Progressive Ruin Presents…the End of Civilization! (Includes one (1) bad word.)
The Man tried to keep it from you…but there ain’t no stoppin’ the End of Civilization! If you have a copy of Diamond Previews, September 2007 edition, then pull it out and follow along! (Previous installments down there in the sidebar, somewhere.)
p. 166 – McFarlane’s Monsters Series 5 Twisted X-Mas:
Presenting the Mrs. Claus figure…the one figure from this set that’ll sell right away, while Jack Frost and Santa himself will float around the store shelves a bit, reminding you of Christmas 2007 long after the date has passed.
p. 189 – Premiere Collection Swimsuit Psylocke Statue:
Wow, this will go great with that Wolverine Swimsuit Statue that I’m sure Marvel will be putting out Any Day Now.
p. 198-9 – Wizard #194:
Let’s see…the movie is still at least two or three years away, at best, so I suspect Mostly Speculation Ahoy. Here, I’ll give it a shot, myself:
“Will Sam Raimi Direct?”
Maybe…apparently he was asked at the 2007 San Diego Con about it, and he says he might, if he likes the script. However, they’re still short a scriptwriter for the fourth film.
“Does Tobey Maguire Return?”
If the studio dishes out the cash, sure. If not, no.
“Who Will Be The Villains?”
Well, there’s that whole no scriptwriter thing, but of course the moneymen may want certain villains used that’ll make good toys, t-shirts, etc. But I’m guessing we’re probably not getting Dr. Octopus, Green Goblin, Venom, Sandman, or “Hobgoblin” (or whoever Harry was supposed to be). We’re probably not getting Frogman or the White Rabbit, either. Unfortunately.
p. 219 – Rex Libris #3 t-shirt:
I used to work in a library. I would have totally worn this shirt.
p. 339 – Nexus: The Origin:
I know Kevin railed against this sort of thing not long ago, but I do so love the Nexus, and I hate to see it happen here.
p. 424 – Metal Men: Gold & Tin Metallix t-shirts:
It’s an improvement on the original Metal Men shirt designs, I guess…it’s now no longer just a circle on a t-shirt, but a metallicized circle on a shirt.
But still…c’mon.
p. 438 – Spider-Man Ultimate Web Blaster:
What I wouldn’t give to see Spider-Man actually use one of these in the comics. Or even better, in one of the movies. With long, lingering close-ups, focusing on the manufacturer’s brand name emblazoned into the side, and maybe a brief snippet of dialogue where Spidey says something like “Wow, this Ultimate Web Blaster sure is handy! If only all kids across America, and lands abroad, could go to their local toy store and pick up this item for themselves! Then they could be just like me and fight crime!”
Um…I’m not sure where that came from. My apologies.
p. 440 – Back to the Future ’50s Marty & Prom George McFly Previews Exclusive Minimates Two-Pack:
Friends, countrymen…you do know what this means, don’t you?
CRISPIN GLOVER ACTION FIGURE
Okay, it’s just a Minimate, but it’s close enough! (Until the River’s Edge set comes out.)
Related: these folks aren’t too pleased with the Glover figure from Beowulf.
p. 443 – Star Trek The Next Generation action figures:
Oh, goodness me…Miles came out okay, more or less, but Beverly has had some kind of horrible jaw displacement, and Nurse Ogawa’s been smacked with the goofy stick.
Ro Laren didn’t fare much better:
p. 458 – Upper Deck Authenticated Spider-Woman 1/1 Scale Bust:
Somewhere, Brian Michael Bendis is pleased. Very pleased.
p. 462 – Buffy the Vampire Slayer Dulac Cross Replica:
It’s not really an End of Civilization without a Buffy prop. At least this one is useful, as it comes with a hidden knife you can use on anyone who makes fun of you for dropping nearly two hundred bones on this thing. Harsh? Maybe, but it’s a rough ‘n’ tumble life, being a Buff-head, or a Brownpants, or whatever it is you people call yourselves.
p. 462-3 – Elektra Movie Armband 1/1 Scale Replica (among others):
These items (four in all) are rescheduled from the April ’05 Previews. Why’d they even bother? More people read my grocery lists than ever saw this movie…nobody wants any of this junk.
One of the items is “limited to 2,500 pieces worldwide.” Now that’s optimism.
p. 484 – SIF Ex Ikki Tousen Sonsaku Hakufu Fighting PVC Fig:
“CROTCH ATTACK NOW! All the bad guys will fall before the pudendum power blow!”
From the item description:
“Talk about fan service, Sonsaku even comes with a removable dress.”
GEE YOU DON’T SAY.
p. 505 – Labyrinth Golbin [sic] King Jereth’s Necklace Replica:
“…The Goblin King’s amulent compliments [sic] any wardrobe. Although boots, breeches, and riding crops may fall out of style, you can always feel free to ‘Chilly Down’ with Jareth’s amulet at all the goblin masquerades you’re invited to this holiday season.”
I really want to make fun of this, but the reference to Bowie’s “Chilly Down” song warms my shriveled, blackened heart. But, really, I must take issue…riding crops? Out of style? Bite your tongue, sir!
p. 537 – The Smurfs Season 1 Complete DVD Box Set:
I’m adding this to my Netflix queue.
Shut up.
p. 537 – Star Trek The Next Generation 20th Anniversary Complete Series DVD Set:
Wait…Next Generation has been around for twenty years?
SHIT.
Marvel Previews p. 32 – Iron Man & Power Pack #1:
Lessee…at the series’ end, Jack will be dead, Julie will be on the run from the law, Alex will be missing, but that’s okay, ’cause Tony Stark’s made some kind of Alex clone/robot thing to have at his beck and call, and Katie goes to Canada to join Omega Flight.
Hey, kids…kids! Stay away from that bad, bad man! He’s a big jerk!
[…] but not quite, up there with those Metal Men t-shirts in the “not really explaining what all this is about” department. Though I guess […]