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ad from He-Man Real Life Adventure Magazine #2 (July 1954)

So a couple months ago, in a previous “End of Civilization” post, I poked a little fun at Wizard‘s promised Spider-Man 4 feature. Well, that issue is now here, so let’s see how well I guessed the contents.

Question #1 from the ad: “Will Sam Raimi Direct?”

What I said a couple months ago:

“Maybe…apparently he was asked at the 2007 San Diego Con about it, and he says he might, if he likes the script. However, they’re still short a scriptwriter for the fourth film.”

What Wizard says in the newest issue:

“‘I don’t know if I’ll just be a producer on it, but if I can work with the writer in such a way that directing would be right for me, I don’t know,’ teased [Raimi].”

Question #2 from the ad: “Does Tobey Maguire Return?”

What I said:

“If the studio dishes out the cash, sure. If not, no.”

What Wizard says:

“[Maguire says] ‘…If they come up with a good movie, and the whole team wants to come back together, then I’m up for it.'”

Article continues, mentioning his Robotech project possibly taking his time away from Spider-Man. Basically comes to similar, if less cynically put, conclusion as I do: maybe yes, maybe no.

Question #3 from the ad: “Who Will Be The Villains?”

What I said:

“Well, there’s that whole no scriptwriter thing, but of course the moneymen may want certain villains used that’ll make good toys, t-shirts, etc. But I’m guessing we’re probably not getting Dr. Octopus, Green Goblin, Venom, Sandman, or ‘Hobgoblin’ (or whoever Harry was supposed to be). We’re probably not getting Frogman or the White Rabbit, either. Unfortunately.”

What Wizard says:

Venom is “unconfirmed” (i.e. no), Goblin not likely, other new-to-the-film-franchise villains mentioned.

So, for the most part, I came pretty close, I think. The article is, as expected, a whole lot of speculation and no real answers beyond “maybe this’ll happen” and “maybe that actor will come back.” But then again, the movie is three or four years away, so what solid info was anyone expecting?

They also have one of Wizard‘s casting calls, where they do have a great suggestion for a new Peter Parker (you’ll just have to look yourself…or maybe I’ll talk about it on the site later), and Joss Whedon is suggested as a possible replacement for Raimi, to which I say a two word phrase that rhymes with “fat chance.”

That’s enough Wizard for the moment. There is a creator retrospective on “The Death of Superman” which, as readers of this site might guess, I had plenty of interest in, and, for some reason, a video game quiz where I was able to answer the questions about games from before 1984, and had no clue about the later ones.

I’m old.

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Random speculation about Death of the New Gods: so, we haven’t seen the newest Mister Miracle, Shiloh Norman, yet. Having escaped the Life Trap in the Seven Soldiers event, perhaps Norman is going around trying to bring the other New Gods through a similar transcendental experience, taking them to a higher plane of being…an act that leaves their old bodies behind, with the appearance of having gone through a violent death.

And if they’re not really dying, perhaps that’s why the Source isn’t responding to their demises.

I realize none of that makes any sense to anyone not “in” on the whole Fourth World thing. My apologies. “It’s a Kirby thing…you wouldn’t understand.”

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We had about a half-dozen Countdown and 52 titles this week. Seems to me being hit with so many at once is going to make customers have to pick and choose which ones they buy. And I suspect the ones that are starting this week (like Crime Bible) will be passed over in favor of tie-ins already being read. It’s possible that books skipped this week will be picked up in following weeks, but most of the time, superhero comics do the majority of their selling in their initial week of release. We’ll see what the cycle sheets say in a couple weeks.

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Strip reprints of note this week:

Perry Bible Fellowship: The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and Other Stories – a collection of strips from this site, and it will AFFECT YOUR BRAIN.

Zippy: Walk a Mile in My Muu-Muu – I really don’t know what to tell you about Zippy to convince you to read it at this point. Either you’re a Zippy person or you’re not a Zippy person. If you are a Zippy person…hey, more Zippy is out! Hurrah!

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A follow-up to the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 news from Tuesday…the rest of the MST3K cast not involved in other MST-like projects, including the show’s creator (Joel Hodgson), and the original Mads (Trace Beaulieu and J. Elvis Weinstein) — i.e. the original cast of the show — are starting Cinematic Titanic, yet another MST-a-like with riffing of bad films, only with the silhouettes at the screen’s side rather than at the bottom. Later additions to MST are also joining in…Mary Jo Pehl and the legendary TV’s Frank, Frank Conniff.

