Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ February 27th, 2014 § Filed under End of Civilization § 23 Comments

So I totally forgot that last month’s End of Civilization entry was the ninth anniversary of what I consider to be the very first EoC post, about the Buffy replica stake.

Nine years. Nine years of near-naked Japanese girly statues. Nine years of crazy prop replicas. Nine years of Monopoly jokes. Nine years of Marvel’s publishing shenanigans. Why, it only feels like I’ve been doing this for about 108 months.

And apparently I haven’t learned my lesson, because I’m doing it for another month. Get your March 2014 edition of Diamond Previews and follow along, as I hypocritically make fun of things I’m probably ordering for the store, and, in at least one case, myself:

p. 48 – Star Wars Rebel Heist #2 (of 4):

So, get ready to see this comic, and its eventual trade/hardcover collection, going for stupidly high prices on eBay shortly after Marvel takes over the franchise and the book’s printing lifespan of a couple of months or so is put down right quick.

Nice cover, though.

p. 89 – Marvel Classic Character X-Men 94 #3 – Cyclops:

“Ooooh, I’ve got such the headache, and massaging your own temple just doesn’t do it!”

p. 96 – Superman: Doomed #1:

1992: Line wrapped around the block, everyone waiting to get their “last issue” of Superman.

2014: Occasionally a customer will glance at this cover. “Huh, I thought Superman was dead. They’re still making his comics?”

p. 161 – DC Comics Icons Superman 1:6 Scale Statue:

“Clark? Clark, what’s taking you so long in the bathroom?”

“I’m…uh, I’m oiling my costume, Mom!”

“(sigh) I don’t know about that boy.”

p. 227 – The Walking Dead #127:

“In the aftermath of ‘ALL OUT WAR’ we discover…A NEW BEGINNING.”

Well, off to the next community of survivors who aren’t all that they seem!

p. 271 – Carpool T-Shirt:

So the difference between this “parody” shirt and what could actually be a Deadpool shirt is…what, exactly?

p. 275 – Sonic Super-Sized Digest #7:

I haven’t seen so many wieners in a piece of Sonic the Hedgehog art since the last time I looked at Tumblr.

p. 315 – Iznogoud Volume 9: The Grand Vizier Iznogoud GN:

Mike, circa 1989, helping a customer with back issues: “Here’s the Ms. Tree box…oh, ‘Ms. Tree!’ ‘Mystery!’ I get it!”

Mike, about a month ago, helping a customer look for humorous European graphic novels: “Here’s Iznogoud…oh, ‘Iznogoud!’ ‘Is No Good!’ 25 years later, I’m still stupid!”

p. 415 – The Quotable Doctor Who Wise Words Across Space and Time HC:

Simulate being in a crowd of Doctor Who fans by reading this book out loud to yourself!

p. 417 – Planet of the Apes Miniature Book Kit with Sound:

Okay, forget the sound bit (not Charlton Heston growling “write me out of most of the sequel, damn you,” but it should be), but let’s focus that this comes with a bag of actual sand that you can spread out on, I don’t know, your mantle next to Great-Aunt Gail’s urn as a base for your Taylor and Horse versus Lady Liberty diorama.

Here’s hoping the eventual The Shining Elevator Scene Kit comes with a pouch of fake blood.

p. 442 – Spider Pog T-Shirt:

Sometimes I mock Previews, sometimes it mocks me back.

p. 457 – Sin City Monopoly:

“Go to the electric chair. Go directly to the electric chair. Do not cross Senator Roark.”

p. 459 – Darth Vader Tinned Mints:

haaaaaa PURRRRR haaaaaa PURRRRR

“Why, Lord Vader, may I compliment you on how fresh your breath smells today!”


“N-n-no, Lord Vader, I, uh, I’m just….GACK! (choke!)”


p. 459 – Space Dog Tin Toy:

Man, this early version of K-9 is pretty rough.

p. 498 – DC Hero Swamp Thing Sofubi:

The upside of Swamp Thing comics not being published: much easier to keep up on buying appearances and merchandise.

The downside of Swamp Thing comics currently being published: “$119 for a Japanese import Swamp Thing toy! SON OF A BITCH”

p. 503 – The Beatles Yellow Submarine Titans Mini Figures:

“We are all
Tiny plastic things
Tiny plastic things
Tiny plastic things”

p. 527 – The Walking Dead Daryl Crossbow Mug:

I didn’t get this before, and I don’t get it now. Is “If Daryl Dies We Riot” really that strong of an iconic quote from The Walking Dead? Some kind of rallying cry, a mission-statement-y kind of thing? I mean, I’ve watched the whole series so far, and I don’t even remember anyone saying this. Not saying they didn’t, just that it apparently wasn’t all that memorable.

