misfit toys

In case the regular Ghost action figure released in 1998didn’t float your boat, there were two variants to choose from:

The glow in the dark version:

…and the chrome version:

Now, I can sort of understand the glow in the dark version, since that kind of ties in to that spiritual, ethereal presence that a ghost is alleged to have. You know, that spooky haint shinin’ in the darkness type of thing. But I can’t say I recall too many stories of ghosts metal-ing it up Colossus-style. Maybe I missed something in my Coast to Coast AM newsletters.

I’ll probably have some follow-ups to comments from yesterday’s post in the next day or two, but in the meantime:

Ooh, the Sentry. That’s a shame. But at least he’s paired up with his best pal, Luke Cage! And I know this is no original observation, but something about seeing the Sentry in Minimate form sorta emphasizes it for me…he really doesn’t look like he belongs in the Marvel Universe, does he? That’s totally a DC Comics-type superhero outfit. But at least he’s in a superhero outfit, Mr. Cage.

And seriously, the no-nose look?

Disturbing as all get-out. And the Pac-Man hands, too. AAAUGH.

…in that this is part of a collection that someone dropped off at the shop:

Even though we’d since given up carrying McFarlane Toys (after too many series of selling the one figure from the set everyone wanted and having to blow out the rest of the shelf-warmers at bargain prices), I remembered that we did carry this particular “Six Faces of Madness” series, featuring such charming folks as Attila the Hun and Elizabeth Bathory. However, I did not recognize the “Accessory Pack,” which, since it says right there “Collector’s Club,” was apparently only available via mail order from the manufacturer. (The webpage for this particular item lists where you can buy (or rather, where you could buy) the toy, but I think that’s just a boilerplate for the series in general, and not this item specifically. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong.)

Here’s a better look at the fine selection of tchotchkes available in this assortment:

That you get an actual chunk of a body on a stake is kind of funny in a gruesomely over-the-top way. And as a pal pointed out when I showed this to him, Attila gets kind of screwed in the accessory department. I mean, everyone else get guns or lab equipment or a custom base or…a lamppost for Jack the Ripper? Well, it’s thematically appropriate, at least, and I suppose it was either that or a piece of a prostitute. Anyway, Attila gets diddly squat. Which, you know, it’s fine. Attila’s a travelin’-light kind of guy, he doesn’t need any special treatment. I-it’s (sniff) it’s okay.

…and seeing her in three-dimensional action figure form doesn’t dissuade me from that particular feeling. And frankly, the very idea of her figure having “arm-spinning action” is making me a little nauseous.

I probably won’t be mentioning any of this in the eventual eBay auction listing.

DC Direct’s Pocket Heroes were, it seems, a direct response to Marvel’s extensive Minimates line of eesny-weensy superhero figurines (which you can see here at this extensive Minimates review site). The Pocket Heroes line ended once DC got in on the Minimates action, but alas, some Pocket Heroes product still remains at the shop even today.

I suppose these were a cheap alternative to the larger and more elaborate DC Direct action figures, which retail for about $16 to $20 a pop. And I guess they look…okay, but they probably should have avoiding representing characters in their civvies:

Lois comes out fine, but poor Jimmy looks like he’s in his long johns. At least you get Superman’s JLA chair! “Includes awesome sitting action!”

It seemed like, from the get-go, that the Pocket Heroes were going to be hot items. Prior to the launch of this toy series, the deluxe Solomon Grundy action figure came with a promotional Golden Age Wonder Woman Pocket Hero figure, which we received many, many requests for, and which I suspect brought about the almost instant unavailability of the Grundy figure. And the first wave of Pocket Heroes sold very well for us. The next wave…not really so much, I’m afraid. I’m still listing and, sadly, not selling them on the eBay.

There were a couple of other boxed sets like the Superman one above, pictured on the back of the packaging, and which I do not recall ever carrying:

Ooh, that’s the Golden Age Green Lantern in his Sentinel costume, isn’t it? That’s a shame. Hmmm…come to think of it, maybe we did carry this, because I just now recall a conversation I had about how the Pocket Heroes line may be the only way to get every member of the Green Lantern Corps an action figure. “Collect all 3,600!”

More examples of folks in their civvies not looking quite right. “Why, Alfred, that spandex butler outfit fits snugly to your every curve!” “Why, thank you, Master Bruce. And may I compliment you on your spandex business attire?”

Ah, well, nice try, Pocket Super Heroes Superman Box Set, but nobody around our parts wanted you. Let us cast your fate to the eBay winds, and we shall see where they will take you. L@@K LONG JOHN JIMMY RARE H@T

Once again I’ve dug deep in the recesses of the store’s backroom to pull out for sacrifices for the eBay slaughter, and this time I’ve dragged out “Barrow-Wight, Evil Spirit of Angmar” based on some fantasy book trilogy with wizards and elves and stuff like that.

This was released in 2000 as part of a line of figures based on Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings novels…and then the year 2001 rolled along, what with its big-budget Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the RIng movie directed by Peter Jackson. And then suddenly came the flood of movie merchandise, including, of course, action figures, and this figure pictured above was suddenly made effectively redundant. Not that there’s anything wrong with having a figure line based on the books as opposed to the movies…but, well, here I still have it, a decade later, with plans to put it up for online sale at prices so low, I must be under the influence of an evil ring.

I seem to remember having other figures from the same line in stock, but none of the other figures pictured on the back really ring a bell:

Whatever we had in stock did sell, though, so perhaps having this last straggling figure isn’t so much “the movie merchandise killed its sales” as “nobody wanted to buy the barrow-wight.”

