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Please let there be one of these about John Constantine’s pet tarantula.

§ July 30th, 2012 § Filed under batman, swamp thing § 7 Comments

So I finally picked up one of those DC Super Pets kids books for myself, and it should probably be obvious why:

Yup, it’s because I loves me some opossums. Also, Swamp Thing is in this book.

It’s a prose book, done in the classic kid book style with many colorful illustrations, giving me flashbacks to my long-ago tenure as a children’s librarian. There’s a section at the front of the book presenting an illustrated dramatis personae of the folks within, informing us that those four animals with Swampy on the cover are in fact his pets, the Down Home Critter gang (Mossy the Skunk, Merle the Possum, Loafers the Basset Hound, and Starlene the Raccoon).

The story involves Solomon Grundy and his own legion of evil pets attempting to raise up the dead pets from all the pet cemeteries around the world as his personal army…pretty gruesome for a kid’s book, I think as an adult in my forties, while realizing from personal library experience that kids would be perfectly okay with this. Anyway, Batman and Ace the Bathound are involved, because why not, and when Swamp Thing takes off with Batman in the Batplane to handle trouble elsewhere in the marshlands:

…that leaves the Down Home Critter Gang to deal with the menace for the majority of the story.

It’s all cute and funny, with Solomon’s pets being suitably gross, and it’s charmingly illustrated by Art Baltazar, which should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with his work from Tiny Titans or Superman Family. Plus, there are some nice shots of Swamp Thing throughout, including a full page image of him shaking hands with Batman, which is probably the last thing I ever expected to see in a children’s picture book. And at one point, Solomon Grundy stands in a graveyard and commands “rise, zombie pets, rise!” which reminds me of Blackest Night so I’m going to think of this as tie-in, just because.

Swamp Thing Saturday #1.

§ July 28th, 2012 § Filed under saturday, swamp thing § 12 Comments



from Archie Double Digest #229 (2012) – special thanks to Mike Nielsen

Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ July 26th, 2012 § Filed under End of Civilization § 22 Comments

Didn’t I just do one of these? Well, none of you stopped me, so here’s another one…another long slog through that sizable tome men dare to call…Diamond Previews. Pop open your copy of the August 2012 edition and follow along…if, you know, you’re not busy or nuthin’:

p. 48-9 – B.P.R.D. 1948 #1:


p. 73 – Marvel Classic Character Series 2 #5 Iron Man:

I mean, just look at that. Iron-on-iron crime, that’s a damn shame.

p. 116 – Deathstroke #13:

“Be careful back there, Zealot! This pavement is hot! OOH OUCH OUCH OW”


p. 136 – Masters of the Universe The Origin of Skeletor #1:

“So what was it, Skeletor? What turned you to a life of evil?”

“Well…many years ago, I was forced to appear in an awful cartoon that primarily existed to advertise toys.”

“My…my God.”

p. 184 – Cyber Force #1:

“Thanks to the support of fans through Kickstarter and participating comic shops, you can get the first FIVE issues of CYBER FORCE at no cost.”

Of course, the next step will be paying readers to pick up your comics, but there are some titles shadowhawk even that won’t work for.

p. 306-7 – Watchmen Rorschach Toaster:





p. 337 – Haganai I Don’t Have Many Friends:

Hey, I don’t remember signing off on a manga biography about me. I especially don’t have any skirts that color.

p. 344 – The Rocky Horror Picture Show TP:

Oh, good, they’re finally collecting this mini-series from way back when. I ruined my copies using the water pistols during the rainstorm scene. …Yeah, that’s how they got wet. Absolutely.

p. 426 – Create Your Own Superhero Action Figure Kit:

The Watchmen “Lower Manhattan” and Tarot Witch of the Black Rose “Haunted Vagina” expansion sets are available separately for collectors 18 and over.

p. 428 – The Walking Dead Plush Assortment:

Two thoughts: 1) I never in my life thought I’d see plushy tombstones; 2) Does Rick have Velcroed detachable bits?

p. 430 – Batman Arkham City Batarang Full-Size Replica:

“Step right in, sir…Doctor Batman is ready to administer your prostate exam.”

p. 430 – Cable Classic Statue:

Oh, c’mon, it’s not that classic…you can see his feet. And his head is almost in the proper proportion to his body. I CALL FOUL

p. 434 – Star Wars Sebulba & Young Anakin Mini-Bust 2-Pack:

Surely this will irritate Sebulba fans who’ll feel forced into buying a Young Anakin statue, as well as irritating Young Anakin fans who’ll have to…ah, who am I kidding? There are no Young Anakin fans.

p. 445 – Rambo III John Rambo HD Masterpiece Action Figure:

Please enjoy the one time the words “Rambo” and “Masterpiece” appear this close to each other.

p. 446 – Ikki Tousen Dragon Destiny Kanu Unchou “Sword Version 2” PVC Figure:

“…She is bent over, displaying her panties and revealing part of her ample chest as her too-small shirt hikes up.”

