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IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST.

Go read the entire issue of The Unicorn Kings #1 here.

Okay, so I’ve been kind of tired and cranky the last two or three days, what with the moving and the no sleep and feeling my age and so on and so forth…and my posts here have shown it. So, let me try to focus on what’s important here on my weblog: why I love comics. And one of those reasons I love comics is this dingbat (blown up several times actual size) Marvel Comics used to use at the ends of the stories and articles in their 1970s Planet of the Apes black and white magazine:

Man, when you saw one of those, you knew that story was finished.

So apparently the covers on Justice make it invisible, since I’d had several people over the last couple of days look right at it on the rack while asking me where it is. I’ve had to resort to making a shelftag to draw people’s attention to it.

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So pal Dorian and I were discussing the other day how the appeal of Scott Pilgrim and Sharkknife, widely praised on the internet, seems to be lost on us. I can sorta see how people would like them, but they really don’t seem to engage me on any level. Of course, the target audience for both books appears to be about twenty years younger than me, which may be part of the problem. I don’t like the idea that I may be too old for the “new cool” comics, but, well, tempus has fugited and all that.

Yeah, I know, “go to bed, old man!”

From the back cover:

WARNING

This is a book like no other you have ever read – a new and altogether unprecedented initiation into the deepest, darkest sources of Evil Incarnate – the most primitive urges and primeval passions of man..

It is a supreme reading experience in the realm of occult fascinaction, temptation and torment – a work of terrifying beauty and exultant horror – not meant for the faint of heart of the immature of mind..

Can’t you just see a “COMING FROM AVATAR PRESS THIS CHRISTMAS” on this?

Don’t worry, I don’t have any more Howard the Duck movie talk in me.

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Yesterday:

Pal Dorian: “Why did Marvel release this new New Avengers: Breakout book in hardcover?”

Me: “Because that’s what DC does.”

Dor: “And why did they put that recent Captain America storyline in a hardcover?”

Me: “Because that’s what DC does.”

And then I started going on a rant about how DC seems to go into things with some forethought and planning, whereas Marvel just does whatever seems to be making money for DC. For example, DC tends to reprint recent comics for which there is some measure of demand, such as Wonder Woman #219 (the end of the Superman “Sacrifice” storyline, and a tie-in to Omac Project). Marvel just seems to reprint books just to get retailers to order more of the same book, regardless of demand…why did we need a “variant cover edition” reprint of that one issue of Captain America, for example? Was there really a huge demand for it? And why not a reprint for Strange #1, which we probably could have used, and might have helped us sell later issues in the series (some of which ended up stinking up the shelves).

And then there’s DC’s recent deluge of crossover mini-series, all of which are in service to a particular editorial direction, with the apparent goal of creating a more cohesive DC universe. (Whether any of you actually like what DC is doing is another matter entirely.) Marvel’s House of M appears to be leading into another mini-series, and then, if I recall correctly, into another mini-series after that, and I’m not sure what the purpose is other than to get Spider-Man and Wolverine into more comics. Oh, and bring back Hawkeye, I guess. And “break the internet in half,” to repeat the phrase we’re all tired of by now.

And let’s not get started on the respective trade paperback programs (DC releases books in a particular order, on a particular schedule, whereas Marvel cranks out the trades before the ink is even dry on the last issue the book is reprinting, and I swear for a while, Marvel was just numbering their trades at random).

So things haven’t changed much since Martin Goodman told Stan Lee to make up a new superhero comic, like that Justice League of America book DC was doing…I guess that’s the completely new and original point I’m making. At any rate, that sort of gives you an idea of what goes through my head as I’m breaking down the Diamond shipment for new comics day. Hatred and contempt, mostly.

