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Something I have that you (probably) don’t…a photo of “Morn” from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, autographed by the actor that portrayed him:

“To Mike – See you at Quark’s! Mark Allen Shepherd“

“What do you GUYS think…?”

“I’m sick of being the only chic on the comic Book Forums… so, why do you guys think girls aren’t into comics. There is no excuse why I should be the only one on KMC. I need a reason!”

“Who knows? Maybe because people think of comics as being silly and for children Then I just give them a copy of Watchmen and watch their jaws drop”

“Is it me or are qirls becominq frequently more attracted to nerd, qeek, non jock/frat type quy. I have noticed this to be popular occurence here at university. Is this just an isolated incidentl or unique to hiqher education, or is this a qlobal fad on the rise. I wanna hear from our females on this one.”

“90 % of the chicks in my school are too dumb to even think of reading a comic. Either that or they are to drunk”

“I’m just not sure a lot of books are written with the interests of girls in mind. This doesnt mean that they can’t enjoy them, it just means that the Marvel’s and DC’s of the world know where their cake comes from. There are just some elements of the conflict, the body images and small things like that which have been specifically designed to attract males for profit.”

“Oh, oh, i have met an butt load of chicks who like comics at my local comic shop.”

“More people would read comics if comic shops werent so…. A.) Dirty B.) Nerdy: Seriously some of the shops I go to even creep me out with the geekiness C.) Hard to find: Seriously Comic Shops are a dieing bread”

All images and quotes from Mouth2Mouth (September/October 1994) – Claudia Schiffer & Wolverine featured on the cover

“Show and T’elle: Elle Macpherson stands tall with X-Men Beast, Cyclops, Magneto and Gambit in the Danger Room at Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.”

“Never Let Him See You Sweat: The Incredible Hulk works Kate Moss as The Thing prepares to curl.”

“Arms and Dangerous: Bridget Hall out on the town with Iron Man.”

“Burnin’ Rubber: Naomi Campbell pops Ghost Rider’s clutch.”

So on Saturday, I was discussing with pal Dorian the fact that customers were asking me if the Tad Williams that wrote DC Comics’ The Next was the same as fantasy novelist Tad Williams. Well, yes, it is, but the very least DC could have done is slap “FROM THE BEST-SELLING FANTASY NOVELIST” across the cover.

As Dorian noted, most comic fans know that Marvel has a Stephen King comic book coming out (eventually), and Stephen King isn’t even writing it. That I have customers unsure if the Tad Williams in question is in fact the Tad Williams…well, that tells me that somewhere along the line, word didn’t sufficiently get out to comic fans. Maybe there were house ads and such…I don’t tend to pay a lot of attention to those, so I could have missed them. And were there any ads in places where it might grab the attention of new readers, like in fantasy or sci-fi mags? “Hey, like Tad Williams’ novels? Well, he’s writing a comic book….”

Also, and I’ve missed this since I’ve been staying away from comic book message boards lately (just for the sake of my own soul), Dor tells me that he saw someone apparently complaining that The Next is a ripoff of Marvel’s Nextwave, because 1) both are humorous, and 2) both have “next” in the title.

You have got to be kidding me.

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H at the Comic Treadmill reveals my first appearance in comics. He certainly makes a compelling argument.

On a related note, I find it so strange that I know have some sort of minor internet “renown” for being a Swamp Thing fan. Well, not “strange” as in “hmmm…how odd that people think I like Swamp Thing” — I know I may have brought up Swamp Thing once or twice on this site in the past. It’s just weird seeing my fondness for the character being discussed by folks all over the world.

Don’t get me wrong…I think it’s neat. It just surprises me to find other people talking about me and the things that I like (or dislike), especially considering that when I started this site, I figured it would be just me, Dorian, my dad, and a half-dozen other friends checking it out.

So anyway, thanks to all you folks for reading, and feel free to keep talking about me. I am my own favorite subject, after all.

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I’m sure the vast majority of you have seen it already, but I finally got around to watching The Amazing Screw-on Head pilot, based on Mike Mignola’s one-shot comic from a couple years back.

It’s amusing (not “hilarious,” as the Sci-Fi Channel description would have it, but weirdly offbeat), the animation is very close to Mignola’s style, and the voice work (particularly from David Hyde Pierce) is well-done. Not sure I need to see a regular series based on this, but the occasional one-off would be welcome.

“Our canine combatant’s roving brings him to a strange forest where he meets up with a child and a pack of benevolent wolves. Through this group, he discovers that the woods are under the protection of an ancient Elemental spirit. The ghost develops a fondness for the mutt of the martial arts, and the Littlest Ninja wonders if his wandering days are over. But just as he starts to settle into his new home, the local villagers start a Wolf Walk; a term used for a slash and burn method of wolf hunting. A confrontation between the magic forces of nature and the malignant force of man result. Also, look for a special guest appearance by a popular shogun assassin.”

