Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ October 29th, 2009 § Filed under End of Civilization § 1 Comment

Hey gang…your pal Mike has been busy over the last week or so doing, you know, some stuff, so posting here has been a little thin for a while, and may continue to be so for a bit longer. I apologize, but it’s also cut into my End of Civilization prep time, so this one’s slightly truncated compared to previous installments. If I can, I’ll try to come back to this Nov. 2009 edition of Previews with some additional, non-EoC discussion, but for now…please enjoy these fine items selected from the pages of America’s Favorite Catalog That Doesn’t Have “Victoria” in the Title:

p. 129 – World of Warcraft Collectible Coin Sets:

There are two sets available, the “Horde” and the “Alliance,” and I think that’s the “Alliance” pictured there. These are replicas of the coins used in the video game, and a reminder of the real money you’ve spent playing for countless hours online and earning fake money.

p. 183 – Obamouse:

“The economy is crumbling like stale roquefort. We are at war with Owl Kaida, our soldiers being targeted by their traps, poisons and predators. When the nation, perhaps the whole world, needs change, one rodent steps forward to offer it: Barack Obamouse. But if his daring plans for the country are to succeed, he will have to win over his skeptic political rivals and countrymice, including Hen Beck, John McCrane, Sarah Penguin and Ratt Limbaugh!”

I am honestly at a loss for words.

p. 307 – Will Green Lantern T-shirt:

“Hi Will!”


“I said ‘hi Will!’ That’s your name, right, on your shirt?”

“Er, no….”

“Oh. Who’s Will, then? Some rock star or something?”

“No, no…it’s a shirt about Green Lantern. You know, the superhero.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, I loved Green Hornet. His real name’s Will? I thought it was Van Williams.”

“No, you see, there are lots of different colored Lanterns, each representing a different part of the emotional spectrum. The Yellow Lanterns are ‘fear,’ the Red Lanterns are ‘rage,’ and the Green Lanterns are ‘will.'”

“Um…is ‘will’ an emotion?”

“Okay, look, I’m taking off the shirt. See? I’m no longer wearing the shirt. Stop talking to me.”

p. 315 – Battlestar Galactica Series 4 Action Figure Assortment:



p. 332 – Herbie the Love Bug “Tooned Up” Maquette:

For some reason this “tooned up” version of a car disturbs me more deeply than the “tooned up” human statues do. Probably only a matter of time ’til someone builds a life-size drivable replica of this hideous distortion.

Shorter, more jokey: “Look out for that black hole, Herbie!”

p. 332 – Super Goof Mini-Maquette:

That there now exists (or will soon, anyway) a Super Goof statue reignites my faith in the human spirit. Perhaps I should change the title of these posts to “The Rebirth of Civilization!”

p. 338 – Iron Man Movie Arc Reactor Prop Replica:

On second thought, belay that name change. Of all the neat things in Iron Man, this is the prop replica they wanted. Huh. Plus, it’s already engraved, which totally screws up my plans to have it engraved myself before using it for wedding gift.

p. 344 – Lightsaber Chopstick Sets:

“First unveiled at San Digeo Comic-Con 2009 where fans got to compete in chopstick competitions against real-life 501st Stormtroopers….”

They’re stormtrooper-approved, kids!

Looking at the fingers touching the “laser blades” in this pic strikes me as oddly unnerving. “AUGH MY FINGERTIPS”

Anyway, let me know when they develop actual mini working lightsabers I can use to cut steak. That’s what I’d be interested in.

p. 359 – Star Trek Starfleet Logo Flask:

Just like the one that one guy who played Enterprise Guard #3 occasionally sneaks drinks from while he’s killing time between customers at the autograph show.

Also, if this were actual Starfleet branded material (yeah, I know, work with me here), does this mean Starfleet is encouraging its forces to carry around their own source of emergency sauce? Or maybe Scotty just knocked out a one-off of these during a downtime in Engineering, while he was feeling a bit cheeky. And drunk.

p. 359 – Star Wars Darth Vader Helmet Clock Radio:

Lucasfilm’s continuing efforts to strip poor ol’ Darth of any menace or tragic dignity continue apace. Apparently the end of Revenge of the Sith wasn’t enough.

That said, I totally want one of these.

p. 361 – World of Warcraft Leather Wallets:

Hey, something to keep your non-legal tender WoW coins in.

p. 361 – Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Journal:

One should probably take actual previous diary entries and transfer them to this new journal, and, like the book the journal’s based on, rewrite your entries to include zombies. “Today, Jeremy asked me to the Spring Formal, just before he was attacked by a zombie. He fought valiantly, and after seemingly hours of battle, he emerged victorious, safely free of any infecting bites. So I said yes.”

NOTE: would probably really worry nosy moms.

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