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Tales of Suspense #28 (April 1962)

In the distant future, as shown in “The Secret of the Black Planet” by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko, criminals still bust rocks with sledgehammers, only in space:







And bust out Bruno does, by hiding in an empty crate which is placed on a supply ship. In space, mind you. Anyway, once in space, Bruno pops out of his crate, grabs a jet pack, and jumps out through the very clearly labeled “Emergency Escape Hatch” (which looks more like a pneumatic tube). Luckily, the ship was apparently passing so close to a random planet that Bruno was able to fly down to the surface without ever being exposed to open space, since he clearly isn’t wearing a spacesuit:







Note that second panel: “I’ll never pay for my crimes now!” Ironic comeuppance, dead ahead! He finds signs of civilization on this planet:







Thus his plan, stated in an earlier panel, to “steal a private ship and head for another galaxy” (which seems a little drastic…a distant solar system would be enough, you think) appears to be approaching fruition. And sure enough, Bruno spots what appears to be a rocket ship in the distance. He rushes toward the rocket, only to notice something odd:







Only it’s not getting bigger…it’s coming closer! And once it gets close enough, Bruno reaches a horrifying conclusion:







Okay, where do I start:

1. I really hope to God that’s supposed to be a mouth.

2. As pal Dorian mentioned to me, it doesn’t appear that the rocket-ship creature really has speed on its side, so Bruno could probably outrun it fairly easily.

3. It also appears pretty top heavy, and there are hills on this planet, judging from background shots in previous panels…if Bruno takes to high ground, he should be safe. Unless those “arms” on the rocket creature are more effective than they look, in which case he’s screwed.

4. What are Bruno’s crimes, anyway? I guess we’re supposed to assume that they’re pretty awful, given that the twist ending means he’s “doomed forever.” It’s gotta be at least murder. I mean, if it’s just tax evasion or embezzlement, does he really deserve to be “doomed forever?”

5. What kind of turn of phrase is “doomed forever,” anyway? Is he going to be chased by a slow, lumbering rocket-monster for all time? Either he’s going to escape, or he’s going to be eaten right quick. It looks like the situation will be resolved one way or the other sooner rather than later.

6. If the surprise twist ending of your story is that the giant rocket that your main character sees is actually a horrible monster, the very first image the reader sees from this story probably shouldn’t be this:

7. Why is it called “The Black Planet?” It doesn’t appear to be any darker in hue than normal. It’s never called “The Black Planet” in the story. Maybe the giant rocket aliens are Public Enemy fans.

8. Back to the rocket-monster…those legs appear to be placed toward the front of the body, and I don’t see a tail. If that creature tries to move at all, unless it’s hunched forward, or unless the gravity on this world is much less than that of Earth, it’s gonna fall.

9. I’m guessing that the tube Bruno found was all that was left of a previous victim of the rocket-monster…Bruno states, upon finding another piece of equipment, that the items could have fallen from a passing spaceship (and not, say, burn up in the atmosphere or anything), but it’s never decided one way or another.

10. Did I mention that I hope that’s a mouth?

Worlds Unknown 3 (Sept 1973), cover art by Rich Buckler & Wayne Howard

Well, Peiratikos did it, as did Grotesque Anatomy…so here are a few Google searches some of you people did in order to find this little ‘ol website here:

zatanna+cleavage

look+for+criminals+named+sterling (You got nuthin’ on me, copper!)

comic+weblogs (that’s narrowing it down)

tattoos+by+mike+grant

science+lab+spatula+image

Mike+Sterling+suicide (WHAT???)

john+byrne+forum+doom+patrol+hate+morrison

wet+his+pants+briefs (the less I know, the happier I’ll be)

help+i’m+trapped+in+my+sister’s+body (I swear to God this is in my logs)

that+girl+can+pee+a+real+flood (again, I swear…doing that entry on people peeing in the store hasn’t done me any favors)

ATARI+A+B+C+D+E+F+G+H+I+J+K (uh, what?) (EDIT: I’ve been informed this is probably a search method to find ROMs.)

shakespeare+good+or+bad+writer (I’ll say…GOOD! No, wait, BAD!)

peanut+slave+usage+wein (I don’t even get this one)

future+marvel+movies+coming+out+between+2004+3000 (now that’s planning ahead)

disney+droopy+soundboard

Plus, lots and lots of people looking for scans of story pages from recently released comics, and lots of searches just on my name (maybe they should look here instead).

• JLA #94 – if I were John Byrne, I would be incredibly pissed at the coloring error near the climax of the story…without giving it away, one character shouts that something is one color when the stuff in question is most definitely another color. (And yes, the color is a plot point.) I haven’t popped in over at the Byrne forums yet, but I imagine there is much blowing of gaskets.

  EDIT: Actually, just popped in. Yup, he’s not happy. I don’t blame him.

