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from Planet of the Apes #3 (Dec. 1974)
by Doug Moench, George Tuska & Mike Esposito

Okay, that doesn’t look much like him, but it’s close enough. You all know the scene, anyway.

So long, Charlton. Didn’t always agree with you, but you were in Planet of the Apes, Ben Hur, and The Ten Commandments, and you were game enough to make an irony-laden cameo in the Planet of the Apes remake, so thank you at least for those.

I also cut out the name of the winner because, well, who knows how he’d feel about this now:

from Shadowman #42 (Nov. 1995)

The second page features the runner-up Shadowman rap, which begins thusly:

“Comin’ to ya live from the Big Easy

The sun goes down and he gets a little queasy

His blood starts flowin’, he starts throwin’

Thugs to the ground as his chest starts glowin’“

Silly, sure, but I think I like these more than the poems from Sandman‘s letter pages.

To repeat: SHADOWMAN RAP CONTEST. The world is large enough to contain even this.

Since I may have confused one or two people yesterday, here’s the source image for that post:

That was DC’s “characters that have been around for a while may actually be alien infiltrators” mini-series from a few years ago. I’d been meaning to do that mash-up ad for a while now, and I guess the day after the new “alien infiltration” series Secre Invasion came out was as good of a time as any.

Secret Invasion seems to be selling well so far…not with the frenzy that Civil War did, but it’s doing okay. As long as it avoids 1) scheduling issues that drag the whole main Marvel publishing line down with it, and 2) Clone Thor, it should go well. Not that those two points ultimately affected Civil War much at all, other than annoying retailers and fans (but not to the point where they stopped reading or cut orders). I’m also wondering how any real world coverage (if any) is going to work out…though I suspect Kevin is right on the mark.

One side thing to the Secret Invasion is the “random” Skrull variants for various Marvel titles. This week Young X-Men and New Exiles had these variants, which were just the regular covers with one of the characters given a green face (and arm, in the case of the Exiles book). And next week Spider-Girl is supposed to have a Skrull variant as well. These variants are apparently inserted into the orders randomly, with no particular ratio of regular cover versus Skrull cover, and as variants go, they’re…not really impressing the customers all that much. It’s just a little green ink on an otherwise “normal” cover…everyone just thinks it’s silly. (As opposed to the deadly-serious 1/500 glow in the dark sketch covers, but let’s not get into that.)

Anyway, didn’t buy it. Bought this, though:

Many Happy Returns features a new Crossfire story by Mark Evanier and Dan Spiegle, new installments of Licensable Bear™, and, best of all, a new Journey short by William Messner-Loebs! There are a couple of other short strips rounding out the book that didn’t do a whole lot for me, but your mileage may vary, as they say. But, really, Crossfire, Licensable Bear™ and new freakin’ Journey should be enough to get you to part with your hard-earned coins.

And in the interest of full disclosure…yes, I’ve known publisher Nat for some time, and like him quite a bit, so I may be biased, but c’mon. New Journey, man! And we can apparently look forward to collections of old Journey material from IDW in the near future.

Can you tell I liked Journey? Boy, did I enjoy that series.

Still going through the Box of Misfit Variant Covers that I talked about last week, scanning ‘n’ prepping them for sale in the eBay store. And seeing these two comics in the box reminded me of how immensely popular these titles once were:

Dark Minds and Warlands were strong, popular sellers, at least for a while, and it seemed like every time you turned around, there was some new tie-in/crossover/mini-series popping up related to one or the other. And there were about a million variant covers pumped out in association with these series as well. Okay, maybe I exaggerate slightly.

Here’s the Warlands “Dynamic Forces Exclusive Alternate Canadian Cover,” only 2,500 printed:

Hope all you Canadians out there enjoyed that. Sorry for the crooked scan.

This next variant is…well, it’s appallingly ugly, frankly:

The appeal of a variant (aside from any alleged “scarcity”) would be, I’m assuming, a compelling alternate cover image that far outshines the non-exclusive, non-variant cover that all the common folk would own. While the original covers for the above series are no great shakes, that variant is just plain yucky. And maybe that Dynamic Forces logo could have been a bit bigger.

It had a print run of 2,000 copies. I wonder how many of them made it into customers’ hands?

This next variant isn’t from the box of old variants, but is instead from last week’s release of Army of Darkness/Xena #1:

Dynamite Entertainment sure likes its variants. Most of their comics have a set of multiple covers that comprise the regular print run…if there are two covers, the run is split 50/50, four covers 25/25/25/25, etc. So those variants are usually easy to find. In addition to that, there are the “virgin” variants (cover art sans any cover text or logos), and then there is the “negative” variant, with the colors inverted, as above. These are doled out based on orders, like 1 for every 25 or 50 or what have you. I understand the appeal of the virgin covers, but the negative covers? They don’t do anything for me. Do people like how those look, or are they just being bought because “they might be worth money someday?”

