It’s an all-new installment of the End of Civilization, going on 5 1/2 years and still ending strong! This particular edition is very heavy on the fake dialogue, so please enjoy the voices in my head being transcribed here for your pleasure. Crack open your copy of Diamond Previews (June 2010) and follow along, with me and my magical elf friend Elfy! Right, Elfy? “Right, Mike!”
p. 92 – The Brave and The Bold #36:
“When Adam Strange offered Lois Lane the chance to file a story from Rann, she jumped at it – but she wasn’t expecting to become an interstellar war-correspondent!”
p. 134 – 51 Ways to Save Her Vol. 1:
This new CMX book sounds pretty good. Can’t wait for future installments!
p. 270-1 – Miscellaneous Green Hornet comics:
So, there are seven different Green Hornet periodicals, plus a hardcover reprint, this month. Pretty good for a character that, not that long ago, was mainly referenced by people trying to remember Green Lantern’s name.
p. 301 -The Smurfs Vol. 1 The Purple Smurf & Vol. 2 The Smurfs and The Magic Flute:
I’M TOTALLY BUYING THESE SHUT UP
p. 346 – Lost Encyclopedia:
“So, who was that on the other outrigger shooting at our heroes?”
“Oh, does it say who was still dropping off supplies on the island?”
“At least tell me it has the Man in Black’s name.”
p. 349 – Star Trek The Original Series 365 HC:
“In addition to a wealth of never-before-seen images and newly commissioned photography, [this book] presents a treasure trove of remastered stills from the CBS archives….”
“Newly commissioned” pics aside, it seems to be there’s a finite amount of period photos from the original Trek series. Eventually archivists are going to be pouring through old episodes frame-by-frame trying to find an image not already used:
“Okay, this frame from ‘And The Children Shall Lead’ – cleared for use?”
“Wait wait, lemme look…nope, used in the ’70s bubblegum card series.”
“DAMN. How ’bout the next frame?”
“Checking, checking…okay, that one’s good. Slap that sucker on a t-shirt.”
p. 349 – Star Wars Year by Year – A Visual Chronicle HC:
“Hey, the book stops at 1998!”
“Trust me, it’s better this way.”
p. 360 – Multiple Mang T-Shirt:
Yes, “Multiple Mang.” Also, the shirt looks like it’s celebrating model sprues.
p. 365 – Zombie God Save the Queen Black T-Shirt:
So we’re just throwing zombies onto anything now, are we? “WOO check out my zombie toaster, man! It makes toast…UNDEAD TOAST.”
p.372 – Marvel Select Juggernaut Action Figure:
“Man, what are we going to do with all these leftover misshapen lumps of plastic from our action figure factory?”
“Oh, just throw them out…wait, hold on, I have an idea.”
p. 376 – World’s Greatest DC Heroes Retro Action Figures:
“I really need to pick a shade of blue and stick with it.”
“Look, they didn’t have glove-cuffs my size, okay? Just lay off.”
“Stop making sense
Stop making sense
Stop making sense
“Man, look at me. I’m badass. I don’t belong with these losers.”
p. 378 – Auto World Batman Slot Car Track Set:
Okay, so here’s a Batman slot car set based on the 1960s TV show. And also in this catalog is
p. 384 – Auto World Dukes of Hazzard Slot Car Track Set:
If one were to, say, combine both sets together: ADAM WEST BATMAN VERSUS THEM DUKE BOYS IN THE RACE TO END ALL RACES.
Surely the world does not deserve such beauty.
p. 386 – Fisher Price Milk Wagon:
Soon to become a Fisher Price Beer Wagon in some college student’s dorm room.
p. 386 – Fisher Price Record Player:
“Here’s your very own record player, Little Billy!”
“A what player? Where’s the USB port? Why are these CDs so lumpy?”
p. 392 – Avatar Jake Sully’s Na’Vi Dagger Prop Replica:
For extra authenticity, prop replica available solely as 3D graphics on supplied DVD-ROM.
p. 392 – The Phantom’s Jungle Bowie Knife Prop Replica:
Hey, remember that one time the Phantom totally shanked a guy? That was awesome.
p. 394 – Harry Potter’s llluminating Wand Prop Replica:
“Wave the wand and a light shines from its tip. Wave it again, and the light is extinguished.”
Oh, I think we’ve all experienced that, am I right, guys?
What, yours doesn’t glow?
p. 396 – Thor Classic Mini-Bust:
“Verily, the fish I doth caught was this big!”
p. 398 – Nick Fury S.H.I.E.L.D. ID Set and Pistol Prop Replicas:
This is a government security breach waiting to happen. And by “security breach” I mean “some dope getting the crap beat out of him when he tries to get past some checkpoint with these.”
p. 424 – Batman Folding Pen:
“Use the writing implement designed for billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne….”
…Which totally has the Batman logo on it. That Wayne, he’s got chutzpah.
p. 437 – Smallville RPG Core Rulebook:
“Okay, so Luthor hops into his plane and flies off with the Kryptonite. What do you want to do?”
“I’ll fly after him.”
“Sorry, you can’t fly yet. Not until after ten years of campaign time have passed.”
“Wait, what? What can I do, then?”
“You can look longingly into Lana’s big watery eyes and say incredibly evasive things that exacerbate everyone’s problems.”
“Oooh, I roll for Save Vs. Ridiculous Plot Developments.”
“Yeah, you can try.”