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“Godzilla vs wolverine? can he stop the lizard?”

“…Godzilla’s thermonuclear breath would distinegrate right through doomsday, that includes superman, Superman can get cut, And I know, if he was hit by breath that has a heat of way over the suns heat, he would destroy all. Im sorry, None of the super-heroes could really mess with him. Theres probably three heroes who could beat him. overall, godzilla… its… HES A FREAKIN HUGE GIANT 25,000 TON LIZARD WITH SUPER HEAT BREATHE, RADIATION SUPER BREATH, AND HE HAS THE POWER OF A NUCLEAR A BOMB.
His G-cells would heal him quicker than any hero ive ever heard of, and… Gahhh… He just… Hes impossible to beat, even by other giant monsters.
If you people know ANYTHING or have seen at least 4 giant monster toho movies, You all would see just how powerful kaiju monsters are.”

“i seemeed to remember the punisher killing wolverines useing an electrical charge that fried him in ‘ the punshiser kills the marvel universe’ so i think godzilla is going to have no trouble killing him”

“He’d be like a 7 foot (arms up) tack in Godzilla’s foot. Now that’s a pain that makes one truely lose.”

“This is a retarded thread. Against the real Godzilla the entire Xmen roster would be dead. You even knew this when you made the thread, so what was the point?”

“Why would Godzilla even notice a single human? He wouldn’t; it would be simple for Logan to climb up him enter his ear mess shit up. Also Colossus is stronger then Godzilla.”

“I’d like to see Colossus pick up a Kaiju by the tail and slam the Kaiju repeatedly into the ground before hammer throwing it away. Hell, I doubt Colossus could even bench Showa Baragon.”

“NO. First of all, cutting into Godzilla’s INNER EAR to get to his brain might get his attention. Second, even if Wolverine could get in, Godzilla could regenerate any damage he would do. THIRD, Colossus is nowhere near as strong as Godzilla. The giant lizard knocks over sky scrapers on ACCIDENT, there is no way Colossus is even budging him.”

“yeah big G is far above level 100 class strength. and Godzilla-like monsters account for nothing. Godzilla fights and kills Godzilla-like monsters easily all the friggin time. That’s like saying that a vampire hunter can take down dracula with ease because he does it to other vampires all the time,,,,,it holds no water.”

“I wonder how high Godzilla’s body heat is. To be that big, heavy, and radioactive, Godzilla’s insides must be a very volatile place. Would Logan even want to go inside Godzilla?”

“This is so stupid Godzilla would just use fire breath and blast wolvi into nothingness his claws could even break godzilla’s skin. And no kids collosus in nowere near as strong as Godzilla the big green guy knocks over building and navy ships on accident”

“He can self heal, but not fast enough from the damage Godzilla can do to him. Fire breath (whether it was radioactive or not) would fry him to his adamantium bones a la Days of Futures Past, or he can get stomped on, indestructable skeleton or not, he ain’t surviving that much pressure. Or, he could just get punted cross-country.”

“Is this a joke? In Final Wars godzilla killed another Giant monster, called Gigan, with one super blast he blew apart his head.
Thats a head that probably has Hyde (or hide, whatever) on it, about as tough as admantium skin.”

“why did you just make the assumption that now Godzilla’s enemies have skin tougher than adamantium?”

“Because, Gigan is a alien from deep space, and it was said in Final Wars ‘These monsters have unbreachable skin'”

“Wolvey wins easyyy with prep ti….wait thats Batman never mind.”

“godzilla beats the xmen? that’s stupid. The most i can say on this subject is wolverine has taken down dinosaurs like a t-rex but i do know that’s not on godzillas level.”

“How long are Logan’s claws? he could ram those little things in Godzilla as hard as he possibly can, and it’s barely going to go through the thickness of his scales. A Hippopotamus has about 3 inches of skin and 3 of fat…can you imagine how thick Godzilla’s scales are? True he is a reptile, and scales of reptiles the same size as mammals are only barely thicker, but Godzilla is larger than any living animal to compare him to. […] This fight would end without Godzilla even knowing it began.”

And then the real shocker:

“ANOTHER Godzilla vs Wolverine thread?And it’s not merged or closed?”

This has been discussed before?

And I missed it?

