…and, as far as this sort of thing usually goes, the isn’t terrible. It’s watchable, doesn’t overstay its welcome (it’s only about an hour and some change in length), and though the best bit doesn’t come ’til the end, when the team battles the Hulk:

…which involves a lot of fun-to-watch destructive superhero mayhem, it remains reasonably entertaining.

Anyone expecting an exacting adaptation of the Mark Millar/Brian Hitch Ultimates series, on which this was based, is going to be disappointed. For one thing, the characterizations are much lighter…in the comic, the most sympathetic character was Thor, and he was (maybe) crazy. In the movie, the only two heroes with darker aspects to them are Hank “Giant Man” Pym (whose marriage problems and general dickatude are given special focus) and Bruce Banner (who comes across as a emotionally stunted creep). Tony Stark’s drinking problem is hinted at as well.

Unsurprisingly, Stark’s butler Jarvis is no longer the Bitchy Gay Jarvis of the comics…well, maybe he is, but you only really get Lightly Sardonic Jarvis from the two lines he has in the cartoon.

And certain plot points and incidents from the first Ultimate series are reproduced throughout the film, which only served to remind you (as similar circumstances did in the Constantine movie) of how those same scenes were handled better in the comic. Things are simpler, more condensed.

The movie does earn its PG-13 rating with plenty of onscreen deaths…no “falling into the water and landing safely out of harm’s way” here. There is a particularly unsettling and effective scene near the beginning of the film with a space shuttle falling to Earth, its pilot shouting “We’re burning up! We’re burning–” just as the transmission is cut. Plus, the scenes with the recently revived Captain America reuniting with his old war buddies, both alive and dead, is genuinely affecting.

Overall, it’s worth a rental…it’s cheesy, harmless fun for those of you who like the guys in tights punching each other. It doesn’t advance the medium, but it doesn’t set it back, really, either.

The special features include a lengthy discussion of the Avengers comic books (with lots of comments from Kurt Busiek and George Perez), a collection of fan tryouts for voice work on the cartoon (couldn’t finish watching it, it hurt so bad), and a text commentary for the film.

The text commentary…hoo boy. A while back I tried watching the text commentary for Kingdom of Heaven, a mindlessly-entertaining sword-em-up with Orlando Bloom and Liam Neeson, but after a handful of typos and misspellings, I just gave up. It was entirely too frustrating.

Such was the case for Ultimate Avengers‘ similar feature. The commentary is rife with typos, misspellings, and outright grammatical errors throughout the length of the film. An example:

And that’s not the worst of it…you’d think that there would be certain words that couldn’t possibly be spelled incorrectly, considering what film this is. For example, Marvel:

…or Stan:

…or even Ultimates:

Yes, they misspelled “Ultimates.” It’s in the title of the movie. And this wasn’t the only time…it’s misspelled several times over the course of the commentary.

Most of the errors are clearly just typos, what with “Y” being right next to “T” on the keyboard, in the “Stan Lee” example, and I noticed a couple missing or transposed letters here and there as well (“destyoed,” “emloyed,” “Word War II”), not to mention several non-capitalized names (“sub-mariner,” “hulk”). But, honestly, a once-over by an editor would have caught the majority of these, I’m sure. Was the DVD rushed out to market that quickly?

Well, avoid the commentary feature, I guess…hopefully the one on the promised second Ultimate Avengers DVD will be an improvement.

In other news:

Hey, longtime customer (and fledgling pro funnybook artist) Weshoyot has a new column over at The Comics Review. Go, read, tell her I sent you.

Speaking of columns, I have a new installment of BEHIND THE COUNTER up over at Comic Book Galaxy, in which I talk about selling the naughty books.

And as long as I’m on my favorite topic — me — let me point out a few things I just put up on the eBay. These are personal items, duplicates from my collection, which I’m not selling through the store. Bid early, bid often.

A happy (belated) fourth anniversary to Pop Culture Gadabout, which happens to be the first site by a person I didn’t know* to put up a link to mine. He has a swell site, always worth reading.

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I have a question. Are people incapable of seeing whether or not something is in new condition?

As a seller of funnybooks, I regularly get folks in the shop looking to sell their old comics to us, as I may have brought up in the past, once or twice. Sometimes (well, usually) it’s someone who isn’t are mired in the hobby as you or I, who has a bundle of comics from when they were a kid, or they just bought at the swap meet, or some darn thing, and they’re trying to unload them on us for a few bucks. And the collection is almost always introduced with “all these comics are in great shape,” or “new condition,” or “excellent to mint condition.”

