That I even typed the phrase "robot testicles" means that, somewhere along the line, I have lost the battle.

§ July 13th, 2009 § Filed under movie reviews, transformers Comments Off on That I even typed the phrase "robot testicles" means that, somewhere along the line, I have lost the battle.

So I saw the new Transformers movie. Some minor SPOILERS ahead:

  • Yes, the twins (essentially, stereotypes of black people) were a bit…uncomfortable. Sure, they do get in a couple of good lines at the expense of Sam’s college roommate, but one suspects that these characters really weren’t thought through too much. Lots of nervous laughter in my particular viewing’s audience.
  • The whole business with “robot testicles” has been played up a bit too much as a complaint, I think. It’s a brief background sight gag of a couple of wrecking balls dangling from the crotch area of a giant robot whose job is destroying things. Sure, why wouldn’t it have wrecking balls? Yes, it’s a dumb gag, but it’s not any more ridiculous than anything else in this movie. If I were in charge of the film, I would have left the twins out, but I probably would have gone for the testicles gag. I’m not proud.
  • I think it was at the point when the evil robots were chatting with their Supreme Leader at their space base when I had this exact thought: “What the hell am I watching?”
  • Yeah, I know, just at that point?
  • The plot was essentially an excuse to send robots to fight around the world so that the lovely architecture of foreign lands could be Blown Up Real Good, but…well, it hard to resist some full on giant robot battle action. By and large I had an easier time following the action sequences this time around than I did in the first film.
  • However, I had a harder time following some of the dialogue…I don’t know if it’s excessive processing of the robot voices in production, or just bad speakers at the theatre, or my hearing’s just shot from all those loud Juice Newton concerts I went to in my misspent youth, but I couldn’t make out the occasional piece of dialogue.
  • I think something may have been wrong with Megan Fox’s back, as she sure seemed to be bending over a lot.
  • I wanted to see more of ancient humans interacting with the alien robots. Ah, well. Also, I thought we were going to get some Beast Wars-esque robots disguised as animals in those flashbacks for some reason. We did get a large cat-bot eventually, but that’s not the same.
  • Really, movie? That’s all the Deep Roy you’re going to give me? That’s a damned shame, that’s what that is.
  • I realize that for plot reasons, Optimus Prime by necessity was out for a good chunk of the picture, but…well, I would have liked more Optimus in the film. The scene where he’s facing off with that government agent who’s trying to get the Autobots to leave…one got a real sense of dignity, wisdom, and patience out of Optimus, which, considering it’s a digital effect of a huge honkin’ robot, is quite the feat.

Overall…so long as they stuck to the action (or to scenes with Optimus Prime being awesome), the film was okay. Not as good as the first one (which I realize for some people “good” is a relative term in discussing these movies…hey, I was pleasantly surprised by the first film, what can I tell you), and this new movie certainly doesn’t have an ounce of brainmatter anywhere in it, but…well, I’d give a third film a shot, I suppose.

However, that G.I. Joe trailer hasn’t really improved any with repeated viewings, has it?

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