(from World News #1 (1987), featuring solicitations for Eternity and Imperial Comics)

So at the shop on Thursday, I was filing away a copy of this issue of Alter Ego, which contained an extensive overview of Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway’s proposed and unproduced X-Men movie script from the mid-1980s. (Three words regarding that non-production: “dodged a bullet.”)

Anyway, employees Nathan and Aaron were unaware that an X-flick was being contemplated that early on, and we all briefly wondered which of the popular actors of that time could have been cast in this theoretical film.

Initially, I tried to stick to folks who popped up in John Hughes films:

First, I saw Jon Cryer as Cyclops…not for any particular reason other than it amused me to consider it. Plus, he’d probably be used to playing characters that have women troubles. (That whole Duckie/Pretty in Pink thing still burns, all these years later.)

For Nightcrawler, Anthony Michael Hall. You pretty much would just need to paint him blue, and he’d be ready to go.

As Jean Grey/Marvel Girl/Phoenix…Molly Ringwald. Okay, it’s primarily because she’s a redhead…I never said I was going to put a lot of thought into this. Besides, as employee Nathan pointed out, there are probably countless X-fans out there who would be overly pleased at seeing her in a Phoenix costume.

But then I started thinking about Wolverine? Who could be cast as that gruff ‘n’ surly clawed Canadian? Judd Nelson? Andrew McCarthy? No…neither of them felt right.

Suddenly, it came to me. I’d have to go outside the John Hughes oeuvre, but really, only one man in the ’80s could have pulled off Wolverine to absolute perfection, could have so fully conveyed the character’s conflict between his feral nature and his heroic impulses.

And that man…

…is Curtis Armstrong.

Yes, that’s right. Charles from Better Off Dead. Herbert from Moonlighting. And, most importantly, Booger from the Revenge of the Nerds saga.

Don’t deny it. You know I’m right.

So, do any of you folks have your own casting ideas for an ’80s-style X-Men movie? Feel free to leave them in the comments (EDIT 6/27/11: link goes to old Haloscan comments, which is why you’re not seein’ any down below).

But don’t bother trying to cast Wolverine. You ain’t gonna improve on my idea.

EDIT: Commenter Steven gives us some extra info about the ’80s X-Men project.

Wednesday was a day for odd things to happen at the store:

• A customer’s pet iguana, usually fairly mellow and content just to cling to said customer’s shirt, was instead particularly antsy and kept jumping off the customer and onto counters, shelves, etc. Leapin’ lizards! (No harm done, don’t worry.)
• I watched Nat draw an Elmo sketch for pal Ian on the back of his business card.
• …And pal Corey said to me “I don’t care what anyone thinks, but this Cyborg Superman Green Lantern cover rules.” To this, employee Aaron responded with a “Yeah! High five!” which was followed by Corey and Aaron indeed high-fiving.

  Upon seeing my reaction to this…incident, Corey, Aaron, and Corey’s brother Chad, who was also present, continued with exaggerated cheers and whoops over the Green Lantern cover, specifically to annoy me. The statement that makes up this post’s title came from Chad.

  Apparently our store became a frat when I wasn’t looking. TOGA PARTY AT COMIC HOUSE!

And now…some of this week’s new arrivals. Let’s see if I can manage not to start any arguments this time:

Ladies and gentlemen…Spider-Man’s ass:

“Um…Mr. Parker? I know you’re our teacher ‘n all, but…um, we’re really not comfortable with knowing whether or not you’re wearing any underwear.” (And I forget who mentioned this to me…it may have been pal Tom…but in that new costume, particularly in that pose, Spidey looks like Ant.)

Hero Squared #2 – It’s billed on the cover as the “All Therapy Issue,” and they ain’t kidding. Regular Milo and Superhero Milo try to work out their problems in an issue-long dialogue, which, in true Giffen/DeMatteis fashion, is alternately wacky and serious. Joe Abraham manages to keep the story visually interesting with telling expressions on the characters’ faces as they work through (or wallow in) their problems.

Dorothy #6 – We get the story of the Tin Man in this issue, told through his raster-lined memories. Compelling if bleak, but visually never anything less than absolutely beautiful. I say this every time I mention this comic, but I’m not big on the fumetti-style photo comics, but a lot of work was obviously put into this series’ presentation, and it sure comes through in the quality of the artwork.