We join the 25th century, which is already in progress, in a space observation center, where “nearby sectors of space are constantly monitored.” And this monitoring has turned up something…unusual:

It’s identified as “an old-style Earth bomb,” which looks like a huge ol’ jungle gym:

…And Captain Buck Rogers and Colonel Wilma Deering are on the case, zipping towards the massive construct in their space jets. Wilma makes her approach, only to discover that the bomb has ways of defending itself:

Buck and the world’s most annoying robot, Twiki, take a different approach, leaving the ship behind and using a potentially dangerous handheld jet to zip ’em over to the artifact, presumably under the impression that a defense system that so easily deflected a spacecraft couldn’t possibly do anything to a guy in a spacesuit and his robot hitchhiker:

Oh shut up, Twiki.

Anyway, as soon as they’re on the bomb, the defenses once again spring into life! Buck and Twiki evade the laser attack by, apparently, jumping faster than the speed of light:

They then jump to a door, in order to draw the laser fire to that door in order to blast it open:

Oh shut up, Twiki.

Buck’s plan works, as the lasers destroy the door and giving Buck and Twiki access to the corridor beyond, even though the entire construct is apparently comprised of open latticework that they easily could have climbed through.

As they make their way through the artifact, avoiding electrified catwalks and a solid steel cage that, coincidentally, was perfectly sized to catch Twiki, they find themselves on a long catwalk that appears open. Open, that is, except for some large “coffin”-shaped boxes. As they approach, the boxes open, revealing:

Robots with swords.

ROBOTS WITH SWORDS.

ROBOTS WITH SWORDS.

Fantastic. Well, I suppose the robots couldn’t be armed with projectile or laser weapons, to avoid damaging the bomb, but, um, everything else on the ship fires lasers or (as we’ll see) projectiles, so there goes that explanation, I guess.

Well, doesn’t matter, because ROBOTS WITH SWORDS!

Anyway, after some swash-Buck-ling (sorry) swordfighting, the robots are defeated and Buck and Twiki face more lasers and, get this, a giant falling blade:

Oh shut up, Twiki.

Nearing the end of their search, Buck and Twiki find themselves in a hall of mirrors, which absorb laser blasts and, when probed with a pipe, seems to hold the pipe fast, “hanging in space on the other side” as Buck says.

Previous vistors to the bomb encountering the mirror hall were less cautious (didn’t I see something like this in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign somewhere?):

Passing though the mirrored corridor, they find themselves in view of the detonation box…but as they approach, they hear a ticking noise in the vacuum of space. Apparently they’ve set off a timer, which will cause the artifact to explode!

As they rush to the deactivate the bomb, they suddenly find themselves under fire, not from lasers, but from, of all things, bullets! Buck’s ankle is lightly grazed by a bullet and he immediately collapses, the wuss:

Buck bravely sends Twiki ahead while he nurses his bruise. (I mean, c’mon…okay, you and me, we’d drop like a load of sand if we got shot in the ankle, but what kind of hero lets something like that slow him down? Geez.) Twiki busts open the detonator’s case, but doesn’t know which wires to cut. At first, Buck doesn’t seem to know how to help, but suddenly:

And Twiki does as he’s told, and the day is saved. But how did Buck…well, I’ll let Twiki ask, I guess:

Yes, it’s as I’ve always figured…whenever I paid my AT&T bill, I was funding the future construction of huge jungle gym-shaped space bombs populated by laser and projectile guns, giant blades, electrified floors, magical mirror traps, and, lest we forget, ROBOTS WITH SWORDS.

Well, if we’re gonna get robots with swords, I suppose I’m okay with it.

And shut up, Twiki.

So long, Steve

DOR ‘N’ MIKE, JUNIOR DETECTIVES

in

“THE CASE OF THE MISSING MANGA”

Chapter One: The Game’s Afoot!

“Jeepers!” exclaimed Dor. “It just doesn’t make sense!”

Dor was standing in front of the large shelving unit, staring at the rows and rows of paperback manga books, mindlessly twirling his oversized magnifying glass in one hand. To the untrained eye, the shelves looked as if they were fully stocked, but Dor knew better.

Mike, Dor’s fellow detective, stood at the store’s front counter, notebook and pencil in hand. “You say the manga is missing? That someone stole the books from you?”

“No, no, it wasn’t like that at all,” came the reply. The store’s proprietor, the kindly Mr. Daniels, shook his head sadly. “They never arrived at all.”

Mike was puzzled. “Wait a minute…if you never had them, how could they be stolen from you?”

“Look here,” Dor called out to Mike. “Take a look at this shelf. See the books there?”