Pretty much the entire on-screen staff from MST3K is now involved in new projects doing what MST popularized…riffing on bad movies, with the seemingly ironic exception of MST3K.com itself, planning to focus (as far as I can tell) on animated shorts.

It’d be nice if all these folks somehow got together, worked out their differences (I seem to recall some word of friction behind the scenes) and produced full-fledged Mystery Science Theatre again. Clearly there’s some demand for MST-like material…a revival of actual MST would probably go great.

I know it really doesn’t matter…listening to Mike, Kevin, and Bill on a Rifftrax or on a Film Crew DVD is nearly identical to watching one of the latter day MSTs. Adding robot puppets and the Satellite of Love and the Hexfield and so on are probably unnecessary extras to the actual point of these things — the riffing on the film — but wouldn’t it be swell to have ’em back?

EDIT: I didn’t realize that the newest Mystery Science Theatre 3000 boxed DVD set, Volume 12, came out this week. There’s now a handy Amazon link to said set in the sidebar HINT HINT NUDGE.

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Pretty much the only person I saw in costume at the shop yesterday was Employee Aaron, who was dressed as Air Pirates Mickey Mouse (basically, Mickey in aviator gear). How does one react to that?

Also, on the drive home from work, and on a drive over to a friend’s house that evening, I saw several young women dressed as Elastigirl from The Incredibles…apparently that was a popular costume this year. Who knew?

BEHOLD:

A brief mention of this vision on the site, and one of you, the faithful Progressive Ruin readers, comes through with this little bit of beautiful nightmare fuel. Drink it in, let it haunt not only your dreams, but your idle waking moments, when you’re sitting at your desk at about 3:20 this afternoon, tapping your pencil on your keyboard, wondering if anything good is going to be on TV tonight, when suddenly, without warning, this image pops into your mind’s eye:

Enjoy, won’t you?

Image courtesy of reader John L., who has also been providing a boatload of swell logo banners for this site. And you can provide one, or a dozen, too, if you’d like…details here.

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Now this is interesting:

Okay, clicking on Mst3k.com for now will just forward you to the official Mystery Science Theatre 3000 fan site Satellite News, where you can read more details on this new project, but I’ll sum up briefly here.

Mystery Science Theatre is being relaunched as a new online project, with new animated shorts starring the ‘bots Crow, Servo, and Gypsy. Two folks from the original show are involved…Jim Mallon (president of MST3K’s parent company Best Brains, and returning voice of Gypsy) and Paul Chaplin (occasional onscreen performer on the original show, and the new voice of Crow). No word on Servo’s voice, but I’m guessing that’ll be handled by one of the “new talents” involved in the project…but whoever it is, he (or she?) is gonna have the unenviable task of following Kevin Murphy’s robust performance as the character.

Of most interest to the longtime fans (like, say, myself) is the promise of behind-the-scenes footage and “from the vault” type material from the original show, as well as “all-new merchandise.”

I suppose the relative success of the MST3K-like spin-off projects by former cast members Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and the aforementioned Murphy (Rifftrax and The Film Crew) was a major factor in this MST3K relaunch. I don’t know (and the fan site doesn’t indicate) whether or not we’ll be getting more “wisecracking robots in movie theatres” action, or just the wacky adventures of the ‘bots sans film mockery. But, the ‘bots themselves are appealing characters, non-working arms and all, in their own right, outside of the riffing context, so I’m willing to give this new effort a shot, even with most of the original creative staff having moved on. This is a bit more of a change than the “Crow’s got a new voice?” thing from the Sci Fi Channel years, but the promise of new material under the MST3K banner has got my attention.

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This has been e-mailed to me several times over the last few days, so I guess I’d better post it here: photos of a scale model of Uncle Scrooge McDuck’s money bin, with comic-accurate floor plans (including the Worry Room!). It’s really an amazing piece of work, and I’m surprised Disney hasn’t yet put out some kind of high-end porcelain statue along the lines of this model.

And I know the link’s been popping up all over the place lately…but didn’t it make the rounds a year or two ago? I can swear I’ve seen this before.

from Comic Cavalcade #59 (Oct/Nov 1959)

Me: “You know what action figure line Todd McFarlane should do next?”

Employee Aaron: “What’s that?”

Me: “‘EXTREME BIBLE’ action figures.”

Employee Aaron: “Oh, no.”