And, yeah, if you’ve been reading my site for any length of time, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that, no, the comics are not in new condition. In fact, they usually look like they’ve been hit by a series of fast-moving vehicles. (See my first Comic Book Galaxy column for the Superboy Annual story.)

It came to me last night, as I was looking at a pile of comics a fellow brought it just as we were closing, in terrible condition but promised to be in “perfect shape,” that people just plain can’t see what condition their comics are actually in.

I’m not talking about knowing the difference between “Very Fine” and “Near Mint” — it’s bad enough I have to know that, I wouldn’t expect anyone else to. I mean, looking at a comic that’s stained, with the cover torn (or missing outright), waterlogged, burned, smelling of cat pee, and telling me “it’s in brand new condition!”

Either they’re trying to convince me through constant repetition of their claims that what they’re saying is true (a common strategy in the real world, nowadays), or they think that this is what comics always look like (which is just depressing), or that they think “for the comics’ age” that they’re in relatively nice condition, considering.

Or they honestly can’t tell. If so, would these same people, when they’re buying a new car, overlook a big dent in the door? Would they buy clothes new off the rack that are torn or stained? Surely in these cases they can tell when something looks “new” and when something obviously looks “used.”

And, to reiterate…I don’t mean comics that are “slightly used,” with minor spine creasing, or a touch of sun-fading. I mean “someone used this comic to practice their knife-stabbing technique.” Or “someone was testing the effectiveness of their collection of corrosive acids.” Some people just plain can’t see it…or don’t want to see it, perhaps.

The ultimate reason is probably that they don’t care. It ain’t their hobby, so why should they? Let professional nerds like “comic book store employees” worry about it. All comics are pretty much the same, right? So any old comic should be worth something. And it isn’t that they don’t know that condition is important in this hobby, since the first words out of their mouths is always about how great the condition is on their books.

So what say you, internet pals?

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In that last section, when I tried to type the word “swap,” it kept coming out as “swamp.” In fact, I just did it again right now. See what my obsession with Swamp Thing has done to me?

* In case you’re wondering, the first site to link to me which is by a person I do know is this one. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but any excuse to send a little traffic out in a pal’s direction….

“At least I finally found a way to sell Marville.”

Via Mark Evanier, a gallery of treasury-sized comics from DC, Marvel, and others. Lots of good cover scans, with info on each featured item. The man in charge of the site calls this comic “one of the greatest, craziest comics ever,” and therefore clearly knows what he’s talking about.

And there was a Smurfs treasury, and I didn’t know about it? Gosh dang it….

* Mystery Science Theatre reference…don’t mind me.

Take off those pants, doff that top, and Read A Comic Book Naked today! (But not Power Pack, that’d be creepy.)

Okay, it’s a late reminder, but if you miss it today, read a comic naked tomorrow. I won’t tell Steve if you won’t.

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Shorter version of my post from this morning: Ken is swell, even entertainment can educate, and I need an editor.

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The Jack Chick Tract Generator I linked to a few days ago is working again. Click, sinner.

Pal Andy is facing legal shenanigans from Bill Cosby’s lawyers for hosting the House of Cosby parody animations. And he ain’t backin’ down. Good on him.

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Ain’t It Cool News is offering up their comic book awards for the last year. They’re called the “@$$ies.” Mmm-hmm. Anyway, it’s about 75% Marvel ‘n’ DC stuff, and if I hear that criticism about All Star Batman one more freakin’ time….

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Yesterday at the store:

Employee Nathan: “I think the most underappreciated villains at Marvel must be the Headmen.”

Me: “God help us if there’s ever a MAX version of the Headmen.”

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I promised you all a response, of sorts, to the mighty Ringwood Ken’s State of the Comicsweblogosphere post from a few days back, and I’ve been trying to come up with one, on and off, ever since then. And to be real honest, it’s been a struggle.

As I told Ken in e-mail, my initial attempt at composing said response ended up being longer than the Bible, and thus perhaps a bit trying of the patience of you good people. It was terribly self-indulgent, too…I mean, even more so than the very idea of “blogging” is.

So let me try to respond and further comment briefly (or as briefly as I can manage, and I think you should know by now about how successful I usually am at being “brief”) upon at least one specific point made by Ken in his essay.

