The reader’s curse.
So you know how it is when you’re working in a comic book store, and you have this big ol’ pile of old comics you’re processing for the back issue section, and there are a whole lot of issues of Love and Rockets and Eightball in said pile, and you think to yourself “well, I have all these, and they’re really good, but it’s been a while since I’ve looked at them…I should pull them all out and read them again” and of course you don’t really have any time to do any such thing, you’ve barely had a chance to finish reading new comics from last week or the week before, not to mention this Complete Peanuts 1985-1986 which is still awaiting your attention, now you want to add Eightballs and Love and Rockets you’ve already read to the pending read-these-soon stack too?
I think you know where I’m coming from. But apparently I have time to watch TV, because I just watched all of the first season of the new BBC Sherlock series over the last couple of nights, and it turns out it’s quite good. Have you heard of it? You should check it out sometime. …And of course watching that makes me want to whip out far too many Sherlock Holmes books from my shelves, by Doyle and those ones not by Doyle where Holmes turns out to be a time-traveling alien and that sort of thing, and reread those, too. The end result is that, somehow, I need to increase my reading speed, which is already excessively fast, or I need to somehow slow the rotation of the Earth and thus lengthen our days to give me more reading time, or I can somehow talk the boss into letting me stay home and read and he pays me anyway. …So, slowing the rotation of the Earth it is, then.
And there’s that stack of other books sitting on the table next to my bed I need to get through, and let’s not even mention the electronic book-tablet thingie my parents gave me for my birthday a few months ago, and the backlog of books I’m trying to get through on that.
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking “but Mike, maybe you should just not acquire so many things to read, maybe pace yourself a bit” but we should really focus on realistic ideas on how to handle my little problem here. More caffeine and less sleep seems to be the only logical and healthy response.
Anyway, speaking of people getting too much stuff to read, my New Zealand pal Bob is back from his trip (which required guest-bloggers for his site, resulting in this excellent “piece of [in-depth criticism]” from yours truly), and he details the swell bunch of reading material he picked up during his travels. …Hmmm, a couple of those things sound pretty good. I should pick ’em up myself.
There’s always room for more on the read-these-soon stack, Mike. Always. That pile of dorkitude I got from the UK would have been a whole lot bigger if pesky airlines weren’t so uptight about weight restrictions…
And don’t forget to add the new DC animated Batman Return of Dark Knight DVD to your list.
(It has an honest to god Swamp Thing cameo.)
Just go ahead and watch series 2 of BBC’s SHERLOCK.
Wait–Popeye was a certified kosher butcher? Or are some bull organs already branded in Hebrew?
Well, it’s official. You reached the point of “comic-book-reader-escalating-commitment-no-return”.
Webster defines this as the point at which the number of days remaining in an individual’s lifetime is less than the time it would take to plow through the desired back list of past comic books + any future additions to that list.*
*Slowing (or reversing) the earth’s rotation, caffeine, less sleep, and winning the lottery are all constants which cannot affect the equation above.
Winning the lottery, or any other situation that would eliminate the need for full-time employment, would certainly take care of my reading list.