Mike Sterling's Progressive RuinAlone, unmourned, and unloved since 1969

Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ July 26th, 2013 § Filed under End of Civilization § 12 Comments

The big news from the San Diego Comic Con was, of course, that it looks like I’ll be doing these Ends of Civilization for quite a while yet, judging by some of the stuff that was announced, so you’re not rid of me anytime soon! But enough about the far future…let us wallow in products due out in the more immediate future, and you can follow along in your August 2013 edition of Diamond Previews, which you surely have at your side right at this very moment!

p. 87-9 – Justice League #24, Justice League of America #8, Justice League Dark #24:

The Justice Leagues fight the menace of television static! “Green Lantern! Quickly, move the antenna just a little to the left,” Batman commands!

p. 93 – Superman/Wonder Woman #1:

Batman/Superman

Superman/Wonder Woman

Batman/Wonder Woman

Superman/Batwing

Green Lantern/Wonder Woman

Green Lantern/Another Lantern, Maybe A Blue One, Sure, Why Not

Bruce and Clark and Diana and Lois

Superman/Other Hero To Be Announced, Basically Just DC Comics Presents, You Remember That Series, It Was Pretty Awesome

Wonder Woman/Wonder Girl/Wonder Tot

Batman Vs. Batman, starring Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep

Die Fledermaus/The Caped Wonder

Robot Superman/Alien Batman/Other Dimensional Wonder Woman/Plain Ol’ Aquaman

Catwoman/Jimmy Olsen

Itty/Ace the Bat-Hound

Batgirl/Nightwing/Would Probably Sell A Billion Copies

Superman, Just by Himself, Moping Around The Fortress of Solitude and Sighing

p. 115 – Green Lantern #24:

BEGINNING THIS ISSUE: the Green Lantern Corps versus classic punk band the Angry Samoans!

p. 142 – The Sandman: Overture #1:

I guess I’m okay with this New 52 Sandman series, but I think Sandman/Wonder Woman and Sandman Unchained and Sandman and the Outlaws and having him join Justice League Dark is really just pushing it.

p. 154 – Batman Black & White Earth 2 Batman Statue:

“And our drummer Batman exclusively uses only Waynetech Drums! Remember, Waynetech Drums, for the best in combining satisfying rock and roll sound with costumed vigilantism!”

p. 156 – DC Comics Super Heroes Batman Bust:

You’re going to do a Dancing Batman statue and it’s not the Batusi? C’mon, I thought y’all got those rights cleared up.

p. 245 – H.P. Mine Craft T-Shirt:

Quite frankly, the creatures in Minecraft are terrifying enough, they don’t need to be all Lovecrafted up. Though I won’t lie…I’d play a Lovecraft-themed Minecraft game. DAMMIT, MASHING-UP-OF-TWO-THINGS SHIRTS, YOU FINALLY GOT ME

p. 257 – Archie #649:

Ah, the Harry Potter parody issue! There’s the Archie I know, tackling the fads that everyone’s pretty much done with!

p. 258 – World of Archie Double Digest #33:

Now, this cover promises a story about Archie growing an amazing fro, so that better be what I see inside.

p. 315 – The Big Bang Theory “Bazinga!” Toaster:

So a show that made fun of Sheldon owning a Battlestar Galactica Cylon toaster has their own toaster that burns designs into bread. Where the equal time rule for novelty toasters? Where the screen time for the Watchmen Rorschach toaster? WHERE INDEED

p. 380 – Doctor Who The Vault – Treasures from the First 50 Years HC:

The companion volume to Complaints from the First 50 Years, compiling the best of fan mail from folks griping that they don’t like this new Patrick Troughton guy and the like. The last couple of chapters just tell you to go to Twitter and Tumblr.

p. 420 – Batman Major Cuff Knit Cap:

There are other caps like this on the page, like Punisher and Darth Vader, with a second pair of eyes on the cuff, which really begs the question why they didn’t do one of these for Bi-Beast.

p. 430 – Battlestar Galactica Retro Tin-Tote Figure Gift Set:

Kinda looks like Boxey hollowed out his robotic Daggit so he could wear the skin himself:

And it’s kind of hard to see the detail on this figure:

…so here’s a better look:

p. 440 – Dexter 3-3/4 Inch Action Figure with Tin Tote:

“Um, so, what are you doing there with your action figures, Little Billy?”

“Oh, Dexter finally caught up to Cobra Commander, and he’s going to finally pay for his crimes!”

“Okaaaay…say, could you maybe take it easy on using so much plastic wrap? That stuff isn’t free.”

“I’ll give it back as soon as I’m done with Punisher and Wolverine, Dad.”

p. 443 – Prometheus Series 3 Action Figure:

“Each figure stands over 8″ tall and features over 20 points of articulation and countless plot weaknesses and outright plot holes!”

…That quote may be slightly edited.

p. 491 – Superman with Cape Pilsner Glass:

“Man, there’s a tiny Superman sitting on the bar in front of me. Whoa.”

“Okay, I’m cutting you off…HOLY CRAP THERE IS A TINY SUPERMAN, EVERYONE GET OUT, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES”

Thank you for for enjoying my one-act play The Adventures of the Really Drunk Guy and the Easily-Panicked Bartender Who Has Relatively Poor Eyesight!

p. 496 – Kick Ass Coffee Mugs:

I first talked about these about three years ago, and solicitation specifically notes that it’s a resolicitation from 2010. Between that first listing and this one, we’ve lost a few mugs along the way (and gained a Hit-Girl, I think).

I have no joke here. It seems the mugs have come out, just from a quick Googling, just not through Diamond. Maybe we can look forward to a reresolicit around the time of Kick-Ass 3: The Movie.

p. 497 – Sons of Anarchy Men of Mayhem Can Cooler:

Please tell me there’s a scene in the show with one of those tough guys gingerly tucking their beer can into one of these foam covers. “WHAT?” the character shouts defensively at the others snickering at him. “IT KEEPS MY BEER COOL!”

p. 499 – The Walking Dead “If Daryl Dies We Riot” Bracelet:

I think what I like most about this bracelet is how it can apply to so many situations, both everyday and special events. “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “If Daryl dies, we riot.” / “Mom, what’s for dinner?” “If Daryl dies, we riot.” / “Sapstein, do you have your budget report ready for us?” “If Daryl dies, we riot.”

p. 506 – The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey Yahtzee Collector’s Edition:

I was thinking “what’s less likely a Hobbit tie-in than Hobbit Yahtzee…oh, how ’bout Hobbit Backgammon, ha ha, there’s no way they can do do a Hobbit-themed backgammon game” and then I Googled and I guess I’m the asshole.

p. 514 – Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie:

I was hoping the Mystery Science Theater guys would get around to making fun of this Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie movie! This will be hilarious!

Marvel Previews p. 31 – Cataclysm #0.1:

I’m suddenly nostalgic for the good ol’ days of “television static” solicitation images.