Not sure what he’s shooting with, exactly.

§ August 1st, 2011 § Filed under nightmare fuel, reader's page monsters § 13 Comments

Another reader-contributed monster from 1967 Gold Key comics:

I think we’ve all felt like The Big Alvin, some days.

I find myself trying to figure out his head. Or “heads,” apparently. I’m going with the idea that the little blue head is his real head, while the purple and yellow heads are actually just the decapitated noggins of his previous (and seemingly larger) victims piled up there. Otherwise, if those are living parts of The Big Alvin, those upper heads are always kind of gnawing on the lower heads, and no wonder he’s always cranky and shooting at all things.

Then again, maybe the heads are detachable and can fly around and stuff, and they just kind of perch there when at rest. I mean, surely that’s not beyond the capabilities of The Big Alvin. Also, the bottom head has a pierced tongue, it seems. Or teeth on its tongue. Ew.

There is also the question of those appendages on the top head. Now those two longer appendages appear to be some kind of insectoid legs or antennas or whatever. But that middle bit, with the brush-like tip. Some kind of sensory organ, maybe? And it’s hard to tell from the drawing, but it’s either glowing or it’s shooting out tiny quills. Maybe it’s doing both. Again, this is The Big Alvin we’re talking about.

And while I’d like to think the markings shown the body actually indicate that his body is at least partially translucent, and what we’re seeing are his internal structures and skeletal systems, and not just tattoos or something, because wouldn’t that be a lot creepier? That weird spiral-y digestive tract, where the swallowed victims just spin around into nothingness? Weeeeird.

Plus, he’s way bigger than planes. So I’m not sure why he’s also need to shoot everything, too. Unless it’s just to save effort and wear on his monopod trying to get to people to kill them, and would rather just off ’em from a distance.

Also, according to the cube-square law, a creature of that size would be crushed by its own weight. The Big Alvin sneers at our puny Earth physics, of course, so don’t count on that to bring him down.

13 Responses to “Not sure what he’s shooting with, exactly.”

  • Josh says:

    Whoa, even if that’s a model airplane, The Alvin’s still pretty Big.

  • ExistentialMan says:

    The Big Alvin looks like the bastard Kaiju love child of Ralph Steadman and Basil Wolverton.

  • De says:


  • Smicha1 says:

    The Big Alvin should team up with Black Savage.

  • RDaggle says:

    Tommy has given us a visual representation of the three levels of brain development: reptile, primate, human. (Or, if you prefer: id, ego, superego)

    The flower-like appendage at the very top suggests the eternal striving upward towards the next phase in human evolution.

  • Casey says:

    If his body, from neck to foot, is mostly muscle, he could support his heads, if they were soft and squid-like. The brain could be in the base head, or even in his stomach, and the rest could be soft, squishy organs. With faces.

    You’re welcome.

  • HydrogenGuy says:


    He sort of looks vaguely Aztec. A Rabelaisian Aztec kaiju. That’s the ticket.

  • Sarah says:

    I think someone needs to have a talk with Tommy’s parents.

  • adam ford says:

    I think that’s a gun, not a plane…

  • Snark Shark says:

    I’ll bet the kid named it after his BROTHER Alvin, who he HATED.

  • Snark Shark says:


  • Tom Mason says:

    This story gets Child Services involved if Big Alvin is a nickname for Tommy’s dad.

  • Googam son of Goom says:

    I hope to see the Big Alvin to make a guest appearance in Ax Cop.