Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ May 27th, 2010 § Filed under End of Civilization § 18 Comments

It’s an all-new installment of the End of Civilization, going on 5 1/2 years and still ending strong! This particular edition is very heavy on the fake dialogue, so please enjoy the voices in my head being transcribed here for your pleasure. Crack open your copy of Diamond Previews (June 2010) and follow along, with me and my magical elf friend Elfy! Right, Elfy? “Right, Mike!”

p. 92 – The Brave and The Bold #36:

“When Adam Strange offered Lois Lane the chance to file a story from Rann, she jumped at it – but she wasn’t expecting to become an interstellar war-correspondent!”

She certainly didn’t expect it the last time, either!

p. 134 – 51 Ways to Save Her Vol. 1:

This new CMX book sounds pretty good. Can’t wait for future installments!

p. 270-1 – Miscellaneous Green Hornet comics:

So, there are seven different Green Hornet periodicals, plus a hardcover reprint, this month. Pretty good for a character that, not that long ago, was mainly referenced by people trying to remember Green Lantern’s name.

p. 301 -The Smurfs Vol. 1 The Purple Smurf & Vol. 2 The Smurfs and The Magic Flute:


p. 346 – Lost Encyclopedia:

“So, who was that on the other outrigger shooting at our heroes?”


“Oh, does it say who was still dropping off supplies on the island?”

“Well, uh….”

“At least tell me it has the Man in Black’s name.”


p. 349 – Star Trek The Original Series 365 HC:

“In addition to a wealth of never-before-seen images and newly commissioned photography, [this book] presents a treasure trove of remastered stills from the CBS archives….”

“Newly commissioned” pics aside, it seems to be there’s a finite amount of period photos from the original Trek series. Eventually archivists are going to be pouring through old episodes frame-by-frame trying to find an image not already used:

“Okay, this frame from ‘And The Children Shall Lead’ – cleared for use?”

“Wait wait, lemme look…nope, used in the ’70s bubblegum card series.”

“DAMN. How ’bout the next frame?”

“Checking, checking…okay, that one’s good. Slap that sucker on a t-shirt.”

p. 349 – Star Wars Year by Year – A Visual Chronicle HC:

“Hey, the book stops at 1998!”

“Trust me, it’s better this way.”

p. 360 – Multiple Mang T-Shirt:

Yes, “Multiple Mang.” Also, the shirt looks like it’s celebrating model sprues.

p. 365 – Zombie God Save the Queen Black T-Shirt:

So we’re just throwing zombies onto anything now, are we? “WOO check out my zombie toaster, man! It makes toast…UNDEAD TOAST.”

p.372 – Marvel Select Juggernaut Action Figure:

“Man, what are we going to do with all these leftover misshapen lumps of plastic from our action figure factory?”

“Oh, just throw them out…wait, hold on, I have an idea.”

p. 376 – World’s Greatest DC Heroes Retro Action Figures:

“I really need to pick a shade of blue and stick with it.”

“Look, they didn’t have glove-cuffs my size, okay? Just lay off.”

“Stop making sense
Stop making sense
Stop making sense
Making sense”

“Man, look at me. I’m badass. I don’t belong with these losers.”

p. 378 – Auto World Batman Slot Car Track Set:

Okay, so here’s a Batman slot car set based on the 1960s TV show. And also in this catalog is

p. 384 – Auto World Dukes of Hazzard Slot Car Track Set:

If one were to, say, combine both sets together: ADAM WEST BATMAN VERSUS THEM DUKE BOYS IN THE RACE TO END ALL RACES.

Surely the world does not deserve such beauty.

p. 386 – Fisher Price Milk Wagon:

Soon to become a Fisher Price Beer Wagon in some college student’s dorm room.

p. 386 – Fisher Price Record Player:

“Here’s your very own record player, Little Billy!”

“A what player? Where’s the USB port? Why are these CDs so lumpy?”

p. 392 – Avatar Jake Sully’s Na’Vi Dagger Prop Replica:

For extra authenticity, prop replica available solely as 3D graphics on supplied DVD-ROM.

p. 392 – The Phantom’s Jungle Bowie Knife Prop Replica:

Hey, remember that one time the Phantom totally shanked a guy? That was awesome.

p. 394 – Harry Potter’s llluminating Wand Prop Replica:

“Wave the wand and a light shines from its tip. Wave it again, and the light is extinguished.”

Oh, I think we’ve all experienced that, am I right, guys?

What, yours doesn’t glow?

p. 396 – Thor Classic Mini-Bust:

“Verily, the fish I doth caught was this big!”

p. 398 – Nick Fury S.H.I.E.L.D. ID Set and Pistol Prop Replicas:

This is a government security breach waiting to happen. And by “security breach” I mean “some dope getting the crap beat out of him when he tries to get past some checkpoint with these.”

p. 424 – Batman Folding Pen:

“Use the writing implement designed for billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne….”

…Which totally has the Batman logo on it. That Wayne, he’s got chutzpah.

p. 437 – Smallville RPG Core Rulebook:

“Okay, so Luthor hops into his plane and flies off with the Kryptonite. What do you want to do?”