Who knows? But they do occasionally sell at the shop, and what doesn’t move at the shop, I try to move in the eBay store, which is why AoD/Xena is going up with the Dynamic Forces stuff. Better to try to find a customer somewhere for it now, while interest is up, rather than waiting ten years and trying to find a home for, oh, say, Demonslayer.

Speaking of which…that Nine Rings of the Wu-Tang comic I was listing last week? Sold it. Almost immediately. Luckily I have more copies of that very comic to relist.

“Luckily.” Sigh.

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In other news:

• Jim at Comics Bulletin has a list of 20 recently-released Marvel ‘n’ DC books, and wants you to pick your favorites.
• Pal Dorian posted some remixed propaganda posters for the comics weblogging community…and the granddaddy of comics bloggers, Neilalien, was inspired to post his own. BEHOLD.
• Have I mentioned The Daily Batman yet? That’s a Batman every day, baby…what more can you wish for? Well, you can ask for wealth and power, but wish in one hand, The Daily Batman in the other, and see which one piles up first.

Ernie Bushmiller sure was fond of using the “yippee” variant name for hippies. Actually, it does makes being a hippie sound like more fun. “Yippee! We’re counterculture! Well, turn it up, man!”

Er, anyway.

I was just going to leave it at that and take the day off, but here’s a couple of things to lay on you to close out my week:

• We were talking about the Owly books, and it was brought up how overwhelmingly sad they could be.

  I suggested that they could be even more depressing, like, oh, say, Owly’s little pal Wormy goes out to play in the rain, but the rain suddenly stops and Wormy finds himself stuck on a sidewalk, exposed to the sun as the clouds part, and he slowly dries out through the rest of the day. Or maybe Owly goes on a trip into the forest with his mouse friends, but they get lost, and eventually, a starving Owly starts eating the mice one by one, secretly, whenever all the other mice have their backs turned, or something.

  And then I said that maybe the characters in the Owly books look like they’re crying all the time because their ginormous eyes require constant excessive lubrication.

  This is what happens at the shop when I’m given a moment to think.

• Sales suddenly bumped upward on Daredevil, She-Hulk, and Utimate Spider-Man, causing us to sell out. We never sell out of Ultimate Spider-Man. Hmph.

  However, the new, guest-starless Power Pack mini doesn’t seem to be moving. Not that any of the previous Power Pack series were big sellers, but having co-stars (Incredible Hulk / Power Pack) did help get a few copies out the door. Power Pack sans super-pals…not so exciting to the general public, I suppose. May be a good seller to kids long term, particularly once the series is collected into a digest.

• And now…the rocking-est YouTube music video…EVER.

I don’t know…the Blackhawks’ “HAWK-AAAA!!!” battle cry just sorta sounds silly to me, once you hear it in action, as opposed to just reading it on the page:

“HAWK-AAAA!”
Or, as the subtitles have it:

“Hawk! Ah!”
Also, Larry “Negative Man” Trainor cameo!

“NEGA-TIIIIIIVE!”
I haven’t watched the “History of the Justice League” documentary yet, but I did watch the preview for the forthcoming Batman: Gotham Knight animated feature. Amusing that long-neglected Batman co-creator Bill Finger gets mentioned in this short, and the other guy, the one that usually gets all the credit, doesn’t get mentioned once.

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The family of Superman co-creator Jerry Siegel was awarded ownership of the copyright to the Superman material in Action Comics #1. Read that post and the associated FAQ for more info.

So I’ve had a box of old Dynamic Forces comics that have sort of…accumulated over the years, which I’ve been going through, scanning, and slapping up on the eBay store. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, which will be about 0.0001% of you, I realize, comics from Dynamic Forces are usually variant covers or signed editions or both, sealed inside a comic bag with a foil Dynamic Forces sticker, and accompanied by a Certificate of Authenticity. The certificates generally indicate the print run (or number of signed editions) of the comics in question, and in the case of the above comic, there were apparently 10,000 of the variant covers printed.