Crisis on Infinite Earths Series One Repaints – Perhaps you may remember the quality control issues with the original run of these figures, and its ultimate fate. Well, they’ve been reissued with new paint jobs, and they look…a tad better, anyway. The Monitor’s hair is less uneven, there are some metallic paint highlights on some of the figures, the Psycho-Pirate’s face is more angry and villainous-looking, there appears to be a touch more color in Supergirl’s hair. No real major changes, but lots of little ones which add up to a slighly more quality product than the figures these are replacing.

Alan Moore Spells It Out – I don’t even remember what this little booklet features, but upon seeing it, employee Nathan expressed his wish for an Alan Moore’s Guide to Growing A Beard, and now I can think of nothing else.

Shatter TPB – I do miss the color, but stripping it down to just the black and white images does make one aware of how much work went into this, the first computer-illustrated comic book. It would be easy to laugh at the supposedly primitive nature of the artwork, constructed by Mike Saenz on one of the early model Macintosh computers, but closer examination reveals that the art has a complexity and a unique beauty all its own. It’s been close to twenty years since I’ve read this, so I don’t recall if I should say “yay” or “nay” to the actual story, but let’s face it…the art’s the star of this show. If you’re interested in the early use of computer-produced narratives, or if you’re simply nostalgic for the days of pixellated illos on your Mac SE’s black and white screen, give the book a look.

Metal Men Archives Vol. 1 – AT LONG LAST. I can’t afford it right now, but I’m glad it exists. You really can’t beat DC’s crazy 1960s superhero comics, and the Metal Men is just pure nutty fun.

Tenth Muse #11 – …Which I’m pointing out because customer Weshoyot drew the entirety of this issue, and since we all like Weshoyot around here, I wanted to give her book a plug.

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In other news:

When Nat was in, he was wearing this Licensable Bear™ button, which I now must own. Find more Licensable Bear™ stuff here.

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“POW! It’s a brush with Batman”

A look at a Batman art exhibit, including images by TV Batman Adam West:

“West’s show features 52 sketches and paintings depicting characters such as the Joker, played by Cesar Romero, and Catwoman, played by Julie Newmar.

“‘I had been working on a series of pictures to kind of give my expression to the [TV show’s 40th] anniversary,’ West said from his home in Ketchum, Idaho. […]

“The actor added that his artwork is either loved or hated by audiences. ‘I don’t paint butter dishes, doilies or hummingbirds in my garden. It’s more raw, I suppose. But it always creates a reaction,’ West said.”

Other artists are also featured in the exhibit:

“[Amanda Visell’s] painting ‘Double Identity’ features a smiling Bruce Wayne, Batman’s alter ego, sipping a cup of tea and being attended to by his manservant, Alfred, while the other half of his image is a frowning Batman with Robin hanging by nearly a thread to his Batapult.

“‘I think he’s frowning because he’s at work and he has to be serious,’ she said, adding that Batman and Robin always had a tense relationship anyway. ‘And the one where he’s smiling, he’s being served by Alfred…. I think most people are happy when they’re being served.'”

Well said.

DESTROY!

DESTROY!!

DESTROY!!!

Not to be confused with….

1. Regarding the whole “comics for your girlfriend” thing…my girlfriend’s favorite comic book character is Spider-Man, and follows all 38 monthly titles he appears in (though she’s a tad behind). She’s also enjoying the Justice series from DC.

And when she was younger, her favorite comic book was Marvel’s G.I. Joe series.

Just thought I’d mention that.

2. So instead of dumping two hundred million dollars or so into superhero movie series that come out with installments every, oh, say, three or four years or so, why not give twenty million to the guys who do some of the better fanfilms (like Grayson or World’s Finest) and have them produce a superhero movie serial? Weekly or biweekly installments, not more than about ten minutes long, plugged in front of whatever the new release happens to be that week.

Might get some people back into the habit of going to the movies on a regular basis, since studios seem to be complaining that ticket sales are off (though you couldn’t tell by how packed our local theatres usually are).

And hey, these serials probably couldn’t be worse than, say, Elektra. Well, okay, they could, but it’s not likely.

3. If you’re on Emusic, like I know I am, you can now download David J’s V for Vendetta album (created in collaboration with V writer Alan Moore).

4. “It’s unfair that Superman is only a 9-to-5er among all the superheroes”

“Bruce Wayne (Batman) owned Wayne Enterprises and was a rich playboy. He was basically a figurehead in the company and wasn’t exactly running out of board meetings to fight the Joker.

“Peter Parker (Spider-Man) was a free-lance photographer, but took pictures of himself fighting bad guys, so he was killing two birds with one stone. Wonder Woman was unemployed as far as I can tell. The X-Men were supported by rich Dr. Xavier.

“The list goes on, but I’m sure you get the idea. Not a 9-to-5er in the group, except Superman.”