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Not that DC is perfect…I really could have used a quick reprint of Space Ghost #1. That might have helped move the later shelf-warming issues to people who didn’t want to buy the rest of the series unless they could get the beginning.

from Howard the Duck: The Movie #3 (Feb 1987) by Danny Fingeroth & Kyle Baker

I saw Howard the Duck on opening night with my pal Matt…the theatre we were at had a kiosk of HTD t-shirts for sale in the lobby (and perhaps other merchandise as well…it’s been a while, and I don’t recall, and I only remember the t-shirt because, well, I’m not saying I bought one….).

I figured it was a bad sign when I noticed that my pal Matt and I comprised about 1/4 of the audience in attendance at that particular showing. I left the theatre thinking, somewhat surprisingly I suppose, that it wasn’t all bad. The first half of the film, with Howard adjusting to this new world and developing his friendship with Beverly, wasn’t terrible. There was the very occasional flash of a slip of a shadow of a wisp of the comics version of Howard, at least, though that disappeared entirely in the film’s “chase scene/exploding things” second half.

Upon watching the film again, I was most taken with the number of scenes that left me wondering how the actors were willing to put up with the dialogue they were given (other than “the check cleared” and “I’m working on a George Lucas movie!”)

The only real tragedy of this film is that it’s now an uphill battle to convince people the original comics were actually very good. It’s been less of a battle lately, judging by the extremely positive response to Marvel’s Essential Howard the Duck reprint volume, but still, I bet we have quite a while to go before the Howard comics shake the ghost of the Howard movie.

Additional linkage:

Space.com: “Howard the Duck, Really That Fowl?”

The Howard the Duck movie poster.

I must have this soundtrack.

Get your copy of the novelization starting at only $0.01! The novelization isn’t that bad, as I recall…better than the movie, anyway.

Every single one of these HTD DVDs is a bootleg. But what I wouldn’t give for an official release, with the original trailer (sort of a “behind the scenes”-type preview, with actors talking about what is was like working with Howard).

The Badmovieplanet.com review. (Why did the police arrest Phil?)

“Lucas Working on Howard the Duck Begins.” Oh, if only it were true…but if you were to go to this Digital Bits archive page and look under 3/11/04, you would find a zipped sound file of George Lucas semi-joking with Robin Williams about a Howard the Duck: Special Edition!

Some enterprising individual has put together a video game based on the film.

And never forget: Steve Gerber – the one, true creator of Howard the Duck.

It’s still a quarter past 11 in the evening where I’m at, so this counts as a daily post, gosh darn it! I’ve been moving furniture, appliances, clothing, comics, and who knows what else all day…not to mention waiting around for the cable guy to arrive and fix the one cable outlet in the house that didn’t seem to work, the one that (of course) I wanted the most. And, sometime during the day, I found myself watching the Howard the Duck movie in its entirety. Boy, that’s not a good movie. But it does have Lea Thompson at her most 80s-licious, so it ain’t all bad.

Oh, and despite being extraordinarily careful while transporting my computer, somehow I managed to bump something the wrong way, and it took me most of the day to get it working. I’m still afraid to shut it down in case I have to go through the whole voodoo ritual I needed to do to get it running again.

Anyway, enough about me…let’s talk about me! The latest installment of “Mike Sterling’s Behind the Counter” is up at the new Comic Book Galaxy. Enjoy, won’t you?

Okay, remember how a few days ago I said I’d have some shorter daily posts? Here’s one of them. I’m nearly moved in, and soon everything should be back to normal, despite some of the usual (and not so usual) new house problems that are turning up (like, for example, a switch in the downstairs bedroom working lights both in that bedroom and in the master bedroom upstairs…wha–?). Plus, I still need to transfer the vast Mikester Comic Archives to its new home, and I’ll need to supervise the fleet of cargo trucks necessary to accomplish this task.

So, since I haven’t had much internet access lately (save for me mooching off the store’s account, like I’m doin’ now)…what’s been going on? I mean, aside from folks suddenly getting excited over that “quiet or papa spank” panel that pal Dorian had shown us over a year ago.

