So I was leafing through a copy of Marvel’s ’70s pop culture mag Pizzazz (in particular, the July 1978 issue with the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band movie cover feature), when I happened upon the section where readers submitted their own cover designs for the magazine.

And get a load of this:

Well, okay, Vader is a bit indistinct, considering I’m blowing this image up from a much tinier picture…it could be, I don’t know, the Phantom Blot or something. But c’mon, it was the ’70s, and look…that’s gotta be Darth’s helmet:

“YAY.”

More spectacular than Mount Rushmore! More arms than the Venus de Milo! More stylish clothing than Michelangelo’s David! Slightly more boxing than the Rocky statue! Harder than Claes Oldenburg’s Soft Toilet! It’s the pinnacle of human achievement:

It’s Superman and Muhammad Ali teaming up to fight an alien invasion. With boxing. Drawn by Neal Adams at his absolute peak. It’s the perfect comic book.

…Why, yes, I do like this comic, why do you ask?

I’m pretty sure Dana is fattening us up for something nefarious. Well, good luck with Timmy, since he has the metabolism of a hummingbird, but just typing the word “cupcakes” made me gain three pounds, so I’m clearly an easy mark for whatever she’s planning.

Anyway, while at the store Dana said that while she was putting it together, she was pondering what flavor a Batman cake should actually should be. She decided on chocolate, but I told her a Batcake could only have the flavor of justice. (You know, whatever that tastes like. Probably something with blueberries.)

There were some nice little character pieces drawn on the back covers of a lot of these DC digests, and I think I’ll write a little more on them when I’m a bit more recovered. But in the meantime, seriously — Spectre Vs. Dinosaur:

Anyway, the other day we had a large collection of 1980s Archie comics dumped on us, including a whole lot of black and white Archie reprint magazines and digests produced for the Australian market. Sorting through the piles, at first it looked like the publisher just made up a new title for each individual reprint book they published, simply because there were so many different titles, but further investigation revealed that that at there were multiple issues released under at least a few of these banners. But, man, there are just so many. I don’t even think Richie Rich had this many different series in the U.S. over so relatively short a period.

Anyway, here are a few samples of some of the Archie digests (which, unlike the squarebound American Archie digests, are staplebound).

This title feels almost like a Peanuts paperback title: Let’s Hear It for You, Charlie Brown.

Okay, whoever was making up titles for Archie’s Australian editions was apparently at the end of his work day when this one came up.

“Once upon a time there were two beautiful girls who attended Riverdale High School, and they were each assigned very difficult schoolwork. But I took them away from all that and now they pine for me. My name is Archie.”

“Enjoy Archie!” “Well, you know, I kinda like Archie, but don’t really enj….” “ENJOY ARCHIE, or ELSE.” “Geez, okay, fine, here…I’m enjoying Archie, okay? Wheeee.”

Okay, that’s not really making up a new title so much as just adding a different modifier to it. Nighttime Fun with Archie. Driving Fun with Archie. Fantastical Fun with Archie. Ooh, hey, Australian Fun with Archie! Seems like a natural.

I suspect some metacommentary with this particular title. “Geez, just how many comics does this kid have? This goes on and on.” “Hey, there’s our new title!” “Oh, man.”

Madcap Archie (mad? Why, he’s downright wacky!)
Incredible Archie and Spectacular Archie (sadly no Uncanny Archie or Invincible Archie)
Archie Amusement (“bring me the one called Archie…he amuses me”)
Always Archie (it certainly seems like it)
A Date with Archie (this sounds like it should be a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book, for some reason…”Archie pulls up in his jalopy. If you decide to bail out now, turn to page 23″)
Archie’s Charm (I suspect this title is being ironic)
Archie Action (not as dirty as it sounds)
It’s Archie! (aaah! Look out!)
Archie Again (you can almost feel the lack of caring in this title)
Go Archie (g’wan, get out of here)
All Out with Archie (I like this title a lot)
Forever Archie (it certainly seems like…oh, wait, I said that earlier)
Archie’s Pin-Up Parade (NOTE: contains no pin-ups)
Archie’s Antics (Archie gives tips on using your Atari 800. …Okay, some jokes are just for me, I’m sorry)
Archie’s Triumphs (the thinnest Archie comic ever)