Anyway, it’s kind of neat…it has a little translucent green bit of plastic in its head, so that light shining into the exposed bit in the scalp feeds the light through to the figure’s eyes, where the green plastic gem-thing is also exposed. And he’s got his sword, and his mug for drinking his Mr. Pibb, and a little treasure chest where he keeps all his money that he makes barrow-wighting. EBay, I implore you…take this little plastic burden off my hands.

In the meantime,

HELLO

LADIES

We have had this toy in stock since the Virus film, based on the Dark Horse comic book, was released in 1999. Though, come to think of it, I don’t remember if the toy was explicitly a tie-in to the movie or to the comic. I suppose it doesn’t really matter now.

There was a short series of store stickers on the packaging (removed for that photo) with progressively lower prices that attracted no one.

I tire of looking at it sometimes, and I’ll store it away in the back room for months, or years, at a time. However, I also occasionally put it on eBay, and pray that someone takes pity upon us.

Oh, Squeaky from Virus action figure, I fear that you will accompany me to the grave.

I AM

SQUEAKY OF BORG

So one of my latest projects at the shop has been to go through some of our action figure backstock and unload them on the eBay for rock bottom prices. Making money ain’t the point; making room is. But, in my storage area excavation escapades, I hit a vein of Skybolt figures.

“Skybolt figures,” you say? “What in Sam Scratch’s name are these ‘Skybolt’ figures you speak of?”

Well, it was a toy company that appeared to specialize in action figures based on female characters from small-press comic book companies. Here, let’s enjoy a few.

First up is the Hellina “Light Up Eyes Edition” –

CLICK TO ENLARGE
Yeah, I know, but most of the figures from Skybolt tend to look like this. Anyway, the eyes are clear plastic, so they apparently do light up, though there’s no way to check this myself since there’s no hole in the back of the package to press the button that theoretically should be there. Listed accessories include a detachable cape, a “telekinetic” dagger:

…a “nether-dimensional” whip:

…and a power base:

So those may look like an ordinary dagger, whip, and base, but don’t be fooled!

CLICK TO ENGORGE
My memory of the Nira X character is that she had about a couple dozen series, each running about one or two issues long, with the publisher throwing #1s onto the market to take advantage of whatever bump in sales a first issue could get, rather than having one ongoing series with increasingly declining sales. She also popped up in Avatar’s Threshold anthology series. This figure isn’t a bad representation, accurately duplicating Bill Maus’ style. I will take issue with the description of that itsy-bitsy gun as a “plasma cannon” on the packaging. I see the word “cannon,” I expect a big ol’ honkin’ cannon, not that little hairdryer. Feh.

CLICK TO MAKE TEH SEXIER
Okay, this one isn’t from Skybolt, but it’s of a kind. Most notable is that the face appears to have been “squished,” which may be hard to tell even in the larger scan, but take my word, it just looks peculiar. We also had the “nude” variant (which is not pictured, you naughty, naughty people), where the top comes off to reveal the character’s breastular area. The top had actually come loose in the package, which made it a little difficult to display in the store, as if having a package reading “NUDE VARIANT” wasn’t embarrassing enough to have on the shelves.

CLICK TO HUGE-IFY
Now, I know we carried comics with Sinthia in them…we’ve carried darn near everything else, but I swear I can’t remember having any Sinthias around. Anyway, this is the “limited edition Gold Sinthia,” restricted to only 5,000 pieces, which would surprise me if they came anywhere close to selling this many. And that costume…I’m not sure I’m comfortable with knowing about just how carefully this character shaves. Erg. To be fair, the short excerpt from the comic book that’s reprinted on the back of the packaging (common to all these Skybolt figures) did amuse, as Sinthia is apparently the rebellious daughter of Satan his own self, pretty much completely unimpressed by him and giving him the back-sass.

The character also comes with a sword and a scabbard. I always like it when action figures with swords have fitting scabbards as well. Good show, Skybolt.

FOR A GOOD TIME, CLICK HERE
Speaking of comics with lots of #1s…Double Impact, in its various incarnations, was primarily about breasts and butts and guns. Okay, for some people, that’s fine, I’m sure…I’m not saying there isn’t an audience for it. But there’s also some talk about these two characters, Jazz and China, being a “lethal combat team” of secret agents or something, but really, it’s just scantily-clad gals shooting things and posing. God bless America.

These are the special “limited edition of 5,000” Platinum versions of the figures, which means the clothes they’re wearing are painted silver. Also, note that the bodies are the same, and only the heads are (barely) different. And yes, they have big guns. (And some weapons, too, har har.)

The back of the package has a sequence from the Hellina/Double Impact crossover, where the three characters decide to team up and take on the bad guy:

CLICK FOR MORE
“…A threesome he’ll never forget.” Well said, Jazz and/or China, well said.

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Additional linkage:

A few of the Skybolt packages advertise a male figure, based on Valiant Comics’ X-O Manowar. While a photo of said figure is on one of the packages, it appears that it was never released (near the bottom of the page).

This site has reviews of the various Double Impact and Hellina figures, in all their hideous glory. (“Heart Ripper Hellina?” How’d I miss that?)

When I told pal Dorian of my plans for this post, he said “say, were you inspired by Dave’s Long Box’s Boob War?” Well, no, I was mostly inspired by “I’m gonna have to take pictures of all these things for eBay auctions so I might as well use ’em on my site, too,” but really, if you haven’t been reading his most recent series of great articles, and you want to know what comic shelves looked like in the ’90s, go check it out!