1. A reminder…the Demo contest ends on May 12th, so get your entries in!

2. Simply Comics has just posted a FAQ for comics webloggers about the Comics Weblogs update page, in case you want to join up, have problems getting listed, etc.

At the end is this bit:

“Q: Can I link to your site?

A: Please do. You can even give it a more clever name, like ‘Comics Weblog Update-A-Tron 3000.'”

Er…heh heh, sorry about that!

3. Have I mentioned that pal Dorian has a comics/movies/music weblog of his very own? Visit, won’t you?

1. It’s Sunday evening, and I’m working the store alone. It’s about, oh, say, fifteen minutes away from closing. It’s my day off tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to it. A young girl (about eight, maybe) and who I’m assuming to be her brother (about four or five) are at the comics rack, just looking at the covers. Parents are nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, after being generally quiet, they start giggling. I look over to see what they’re doing, and the boy had just wet his pants…like, a lot. It’s a real flood. And both kids think it’s just the funniest thing ever. I’m trying not to be mad…they’re just kids…but I’m pretty damned annoyed, especially at the still-missing parents. I tell the sister to get that wet kid out of here, and the two of them dart out the door, leaving me to stay after hours cleaning and sanitizing the area.

2. A mom is walking around the store holding her infant. She’s with someone who appears to be her sister, and the two of them are just looking around at a leisurely pace. As I’m helping other customers, I notice that the mom and the sister dash out of the store pretty quickly. I don’t realize why until, a few minutes later, a coworker discovers a healthy amount of baby spit-up in one of the aisles. Now, I realize that babies spit up, it’s no big deal…but don’t bail out on me and let me find the baby spit-up on my own! At least tell me so that it can get cleaned up right away, rather than letting me find that stinky surprise on my own.

3. A long-time customer brought his young cousin in the store with him on new comics day, and as he was looking at the new arrivals rack, his cousin suddenly spit up on the floor. Unlike the people in #2, the customer had the good grace to tell me immediately, and he helped me clean up the mess…but still, it was right in front of the new arrivals rack.

This was several years ago, but that customer still apologizes for it to this very day. Really, it’s fine, honest! (But, right in front of the new comics?)

4. Again, it’s Sunday, and again, I’m working alone. I have a store full of people. Someone I’ve never seen before, a heavier-set fellow in his late-50s, walks into the store and loudly asks to use the restroom. The restroom is employees-only, I inform the person…I’m not going to let someone I don’t know wander around the back rooms, especially when I’m too busy up front to monitor the situation. Plus, I was getting an odd vibe off of him, which was almost immediately proved to be justified when he announced “well, I’m going to pee right here then!” — “here” being the area right by the front counter and register. I immediately put my hand on the phone, and tell him “I’ll just have to call the police then!”

“I’m gonna pee right here!” he repeats.

“I’ll call the police,” I retort, picking up the receiver.

“Pee!”

“Police!”

…and so the debate continued. Well, for about 20 seconds or so, anyway, until he realized I wasn’t going to budge and he’d have to go demand access to employee restrooms somewhere else.

Okay, I realize those stories aren’t necessarily comic book store specific…most people in businesses that deal with the public have some kind of horrifying bodily-waste story to share…but I thought you’d be interested to know that comics retailing isn’t all just glamour and elegance.

EDIT: The customer in #3 is a reader of this weblog, and gave me permission to tell this story. So, you know, it’s not like I’m talking behind his back!

Sometimes when we buy large comic collections, we’ll come across comics that still have price tags from other stores and sellers affixed to the plastic bags. Occasionally, our reaction to these prices tags is “they tried to get ten bucks for that?!” but usually we just ignore them, peel them off the bag, replace the bag entirely, or whatever needs to be done as we’re processing the new acquisitions.

When I saw this particular issue of X-Man in one collection we picked up a couple years back, I decided against removing the tag for…well, no good reason other than I was amused by the idea that some dealer, somewhere, thought that X-Man #18 was a sure thing investment.

I wonder how many other comics this dealer sold in this fashion? I wonder how many comics this dealer promised his customers “sure, it’ll go up in price, honest!” And just so we’re on the same page…the price increase implied (and that these customers were surely expecting) was certainly several times the cover price, maybe even into the $50 or $100 range, not the more-likely 25 or 50 cent back issue mark-up.

