§ June 14th, 2011 § Filed under question time § 7 Comments

So normally when I do my “question times”, I put the call out on this site and gather up a few dozen comments and then answer them at length over the following eight or nine weeks, much to the delight of everyone who reads this site, I’m sure. But this time, I pulled a Chris Sims (who regularly does this for his Comics Alliance “Ask Chris” column) and put a question-call on my Twitter thingie. In short order I received, amongst the abuse, a few actual questions, so let’s see what I can do here:

From Chris Sims his own self, he asks

“My question is Swamp Thing is dumb, and I’ll take my answer off the air.”

Well, Mr. Chris “I Love My Little Pony with All My Heart and Soul” Sims, I’ll have you know that, as revealed in Swamp Thing #75 (August 1988, by Rick Veitch & Alfredo Alcala), the template for Swamp Thing’s mind was formed around the critically-injured and dying Alec Holland’s mind:

…and as such, doesn’t function as well as a normal, healthy brain. However, over the course of this issue, Swamp Thing grew himself a big ol’ brain to think himself out of a particular stumper of a dilemma. So he’s not really dumb, since his mind is based on that of a scientist, after all…it’s just that his thinker doesn’t think too quickly. A limitation he can get around, apparently, but sitting down and growing a giant Hector Hammond-esque head. So put that in your Twilight Sparkle and smoke it, mister!

“Franzferdinand2” wants to know

“Jay-Z and Nas decide to revisit their beef, but will settle it without using rap. What is the forum they use?”

I know next to nothing about either of these men, aside from having heard Jay-Z’s name in passing, but I will go with the default time-honored method of solving any disputes: Rock-‘Em Sock-‘Em Robots, which you can read about here, or, apparently, see in this forthcoming movie from the looks of things.

Pal Alex dares to ask

“who / what is this Swamp Thing everyone’s talking about? sounds dumb”

Swamp Thing was rocketed from the distant planet Houma and crash-landed on Earth, whereupon he was bitten by radioactive eelgrass and thus gained all the powers of plantlife, such as climbing walls and the invaluable “plant sense” – which comes in handy when he’s confronted by the metallic tentacles of the nefarious Doc Arcane.

Alex also tempts fate by asking

“What was it like going to high school with Abe Lincoln when dinosaurs still walked the earth?”

Man, these new school textbooks aren’t doing anyone any good.

JacobMartin queries

“I feel pop culturally baffled as to what to get into next, and the movies coming out recently fail to interest. What to do?”

Well, if nothing new is grabbing your fancy, that’s okay. There’s no need to force it…you don’t have to be “into” something at any given moment. Just go ahead and enjoy what you’re already enjoying, and chances are that thing will eventually lead you into something new, or that your attention will eventually be caught by something new that comes along. You don’t always have to chase it…sometimes it’ll come right to you.

Leeatard has a question:

“Do you think there’s a possibility the upcoming DC reboot will finally cure event fatigue?”

That’s hard to say. It depends on whether or not DC stops doing “events” after the September Number One-alanche, and I think we can all assume that the big events will continue. Particularly if the whole initiative flops and DC suddenly has a “Crisis of Going Back to The Way Things Were” crossover series.

But then again, this September thing is sort of the ultimate expression of a Big Event, isn’t it? Can they kill the disease with a big ol’ dose of said disease? We’ll find out in a few months.

And of course, it’s not like Marvel is going to scale back their eventifiying. It’ll probably be two or three going on at any given time, as per usual.

Tim O’Neil wonders

“Who is more powerful, Gladstone Gander or Longshot?”

They do both have powerful “luck” powers, in which events will somehow miraculously fall in their favor. It does seem like an “immovable object meets irresistible force” situation, but I will give the nod to Gladstone, as he is a funny animal, and funny animals have that additional level and / or expectation of “defying all sense of physics and realism” that human comic characters generally do not have. Well, aside from Plastic Man.

TheBrobe inquires

“Have you ever had a week without a mistake or damaged book from Diamond? In my three years it hasn’t happened once.”

It does happen, if rarely. With the sheer number of books and comics being processed, errors and damages are bound to creep in, and that’s, you know, just a thing you gotta deal with. However, this one time, after a string of error-filled shipments, we had an order come in with no problems whatsoever. Completely flawless. So impressed were we that we placed our regular call to our Diamond sales rep anyway, just to compliment folks on a job well done! …And we think we ended up irritating our rep, who thought we were being sarcastic. We weren’t, honest!

Celamowari asks

“What is your stance on other swamp monsters like the Heap, the Glob, etc.?”

MY STANCE IS WIDE. Er, that is to say, I’m cool with other swamp monsters. I really dug Steve Gerber’s Sludge, for example, and enjoyed what little of the Heap I’ve been able to read. And I liked this brief Heap revival book from 1971. So I’m all for more swamp critters in my funnybooks.

Celamowari also asks

“Tapping Tommy – threat or menace?”

A tap-dancing super-villain? “Freakin’ annoying” is what I’d call him. I hope Scourge shot him twice.

And then he adds

“What is the deal with DC super-villain Quakemaster?”

He makes quakes. What’s so hard about that? Pretty sure he does it out of anger over the discontinuing of his favorite cereal.

Finally, Celamowari wants to know

“Do you…do you like me?”

Oh, I guess.

7 Responses to “#AskMike.”

  • C. Elam says:

    YES, VALIDATION AT LAST! Oh wait, that was right there, wasn’t it? Ooops.

    I almost asked you a question about the Sizematic Twins, but that was so obscure that I figured it might involve research and defeat the whole point.

  • Shinwell Johnson says:

    You know, the question “What would happen if an irresistible force met an immovable object?” is really about semantics rather than science. By definition, an immovable object and an irresistible force cannot exist simultaneously. If there is such a thing as an irresistible force, then there can be no such thing as an immovable object, and vice versa.

    But, yeah, Gladstone Gander, definitely.

  • Employee Aaron says:

    Longshot would totally win!

  • T.F. says:

    The first week of Tuesday delivery was one of those oh-so rare undamaged weeks for us.

  • Shinwell Johnson says:

    Actually, now that I think about it, the better contest would be between Gladstone Gander and Joe Btfsplk.

  • White Lantern Alec Holland says:

    Ask Mike?

    Well, I’m asking!

    In case you missed my email, Mikester–

    I need a complete accurate list of of all of DC Comics letters pages of the last forty years responding to previous Swamp Thing related guest-appearances and intros in these titles that I have yet to follow, including:

    House of Secrets #92 (July 1971) (1st ST—DC received lots of letters!)
    Demon #4 (December 1972) (1st Kamara)
    Brave and The Bold #122 (October 1975)
    House of Secrets #140 (March 1976) (2nd Patchwork Man)
    DC Comics Presents #8 (April 1979)
    Brave and The Bold #176 (July 1981)
    DC Comics Presents #85 (September 1985)
    Captain Atom #16-17 (June-July 1988)
    Firestorm #90-93 (October 1989-January 1990)
    Martian Manhunter #11 (October 1999)

    Any assistance would be appreciated!

  • White Lantern Alec Holland says:

    One more question:

    What did you think of Garbage Man vs. Mossy Man in Weird Worlds #6?