out the other. Yeah, sure, it’s bound to increase in value, hope that works out for you.
But then again, as much as I’d like to discard this idea, someone trying to exploit this tenuous connection between two big Hollywood releases may be able to generate some excess coin of the realm out of it. A quick look at the eBay shows virtually no interest in the comic, so my faith in humanity is at least temporarily kept, but who knows what a few months’ time will bring?
So my initial reaction, that this fella with the comic had some unrealistic expectations, was entirely undermined by the realization that his scenario could very well be possible. So I’ll have my network of spies (i.e. me) keep close tabs on the pricing action of this item (i.e. I’ll look on the eBay, occasionally, when I remember).
Your Free Comic Book Day update: spent all Saturday sorting out the freebies, preparing them for distribution next Saturday.
I’m going to be seeing giant piles of Pirates Vs. Ninjas and Gumby in my sleep for the next few days, I just know it.
"…Spidey’s life takes it is most dramatic turn…!"
Another ad detail from one of our recently-acquired EC comics:
“Enjoy our fine selection of crime novels while having a relaxing smoke!”
From this year’s Free Comic Book Day edition of Amazing Spider-Man:
Sure, we all make typos (and pal Tom caught me with a bad one yesterday), but the whole “it’s/its” thing drives me crazy, and it would have been nice if it had been caught, particularly in something that’s going to be distributed to (hopefully) thousands upon thousands of people.
On the upside, the error probably won’t even be noticed by most folks. On the downside…the error probably won’t even be noticed by most folks.
Via pal JP, an eBay auction for a “Swamp Thing #31 Original Cover Art Key Printing Plate.”
And speaking of pal JP, he has another Golden Age selection of fine wine and cheese (hold the wine)…Suicide Smith.
Some FCBD stuff.
So I spent my Thursday afternoon unpacking and sorting the Free Comic Book Day books…approximately one quadrillion of them, give or take a trillion.
Okay, maybe I exaggerate slightly, but I was hip-deep in thousands of the things, and the whole time I was thinking about the other retailers I’ve read comments from, who balked at the fifty buck buy-in in order to participate. I mean, we got more than fifty bucks’ worth of just the Gumby giveaway.
I haven’t had much of a chance to look through this year’s offerings, but Owly, as always, is a quality item, and the Nexus book is a sight for sore eyes, after being gone from the stands for too long. It’s mostly reprints, catching readers up on the character, but features a few preview pages for the new series.
Unseen Peanuts from Fantagraphics is a fine package, not only featuring (as the title may imply) strips previously unreprinted until Fantagraphics’ recent Complete Peanuts series, but also provides commentary for several of the strips. It sorta makes me wish there was a Complete Annotated Peanuts, but I think producing the Complete Peanuts just by itself is causing enough gray hair and headaches.
By the way, a quick look at the eBay once again reveals people selling this year’s FCBD offerings. Someone’s even selling a complete bag of the Star Wars Clone Wars miniature figures…they ordered the bag for FCBD, got it in from Diamond, and immediately tossed it on the eBay as is. Now that’s just a shame.
For the first Spider-Man movie, I was informed in no uncertain terms by my girlfriend, whose favorite comic book character is ol’ Web-head, that “penalties will ensue” if we did not see the film on opening night. After driving from theatre in theatre in a panic, desperately trying to find a showing that hadn’t sold out, we managed to luck onto a 10:45 PM screening that still had a few seats left. And that’s why I live to tell the tale today.
Anyway, I’ve learned my lesson, and for Spider-Man 2, I bought the tickets about a month ahead of time. For Spider-Man 3…I’d almost let it slip by me, but last Monday I swung by the theatre for tickets for a late evening showing on the film’s May 4th debut.
I totally forgot that May 5th was Free Comic Book Day, which means I’m going to have to get to the store early to prep things for the event. I may be one tired funnybook salesman that day, it seems.
Progressive Ruin Presents…The End of Civilization.
Once again, it’s time to see what wonders and what horrors lurk within the latest Diamond Previews catalog…grab your copy of the May 2007 edition and follow along. And check the sidebar for 26 previous installments, if you’re so inclined. And why wouldn’t you be? Heck, it’s not like you’re doing anything else right now anyway.
p. 168-9 – Lost Series 2 Action Figures – Sun:
For those of you keeping track, two of the three female characters from Lost so far given action figures are in bikinis. Naked Desmond figure still pending.
p. 192 – Spider-Man 3 [spoiler removed] Eddie Brock Statue:
Remember that slight brouhaha a few years back, when the soundtrack for Star Wars Episode I was released ahead of the film, and one of the track titles gave away a major character development? Here’s the Limited Collector’s Statue version of that. Funny that there’s a big ol’ spoiler in the title, while the image of the statue is blacked out. If you want to see the full uncensored title, here you go. (And yeah, I know, it’s not much of a spoiler, given how things usually work out in these films.)
p. 387, 390 – Pretty Face Volume 1 TP:
“He wanted to be her boyfriend…how did he end up as her twin sister?”
All right, that’s it…Japan, what the hell is going on over there?
p. 439 – Countdown Ray Palmer T-Shirt:
Given that the other Countdown t-shirts (“Jimmy Olsen Must Die,” “Seduction of the Innocent,” and “Darkseid Rules”) are a bit more on the confrontational/bizarrely amusing side, “The Search for Ray Palmer” seems a little out of place, a little less dynamic. “WHERE’S THE ATOM?” or “THE ATOM’S SPLIT” — okay, those aren’t so great, but you know what I mean. Hopefully.
p. 440 – Superman “Honor & Truth” Black T-Shirt:
Now that’s just trying too hard.
p. 473 – Star Trek Deep Space Nine Series 1 Action Figures:
What’s with the sudden push for DS9 merchandise? The trading cards I featured last month, these new action figures…there’s not really that much demand for DS9 stuff, is there? (Okay, maybe more than for, say, Voyager, but still….)