“Hey, Mike, didn’t you say you were gonna have shorter posts for a while?”

Yeah, yeah, I know. Well, the moving process is in full swing now, so for today I thought I’d reprint something I did for the benefit of some internet (and real life) pals in those long-ago pre-Progressive Ruin years. Basically, I took a bunch of comic-book related questions from some good folk (including pals Corey, Reid, Kurt, Kevin, and Dorian) and proceeded to give several snide and mean-spirted answers to them.

I’d actually meant to run these on this site before, shortly after I started doing this weblog. If I recall correctly, someone else out there was doing some kind of “comic book glossary” or something similar at the time, and I didn’t want to look Mr. Copy McCatter.

So, without further ado…and please, don’t take any of these personally. I was just being a jerk on purpose (as opposed to inadvertantly being a jerk, as usual). A couple of the answers may be a bit out of date, too.

WHO IS KYLE RAYNER?

— The new Green Lantern that nobody liked until Grant Morrison started writing him in JLA.

WHAT WAS “THE SPIDER-CLONE SAGA?”

— The death-knell of Spider-Man in comics. Luckily he lives on in movies, TV, and toys.

WHO IS THE SCARLET SPIDER?

— He was Peter Parker, who thought he was a clone of the original Peter Parker, who called himself Ben Reilly after coming out of hiding, but then it was revealed that the Peter that had been in the comics all this time in fact really was the real Peter Parker, and reclaimed the Spider-Man identity, and Reilly became Scarlet Spider, I think, I really don’t remember, because even though it was all interesting when it started, after TWO F’ING YEARS it got to be a bit much.

WHERE IS BATTLE CHASERS?

— On the trash heap along with countless other Image/Wildstorm comics that started big then vanished when their creators got bored. (i.e. right there next to “Soul Saga”)

DIDN’T AUNT MAY DIE?

— No, it was an actress who took the place of Aunt May, somehow deceiving her nephew who had lived with her pretty much all his life.

WHAT IS IMAGE COMICS?

— A company started by oppressed Marvel Comics artists who wanted their own stable of artists to oppress.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HAL JORDAN?

— Nothing good.

WHERE DID THE WEST COAST AVENGERS GO?

— Most of ’em went to Force Works, based in Ventura, CA, apparently by the giant waterfall. You know, the giant waterfall everyone in Ventura likes to go see. Yeah, that one.

WHAT WAS THE “DAY OF JUDGMENT?”

— A DC Comics crossover series designed to bring back Hal Jordan, but not in a way anyone wanted.

WHAT HAPPENED TO DONNA TROY?

— Retconned, retconned, retconned, killed.

WHY DID CH’P DIE?

— Because Gerard Jones hates you.

WHAT WAS THE LAST ISSUE OF MARVEL’S STAR WARS SERIES LIKE?

— Long, badly printed with the never-perfected Flexograph method, and currently way overpriced.

WHO IS SPEEDBALL?

— The superhero who killed John Belushi.

HOW DID ARKKIS CHUMMICK DIE?

— He died while being drawn by Gil Kane, which is the only way to go.

WHAT WAS “THE DEATH OF CLARK KENT?”

— What should have been final proof to DC that you can’t catch lightning in a bottle twice.

WHY DOES SWAMP THING SUCK SO MUCH?

— Ask your mom, she’s the expert on s…oh, never mind.

WHAT IS THE CROW?

— A comic book that has a popularity level inversely proportionate to its quality. Popular with people who cut themselves.

WHY DID RON PERELMAN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH COMICS?

— Money. Lots of it. Big ol’ barrels of it. At least for a while.

WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH THE SUPERFRIENDS CARTOON?

— Well, it had Alex Toth on storyboards, but somehow, between the storyboarding and the actual animation, all the good was sucked out.

WHO WERE THOSE TWINS ON THE SUPERFRIENDS?