Me: “Oh, sure…there could be a special ‘Last Supper’ series, where each of the thirteen action figures comes with a piece of the Last Supper table that you can assemble.”

Employee Aaron: “…Where do you get these ideas?”

Me: “They’re divinely inspired.”

Employee Aaron: “‘Divine?'”

Me: “Yes…the spirit of Divine, from the John Waters films, comes to me at night and whispers these ideas into my ear.”

Employee Aaron: “I quit.”

Restocking the comic supply shelves on Friday, I discovered the case of comic book bags…from Hell:

Yes, that’s right, it’s Carton #666. BEWARE THE BAGS OF BEELZEBUB.

Then again, it’s just as well…I do have some appropriate comics around here that need some bagging:

Okay, maybe that Hot Stuff won’t fit into a current-sized bag, but these are demonic comic bags. Perhaps one of their hellborn powers is to fit any comic, thus luring in the unsuspecting collector, who uses more and more of these bags…until he loses his soul and finds himself sealed in a flaming CGC case…for all eternity!

And perhaps they have other mysterious and nefarious powers as well. Maybe if I bag up back issues of Brigade, those’ll finally start selli…nah, even the Devil has standards.

Here’s something from the new Previews I missed for yesterday’s “End of Civilization” post:

From the newest assortment of Star Trek Minimates, it’s…Good Lord A’mighty, it’s a Spock’s Brain figure! Based on the greatest classic Star Trek episode!

It’s apparently a “variant” figure, so it’ll be a little harder to find…but c’mon, look at it…it’s worth the search.

(Additional linkage…when I Googled up “Spock’s Brain,” I found this page detailing a stage production of said episode, including video clips. Oh, this looks like it was a hoot.)

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I’ve been meaning to note some anniversaries of fellow webloggers (comics ‘n’ otherwise) for a couple days now, so I hope they don’t mind my belated congratulations.

First is Chris “Lefty” Brown, entertaining writer and all-around swell cat, who just celebrated his four year anniversary in the ‘blogging biz. Chris is also one of the very few people in the comicsweblogosphere that I eventually got to meet in person. So to you, Chris…thanks for the years of good readin’, and here’s to many more!

Next is Aquaman’s Pal Laura “Tegan” Gjovaag, who just hit the very impressive five year mark. She’s been having kind of a rough time of it lately, what with her vehicular troubles, so along with my congratulations I want to send her my best wishes, and to tell her to hang in there. Things’ll get better, honest!

And then there’s Johnny Bacardi, who also just hit the Big Five. Alas, he’s retiring from comics blogging, which is too bad…I don’t think there’s anyone with an interest in comic blogs who doesn’t respect and admire JB’s work. We’re losing one of the cornerstones of comics weblogging with his departure, and this little hobby of ours will be the poorer for it.

Okay, okay, he’s not dead or anything…he still has an online presence, and he has another project or two he’s working on, but to see him make semi-official his retirement from comics talk…well, nobody wants to see that. Hopefully we can cajole him into returning soon.

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The more I hear (rumors and otherwise) about the apparently forthcoming live-action Justice League of America movie, the more of a crazy mess it sounds like.

According to the rumors in that article:

“Maxwell Lord and Ra’s al Ghul are currently expected to be the major villains of the movie, with a third baddie to be revealed in a major twist during the course of the film. Making up the Justice League will be Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter.”

I don’t…I don’t know, really. Fanboy Mike says “yes,” Rational Adult Mike says “oh, dear.” Depends on who the alleged third villain is. I say Starro. I mean, what the hell…you’ve already got a half-dozen or so guys ‘n’ gals in tights with superpowers on screen. You’re gonna draw the line at a giant telepathic extraterrestrial starfish? C’mon.

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MARVEL LEGENDS SPIDER-MAN TRILOGY KIRSTEN DUNST MARY JANE ACTION FIGURE.

God bless Chris Karath. I love his photographs of his recent action figure acquisitions, showing their packaging, posing/comparing/contrasting them with other similar figures, et cetera. In this case, he even reproduces the Spidey/Mary Jane “rain kiss” with his figures. Chris’s showcasing of his figures in this manner is both lighthearted and informative, and I appreciate the effort he continually puts into it.

Oh, and happy birthday, Junior!