EDIT: Full disclosure – I have one of the 1993 Morn figures.
p. 485 – Shaman Mini-Bust:
“SLEEEEEEP!”
p. 485 – Banshee Mini-Bust:
“AAAAAH! MY FOOT!”
p. 494 – Star Wars Classics Kit Fisto Bust:
The only possible use of this statue is to give your friends reason to make fun of you. For God’s sake, don’t tell ’em the character’s name is “Fisto” — you’ll never hear the end of it.
p. 513 – The Art of Shunya Yamashita: Shion Fine Art Bust:
You know, usually these Japanese girly “fantasy hero” statues at least make a pretense at wearing some semblance of clothing.
p. 542 – 300 Dog Tags:
“The king has ordered for you to support the Spartan troops and the fight for freedom by proudly displaying these 300 epoxy dog tags around your neck.”
Part of the 300 Anachronism Merchandising Line, along with the 300 Wall Clock, the 300 Shooters, the 300 Mail Bag, and the 300 Watch with Tin, all also offered this month.
p. 545 – Star Wars Wacky Wobblers:
That’s enough. No more bobbleheads. Is that Darth Vader in his TIE fighter? Doe the TIE fighter bobble? Does Darth’s head bobble? Do both the TIE fighter and Darth have bobble action? THAT’S TOO MUCH BOBBLING. We don’t need any more bobblehead dolls of any kind, ever…except maybe for…
p. 551 – Black Jesus Bobblehead:
BOBBLE FOR YOUR SOULS, SINNERS.
Marvel Previews p. 4 – Captain America #25 Director’s Cut:
“The events in CAPTAIN AMERICA #25 have been covered in news outlets nationwide…”
“…And this new reprint is several months too late to take advantage of that days-long media-driven sales bump, as the general public has already forgotten about this ‘event,’ but we’re going to bring up the media coverage again anyway in an effort to inflate sales!”
Marvel Previews p. 4 – Civil War Chronicles #1:
“Experience CIVIL WAR and it’s [sic] major tie-ins from AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, FANTASTIC FOUR, FRON [sic] LINE and more in chronological order!”
Maybe this go-around the Civil War event will come out on schedule. Second time’s the charm!
The Giant Fist of Exploding Purplish-Pink Justice!
This is a detail from a back cover ad on one of the many EC Comics we acquired recently.
BEAUCOUPKEVIN, NOOOOOO!
Locks, love, and a lady.
So in a comment left on my Sunday evening entry featuring a previously-unknown-to-me Spidey promo comic, Phillip was good enough to point me in the direction of Master Lock Presents: The Incredible Hulk, apparently available only through a mail-away offer. Again, this comic is new to me, and again, I totally want a copy.
According to the Grand Comic Book Database entry, the story involves one of the Kingpin’s men transporting some box locked by a Master Lock padlock, while encountering the Hulk and his super-pals (like Daredevil, Elektra, and Captain America) who all try to get this henchman to give up his criminal lifestyle. Having not seen the story in question, I am left wondering how the plugs for Master Lock’s fine products are worked into the narrative. I picture the henchman occasionally wondering about what’s in the box, except: “RATS! If only this weren’t locked with a high-quality, ‘tough under fire’ padlock! There’s no way I can cut through that hardened boron alloy!”
And I especially wonder how the Hulk fits into all this. “Hey, nice lock there, lemme see it…oops, I broke it, sorry.” That would kind of defeat the purpose, I think.
Via Lady, That’s My Skull…Who Does Mary Love?
Well, naturally.
Pal JP unloads more classic Golden Age cheese, featuring Lady Satan. Yes, that’s right, “Lady Satan.” Hey, kids, comics!
"A bad drawing of a mouse – flying!!"
From Spooky Spooktown #58 (August 1975), Spooky, the Tuff Little Ghost, reveals a sensitive, artistic, but not terribly competent side:
Going outside for inspiration, Spooky discovers things have gone horribly awry in the Enchanted Forest:
Even the wildlife is affected:
Exploring further, Spooky runs across a rabbit, who points him in the direction of the culprit:
A man with working pencils for arms raises more questions than answers, but alas, there’s no time for questions as Pencilman immediately goes on the offensive with a hastily-drawn porcupine:
Spooky flies off in pursuit of Pencilman, only to discover his full, nefarious, and slightly undecided, scheme:
Spooky turns invisible, flies over Pencilman while carrying two large, and apparently still visible, rocks, but still manages to pull off a surprise attack:
Pencilman runs off to, um, get his pencils sharpened, which presumably means his arms get progressively shorter with use:
Spooky pays a visit to Wilma Witch for help, and she puts the call out for the one person who can defeat Pencilman:
Apparently in all this time, Pencilman still hasn’t finished drawing the firing device for his gun, but Eraserman takes the opportunity to turn the tables on the pencil-armed freak:
Eraserman then turns on Pencilman himself:
Having successfully executed Pencilman without any bothering with “due process” and “legal representation” and other time-wasters, Eraserman starts to clean up the damage done:
Though it begs the question…after Eraserman is done erasing, what’s going to be left? Is the original Enchanted Forest simply underneath all the bad drawings, or will the forest’s inhabitants be left floating in some white, empty, fully-erased void?
And Spooky’s “old business” is going back to that bunny who clued him in on Pencilman in the first place. Why? So Spooky can scare him, the big jerk.
All this reminds me of an old Batman villain:
…who comprises both Eraserman, with his red, rubbery head, and Pencilman, with his pointy graphite monopod. A symbolic representation of a possible future, when Pencilmen and Erasermen may be able to live together in harmony?
Let us hope, friends…let us hope.