Mike stood beside Dor and peered at where he was pointing. “Yes, I see…Dynamic Hero Gunface volumes one through nine. What about them?”

Mr. Daniels replied before Dor could answer. “I was able to order those first nine volumes of Dynamic Hero Gunface from the publisher, and I expected that I’d be able to order the rest of the series as well. However, starting with volume ten, I’m no longer able to carry the series, no longer able to offer them to our customers, even after spending time and effort to build an audience for them at my shop.”

“So who’s doing this to you?” Mike asked, anger flushing his cheeks. “Hmmm…maybe one of our old nemeses…the dread pirate Evilbeard, perhaps, hijacking your shipments? Or maybe that local crimeboss Fleshhead, putting pressure on the distributors….”

Dor shook his head. “No, Mike, that’s just it. That’s what’s not making sense. Mr. Daniels says it’s the publisher who’s holding the books from his shop. And not just his shop, but shops like his all around the world…allegedly so they can sell the books directly to the customers themselves.”

“WHAT?” Mike exclaimed. “Why, that would risk undermining retailer confidence in ordering and supporting future products…what publisher would want to do that?”

“It certainly is a stumper,” came Dor’s reply. “And I want answers.”

“As do I,” said Mr. Daniels.

“And that makes three of us,” said Mike. “Mr. Daniels…never fear, for Dor ‘n’ Mike, Junior Detectives, are on the case! We’ll get to the bottom of this nefarious scheme!”

Ah, don’t take any of that seriously…it’s just a goof. I just wanted an excuse to have pal Dorian saying “Jeepers!” Anyway, thank you for reading/enjoying/tolerating my first 1,500 posts, and hopefully you’ll be around for the next 1,500. Hopefully I’ll be around for them too!

from the back cover of The Comic Reader #178 (March 1980) – art by Mike Tiefenbacher

Regarding my comments yesterday: I’m not really angry over the Tokyopop thing, just more, well, miffed, I guess. We just had a sudden surge of interest in Dragon Head, for example, which is one of the titles moving to online-only sales with future volumes.

Just one more thing to add to the list of reasons why it’s so great to sell funnybooks for a living.

Also, I was asked by some customers who I thought was going to take over Astonishing X-Men after Joss Whedon completes his run. Well, first, the end of his run is about, what, seven or eight issues away, so Marvel still has a couple years to think about it. Two, since the Astonishing X-Men title was seemingly specifically created for Whedon in order to contain the inherent lateness issues (since it’s doubtful that Marvel would want a Whedon run delaying the schedule of, say, the long-established Uncanny), I kinda, sorta hoped that Marvel was planning on ending the series with his departure.

But then I realized what I was suggesting, that Marvel willingly drop a best-selling X-title, even after the primary reason for that book’s sales departs, and am thus resigned to having another ongoing monthly X-Men team title.

But if I had to pick a new creative team for the title…Frank Miller and Brian Bolland. I can’t foresee any problems with that.

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In other news:

I can’t believe pal Dorian has been keeping up this side project for four months now. The jerk.

Here, have some nightmarish Jim Woodring toys (contains Flash animation, sound, creepiness). (via)

It’s the sixth anniversary of Comic Book Galaxy…what doesn’t kill it makes it stronger. Six years is like 70 in blog years, so good on them for lasting this long.

God has answered my prayers: Marvel Comics has an official message board. From the “First Movie o.k. , Next Movie probably better” Fantastic Four thread:

“I just dont thin k the average movie public would buy into but who says we have to make movies for the right”

“Yea, screw the public! It is time for us geeks to rise up and claim Hollywood for ourselves!”

“thats what ive been sying its time we geeks got some stuff don besides be kept down by the man and reading the best form of entertaiment to exist

“I love you comic books”

And I love you, Marvel Comics message board.

There’s some measure of irony in the fact that some of the stories in the new Showcase Presents Batman are credited to Bob Kane (instead of the folks who actually did the stories), while the book also contains a notice that the credits are as complete and accurate as they can manage, and if anyone has more accurate information to please contact the publisher.

Yes, I know there’s some kind of contractual/legal reason for this. Still, it’s kind of funny, in a sad way.

Also, Journalista is now live at the revamped Comics Journal website. Go visit, tell ’em Mike sent you.

Porky Pig #28 (May/June 1953)

I’ve written about the many and varied crimes (under March 10th) of Porky Pig’s nephew Cicero before, but I came across this cover over the weekend and…well, there seems to be a fatal flaw in Cicero’s plan.