First, let me establish something. Now I usually don’t hold up a specific weblogger as a “favorite” — usually, when the topic comes up, I tend to say something along the lines of “I like all the comic webloggers out there,” and to a certain extent, that’s true. Okay, there may be a couple out there that don’t blow my skirt up, but the very idea that all you folks are out there, revealing your thoughts on comics for all to see, mostly on a regular basis, is enough to make me happy. I like that fact that there are so many people expressing themselves however they can on a subject that we all enjoy, and I don’t want to play favorites by saying “this guy is better than that guy” or something similar. But…there is a list of certain webloggers I immediately gravitate to as soon as I see them on the Comics Weblog Update-A-Tron. It’s probably a given that pal Dorian and the other members of the ACAPCWOVCCAOE are on that list, as is comics ‘blogging trailblazer Neilalien. And Ken is on that list as well…I can’t get to his site fast enough as soon as I learn that he’s got something new to say. I once referred to him as “America’s only comics weblogger,” and I may have only been half-joking. He’s one of my favorite webloggers, and I just wanted you (and Ken!) to keep that in mind on the off-chance that it sounds like I’m getting down on him in the slightest.

Well, it looks like I blew the “brief” thing already, but let’s continue anyway.

Ken says:

“There’s a lot of sloppiness in blogging now; we seem to be going more for entertainment than edification….”

And I have to admit, I may have been slacking off slightly on the site lately, but not from a lack of desire. I enjoy doing this weblog, and hope I can continue for some time to come…and when the weblog fad eventually dies out, on the assumption that it’s the 21st century’s CB radio, hopefully I can continue my online discussion of comics in whatever format is to follow.

The real problem is time; Some days I just don’t have the time to devote to putting together a post. That was built into the structure of my posting schedule almost from the start…the reason you get image posts on Wednesdays and Saturdays is because I generally don’t have much time to assemble a post on those days, given my working hours. And sometimes I’m just plain rushed, even on mornings when I would normally have plenty of time to put a post together…stuff happens, can’t be helped.

And that’s when you get the news story posts…the trouble isn’t finding them, it’s making sure I’m not stepping on Tom‘s toes by duplicating anything he’s already posted.

And that’s when you get the message board posts…yes, I know it can be very Fanboy Rampage of me, but where Graeme was mostly following the comic news topics of the day via board postings, and thus actually had some kind of point to make, I’m just looking for crazy talk. I mean, how else would we have learned about the glory that is…the Kryptonite Lightsaber? And the reason I think it’s sloppy posting on my part is because I could easily do that all day. I could do nothing but quotes from crazy message boards. It’s an easy fallback position when I don’t have the time or inclination to provide my own content. I know this type of post can be fun to read, and most of you seem to enjoy it, but it can be a lazy out for me. It may not be cheating, but it feels like cheating.

Ken mentions that folks in the comicsweblogosphere are going more for entertainment than education, and…well, I don’t know that there’s really anything wrong with that. I sympathize with his point, that we all have forums for our voices, that some of us carry some minimal amount of weight and influence with our readers, and we should use our influence to guide our readers and expose them to new works and new ideas.

On the other hand…when I started this site, I never expected more than a handful of readers. That I have any influence at all on anybody, beyond (hopefully) providing a few moments of amusement, usually comes as a shock to me.

Now, do I actually think that I am educating anybody? I’d like to think so. I’ve turned a few people on to various books…even though I see pal Tom all the time, it was my constant plugging of Little Lulu on the site that got him to try it out. And a few of my other customers who are aware of my site have tried out various books due to my online recommendations.

I also like to think I’ve taught a few comic fans out there about what it’s like for the guy on the other side of the comic shoppe counter. Not all of us funnybook dealers are the Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy. At least, I hope that’s what you’re taking away from my rants and venting. (“Worst…weblog…ever.”)

As for the emphasizing entertainment part…well, to repeat, I see Ken’s point. Going for the joke or the cheap shot over the thoughtful analysis may seem like a wasted opportunity. But I think some education can slip into the entertainment…it’s not like we’re Superdickery, where it seems a lot of the people just throwing panels up for mockery don’t really seem to know anything about comics. Most of us have an understanding of the history of the characters and of the medium, and hopefully that comes across in some of the more extensive detailings of the oddities of yesteryear.

Not that there’s really anything wrong with just throwing a random bizarre panel out there, though. A good laugh is its own reward.

That there’s any kind of serious, thoughtful, and extensive analysis at all on any weblogs is something to be grateful for. I mean, what do you want for free? Most of us aren’t getting paid for this. We’re just doing this for fun, as extensions of our hobbies. I like comic books, I like to talk about comic books, and I wanted a forum for sharing my enjoyment of comics with other people, without the undercurrent of “I like this comic, and I think you should give me money for it” that can occur when I talk about comics at the store.