— Zan and Jayna. Or Jan and Zayna. Hell, I don’t know. They were from space, one could change into water, the other could change into an animal, and somehow Hanna-Barbara thought we’d rather see that than, say, Superman kicking ass. They’re currently appearing as occasional bumpers on Adult Swim.

WHAT WAS THE RED/BLUE SUPERMAN?

— Another classic Silver Age Superman story plundered for a modern Superman comic storyline that went on too long.

WHAT WAS UP WITH BANE/AZRAEL?

— Bane was apparently an attempt at getting Batman a Mexican wrestler for a super-villain, and Azrael started out as an attempt to show readers how unpleasant a more brutal Batman could be, and ended up with a series that ran much longer than sales warranted.

WHAT IS CAPTAIN CARROT?

— DC Comics’ attempt at creating a comic book series specifically designed to be licensed for animation. Unfortunately, Cartoon Network wasn’t invented yet.

WHAT ARE THE INVISIBLES?

— A cheap Matrix rip-off, if Grant Morrison was able to somehow travel backwards in time after seeing the first Matrix movie.

WHO IS JONAH HEX?

— A very peculiar old west hero published by DC Comics that, if he’d had any sense at all, would have cut off that stupid piece of flesh covering his mouth.

HOW MANY SWAMP THINGS HAVE THERE BEEN?

— Well, there was his first appearance in House of Secrets 92, then the 24-issue series that ran in the 70s, the 171-issue series (plus 6 annuals) that ran in the 80s & 90s, and that most recent series that ran 20 issues. Oh, and there was a Secret Files, and that “Roots” one-shot. So, I guess, 223 if you include the House of Secrets. Oh, are you counting reprints, too?

WHAT WAS ONSLAUGHT?

— A lame X-Men-centered crossover series that led into four Marvel titles being restarted and made worse than they were before. (“Avengers” recovered a year later, though.)

WHAT IS BATMAN?

— A rather basic, simplistic character that can’t possibly support a half-dozen monthly series, and yet that’s how many DC publishes.

WHAT IS LIBERTY MEADOWS?

— Bloom County with dirtier jokes. Nicely drawn, though.

WHAT IS FROM HELL?

— A massive graphic novel by Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell, discussing Jack the Ripper and Victorian society’s role in his formation, done in such detail that it would be a fool’s game to adapt it into a mov…huh? Really?

WHAT IS NINJA HIGH SCHOOL?

— Incomprehensible.

WHO IS ELEKTRA?

— A character that was better off dead.

WHO IS GEOFF JOHNS?

— A lucky, lucky S.O.B. (“he said jealously”).

WHO’S PAUL LEVITZ?

— Former publisher of “The Comics Reader” fanzine, who went on to pulp nearly an entire print run of the “Elseworlds 80 Page Giant” because of a story they ended up printing anyway.

WHAT WAS THE AGE OF APOCALYPSE?

— A series of mini-series that interrupted the regular X-Men continuity for no real good reason, although it still sells alarmingly well as a back issue. Even “Factor-X.”

WHAT IS MANGA?

— Cute girls in skirts fighting monsters, giant robots, or each other.

WHAT WAS WEB OF SPIDER-MAN?

— Mostly a waste of time, though some early issues had Peter David writing, and some Charles Vess work.

WHO IS ANARKY?

— Batman villain with a disturbingly long neck that somehow warranted a predictably short-lived series.

WHAT WAS KNIGHT’S END?

— DC’s version of Marvel’s Spider-Clone Saga…their attempt to drive away as many Batman readers as possible.

WHAT DOES THE “X” IN “X-MEN” STAND FOR?

— It’s the Roman numeral representation of approximately how many X-Men related titles are on the stands at any given time.

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY X-MEN BOOKS?

— Because Marvel doesn’t think the market’s been diluted enough.

IS OR IS NOT RIVERDALE A FREE LOVE ENCLAVE?

— Nothing’s free in Riverdale.