Lionheart, published by Awesome Comics, was released in late ’99. I only barely remember it myself, but according to the Grand Comic Book Database, there were only a couple of issues. I wonder what the print run of the regular Lionheart #1 was? It was the late ’90s, the market was still feeling the effects of the huge crash from earlier in the decade, so I don’t think print runs on most indie books were too terribly large. I don’t believe there were more of the “variant” edition than of the regular edition in this case, but I’m guessing there wasn’t as much of a difference in print runs as one might expect. At any rate, a “limited edition” of 10,000 copies at the time, particularly for this title, pretty much meant that anyone who wanted one of them probably was able to get one.

And that had me thinking just how “rare” and “limited” the Wizard World variant of Hulk #1 was, since when we picked up our badges at the admissions table, there were enormous stacks of the books sitting on the counters, and I could see WW employees hauling out more stacks to restock. I suppose a number of them were damaged or tossed, but most were almost certainly carefully handled and saved for their “collectiblity.” They’ll probably be common around here, but will likely be in more demand in areas outside the radius of a tactical Wizard World strike. (Much in the same way that, many years ago, Carla‘s place of employment, north of us, had a signing or two with the creative team responsible for Marvel’s Beavis & Butthead comic…and for quite a while after that, it seemed like every collection we took a look at had an autographed B&B book.)

Anyway, here’s another comic from our box o’ unloved Dynamic Forces books:

Yes, the “European Sketch” edition. This variant amuses me for no reason I can easily explain.

And we actually managed to sell one of these right away:

Remember when that comic was kinda/sorta a big deal? When was the last time you even thought about the Wu-Tang comic book? I mean, unless you’re Sims, who’s probably thought about it three or four times this morning.

Say goodbye to civilization, as the end edges closer, ever closer, with each month that passes. So let’s look at pictures and make fun of things! Oh, and take bets on which entry is gonna stick in someone’s craw this time. Remember, it’s all in fun, folks. Whip out your copy of Diamond Previews, April 2008 edition, and follow along! (As always, previous installments are in the sidebar, somewhere.)

p. 98 – Showcase Presents The House of Secrets Vol. 1 TP:

Here comes copy #11 of the first Swamp Thing story for my collection.

p. 303 – The Transformers Spotlight: Wheelie:

Not sure what that CD image is about — I’m assuming it’s from a variant cover or something, and not an actual CD, which is a shame. Who wouldn’t want to hear a rapping Transformer? Don’t you lie to me, I know you do. (The sticker says that the CD includes the smash hit “Decepticon’s Paradise (Soundwave Remix)”.)

p. 400 – Comic Books: How the Industry Works SC:

Short version on how the industry works: only just barely.

p. 404 – Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy SC:

Now it seems like every time there’s a TV show with a bit of a cult following, one of those “The Philosophy of…” books pops up, tying characters and events from the series to the Big Questions, or even the Little Questions, of life. Given that there tends to be overlap of events/character types among all these different series, I wonder if there’s some formula somewhere where you can simply swap out names in the same basic essays. “(Spock/Data/The Doctor/Number Six/T’Ealc/Mork) represents our own occasional confusion and inability to understand the behavior of those around us, as well as symbolizing our desires to work in concert with society….”)

p. 404 – The Encyclopedia Shatnerica:

I used to say that all you ever needed to know about human nature, you could find in the complete works of Shakespeare and the complete collection of the Peanuts comic strip.

I was wrong.

p. 415 – Alien 16-Month 2009 Wall Calendar:

First, holy crap, 2009 already? Second, there’s something comfortably nostalgic about a freakin’ Alien calendar. It’s like I’m ten years old again, seeing that in the catalog.

p. 416 – Chuck Norris Facts 16-Month Wall Calendar:

Has the added use of being able to mark off the days since the “Chuck Norris Facts” fad was officially, completely, totally over.

p. 443 – Comics Code Authority T-Shirts:

Celebrate the caving of an industry, as it subjected itself to self-censorship to avoid government intervention while simultaneously targeting the best publisher it had.

By the way, I’m totally a hypocrite, because I’m so buying one of these.

p. 443 – Madman Playset:

“Graphitti Designs has gone totally bonkers and are offering for the first time-ever, the Madman: Two Trilogies Ltd. Edition Hardcover Book (signed by creator Mike Allred) together with one of our 8″ ultra-cool Madman Action Figure, to create the Madman Playset.”