• American Vampire #1 – New comic that Stephen King’s involved with somehow. Didn’t order large numbers, since King’s comic marketplace pull reached diminishing returns in very short order. (Though I do like them myself, but I’m an easy mark for King-related work. Who saw Maximum Overdrive, Cat’s Eye and Creepshow 2 in the theatre? This guy.)
• Brave and the Bold #32 – Team-up between Aquaman and the Demon. …Okay, you have me, let’s see what you got, comic. I know it’s going to be heavyhanded and kind of dopey, but so far B&B has been keeping me entertained. Probably for all the wrong reasons, but entertained none the less.
• Green Arrow #31 – Pondered a bit over order numbers on this, since this is the “new direction” for GA. Sales on this series had been pretty abysmal, but the price is dropping to $2.99 and it’s picking up plotlines from Cry for Justice — a comic that, despite internet outrage, sold pretty well for us. Ended up ordering about double what we usually get, and we’ll put in an immediate reorder if it looks like it’s flying off the shelves.
• Green Hornet: Year One #1 – Speaking of things that aren’t selling as expected…well, the first issue of the regular series didn’t exactly fly off the stands when it first came out. But, as time has gone on, and word has apparently gotten out, we’ve had a few more bites. A handful of people each needing to buy one apiece of all the variant covers helps, but it looks like future issues will probably drop down to single digit sales for us, like the rest of Dynamite’s licensed books. Maybe as the movie approaches release we’ll see an upswing in interest.
• Green Lantern Corps #46 – This “Blackest Night” crossover is still like printing money. I figured fatigue would have set in among our customers by now, but sales haven’t flagged in the slightest. I suspect that’ll hit a few weeks into the biweekly Brightest Day series.
• Hit-Monkey#1 2nd printing – The first print of this comic was kind of a surprise seller for us. A rare instance of a 2nd printing from Marvel that’ll actually come in handy.
• Hulk #21/Incredible Hulk #608 – Both in the same week, huh? Couldn’t space ’em out a bit? I’m going to buy ’em both, since Hulk is one of (well, okay, two of) those series I always buy. But still.
• Jughead #200 – Oh, good gravy, it’s up to issue #200 already? It seems like just yesterday they were starting the series over. Oh, Juggie, you misogynistic binge-eater!
• Muppet King Arthur #3 and Muppet Show #3 – Like the Hulk books, I wish these were spaced out a bit, but these are still great comics, regardless of release schedule.
• Siege #3 – Marvel’s latest crossover event started up with a big fizzle for us, but picked up steam in the last month or so. Lots of requests for issues #1 and #2 in anticipation of #3.
• Star Trek Movie Adaptation #2 – Still kind of amazed they’re doing this now. The purpose of comic book movie adaptations is pretty much lost nowadays, given that you can get the actual movie for the price (or less) of the adaptation, usually within a few months of the film leaving the theatres. This ain’t the ’50s anymore.
• Superman Eighty-Page Giant #1 – Okay, maybe I can give you a pass on the previous Superman 80-pagers from the ’60s. But there were three issues of a previous Superman 80-page series only about 10 years ago. Why isn’t this #4? (And don’t get me started on the Uncanny X-Men Annual situation.)
• Time Lincoln – Only took Antarctic Press 26 years, but they finally published something I might want to read:
  
  That’s a fine cover. Yessirree. (And I don’t mean to be harsh on Antarctic…I mean, bless ’em for sticking it out for so long. Just I’ve never seen anything from them that’s ever grabbed my attention. Sorry, can’t be interested in everything!) (I’m not even sure about Time Lincoln yet, since all I’ve seen is the cover.) (And if you’ll forgive another parenthetical aside, that cover has a bit of a Rick Veitch-y feel to it, don’t you think? The Maximortal-ish logo certainly helps. Probably why it appeals so much to me.)
• Uncle Scrooge #389 – An actual conversation I had with a customer about the current Uncle Scrooge series:

  Customer: “I don’t like this new Uncle Scrooge. It’s too much of a kiddie comic.”

  Me: “Errr….”

• X-Factor Forever #1 – In the tradition of X-Men Forever #1, X-Factor Forever picks up from where the X-Factor continuity left off a decade or so ago, and continues from there outside of the regular Marvel Comics universe.

  …

  Uh huh. When I can get Man-Thing Forever, where Michael Fleisher picks up from his storylines in Man-Thing volume 2, before Chris Claremont took over, let me know.

…and griping about their employees:

“I’ll drink to that, J. Jonah!”