It appears that Cicero is attempted to embarrass his uncle by having his swim trunks unravel when he dives, thus causing Porky to be exposed in front of his longtime girlfriend Petunia Pig…except we’re talking about a pig who’s normally pantsless.

Now there are several possible explanations behind this cover:

1. The object of Cicero’s prank is not embarrassing his uncle, but simply the destruction of his uncle’s property.

2. Porky, Cicero, and other pigs in the Warner Brothers-verse are not nude from the waist down, but are in fact wearing skin-tight pigflesh-colored leotards which of course they would doff while at the pool. Thus the cover gag is as it appears…Cicero embarrassing Porky with forced public exposure.

3. There is some elaborate set of cultural taboos and social mores for the Warner Brothers-verse cartoon animals (or perhaps just specifically for the pigs) which we are not privy to, involving in what situations that below-the-waist nudity is and is not permitted.

Regardless of the reason…that Cicero is still an evil little monster. Don’t turn your back on him, Porky…DON’T TURN YOUR BACK!

Old store pal Jaime Hernandez needed to clear out some closet space, and I needed some stuff to put on the eBay, and these two needs collided and formed our store’s current auction listings. Featured are several hardcover and softcover Love & Rockets collections, all from Jaime’s personal stash, and hand-signed specificially for this auction (with the exception of the volume 13 hardcover, which already had a signature plate).

So bid early, bid often, and bid high…give Jaime (and, to a lesser extent, us) some scratch. (Only the Love & Rockets collections are Jaime’s…everything else currently up for auction is ours, but feel free to bid on those items too.)

All winning bidders will have their books personally and carefully packed by yours truly, and shipped via the tender mercies of the U.S. Post Office.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program. Thank you for your patience.

So for some reason, I had the highest traffic ever on this site yesterday without having an artificial bump caused by being Boing Boinged or Waxied or some such thing. Just, for whatever reason, a whole bunch of you decided to all converge on my site at once, out of your secret interest in Swamp Thing or Googling for images of Smallville stars in the altogether (none on this site, though that doesn’t keep folks from trying), or whatever. But if you’re new here, and you’re actually reading what I’m writing and not desperately scanning the page for nekkid pics…hi! How are you? I promise I do more than just write about writing for a weblog, honest.

And speaking of weblogs, I think most of us now know that Dirk Deppey is reviving the Journalista weblog, which is currently living at Mr. Deppey’s own domain, working out some of the kinks and waiting for the eventual Comics Journal site relaunch. This revival is very good news, as Journalista was one of the most informative and most influential weblogs in the comicsweblogosphere, and its loss was greatly felt.

On a more personal level, Mr. Deppey occasionally linked to my site in its early days during the first iteration of Journalista, and I’ve often credited those links for giving my site an early boost in readership. And (as I’m sure some of you are sick of hearing), the link to my site in his last official entry brought me significant traffic for nearly a year afterward…and also provided a “pull quote” for my rotating link thingie to the right, there. The quote may be a little out of date (“this year” referring to 2004), but it’s only getting removed over my dead body, so deal with it.

What I’m trying to say is…yay! Journalista‘s back! Between this and Tom Spurgeon’s always-excellent Comics Reporter, I think that’ll be all the comic news ‘n’ linkage anyone can handle.

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Yesterday was Jack Kirby’s birthday, which I apparently celebrated by posting something about Swamp Thing. Well, Mark Evanier has something to say about it, as should be expected, and pal Ian posts a couple choice Kirby covers. Booksteve has covers for volumes 1 and 2 of The Jack Kirby Treasury…and, if you’re a Kirby fan, you should be looking at the Jack Kirby Comics Weblog every day.

I got to meet Jack Kirby once, at a convention in the early ’90s. I shook his hand, told him “thanks for the great comics,” and got to briefly chat with both him and his wife Roz for a minute or two.

He lived only about a 30 or 40 minute drive from where I did. His number was listed in our local phone book, and once in a while I’d think “Hey, I wonder what would happen if I called him….” Of course, I never did. That’s okay, because I doubt I would have been able to come up with anything to say beyond “thanks for the great comics,” which I got to do face-to-face with him anyway.

Here’s one of my favorite Kirby images, which I posted a couple years back. Some of the stuff the man came up with was downright peculiar, but God bless him for it.

8-30-06: Journalista is now live at the revamped Comics Journal site. Go, enjoy.