reader’s page monsters – Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin

There’s nothing more mod than deely-bobbers.

June 25, 2012 filed under reader's page monsters 4 Comments

It’s been a while since I’ve dipped into the Gold Key “Reader’s Page Monsters” well, but I’ll occasionally run across those pages, and they’re always fantastic. …A while back, after one of my previous postings, I had someone opine on another site that these drawings obviously weren’t actual submissions from children, since the line thickness on the drawings was more-or-less uniform and thus the monsters looked like they all came from the same hand. I suspect the answer to this is simple: that all the submitted drawings had to be traced or redrawn for the sake of reproduction. I’m sure many of the images arrived as light pencil drawings on lined paper, or crayon on construction paper, despite the instructions to readers to “draw in black ink on white paper.” And even if they did follow instructions, that probably didn’t mean the pictures were ready for reproduction straight out of the envelope.

Or maybe these were all drawn by some Gold Key intern or bored staffer and I’m fulla crap. It’s totally possible.

Anyway, I promised monsters, so here they are:

Yes, the big yellow critter with green and red spots and an overly elaborate tail doesn’t want to attract attention. Got it.

So his vision makes things…radioactive, I guess? This monster is more dangerous than one might think at first glance. Though admittedly, having legs like stretched-out Slinkies would possibly impair his mobility, so perhaps the danger is minimized.

I am willing to believe that being hypnotized by mod colors was a widespread problem in the 1960s.

Reminds me a bit of Superman’s greatest nemesis, the Iron Eater (as seen here). Also, the Moon Goons apparently don’t believe in crop replacement, given the notable lack of “moon plants” on our satellite. …Then again, they never say it’s our moon. Maybe these guys are over on Endor terrorizing Ewoks. …It’s fun to imagine things, isn’t it, kids?

images from Ripley’s Believe It or Not! #14 (June 1969)

Not sure what he’s shooting with, exactly.

Another reader-contributed monster from 1967 Gold Key comics:

I think we’ve all felt like The Big Alvin, some days.

I find myself trying to figure out his head. Or “heads,” apparently. I’m going with the idea that the little blue head is his real head, while the purple and yellow heads are actually just the decapitated noggins of his previous (and seemingly larger) victims piled up there. Otherwise, if those are living parts of The Big Alvin, those upper heads are always kind of gnawing on the lower heads, and no wonder he’s always cranky and shooting at all things.

Then again, maybe the heads are detachable and can fly around and stuff, and they just kind of perch there when at rest. I mean, surely that’s not beyond the capabilities of The Big Alvin. Also, the bottom head has a pierced tongue, it seems. Or teeth on its tongue. Ew.

There is also the question of those appendages on the top head. Now those two longer appendages appear to be some kind of insectoid legs or antennas or whatever. But that middle bit, with the brush-like tip. Some kind of sensory organ, maybe? And it’s hard to tell from the drawing, but it’s either glowing or it’s shooting out tiny quills. Maybe it’s doing both. Again, this is The Big Alvin we’re talking about.

And while I’d like to think the markings shown the body actually indicate that his body is at least partially translucent, and what we’re seeing are his internal structures and skeletal systems, and not just tattoos or something, because wouldn’t that be a lot creepier? That weird spiral-y digestive tract, where the swallowed victims just spin around into nothingness? Weeeeird.

Plus, he’s way bigger than planes. So I’m not sure why he’s also need to shoot everything, too. Unless it’s just to save effort and wear on his monopod trying to get to people to kill them, and would rather just off ’em from a distance.

Also, according to the cube-square law, a creature of that size would be crushed by its own weight. The Big Alvin sneers at our puny Earth physics, of course, so don’t count on that to bring him down.

"Goes around saying ‘I am a nutty tutu.’"

June 24, 2012March 31, 2007 filed under reader's page monsters

from The Banana Splits #4 (October 1970)

Frankly, I think the Mummyman of Mongolia is genuinely terrifying. Just look at it…is that something you’d want to see late at night, lurching from out of the shadows, its one soulless eye fixed upon you? Not me, brother.

EDIT (4/1): Hello, Boing-Boingers! If you’re visiting on April 1st, please note that my site has undergone a temporary redesign to support my April Fools post. This isn’t what my site usually looks like, honest!