As a result, how many angry customers did the dealer have to face later on when they realized that most of the comics they bought with the promise that they’d “go up” didn’t increase in price very much at all? Or, more likely, how many of these customers left the comics hobby altogether, feeling burned on these “investments?”

That’s why, when customers ask me for “investment” advice, I tell them to buy comics that they’ll like, that way the comics will always be worth something to them. I make no guarantees of future financial performance.

By the way, the most recent edition of the Overstreet Price Guide has this issue of X-Man priced at $2.50 in NM condition.

(part one – part two)

26. “Where are your computer games?”

27. “Do you mind if I leave my child here for three or four hours while I go shopping at the mall down the street?”

28. “How graphic are your graphic novels?” (from pal Dorian)

29. “I’m the owner’s nephew. Give me a discount.” (um, I’m fairly certain I know most of the owner’s relatives…you aren’t one of them)

30. “Hey, there’s no price on this! It must be free!”

World’s Finest Comics #121 (Nov 1961), cover by Jim Mooney

Okay, okay, there’s more than just one funny pirate comic, like I had said. There’s Pirate Club from Slave Labor, apparently One Piece is also another funny pirate comic…any others? Would you count My Monkey’s Name Is Jennifer? There’re pirates in it.

Geez…all I wanted to do was make my El Cazador joke!

Here are a couple more items for my list of Things Not to Say to A Comic Shop Employee:

21. “Our new superhero is Neil Gaiman’s Sandman done right!”

22. “Did you see [the new movie that just opened that day] yet?” (usually asked immediately after we open first thing in the morning) [from Chris Brown]

23. “Slow day, huh?” (only asked by the first customer who comes during the lull after a big rush)

24. “Hey, I’m buying a lot of stuff — how ’bout a discount?” (“a lot” usually = $20 worth of merchandise or so) [I was reminded of this one by Greg at Viper Comics]

25. “Will you give me a dollar for the bus?” (not “will you make change,” but “give me money.” I had a guy come in nearly every day for a couple weeks asking us that)

Okay, now here are a couple true stories:

1. I was in a Los Angeles comic shop (no, not that one) with a friend of mine, and for some reason, as I was talking with him, the topic of Barry Windsor-Smith came up. I mentioned something about Windsor-Smith drawing those early Conan comics, and one of the store’s employees piped up with “no, that’s Barry Smith. Windsor Smith drew Little Nemo in Slumberland!” I’m not often dumbfounded….

2. A couple years back, a customer brings up the newest issue of the “KISS” comic book and started talking to me about how great it is that there’s all this new KISS stuff coming out. I replied, absolutely without any malice, that it was very interesting that a band that was once big and popular could fade away for several years then come back so strongly.

The customer then got very angry with me, shook his finger at me and proclaimed “KISS NEVER FADED AWAY! THEY WERE ALWAYS POPULAR!”

3. Received a call from someone claiming to have a copy of Superboy #1 (the original one, from 1949) in absolutely perfect condition, and that he wanted to bring it in to sell. Well, we assumed it wasn’t in “perfect” condition (heard that so many times, we don’t even listen to it anymore), but if it was a Superboy #1 in any condition, we’d certainly be interested.

The next day, a couple comes in carrying a briefcase. They identify themselves as the people with the Superboy #1, and gingerly place the briefcase on the counter. Popping the latches, they open the case and carefully pull the comic out.

It’s a Superboy Annual #1, from 1964. Still a nice item, not as rare or expensive as a Superboy #1, but still pretty good…except for the fact that this “perfect condition” comic had no cover, and had been so waterlogged at some point in the past that it was now pretty much a solid brick. We tried to explain to the couple, as nicely as we could, that the comic wasn’t the title they thought it was, and it didn’t matter anyway since it was completely unsellable.

Well, they were pretty darn mad. They thought we were trying to pull something over on them (what, exactly, I have no idea…we weren’t trying, for example, to talk them down on a price…we didn’t even want the comic in the store!), they picked up their comic, shoved it back in their briefcase, and headed out. For all I know, they’re still wandering from town to town, getting increasingly upset that all these comic shops are turning their noses up at such a “great item.”

The Gasoline Alley death is revealed.