As to your Qs Part Two: Mike’s Next Movie.

§ October 6th, 2015 § Filed under question time § 1 Comment

We’re back with a second installment of answering your questions (first installment yesterday) so let’s see how far we get. And, as a reminder, I participated in this week’s Trouble with Comics Question Time, asking us what the most recent graphic novel or comic we purchased was, and why. And yes, I did get in a plug for my store, thanks for asking.

Anyway, off to the races! And also, I apologize in advance.

• • •

Mike Loughlin laughingly asks

“If Swamp Thing and Sluggo formed a band, what would they call it and kind of music would they play?”

They would play zydecoi, a cross between zydeco music and Oi! punk bands.

• • •

William Gatevackes opens the floodgates with

“What one thing were you most unprepared for when you opened your store?”

I think I was most unprepared for who tired it would make me. I mean, I’m fine at the shop, and I’m always doing something there, but once I get home it all catches up to me. Especially right now, since I’m working seven days a week. …But I’m not complaining! It’s worth it to have a store of my own!

• • •

pell yells

“What happens after Korea?”

Of course pell is referring to the most famous of all comic panels, the dreaded “THEN KOREA” image y’all saw here first:

…and the only answer I can come up with is

I’m very sorry.

• • •

Paul Di Filippo writes

“You are given a green light and unlimited budget to create a new SWAMP THING film.

1) Who is your cast?

2) Do you adapt a storyline from the books–if so, which one?–or do you create an original script untethered to past plotlines?”

I’d been dreading answering this question since Paul first plopped it into the comments, because, aside from my dead-on absolutely incontrovertibly correct casting of Curtis Armstrong as Wolverine, I am terrible at these kind of armchair casting direction shenanigans. Unless I’m seeing them in a movie right at this very moment, I have virtually no recollection of which currently active actor is which and would be appropriate for what role. If someone else would suggest a name, I’d go “oh yeah!” or “who’s that again,” but I’m really bad coming up with them on my own. So please, forgive my vagueness on one or two of them.

Alec Holland would just have be someone with a big mop of ’70s blonde hair, which is how I’ll always picture him. Almost doesn’t matter who it is, so long as he looks sufficiently science-y. …Wait, who was the robot in Prometheus? (google fugit) Ah, Michael Fassbender. Sure, I bet he wouldn’t mind playing a bit part in a monster movie.

Swamp Thing would probably be a big ol’ digital effect, so we’d need a voice actor…one of my Twitter pals suggested Ron Perlman, which would be nice if he didn’t mind doing yet another comic book monster hero. Or maybe my Holland suggestion of Fassbender, doing his deep, gravelly monster voice of which I have no idea if he has or not.

Abby Arcane…I don’t know. I’ve been Googling up images of actors and actresses to answer this question, and I saw Emma Watson, and I thought “well, put her in the white w/black stripes wig, and Abby is from another country, and as we all know anyone from another country has a British accent, so maybe she’d work.” And…you know, I like Emma Watson, so why not.

Now, Arcane…in the comics, Arcane is an old man, wielding an unholy mix of science and wizardry, and is later a deformed monstrosity after his creations, the Un-Men, try to reassemble his body after falling to his supposed death. So…you know, Christopher Walken just popped into my head, and now I can’t dislodge it.

Matt Cable, I had no idea…doing a little Googling brought up a picture of Luke Evans, who has that tough guy don’t-mess-with-me look that Cable should have. This is me picking someone almost at random, so take this with a grain of salt.

As for the plot…well, I’d stick with “man turns to monster, Arcane wants to control him” without getting into the crazy “plant elemental” stuff right away. I’d probably have Arcane use more of the weird mystical stuff he used into the comics, just to differentiate the new film from the ’80s movie. Kinda loosely adapt the original ten issues, with Swampy encountering other monsters over the course of the film, which Arcane behind the scenes manipulating these meetings for some nefarious ultimate purpose (after seemingly getting killed earlier in the film, and then popping up at the end as the deformed monstrous Arcane).

And of course Cranius would be in the film as himself.

• • •

Steve Cameron pictures me answering this question:

“Have you checked out any of the new Alan Moore Avatar books (Crossed +100, Providence, and even Neonomicon from a couple years back)? If yes, whaddidya think, if no, wtf?”

I read Neonomicon and am currently reading Providence, both Moore riffs on Lovecraftian horror, which I enjoy. Neonomicon‘s set up I liked more than the payoff, which started off as “here are some creepy happenings” and ending with “scary monster sexual assault” which…I don’t know. Didn’t care for it. Providence seems to be a little more subtle in its effect, and am enjoying it thus far. The Crossed franchise I’ve avoided, as it seems to be an exercise in “what can we do that’s more disgusting and horrifying than in the last issue,” and while I get the appeal of that, it’s Not for Me so I’ve passed. I understand Moore’s Crossed work isn’t quite like that, but I didn’t follow it. Sorry!

• • •

Andrew draws me in with

“If you could write the etiquette book for selling/trading comics to a store, what would you describe as your ideal interaction between you and a potential seller? Barring of course a scenario that starts with, ‘I have all these Swamp Thing comics I want to give you.'”

Well, call first, make sure I have time to look at your books, or even if I have room in the budget for pay for them at the moment.

Make sure they’re at least reasonably clean…if they’re caked with dust or ash or cobwebs, hit ’em with a broom a couple of times. If they’re covered with any kind of animal leavings, um, just keep ’em. I’m not going to need them, thanks.

But aside from that…I guess don’t lean over me while I’m trying to price ’em up, don’t wait ’til I’m done tallying everything to tell me “well, I don’t want to sell these” and yank a stack of comics back, and don’t get mad because I don’t give you full retail mint price on your coverless, waterlogged Superboy annual.

The ideal interaction is 1) you bring in the comics, 2) I look through them, 3) I make you an offer, 4) you say “yay” or “nay.” I don’t mind explaining what I’m doing while I’m pricing up the books, but I do mind someone explaining my job to me while I’m doing it, that I should be offering top dollar for these mint 1950s comics (which are actually GVG 1980s Silverhawks or whatever).

Most of the time, things work fine. Once in a while, I get someone pushy or with unrealistic expectations and I try to work with them, but sometimes there’s just nothing you can do.

• • •

The King of the Moon commands

“How do you keep your whites so white?”

• • •

Bookieparlor places his bet on

“Any chance we get to see a Yummy Fur movie in 2016?”

That we haven’t seen some kind of mainstream Yummy Fur film (or cartoon!) adaptation so far is kind of surprising. You’d figure someone out there would be dying to commit “I’m not a penis, I’m the President of the United States!” to celluloid, but alas, where are the brave filmmakers of today?

• • •

Erik declassifies the following information:

“All time favorite comic artist?”

Most people would expect me to say “Bernie Wrightson, cocreator of Swamp Thing” but I actually answered this question just recently for another site, so go take a look at my surprise answer!

• • •

Okay, enough question answerin’ for today…more tomorrow, hopefully!

One Response to “As to your Qs Part Two: Mike’s Next Movie.”

  • Snark Shark says:

    “Christopher Walken”


    “And of course Cranius would be in the film as himself”

    How about Thing from the Addams Family?

    “The Crossed franchise I’ve avoided, as it seems to be an exercise in “what can we do that’s more disgusting and horrifying than in the last issue,” and while I get the appeal of that, it’s Not for Me so I’ve passed”

    I’m a horror movie fan- and I agree with you!