Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ July 29th, 2010 § Filed under End of Civilization § 27 Comments

Hey, look, it’s another one of these…another brisk gallop through the latest Diamond Previews catalog, pointing out items of interest for your edification. Whip out your copy of the August 2010 edition and follow along! (Also, an EoC fan asked if he could put together a page of some of his favorite entries, I said yes, and here’s what resulted. Also, in response to some of his comments there, I am slowly going through and adding “End of Civilization” tags to those posts…about halfway done, but I’ll get the rest soon!)

p. 130 – Green Lantern Vs. Sinestro Statue Set:

“Great Guardians! Some unknown force has replaced my right arm with a giant green sea urchin! How can I possibly defeat Sinestro now?”

p. 220 – Steampunk Palin one-shot:

It’s another visit from the Pop Culture Mixmaster, slapping together two faddish tastes into a great new flavor explosion! …Sorry, that’s the best metaphor I’ve got. Whaddaya want for free?

p. 242 – Alice in Wonderland San Diego Comic-Con Johnny Depp Photo Edition HC:

The solicitation notes that this Tim Burton film took in over a billion dollars in its worldwide box office take, and I thought “c’mon, no way, I’m calling these guys on this.”

But then I looked it up, and I’ll be damned, it did take in over a billion dollars.

Of course, that still doesn’t answer the question “Why? Why did this film take in over a billion dollars?” or take away the knowledge that any film with this scene managed to do so, but at least I don’t have to bust the chops of my pals at Boom! about the claim.

p. 253 – Warlord of Mars #1:

Well, at least they put some clothes on her for the comic book adaptation.

p. 365 – Plastic Man Close-Up T-Shirt:

This is strangely upsetting. Do you think Plastic Man has the same body heat as a normal person? Also, it seems unlikely that his actual mass would change. So if you were wearing Plastic Man in the form of a shirt, would it feel like being heavily squeezed or pressed down around your upper body by other people, their body heat emanating into you?

…You’re welcome.

p. 379 – Bat Boy 8-Inch Retro Style Action Figure:

I certainly hope Bat Boy is getting his fair share of the royalties from all this tie-in merchandise.

p. 380 – Mr. Corn Plush:

This comes in two varieties…the Happy Fresh Version, with a little smiley face, and the impossibly depressing SAD TENDER VERSION:

He is sad because he knows some of his kernels will inevitably not be digested and will…ahem…pass through, intact. THE SUFFERING OF MR. CORN WILL NEVER END.

p. 384 – Living Dead Dolls Nohell Doll:

It took me a moment to figure out the gag in the name. I’m really terrible about catching stuff like this sometimes.

p. 384 – Lego Brickmaster Atlantis HC:

Now you can build Atlantis from scratch, just like Plato did!

p. 390 – Mr. Potato Head KISS:

I was going to make a joke about “Potatoes in Satan’s Service,” but, um, that abbreviates in an unfortunate fashion.

p. 395 – Battlestar Galactica Kara “Starbuck” Thrace Mini-Bust:


“Note: Statue may suddenly disappear from display without warning.”

p. 403 – Star Wars Death Trooper Mini-Bust with Novel:

That’s a Zombie Stormtrooper, speaking of the Pop Culture Mixmaster. Just thought that was worth noting. Plus, it’ll look nice sitting on the mantelpiece next to the picture of Grandma.

p. 410 – Evangelion 2.0 Entry Plug Chopsticks:


p. 414 – Doctor Who 11th Doctor Diecast Sonic Screwdriver:

“It comes with three tips – large, medium, and small – and each tip is reversable [sic] with Phillips and Flathead ends.”

So it’s a replica…of the Sonic Screwdriver…that’s actually a screwdriver. Whoaaaa…far out, man.

p. 425 – Disney Traditions Light-Up Tinker Bell Lantern:

“Ah ha ha ha! At last, Tinker Bell, I have you trapped in my Lantern Prison! As soon as I turn the light on, you’ll be fried to a crisp, my little fairy!”

“Captain Hook, you fiend!”

Marvel Previews p. 102 – X-Force A Force to Be Reckoned With Premiere HC:

Reprinting those last few issues of New Mutants and the initial issues of X-Force, in a high quality hardcover.

Somewhere, a tree is crying.

Marvel Previews p. 188 – Carnage Poster:

“Art is currently being constructed from only the highest quality materials, handmade in Belgium by our most talented artisans, and flown in to our master craftsmen and electricians, who will spend countless hours assembling and wiring this item to very exacting specifications. We know you expect a high standard of quality on anything with the proud name of ‘Carnage Poster’ attached, and we aim to please.”

27 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Dorian says:

    I am utterly baffled that Marvel continues to get away with nonsense like that Carnage poster.
    But then, I suppose if you’re a Carnage fan, whether or not the art is any good is a moot point.