Yes, yes, tell me that again, only more slo…I MEAN I’m shocked, SHOCKED, at such filth in this catalog!

p. 449 – Star Wars Yoda 12-Inch Mouth Moving Plush:

Wallace Shawn in his most challenging role yet!

p. 449 – Star Wars Princess Leia 9-Inch Talking Plush:

Does not have the moving-mouth feature of the above Yoda doll. Sorry to disappoint you, you pervy weirdos.

p. 468 – Geek Battle Trivia Game:

Not to be confused with the “Geek Battle Overhand Slap Fight Game.”

p. 473 – Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Edition Monopoly:

Do not pass GO, because someone on some Doctor Who message board will start griping about how the Doctor passed “GO” incorrectly, and how they wouldn’t have done it that way in the old days, before Russell Davies got his hands on it and ruined everything, and it totally violates continuity since the Third Doctor once said he was prohibited from ever actually passing “GO” and why don’t they finally reveal that Mr. Monopoly is actually the Rani, what are they waiting for?

p. 473 – South Park Collector’s Edition Monopoly:

Do not pass GO, do not…um, kill Kenny? Do they still kill Kenny? I have no idea, I haven’t seen this show in years.

Marvel Previews p. 43 – Daredevil End of Days #1:

Matt Murdock’s the final secret? That his the editor was kidnapped?

Marvel Previews p. 49 – Dexter #1:

So therefore this is based on the novels, and not the TV show, which, by the way, have gone in fairly different directions. So either this will have no likeness rights for the TV show actors, which will annoy fans, or it will have likenesses of actors but still be in the novels’ continuity, which will annoy fans, or it will be vague enough to be either in the TV show continuity or the novel continuity, with character likenesses close enough to pass for the actors without requiring specific permissions (if they’re even required in the first place, depending on the contracts) but will still annoy fans, because when aren’t they annoyed, really.

…But I’ll still probably buy it.

Marvel Previews p. 67 – Wolverine Max #1:

AT LAST, Wolverine gets to use his swears, just like in the movies seen by every child under 12 who won’t be allowed to buy this comic.

In which I plug another project by pals of mine.

§ July 25th, 2012 § Filed under pal plugging Comments Off on In which I plug another project by pals of mine.

The long-awaited second issue of Dracula the Unconquered is finally out! Chris Sims, Steve Downer, and Josh Krach bring you another installment that’s just as awesome as the first…so awesome, you won’t believe it only cost you a buck. Both installments are available right here at this site I’ve linked to, like, five times in this post, so hopefully you’ve already clicked over there by now. You can find a generous six-page preview on the site as well, in case you’re worried about risking one whole dollar.

• • •

By the way, if I’m plugging some friends’ projects on my site, and you don’t like my friends for whatever reason? Guess what? I don’t care. Go write about it on your own Tumblr or message board or whatever, and keep it out of my comments. Thanks.

Yet another thing I had to get out of my head.

§ July 23rd, 2012 § Filed under freak out, miraclemarvelman § 11 Comments



images from Abbott & Costello #3 (1968) & Miracleman #1 (1985)

§ July 21st, 2012 § Filed under Uncategorized Comments Off on …

Our sorrow for the victims of the Aurora, Colorado theater shooting, and our sympathies for their family and friends.

So wait a second…

§ July 20th, 2012 § Filed under harvey, richie rich § 16 Comments

…you’re gonna turn up your nose at this outfit:

…when you normally dress like this:

…you drive one of these:

…you talked your butler into joining you on this:

…and, as noted before, you own one of these horrible things:

You sure draw the line at the oddest places, Richie Rich.

Also, you say stuff like this. I mean, what the hell.

(Some images “borrowed” from the Grand Comics Database.)

There’s probably a reason why I don’t get interviewed for articles like these more often.

§ July 18th, 2012 § Filed under retailing, self-promotion § 11 Comments

So a while back, Matt Wilson (he of The Supervillain Handbookfame) asked me “if superhero movies are so successful, why aren’t people buying more comics?” And I said “because people are big poopie-heads.” Well, okay, I didn’t say that, but you can see what I did say by looking at Matt’s article right here. My response is hardly the be-all/end-all answer to that particular quandary, but, you know, it’s a start. Oh, and some other people responded, too, but pfffft, they’re obviously not me.

In which I totally plug this Wander comic by some pals of mine.

§ July 17th, 2012 § Filed under pal plugging § 4 Comments

Hey. Longtime internet pals Kevin Church and Josh Krach, along with artist Grace Allison, have a brand new digital comic coming out today from MonkeyBrain Comics:

You should be able to buy your copy of the first issue of Wander: Olive Hopkins and the Ninth Kingdom starting at some point today just by clicking on that title or on the pic above.

There is also an accompanying Tumblr site featuring news and production art, as well as this introductory preview. It’s only $1.99, so go buy it already.

• • •

Another pal of mine, Mark Hale, co-creator of Fake AP Stylebook and co-editor of our book, Write More Good, could use a hand…if you’re in a position to do so, please read his plea and see if there’s anything you can do. Thanks, friends.

Also, he should sparkle.

§ July 16th, 2012 § Filed under swamp thing § 4 Comments

So the other night I was just goofing around (i.e. “annoying all my followers”) on the Twitter, when I wrote this:

Now Max responded with

…which is fair enough, and Mermaniac added

…and, yeah, of course.

But it was Stephen who brought it all together with this, probably never coming soon from Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures:

“Hey. Hey, uh, Arcane. What you’re doing. That’s not cool. And stuff.”

“AAAAH! Damn you, Holland! I am defeated by your smouldering sexiness!”

Er, yeah. Anyway, thanks to Stephen for sending this pic my way. You can see more of his work, and other fun goodies, over at his Tumblr.

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