Progressive Bully #5: Color My World-616.

§ June 10th, 2022 § Filed under Bully, captain america § 4 Comments

H’lo everybody! It’s your old pal Substitute Mike, aka Bully, the Little Stuffed Bull, here to amuse and educate ya. As that frog says, when he isn’t busy embarrassing that guy by refusing to sing “Michigan Rag,” it is Friday, my dudes, and time to brush away the busy work week and devote your attention to personal rest and relaxation time. Yeah, all week long you’ve been working for the man (or the woman; I don’t wanna be sexist here) and making money for them, but now you’ve got your paycheck and you’re gonna cut loose and get wild! So do what I do: get out your crayons and let’s color!

I find it works best to get yourself the biggest box of crayons you can find, but what you’re really gonna need here is a whole lotta red, white and blue.

That’s because tonight we’re all coloring in the Captain America Coloring Book (Whitman, 1966), 64 full-color black-and-white pages of star-spangled excitement, adventure, and dynamic tension! Check it out: we’ve got robots, flying saucers, a crumbling city, and a mountain to color! Plus, that guy in the front, what-‘is-name. 49¢: cheap!

First up: prepare to spend a lot of time coloring the sky blue, or, if taking place during the Crisis on Infinite Earths, red. Captain America is floating in the sky above, keeping watch on us and reporting straight to Santa about who is naughty and who is nice. Yes, famous Watcher in the Sky Captain America, as seen in his many exciting comic book adventures!

Now is the time in our arts and craft activities where I stop and give you some background: this coloring book’s story and pictures are based on two Silver Age Cap adventures from Tales of Suspense, so-called because Cap is clearly being suspended here. But would it surprise you to learn that in the comic itself, this scene is a teensy bit more dramatic?

from Tales of Suspense #75 (March 1966)

You can use this page as a suggestion for coloring! Draw in some bomb-bursts and shrapnel. Maybe even turn it upside down so it appears more dynamic! Unleash your inner Stan Goldberg and go nuts, folks! For maximum adventure, however, please color inside the lines.

Mama Bull picked me up this coloring book during her weekly shopping at the local Piggly-Wiggly because it features my favorite comic book villain, that Famed Frenchman of fearsome feats, Batroc the Leaper! Here’s a great chance to wear your orange and purple crayons down to the nub giving him all his glorious secondary-colors-are-for-villains shading. Or, since he’s leaping straight at you, color it to accentuate the 3-D effect! (3-D glasses not included with this blog.)

You might remember this tale in the comics as the one that also introduces Sharon Carter, Agent 13, the daughter niece descendant of Captain America’s World War II love, Peggy Carter. Steve tries to intervene in her not very subtle spy-drop, but Sharon’s so annoyed her word bubble turns yellow.

Say, can you guess what’s in that mysterious mailing tube?

No, not that one. Get out of this part of Tales of Suspense and back into the Iron Man section, Hawkeye, ya load!

Sharon heeds her secret spy instructions of “run away!”, and I sure hope you have a lotta red crayons.

A good Batroc deserves a second coloring page. Go nuts, color him red, white, and blue and make him into  the hero of this tale: Capitaine Française!

Remember, as befitting the original comic book: color Batroc triumphant over Cap. Quite frankly, it’s the way Stan Lee probably would have wanted it, and you don’t wanna disrespct his memory now, do ya?

The second part of the coloring book adapts a story from TOS #78, which depicts a casual meeting of Cap and Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.* (*Sitting Habitually In Efficient Little Domiciles) 

Go ahead, I know you’re dying to do it: give Nick Fury a green suit.

In the comic book, their meeting is a little more visually vigorous: less sitting around on comfy chairs, more dodging the little training robots that gave Luke Skywalker such a hard time with the blast shield down. You may have noticed Jack Kirby is doin’ the art chores on these stories, so the coloring book can only pale in comparison before the King.

from Tales of Suspense #78 (June 1966)

What’s up, Nick? Fan mail from some flounder? (Hope you have a big green crayon now.) Go with your instinct and draw a pretty picture on Nick’s eyepatch. He can’t tell!

Strange happenings! Weird happenings! Like, say, your chance to color in a scene from the latest Michael Bay explodo-ganza! Please: do not draw in Shia LaBeouf.

Tank Creature! Now that he’s so popular, collectors are flocking to their local coloring book stores to hunt down his first appearance in slabbed 9.0+ graded, uncolored-in copies of the Captain America Coloring Book.

But hey, coloring book, that’s kind of a dull-looking mundane generic robot that would probably be more at home as George Jetson’s wise-crackin’ valet who gets him out of scrapes with Mr. Spacely, than as a fearsome foe for the Star-Spangled Avenger. I betcha Kirby woulda drawn a more impressive robot!

Ummmmm. (tugs collar, makes choking noises) Okay, say what you will, but Jack Kirby could definitely design a more impressing robot-making device than this “Robot Factory and Final Testing Pool.” The robots are having a nice schvitz!

Oh come on now comic book, stop tracing Jack Kirby!

You’ve probably run out of red and blue crayons by now, so try this out: color Cap yellow, blue and black, stare at him for several minutes, and then look away to a plain surface so you can see the real colors imprinted on your vision. Weird, ain’t it? How do you feel about your eyeballs now, kids?

Knockout pills? On a robot? Sure (giggle) Cap, you try (chuckle) that out and

Hotchy motchy, it worked!

Still, where’d ya get that idea, coloring book? Didja steal it from Kirby and Lee? Betcha did.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this fine evening of coloring along with me. Please make certain to put your crayons neatly back in the box and store them in the drawer, because if you leave them lying around on the floor, you’ll get in trouble. That’s not just good advice from Captain America and Nick Fury; that’s a proclamation from my mom.

Bonus special extra coloring page of Batroc! Because, and I hope you know it, I love you all.

4 Responses to “Progressive Bully #5: Color My World-616.”

  • Ozma G says:

    Thank you, Bully, for this week of wonderment.
    Mostly I wonder – has any of us actually, in real life, ever seen someone wear a green suit?!

  • King of the Moon says:

    Captain America coloring book with a skydiving picture?
    This is the ven diagram of everything for me

  • Isn’t Batroc the Famed Frenchman of Fearsome Feets”?

    Thanks,I’ll let myself out.

  • Chris Kafka says:

    I thought, since it was ‘60s, that Cap was planning to experiment with some sleeping pills from government agent/pusher Nick Fury, not give them to a robot.
    “Sure, Nick. I’ll try some knockout pills. That should make all my problems go away.”