Now, if at some point Rick looks at the screen and declares “we ARE the walking dead,” put that on a mug.

23 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Chris T says:

    Man, I started buy comics as a kid in the 80s and I only just worked out the Ms Tree thing a few weeks ago..

  • Snark Shark says:

    ” Cyclops”

    he looks like he’s pointing at himself. “Look at me, dammit!”

    ” Sin City Monopoly”

    there is NO “get out of jail free” card. EVER.

  • Jer says:

    “$119 for a Japanese import Swamp Thing toy! SON OF A BITCH”

    It’s not even chalk!

  • Corey says:

    “If Daryl Dies We Riot” may be a take off on the infamous “If Cena Wins We Riot” fan made sign in the crowd from the John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam wrestling match at ECW One Night Stand in 2006.

  • Bully says:

    I cannot stop laughing at that it-may-be-juvenile-but-it’s-oh-so-true Sonic joke.

  • BobH says:

    Wait, “If Daryl dies we riot” isn’t a reference to NEWHART? I was just trying to figure out which Daryl it refers to, brother Daryl or other brother Daryl.

  • swamp mark says:

    Why are they charging $119 for that Swampy figure? I just don’t get it. It looks like it was designed by a four-year old with very little attention to detail and built to fall apart when you move the arms. Even as a rabid fan, I can’t justify spending that much on that item. Help me out, Mike. What makes it worth $119, because if it’s just because it’s a Japanese import, I’m afraid that’s not enough reason to buy it. I guess my question is, how can you?

  • Nate says:

    I don’t know why “Carpool” appears to be an early ’70s Mopar model when everybody knows he’s a MERC with a mouth.

  • Harvey Jerkwater says:

    Captions needed on the cover to WALKING DEAD #127:



  • David Oakes says:

    I have seen a number of people in Phoenix – almost all women, almost all on college campuses – wearing the “Daryl” shirt. I assumed it was just one of those things I was too old to be hip to. (Like whatever kids are using instead of “hip” these days…)

  • Sean Murphy says:

    Yes, I assume it is not a quote from the tv show (actually I know it is not), but rather an expression of fan concern that the next “big death” might be Daryl. It is the curse of the Walking Dead… lots of people love it because of the suspense that comes from no one being safe, yet no one wants *their* favorite character to die.

  • Snark Shark says:

    “The Walking Dead #127”

    WHY is she on top of a Judge’s desk, and why is every zombie raising their hand? IS THIS A CLASS?

  • David Z. says:

    swamp mark–the high cost is because toys like that are typically made in very small runs, which increases production costs a great deal (or rather, the production costs are the same, but those costs have to be spread out and recouped over hundreds of toys instead of many thousands of them).

    Also, the toy looks like that because it recalls a specific type of Japanese toy, known as “sofubi,” which refers to the soft vinyl material used to make the figure. So while it doesn’t appeal to you, necessarily, I’m sure it works for a lot of people out there.

  • swamp mark says:

    Wow! Thanks for explaining all that David Z. Now it makes perfect sense. And if it’s a low run “collectable” I’m going to have to buy it no matter what it looks like. SON OF A BITCH!!

  • Casie says:

    “Here’s hoping the eventual The Shining Elevator Scene Kit comes with a pouch of fake blood.” YESSS!!!

    A belated congrats on nine years of doing the End of Civilization! It’s always fun and a joy to read! You’re awesome, Mike!

  • Noah says:

    That’s totally Sonichu.

  • Mikester says:

    Noah – Gesundheit!

  • Don’t you mean “Man, this early version of K-9 is pretty RUFF.”

  • Snark Shark says:

    ” early version of K-9″

    he looks kinda like he was made from an old erector set!

  • How many times has this Swamp Thing cartoon been forwarded to you so far?

  • Pal Cully says:

    Thank you for the Sonic chuckle.

  • Rob B says:

    So, SUPERMAN: DOOMED is where he meets VIOLATOR from Spawn?

  • Teaflax says:

    I always read Iznogoud as “It’s no good”, probably because I first saw them in German (I grew up in Austria), where z always has a hard ts sound. But I suppose that in the original French it probably comes out to “is no good”.