But the beauty of weblogging, as it exists today, is that if you don’t like your reading options out there, it’s really easy to start a weblog of your own. If you don’t think your point of view is being represented, or that topics aren’t being discussed to the extent that you think they should be discussed…well, get off your hinder and get your site going. I would like to see what you have to say.

A brief exchange at work:

Employee Nathan: “That Will Smith I, Robot movie was probably the one film adaptation that was the least faithful to the original source material.”

Me: “There are movies with no robots in them are more faithful to the original I, Robot than the I, Robot movie.”

Don’t remember why the topic came up, exactly…unless we were talking about V for Vendetta , which is beginning to get some positive reviews here and there on the glorious world wide interweb (currently at 71% on Rotten Tomatoes). I’ll wait and see and judge it for myself…but I’m still expecting any kind of subtlety in the book to become a sledgehammer on film. But I’m a big cynicalpants, so there.

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As I mentioned last night, we were totally rooked on our full order of Marvel Zombies, which blows. We also didn’t receive our copies of Spider-Girl, but for some reason I’m not expecting a lot of complaints about that. We also didn’t receive a lot of other items as well, and we’re receiving an “emergency shipment,” so we should have most of the items in our hand today or tomorrow…with the exception of Marvel Zombies, natch, since copies weren’t available for the shipment for some reason. We’re supposed to get them next week with our regular order, with any luck.

Very annoying.

As for some of the comics that did arrive:

Infinite Crisis #5 – Okay, I’m a big ol’ DC fanboy. I loves me the DC superheroes, the convoluted continuity, the multiple Earths, the crossovers…the whole shebang. However, even a huge nerd like me is getting a little continuity-referenced out by the events of IC. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy it, but I think I’m ready for the story to wrap up now. Nice tribute inside to the classic Golden Age cover, too.

Detective Comics #817 – I swear to God, I was so close to buying this comic solely for the brief dialogue mention of Swamp Thing. Not an appearance, mind you, but simply a mention of the character’s name. Yes, I know that’s all kinds of pathetic.

Batman Annual #25 – Sold through all our copies. Immediately. And it’s sort of an Infinite Crisis tie-in, too, though it’s not marked as such on the cover. If sales are this strong everywhere, surely DC will take the hint that annuals will sell if they’re presenting a longer story on subjects of great interest to their readers. And not, say, flooding the market with dozens of annuals filled with whatever junk will fill 48 pages since, clearly, “annuals sell.” Heaven knows they’d never do anything like that.

Batman: Secrets #1 – First, I can’t read that title without thinking of the Conan O’Brien sketches (“George Takei…SECRETS,” among others). Second…well, we’ve been seeing an increase of people buying multiple copies of comics for investment purposes. Someone bought ten copies of this particular issue. No idea why. Sure plays havoc with our cycle sheets, I’ll tell you what.

Runaway Comics #1 – Finally, a new Mark Martin release…crazy humor comics for crazy people. If you haven’t previously enjoyed the anarchic confusion of “Montgomery Wart,” you need to grab a copy of this here funnybook.

War of the Worlds Second Wave #1 – Another fine release from Boom! Studios, this time a sequel to the original H.G. Wells novel, movie, whatever…doesn’t matter, we all know the story, more or less. And this issue is mostly just set-up, as it follows our point-of-view character, Miles, through the initial invasion and his attempts to get back to his wife. It’s fast-paced, with just enough dialogue and captions (from writer Michael Alan Nelson) to keep the story moving without slowing it down. Chee, the artist, keeps the action easy to follow, and though there are multiple full-page splashes during the course of the story, they don’t feel like space-filling cheats as multiple splashes often do in your average superhero comic. The splashes have impact, imparting a sense of the immensity of the events and the danger everyone is in. Well done, and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Next Wave #2 – I’ve read some complaints here and there that it seems as if Warren Ellis is maybe trying just a little too hard to be irreverent and “wacky” in this comic. Well, if he is, that’s apparently okay with me, since this comic is quite unlike anything I’ve read, and I’m enjoying the heck out of it. Well, in terms of actual plot (superheroes stop monster), it ain’t nothing new, but it’s all about the presentation, baby. Funny dialogue, funny captions, funny asides, and a lot is made about Fin Fang Foom’s giant monster pants.

And that Watcher action figure? It’s better than I even imagined. The Watcher also wears little blue Speedo trunks under his robes, apparently. And, because of the way the head was connected to the neck, I heard a lot of comments about the figure looking like a bobblehead. Sigh.

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For reading all this, I give you…

THE RANDOM JACK CHICK TRACT GENERATOR.