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Okay, I hadn’t been paying attention to the Marvel costume contest, and I didn’t go look until Kevin sent the link around. But, now that I’ve checked it out…some of those costumes are pretty good, others are…well, they certainly put some effort in. But really, when it comes down to the vote, you might as well stop counting right now, because this guy?

NAILED IT.
And so long as I’m talking about Marvel…regarding the solicitation for this new Hulk title:

Okay, I like the look of the Red Hulk. That’s pretty neat. And it’s being drawn by Ed McGuinness, so it’ll look great, big ol’ weird purplish “tree root” veins and all.

And it’s being written by Jeph Loeb, so it probably won’t make a lick of sense, but it’ll probably be goofy fun anyway. Think those early issues of Superman/Batman, only with more smashing. That’s what I’m hoping for, at any rate.

According to Employee Aaron, a customer saw that Red Hulk image on the cover of the Marvel Previews and remarked “Hey, I’d like to see a blue Hulk someday!”

DUDE.

Aaron’s gonna have to point this customer out to me when he comes back in, because I’m makin’ this sale!

Welcome, younglings, as the 33rd monthly installment of the End of Civilization, this is. Your November 2007 edition of Diamond Previews you will read, and follow along, you wi…oh, okay, I’ll stop. Anyway, the previous installments are, as always, in the sidebar, so let the bad merchandise, silly products, and the objectification of the female form begin!

p. 45 – Judge Dredd Alien Statue:

In case you needed to confuse any of your friends and family…”why does your Alien statue have the face of a helmeted man with a deformed chin?”

p. 131 – Showcase Presents Series 1 Action Figures:

As I mentioned here…ALTERNATE RED KRYPTONITE HEADS. The real fun will come in as you try to fit them onto other figures. (I have some likely prospects….)

p. 164 – The Godfather Action Figure:

Okay, I know the “action figure” description is a misnomer, but I suppose that helps the item sell better than calling it “only barely-articulated plastic statue.” But I can’t help picturing neighborhood kids playing with their toys:

“Okay, so my Luke Skywalker uses his lightsabre to cut off Snake Eyes’ head.”

“No way! Snake Eyes totally dodged that lightsabre.”

“The Godfather has ordered a hit on both of you, and his thugs gun you down in cold blood. Your bodies lie on the ground, almost looking as if you were sleeping, save for the red sticky pool of viscous liquid forming beneath you.”

“…”

“…My mom says I can’t play with you any more.”

p. 174 – Witchblade Takeru Manga #11:

Okay, let’s be honest here. This is a stroke book, pure and simple. And by “stroke book,” in case any of you are confused, I mean “a magazine featuring images of prurient interest for use as visual stimuli during masturbation.” It features an assemblage of barely covered breasts and vaginas (bottoms being generally free of clothing) being posed in a variety of ways. I suppose there’s dialogue, and some pretense at a plot, but the star of the show is female body parts.

I didn’t think they could outdo the cheesecake factor of the original Witchblade comic, but here it is.

p. 209 – Archie Comics:

Dear publishers of Archie Comics:

Screw you, you incredible pricks. (1, 2 for how Archie is trying to drop Dan DeCarlo, creator of Josie and co-creator of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, into the memory hole.)

p. 242-3 – Red Sonja comics:

Speaking of stroke books….

It’s a two page spread of Red Sonja’s rear end! On the left hand side is Alex Ross’ illustration of Red Sonja’s butt:

And to the right are two more Red Sonja behinds, presented for your perusal:

Okay, those two are more or less the same image, one being a comic cover, the other being a 3-D representation. But BAM, BAM, BAM, it’s butt, butt, butt across both pages. Enjoy, boys!

p. 369 – Captain Kirk’s Guide to Women:

At last, we have a replacement for The Bible:

Publishers, shutter your doors. Printers, halt your presses. The book industry has reached its zenith, and human knowledge has achieved its greatest accomplishment. If there is any knowledge in the world not contained within these pages…it’s not worth knowing.

p. 398 – Mounted Cthulhu Head Plush:

You know, after Santa Cthulhu, and Elvis Cthulhu, and so on, I keep thinkng that there’s nothing more that can be done in the stuffed Cthulhu genre…

…but apparently there is.

