I’m a difficult person to work with.

§ November 19th, 2010 § Filed under employee aaron, gelatinous cube § 15 Comments

Mike: “I understand this new Dungeons & Dragons comic is actually supposed to be pretty good.”

Employee Aaron: “Yeah, it really was.”

M: “So are there any gelatinous cubes?”

EA: “Sorry, Mike, but no.”

M: “How ’bout displacer beasts? At least one?”

EA: “Not one.”

M: “Okay, fine…mind flayers?”

EA: “No.”

M: “Beholders. There has to be a Beholder in this comic.”

EA: “There sure isn’t.”

M: “This is a Dungeons & Dragons comic, right?”

EA: “Right.”

M: “Just checking. Is there any point where a character has to save vs. petrification?”

EA: “What? No, of course not.”

M: “Are there any instances of a gnome using his infravision?”

EA: “None noted.”

M: “Are there any bards?”

EA: “Are there ever any bards?”

M: “Point taken. …Does anyone detect traps?”

EA: “Nope.”

M: “Does a magic user gather material components in order to cast Magic Mouth?”

EA: “Not that I noticed.”

M: “Does a thief manage to do quadruple damage on anyone using a sneak backstab attack?”

EA: “Not once, no.”

M: “Does anyone, at any time, use a ten foot pole?”

EA: “No.”

M: “Are there any morale checks made to see if a character’s followers desert or not?”

EA: “…What?”

M: “Are any limbs severed as the result of rolling a natural 20 during a sword attack?”

EA: “How would that even work in a comic?”

M: “So does a character tell another character ‘I do not want to be in an adventuring party with you, as I am Lawful Good, and you are Neutral Evil?'”

EA: “That’s not something that happens, no.”

M: “Does anyone put on a cursed ring and suddenly exclaim ‘oh no, I have suffered an irreversible loss of three points of Constitution?'”

EA: “I can safely say this didn’t happen.”

M: “Is there any kind of kobold attack?”

EA: “No….”

M: “Does anyone shout to his comrades ‘this creature can only use his ranged attack once every five rounds — let’s go!’ at any time during a battle?”

EA: “No.”

M: “Does any character have his or her soul cast into The Void as a result of drawing from a Deck of Many Things?”

EA: “Uh-uh.”

M: “This is going nowhere. Let’s go back to the basics. …Is there a dungeon in this comic?”

EA: “Yes!”

M: “Now we’re onto something. Is there a dragon?”

EA: “Well, not exactly.”

M: “Oh, so there’s, like, a wyvern.”

EA: “No, no…there’s a dragonkin in the story. Well, maybe, he kind of looks like one…sorta dragony.”

M: “A dragonkin. What’s that?”

EA: “A half-human/half-dragon. You can play as one in D&D.”

M: “No, I’m sorry, no player-character monsters in my campaign.”

EA: “Now, Mike, a couple of these things you’re asking about were in the #0 issue.”

M: “I’m going to need all of these things in every issue.”

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