  • Mikester says:

    DC sort of did the same thing with all the “Batman: The Return” one-shots in this month’s catalog, though that’s more a case of “hiding plot spoilers” than “um, we’re not ready with the art…sorry,” I think.

    Though I almost made the joke of “well, everyone’s gonna skip these one-shots and go straight to the Grant Morrison one, so we’re not bothering to finish the cover art.”

  • How can Steampunk Palin be a one shot?! Why there’s miles of depth to be mined from that concept! Hopefully they’re using it to test the waters for an ongoing Steampunk Palin series.

    Have I mentioned how politicians in non-political settings have become the most worn out pop culture meme since zombies lately?

    And I am getting that screwdriver. Whoever came up with that is a genius.

    I don’t suppose it makes sonic screwdriver noises as it drives in screws too? Because then I’d have to camp out in front of a store for one.

  • Roger Green says:

    the first nohell, the devils did say…

  • Joe S. Walker says:

    Green Lantern may not have the use of his ring hand, but that’s some ball-clutch he’s doing with his left.

  • You know, the news that Alice in Wonderland took in a billion dollars is a much clearer sign of the End of Civilization than any of the entries out of the catalog this month. It might be a clearer sign of the End of Civilization than the last year of catalog entries put together. You know what, guys? Go ahead and buy your gross little manga statues and your overpriced replica Buffy stakes. It’s a drop in the bucket; you’re not making any measurable difference in the badness of a world in which that movie took in a billion dollars.

  • Thwacko says:

    I wonder if you can get alternate Fox and Ankh Warrior faces for the KISS Mr. Potato?

  • Randal says:

    I will just say that Alice in Wonderland was hideously distracting on home viewing. It turned into a game of “Spot the Original 3-D.”

  • John says:

    Re: the “Sonic” Screwdriver:

    But does it work on wood?

  • philip says:

    There’s usually one thing in these posts that I secretly (or not so secretly) want. This time it’s that damn Plastic Man t-shirt. I don’t care how much he weighs.

  • Andres says:

    RE: Whaddaya want for free?
    Hey, I pay six bucks to read along with this article!

  • The Second Gunman says:

    Of course the best Doctor (11th) gives us the best sonic screwdriver toy.

    Stylish and functional!

  • The really scary thing about Steampunk Palin is that she looks halfway intelligent. Care to, uh, refudiate?

  • Matt says:

    Steampunk Palin can see the blimp czars of St. Petersmech from her house.

  • Tim O'Neil says:

    I was tsk-tsking the shit joke when you follow it up with Plato. Classyness restored.

  • Mikester says:

    I am a man of extremes, Timothy O’Neil.

  • Ken Robinson says:

    “Art under construction” is the greatest thing I’ve seen all day. Possibly all week.

  • suedenim says:

    I am utterly baffled that such a thing as a “Carnage fan” exists.

  • Rocco says:

    Any movie that is specifically made for “3D” and “IMAX” will make a lot more money than one that is not. Add in the depressingly large Tim Burton fanbase, as well as the fact it was in theaters for both Spring break, and Easter.. It’s terrifying but not unreasonable. I was recently looking at the list of highest grossing films and was immediately taken back by the fact that almost all of them came out in the last 5 years. When I got to whatever number Alice in Wonderland was at I literally stopped reading…

  • Some Other Chris says:

    Mike, I know your stance on “Do Not Buy” — but how would you react if one of your regulars wanted to preorder that Carnage poster? Would you try and talk them out of it, or shrug and take the order while feeling slightly depressed?

  • Mikester says:

    Some Other Chris – I have no problem with customers buying whatever they want to buy, but in the case of the Carnage poster…well, the only reason I would have any qualms about ordering it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s a Carnage poster, but that we have absolutely no idea what it looks like or even who’s drawing it. I would make absolutely sure that the customer wants to have it before special ordering it for them…probably to the point of making them pay ahead of time so they don’t bail out on me once they actually see it.

  • William Gatevackes says:

    It appears that the Green Lantern Vs. Sinestro battle was apparantly choreographed by Bob Fosse. JAZZ HANDS!

  • Leroy Hart says:

    …Of course, the very last commenter had to go and make the glorious “Jazz Hands” joke I was just DYING to make. Damn you, William Gatevackes, damn you to a hell that is worse then the one I’ll surely go to, for beating me to a horrible punch. Ah, well…

    In other news, I’m almost 100% positive that Carnage poster is going to just be the cover to that “Carnage” mini-series coming out fairly soon, featuring that baby Carnage fetus.


  • Employee Aaron says:

    Really really want that sonic screwdriver!

  • Mikester says:

    Employee Aaron – NO SCREWDRIVER FOR YOU

  • Tom K Mason says:

    If wanting a Mr. Corn plush is wrong, I don’t want to be right.