“I’ll fly after him.”

“Sorry, you can’t fly yet. Not until after ten years of campaign time have passed.”

“Wait, what? What can I do, then?”

“You can look longingly into Lana’s big watery eyes and say incredibly evasive things that exacerbate everyone’s problems.”

“Oooh, I roll for Save Vs. Ridiculous Plot Developments.”

“Yeah, you can try.”

18 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Bully says:

    So we’re just throwing zombies onto anything now, are we?

    Yesterday at BookExpo America I saw an upcoming book entitled something like Attack of the Trekkie Zombies. Yes, Star Trek and zombies, together in a way you never imagined!

  • Bryan says:

    I have that first Smurfs volume, but it’s in French and called “Les Schtromphs Noirs” (“The Black Smurfs”). It’s a completely different story when the Smurfs become black savages. Gnap.

  • Jacob says:

    “This new CMX book sounds pretty good. Can’t wait for future installments!”

    That had me absolutely rolling.

  • “In addition to a wealth of never-before-seen images and newly commissioned photography, [this book] presents a treasure trove of remastered stills from the CBS archives….”

    Wasn’t the original Star Trek series on NBC?

    And wait a minute, Diamond is now offering random Fisher Price Toys in their catalog now???
    So let me get this straight, Diamond doesn’t have room in their catalog for various Independent title comics and books to distribute to Comic Shops but they have room for toddler toys????

  • Kurt Onstad says:

    So, the Batmobile has the General Lee covered on both speed and acceleration, but as long as you build any sort of jump into the track, the General Lee will win every time.

    With the Batmobile ending up in a puddle of water.

    (Now, this is only the case for the Adam West era Batmobile, because he is an official law enforcement member. If Batman was a vigilante, all bets are off.)

  • philip says:

    Always thought Black Manta’s face was stuck somewhere in the neck of that helmet. is there some sort of internal periscope feature that I haven’t read about that makes it possible to see out of those eye holes that are clearly nowhere near his eyes?

    Also, I really (like, really) want that Batman slot car track. Damn you, nostalgia!

  • philip says:

    And I had to look up “sprues.” Thank you for the opportunity to educate myself.

  • Rocco says:

    I seem to meet a lot of people who confuse The Flash with Flash Gordon.. I was planning on doing a web comic explaining the differences between Flash/Flash Gordon and Green Lantern/Green Hornet. I never thought of Hawkman/Birdman.. I guess I rarely run into that one.

  • De says:

    Richard: Star Trek aired on NBC but is owned by Paramount, which has owned CBS for a little while now.

  • @De “Richard: Star Trek aired on NBC but is owned by Paramount, which has owned CBS for a little while now.”

    I figured it was something like that.
    But considering that NBC took the wraith and anger from Trekkies for years after the cancellation, corporate take overs/purchasing have muddied the actual stories of history.

  • Bill D. says:

    I don’t care if the gift tag is addressed to my son or me, but that Batman racing set better be under the tree for one of us on Christmas morning.

  • Jon H says:

    ““Richard: Star Trek aired on NBC but is owned by Paramount, which has owned CBS for a little while now.””

    Specifically: Desilu -> Gulf & Western -> Paramount

  • Simon Jones who is blogless says:

    So, you’ve got a story where a disparate group of people with a single character trait come under attack from creatures that transform you when you’re bitten by them that eventually ends in one last, desperate siege in an enclosed area.

    First appearing in 1963.

    Predating Night of the Living Dead by 5 years.

    So…the smurfs invented the modern zombie movie.

  • DanielBT says:

    “This new CMX book sounds pretty good. Can’t wait for future installments!”

    AAUGH!! You just had to drive that stake in the wedge didn’t you? On the plus (minus?) side, I’m picking up PLENTY of CMX titles I would’ve otherwise ignored. Hopefully, there’ll be enough lifeblood of demand for more volumes if the outcry is loud enough.

    On the plus side, I’m getting those Smurf books too, even if the covers looks slightly different from the French versions. The Purple (Black) Smurf had a wider cut-away view, showing the Purple (Black) Smurf sneaking up behind the unsuspecting (Blue) Smurf. The second volume originally was the first appearance of the Smurfs in another Peyo comic, Johan & Piloute.

    Also, the zombie metaphor doesn’t exactly mesh, since rather than just shoot their heads off (jeeze, that sounds dirty), Papa Smurf does his damnedest to cure the Purple (Black) Smurfs as much as possible… with varying results.

  • Simon Jones who is blogless says:

    They don’t shoot them, no.

    They do try to stab them in the face with pitchforks.

    Cause Smurfs is hardcore.

  • That CMX title was one I was actually excited about : (

  • Anonymous says:

    Because NOTHING is scarier than a GNAP! Smurf…

  • Tom K Mason says:

    “Auto World Dukes of Hazzard Slot Car Track Set.” Welcome to Diamond Previews 1979. I’ll put this on the shelf next to my Hart To Hart action figures.