And now…a special message from the life-sized Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite statue.

§ April 8th, 2006 § Filed under merchandise, star wars § 3 Comments

“Hi! I’m the Life-Sized Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite statue…some of you longtime readers of this site may recall Mike, the proprietor of this site, referring to me as the Nerdiest Object Ever.

“However, Mike, while perusing the fine Bedazzled weblog, was introduced to a possible competitor for my hard-earned title…

“…life-sized replicas of the Robot from Lost in Space.

“There is one very important difference between the Robot replica and myself — a difference that allows me to keep the Nerdiest Object Ever crown — and that difference is features.

“The Robot can actually do stuff. Parts of the robot are animated, and it comes with a built-in sound library, with soundbites from Richard Tufeld, the Robot’s original voice. And, apparently, for an additional fee, you can get custom recordings from Tufeld as well.

“There is also a stereo input, so you can connect an external sound source and use the Robot as the world’s most elaborate speaker system.

“What can I do? I can lean against a wall. Or be hung on a wall. I also come with a plaque that reads ‘HAN SOLO IN CARBONITE’ in case there’s any question about what I am. I also come with one of those Certificates of Authenticity that don’t really mean anything. I mean, what, someone’s gonna forge a copy of me? C’mon.

“So, if you buy me, you get…me. A life-sized replica of Han Solo. Frozen in carbonite. I have no animated parts, no audio jacks. I just sit there and look at you. Well, grimace in pain at you, anyway. I only exist so that a Star Wars fan can own me, look at me, and think ‘hey, I own something that looks like something from Star Wars!’

“And there you have it…the Lost in Space Robot replica is still not the Nerdiest Object Ever, since it has a function, however limited, beyond just being a fetishistic reminder of a piece of popular entertainment.

“Many try to take the title, but none ever surpass me. Such is my blessing — and my curse — as the Nerdiest Object Ever.”

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