• Batman: Harley and Ivy #2 – well, if the shower scene in the first issue didn’t convince retailers to not try to sell this to the same young audience that buys Batman Adventures, this issue’s splash page (or, rather, splayed page) certainly will. Still good fun…but not for the kiddies!
• The Comics Journal #260 – it’s a little closer to that middle-ground comics magazine the Comicsweblogosphere was going on about over the last week or two. I particularly like the “Journal Datebook” news round-up. Haven’t had a chance to read the mag yet, but it looks like Dirk Deppey did a good job on his first full issue as managing editor.
• Promethea #30 – remember a couple entries back where I mentioned that Uncanny X-Men #175 probably wasn’t the best place to start reading the title? That applies even more so to Promethea. Hoo boy. If you didn’t like this title before, you’re not gonna like it now. I, on the other hand, loved it. Look for the cute sight gag involving Tomorrow Stories‘ First American.
• Punisher #6 – oh, dear. The long-time Punisher fans are going to hate this issue.
• The Moth #2 and DC: The New Frontier #4 – haven’t had a chance to read these yet, but did want to note how fantastic the art is in both of these books. Absolutely wonderful. I’m really just grateful to have Steve Rude drawing anything on a regular basis again.
• Legion #33 – is there anyone reading the Legion of Super-Heroes now that hasn’t been reading it for twenty years? It just doesn’t seem like the kind of title that attracts new readers on a regular basis. Even throwing Superboy on the covers only bumped up sales a copy or two at the store. I mean, I like it, but it seems a little insular. I know there’s a Mark Waid/Barry Kitson revamp coming, but short of starting over from scratch yet again, I don’t know what they expect they can do to expand the readership.
  

Oh, and I understand a new X-Men book of some sort came out today as well.

1. Leave it to Mark Millar to take a Microsoft Word crash and turn it into a story of terror and suspense. Don’t jump ahead to the breathtaking ending! It’s surprisingly nervewracking. (via Popp’d)

2. Apparently the superhero parody movie The Incredibles will undermine all the serious work done with superhero comics. You know, like Byrne’s JLA.

That’s a huge assumption, thinking the general public gives any thought to superhero comics one way or the other (beyond “hey, I hear old comics are worth something” or “they still publish these things?”).

2a. On a related note…the Adam West Batman TV show was a fairly accurate depiction of superhero comics, despite what some comic fans want to believe. (Not that I’m complaining about either…West’s Batman is still my favorite live-action version, though Alyas Batman and Robin is a very close second.)

3. Speaking of Byrne…ever notice how much Neil Gaiman’s Sandman resembles Byrne’s Alpha Flight run? Both feature super-hero teams that don’t really fight together as a team, and the members of the teams don’t even necessarily get along with each other; both feature the death of a team member that’s immediately replaced by another team member; there’s crossovers with other superhero teams early in the series (the Justice League pops up in Sandman, the Fantastic Four (or, rather, Invisible Woman) in Alpha Flight); there’s a lot of magic roaming around in each series, there are solo adventures of some of the characters; and so on. The one negative point against Sandman — a marked lack of Super Skrull, who makes a notable appearance in Alpha Flight.

Submitted for your consideration: the remarkably unsettling Die Duckomenta – Disney-inspired art pieces.

(via pal Andy)

1. As for that exclusive Spider-man hardcover Barnes & Noble is carrying…I expect it’ll have the same fate as all the other Marvel books at our local Barnes & Noble. It’ll sit on the shelf, unsold, getting progressively more shopworn as it gets manhandled by kids or read for free in the B&N coffee nook, until it finally gets tossed on the discount table.

1a. We also have a Borders within spitting distance of our store…but it seems like half its employees are also customers of ours, and we get all kinds of referrals to our store from there, so I can’t really complain.

2. Saw three superhero-related trailers last night…the new Spider-Man 2 trailer is one of those Walt Disney-style trailers that seem to show you the entire movie. The film looks okay to me…better than the first one, anyway. Catwoman got a few snickers, as expected, and no one knew what to make of Constantine (which may be an entertaining movie, so long as you don’t expect it to have any semblance to the comic whatsoever).

3. Sad news: according to this post by J. Michael Straczynski, actor Richard Biggs (who portrayed Dr. Stephen Franklin on Straczynski’s Babylon 5) suddenly passed away Saturday morning. He was a far too young 43.

Lawbreakers Always Lose #2 (1948)

If you liked my “Things Not to Say to Comic Shop Employees” (from here, here, and here), then you may enjoy Stuart Immonen’s “50 Reasons to Stop Drawing at Conventions.”

Swamp Thing #24 (September 1976)

When we last left Swamp Thing, Alec Holland has regained his humanity with the help of his scientist brother Edward Holland, and Edward’s beautiful companion Ruth. This issue (by the entirely new creative team of David Anthony Kraft, Ernie Chua, and Fred Carrillo) kicks off with the newly-human Alec having a nightmare about his fiery origins as that muck-encrusted mockery of a man. Ruth comes into his room and wakes him, and Alec relates to her his doubts about being able to adjusting to a renewed life as a human being. “Where do I start?” asks Alec. “Start with me, Alec — start with me.” Oh dear.