Hmm. Some playset. “Wheee! I’m Madman! And I’m fighting a, um, a giant…book.” “Wheee! Madman’s running through the city, and looming in the background is, is…a giant book.”

p. 445 – Ninja Straw Hat:

Good for wearing at anime conventions…aaaaaand that’s pretty much it.

p. 445 – Japanese Keyboard Grey T-Shirt:

Attention any female ladies of the girl persuasion: I suspect wearing this t-shirt around horny fanboys is going to lead to lots of allegedly “funny” attempted interactions with your breasticalogical region. “Ha ha, I’m going to hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE on y…” he might manage to say, before you plant a boot in his please-don’t-hit-with-a-boot region.

p. 458 – Batman Dark Knight Batpod:

It’s heartening to see that cutting edge 1970s Evel Knievel stuntcycle toy handcranking power is being reintroduced to a new generation.

p. 460 – Cult Classics Series 7: “The Exorcist” Regan Action Figure:

The image reads “NOT FINAL,” as you probably see there, but I’m not sure what more needs to be done since that pic looks…remarkably disturbing. Maybe it can be motorized. And have sound chips. And ooze blood. And have needles that randomly jab out of the base.

p. 476 – A.I.M. Agent Mini-Bust Twin Pack:

I’m imagining a guy, constantly put upon at work, who comes home to his two A.I.M. Agent busts and takes out his daily frustrations by yelling at his “henchmen.” And then he makes fun of them because they have no peripheral vision.

p. 480 – Battlestar Galactica Battle Damaged Galactica Statue:

“You wanted to see me, boss?”

“Yes, please, step into my office, Sapstein. Now, our Battlestar Galactica statue sales seem to have dried up, and we still have a large stock of them left. Any ideas what we can do to spur sales?”

“Hmmm…I have an idea.” (grabs a BG statue, smacks it against edge of the desk) “There…now it’s a battle-damaged Galactica! A totally different statue from the plain ol’ non-battle-damaged Galactica statue!”

“Brilliant, Sapstein! Put yourself down for a raise!”

p. 502 – Air Gear Sif Ex Ringo “Hentai Version” PVC figure:

Since there was some question as to whether we knew what some people might do to one of these statues…believe you me, I’m fully aware that, at some point, there will be a buyer of this figurine who’s gonna touch it all over with his Little Tetsuo.

p. 508 – Neon Genesis Evangelion Israfel Angel Soft Vinyl Figures:

“Hey, Bob?”

“Yeah?”

“Leave the hanger in your shirt again?”

“Yup. You too?”

“Sure seems that way.”

p. 508 – Neon Genesis Evangelion Eva Unit-01 Soft Vinyl Figure:

Somehow I feel this ad misses the pont of “advertising your product.”

p. 515 – Star Wars “Vader Was Framed” Poster:

No, I’m pretty sure Vader was Space Hitler. And he killed younglings. Younglings! You’re just gonna hang this on your wall and pretend none of that happened?

p. 522 – Iron Man Head Pewter Keyring:

The solicitation reads “concept art shown,” so hopefully the final product will actually look something like Iron Man’s head.

p. 527 – Serenity Mal Reynolds Stunt Pistol Replica:

It’s the sci-fi version of the Buffy stake replica in its almost painful pointlessness.

p. 527 – Mana Energy Potion:

Energy drinks, in fantasy gaming-style potion bottles. Not that the gamers I know need the additional encouragement to drink energy drinks. Maybe if they sold, I don’t know, milk in these things. Or Scope.

(IT’S A JOKE, SON, RELAX.)

p. 528 – Elvis Talking Giant Pez:

“No mere PEZ dispensers, these giant Elvis PEZ dispensers capture the King of Rock’n’Roll with his 70’s style, complete with voice clips! The regular edition features 30 seconds of sound clips from the Elvis Collection, while the Limited Edition has 2 full minutes of song clips – including ‘The Wonder of You,’ ‘An American Trilogy,’ and more….”

That’s it. It’s official. Science has gone too far, too far. There can be no greater indicator of the End of Civilization than th….

p. 529 – Simpsons Homer Talking BBQ Fork:

…Whoops, spoke too soon.

Cracker Jack ad, 1955

So a while back, someone got the idea to strip Garfield comic strips of Garfield’s word balloons, and without that counterbalance, or interaction, Garfield’s owner Jon was made to appear (well, more so than usual) as a pathetic and bitter old crank who constantly rants at his pet cat.

And then someone took it a step further, and removed Garfield entirely, making Jon even more depressingly pathetic.

Well, I’m going to take the next obvious step, and remove not just Garfield and his thought balloons, but Jon, Odie, the rest of the supporting cast, the backgrounds, the copyright notices, Jim Davis’ pasted-in signature, the whole shebang.

And BEHOLD…GARFIELD MINUS EVERYTHING:

And for you purists…GARFIELD MINUS EVERYTHING, EVEN THE PANEL BORDERS:

ENJOY THE BRILLIANCE.