I’m a difficult person to work with.

§ November 19th, 2010 § Filed under employee aaron, gelatinous cube § 15 Comments

Mike: “I understand this new Dungeons & Dragons comic is actually supposed to be pretty good.”

Employee Aaron: “Yeah, it really was.”

M: “So are there any gelatinous cubes?”

EA: “Sorry, Mike, but no.”

M: “How ’bout displacer beasts? At least one?”

EA: “Not one.”

M: “Okay, fine…mind flayers?”

EA: “No.”

M: “Beholders. There has to be a Beholder in this comic.”

EA: “There sure isn’t.”

M: “This is a Dungeons & Dragons comic, right?”

EA: “Right.”

M: “Just checking. Is there any point where a character has to save vs. petrification?”

EA: “What? No, of course not.”

M: “Are there any instances of a gnome using his infravision?”

EA: “None noted.”

M: “Are there any bards?”

EA: “Are there ever any bards?”

M: “Point taken. …Does anyone detect traps?”

EA: “Nope.”

M: “Does a magic user gather material components in order to cast Magic Mouth?”

EA: “Not that I noticed.”

M: “Does a thief manage to do quadruple damage on anyone using a sneak backstab attack?”

EA: “Not once, no.”

M: “Does anyone, at any time, use a ten foot pole?”

EA: “No.”

M: “Are there any morale checks made to see if a character’s followers desert or not?”

EA: “…What?”

M: “Are any limbs severed as the result of rolling a natural 20 during a sword attack?”

EA: “How would that even work in a comic?”

M: “So does a character tell another character ‘I do not want to be in an adventuring party with you, as I am Lawful Good, and you are Neutral Evil?'”

EA: “That’s not something that happens, no.”

M: “Does anyone put on a cursed ring and suddenly exclaim ‘oh no, I have suffered an irreversible loss of three points of Constitution?'”

EA: “I can safely say this didn’t happen.”

M: “Is there any kind of kobold attack?”

EA: “No….”

M: “Does anyone shout to his comrades ‘this creature can only use his ranged attack once every five rounds — let’s go!’ at any time during a battle?”

EA: “No.”

M: “Does any character have his or her soul cast into The Void as a result of drawing from a Deck of Many Things?”

EA: “Uh-uh.”

M: “This is going nowhere. Let’s go back to the basics. …Is there a dungeon in this comic?”

EA: “Yes!”

M: “Now we’re onto something. Is there a dragon?”

EA: “Well, not exactly.”

M: “Oh, so there’s, like, a wyvern.”

EA: “No, no…there’s a dragonkin in the story. Well, maybe, he kind of looks like one…sorta dragony.”

M: “A dragonkin. What’s that?”

EA: “A half-human/half-dragon. You can play as one in D&D.”

M: “No, I’m sorry, no player-character monsters in my campaign.”

EA: “Now, Mike, a couple of these things you’re asking about were in the #0 issue.”

M: “I’m going to need all of these things in every issue.”

15 Responses to “I’m a difficult person to work with.”

  • Salo says:

    Employer Aaron is lying. There was a trap in the dungeon.

    You should fire him.

  • Nimbus says:

    Employer Aaron is lying. There was a trap in the dungeon

    Yes, but did anyone (i.e. only the thief) roll to detect traps?

    “Are there ever any bards?”

    You bardist.

  • CW says:

    Mike, you forgot to ask about green slime. Can’t be D&D without green slime!

  • Jon H says:

    They should’ve had Mike Grell working on it.

  • Andres says:

    Counting the one I overheard on Wednesday and this one you just recounted just how many conversations about gelatinous cubes were there this week?

  • philip says:

    No Kobolds? That’s D&D 101! I’m not reading this crap. (Note: I already read it.)

  • MrJM says:

    Does one of the major characters disappear for two issues during
    softball season then return without explanation?

    — MrJM

  • Donald G says:

    Is this comic gonna finish the storyline of those old D&D ads on the back covers of old ’80’s comics? Did Saren recover? Was their arrival at the ancient castle the end of the quest? I’ve been on tenterhooks since July 1982.

  • Pantsless Pete says:

    Does anyone else feel a little dirty and wrong about the comic being good?

    A D&D comic shouldn’t be good.

  • Tom Foss says:

    This conversation reads like something between a Vaudeville routine and the Monty Python Cheese Shop sketch.

  • De says:

    Can I have a Mountain Dew?

  • adam ford says:

    well played mike, well played. you’ll get an XP bonus for this.

  • GQ says:

    I have never played D&D.
    I don’t know anything about D&D.
    I read this comic.
    It was SO much fun!
    I imagine I would have liked it even more if I liked D&D.

  • It was when I read Tom’s internet comment about how a D&D comic is like a Monty Python sketch, that I suspected this might be some kind of nerd thing.

  • Patchworkearth says:

    You should check out Order of the Stick – it’s a webcomic that has featured nearly all of those things and is actually very good – speaking as someone who doesn’t care for D&D at all.