In the meantime, a gentleman by name of Soloman Smith collects Sabre from the local pokey:

…which raises some questions. See, Sabre was in an awful state at the end of the previous issue, “his body burned beyond recognition” — which apparently only needed a few bandages and a sling to help him heal. And, “shortly thereafter” according to the captions, Sabre is up and around with this group of winners:







Anyway, these representatives of the the super-criminal group COLOSSUS want Swamp Thing in order to learn about Alec Holland’s secret project, the bio-restorative formula, and create an army of unstoppable swamp-thing soldiers. However, another of COLOSSUS’s agents, Thrudvang the Earth-Master, is apparently running loose in Oregon:







So Thrudvang is super-strong, not very bright, and apparently has the telekinetic power to move earth…you know, create giant divots, open up chasms, etc. Anyway, we get a brief sequence of Thrudvang demolishing some loggers and their bigrig, followed by a short flashback to the Earth-Master’s origin (created by the COLOSSUS labs).

Back to our heroes…Alec and Ruth are heading out to the grocery store, after saying goodbye to Alec’s brother Edward. As they drive off, the romantic triangle subplot begins in earnest as Edward thinks to himself: “Alec and I have always been rivals. While he won all the research grants, government chemistry contracts and recognition, I went completely ignored. Now, he’s back from the ‘dead‘ and already the pattern starts anew — with Ruth! Well, it’s not going to happen again, Alec…not again!”

After shopping, Alec and Ruth are putting groceries in the car when Alec starts experiencing sudden sharp pains:

Alec refuses to see a doctor (probably a good idea, since he is legally dead and all), and thinks to himself about how those pains felt like the discomfort he had when, as the Swamp Thing, he had to regenerate a lost arm.

We then get a quick scene change to the remarkably-recovered Sabre talking with Solomon Smith, letting him know what the rest of COLOSSUS did not…that the Swamp Thing has now reverted to human form, and that Alec Holland had better be captured before Thrudvang finds him.

Unfortunately, as Alec and Ruth drive home, Thrudvang does find them, homing in on the homing transmitter still lodged in Alec’s shoulder (as mentioned last issue). Using his earth-moving powers, Thrudvang demolishes the car, and Alec and Ruth are thrown from the wreckage.

And here is the closest scene in the issue to what we see on the cover:

…except for the whole Thrudvang-talking thing, since inside the comic itself he doesn’t say a word. By the way…what kind of name is Thrudvang, anyway?

So Alec recovers the unconcious Ruth and hightails it, with the slow-moving Thrudvang in pursuit. Jumping over a chasm suddenly created by the big yellow guy, Alec depends on his speed and his enemy’s own apparent lack of cognitive abilities to elude him…unaware of the homing device embedded in his body.

While in hiding, Ruth wakes, and Edward’s fear suddenly comes true as Alec and Ruth completely ignore the immediate danger and start gettin’ it on, only to have a not-so-surprise guest:

So then there’s a bunch more running around and goings-on, ending with Alec leading Thrudvang over a rope bridge, pulling out a previously-unmentioned pocket knife, cutting said rope bridge, and sending Thrudvang to his doom.

The story ends with Alec and Ruth in an embrace, as Alec ponders his uncertain future and the troubles he has seemingly brought onto his loved ones following his cure.

We then get this promise:

…which never happened, since this was the last issue of the series. Rats. Though, as an aside, 20 or so years ago the Overstreet Price Guide did include the nonexistent issue #25 in their listings for at least a couple editions. Anyway, Alec Holland’s story picks up again in Challengers of the Unknown #82 (1977), which I’ll probably look at here in the near future.

Now, the combination of Alec’s body pains with the new more superhero-y direction of the series had made me believe that a possible eventual goal was to have Alec gain the ability to switch back and forth between human and Swamp Thing form. And a cape and some nice boots. Well, okay, maybe not with the costume.

As I mentioned here, these stories involving Swamp Thing regaining his humanity are officially ignored in the character’s continuity, as per an editorial reply in the letters column of Saga of the Swamp Thing #6. However (and I must warn you, this will officially be the Geekiest Thing Ever) I always figured there was a way to keep these stories in continuity, given what new things we learn about Swamp Thing in Alan Moore’s run.

Okay (spoilers ahead), we learn in that run that Swampy was never Alec Holland, but rather an Earth Elemental that used Alec Holland’s mind as a template for itself. So, therefore, in the issues I discussed, clearly the Swamp Thing couldn’t be cured of his condition and turned back to human form, since he was never human to begin with. We also learn that the Swamp Thing has the ability to generate human-like forms out of plants (introduced in Swamp Thing 2nd series #56, elaborated much later in Mark Millar’s run). Given that, perhaps we can assume, in the process of the “cure” in #23 of the original series, the Swamp Thing, still believing himself to be Alec Holland at his core, subconsciously constructed a human body for himself.

So there, a 30-year-old bit of Swamp Thing continuity is resolved. Who says I’m not cutting-edge?