Of course, now that we’ve achived Mounted Cthulhu, it’s only one more step to incorporate Big Mouth Billy Bass technology to make him talk. Imagine some unsuspecting guest at your house admiring your Mounted Cthulhu, when it suddenly recites “That is not dead which can eternal lie / And with strange aeons even death may die.” Big laffs!

p. 400 – For A Few Dollars More Minimates Box Set:

Is the world ready for a Clint Eastwood Minimate? I don’t really have anything smart-alecky to say about this. I’m just stunned it even exists.

p. 420 – She Dragon Variant Edition Statue:

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this statue before, but, after doing this End of Civilization thing for nearly three years now, I’m running short of ways to say “the things you people make statues out of.” I mean, honestly:

But, in all fairness, Mr. Glum totally rules. This should be sold this seperately:

p. 430 – Lord of the Rings Snaga Ringbearer Bust:

Okay, now, this needs to stop. Gandalf statues, fine. There’ll always be hippies to buy ’em. And Gollum? Who doesn’t love Gollum? But this guy:

At this point, with the movies well over and done with, “scraping the bottom of barrel”-level characters may be a tough sell.

p. 448 – Marvel Bearz Series 1 Vinyl Figures:

From the solicitation info:

“Each Marvel Bearz features a colorful, hidden button on the back of it’s [sic] head. Some of these buttons are rarer than others, and are covered with a safety cap, so until you have purchased your bear, no one knows what color (or limitation) your button will be.”

Okay, leaving aside I have no idea what they mean by “what limitation your button will be” (I’ll Google it up later, if I still care), does everything have to have some kind of artificial collectible/trading aspect to it? Can’t these just be weird superhero bears? Can’t we enjoy the simple sublime beauty of the concept just as is?

Well, “beauty” is a relative term. This Carnage Bear is just pure nightmare fuel:

GAH.

p. 452 – Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 – Lei Fang ArtFX Statue:

“I’m ready for my exam, Doctor!”

p. 482 – Smallville Kryptonite Metal Key:

At $39.99, that’s one expensive coaster. Because WHAT ELSE CAN YOU POSSIBLY USE THIS FOR? Leveling out table legs? Paint it red and make a very small stop sign?

p. 482 – Horror Playing Cards:

I’m not sure what’s so horrific about the Vivid Girls cards (though I suppose the implants are terrifying), and I was all set to poke a little fun at these, but…well, I kinda want a set of the Nightmare on Elm Street cards. And I bet they’d sell like gangbusters, especially at five bucks a pop.

Hmmm…I think I need to add “playing cards” to the store’s merchandise shelves….

…so here’s a panel of Swamp Thing fighting some robot dogs:

from Swamp Thing #17 (July 1975) by David Michelinie & Nestor Redondo

So as you may have heard, big chunks of Southern California are ablaze, driven by strong winds. Most of that activity is quite a bit south of the store, so we’re not in danger, though I’m surprised we haven’t yet had our semi-annual brushfire just over the hills behind us yet.

However, on Monday I’d gone to a grocery store very near my house, and between going in the store and coming out of the store, a grassy embankment on the other side of the parking lot had caught on fire. It’s right there next to a freeway offramp, and I’m guessing the culprit was “tossed out cigarette butt.” Thankfully, the fire department was right on top of it and took care of the fire in short order.

Employees Jeff and Aaron live much closer to the Piru and Fillmore events, so think kind thoughts for them, as well as for everyone else affected by these fires.

On Sunday, the winds had blown lots of smoke and ash our way, turning the skies orange, and I took a couple photos outside the shop:

I didn’t color correct this image, or alter the contrast or brightness. I took these photos at about 3 in the afternoon. It cleared up later that day for a while, and it was actually sunny, but since then the skies have been consistently cloudy, the air thick with ash and smoke.

As long as I was out there takin’ photos, I grabbed a pic of that tree the city planted in front of our shop:

The tree had grown crooked, so the city employees in charge of this sort of thing set up an elaborate system of wooden poles and rubber straps to set the tree straight, to no real avail.

And that branch that sticks out way to the left, there…it’s just the right height and length to poke at the doors, or rest on the hoods, of any car that parks there. I’ve spoken to one of the city guys to do something about trimming that branch, but no go so far. I’m thinking about doing it myself, but I can just see me doing a nickel up the river in the ol’ graybar hotel on the tree vandalism rap.

Also, if you take a close look in one of those street photos, you can see where our shop was from 1983 ’til 1990:

Yes, it’s a massage parlor now. It was a massage parlor before we were in there, too…there was even a working shower in the back. Could have used showers in our later locations, come to think of it. “Sold…POGS…must…wash off…shame….”

And just look at that…their tree isn’t deformed. Man.