Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.
Oh, man, it’s been a couple of days, that’s for sure. But, here we go, a new installment of End of Civilization to delight and probably annoy. Download a copy of the March 2010 Diamond Previews from copyright_liberators_daily and follow along. (Also, I finally added an “End of Civilization” category, which only links to this post so far. I’ll add the rest later when I have a little free time!)
p. 132 – Ame-Comi Heroine Series: Star Sapphire PVC Figure:
Oh, good, this should end the debate about Star Sapphire’s costume once and for all.
p. 209 – Fame #1 Lady Gaga:
You know, for most of my End of Civilization entries, I’m only joking that the item in question indicates the imminent fall of the world.
Just sayin’.
p. 244 – The Talisman: The Road of Trials Volume 1 HC:
I’m about to do something entirely unfair.
What my original hardcover copy of The Talisman novel cost when I got it back in 1984: $18.95 (probably about $30 or so today)
What this graphic novel adaptation of the early portions of the novel costs: $25.00
Yes, yes, we’re talking about two different animals here, but still, I think it’s interesting.
p. 275 – Archie: The Best of Dan DeCarlo, Volume 1:
Boy, I sure hope they talk about how he created Josie and the Pussycats in these books. And why he moved on to drawing Simpsons comics and such in his last few years.
p. 328 – Marvel Comics Iron Man 2 Trading Cards:
So I’m assuming Iron 2 Man is about a steam iron magically transformed into a human, and the wacky adventures he has trying to fit into a strange new world. “Hey, man, don’t press me!” “Whoops, sorry, old habits.”
…
I’ve lost my mind.
p. 333 – Krypto Mad Dog II T-Shirt:
“Doggie style.” Hmm, let’s see, what do I think of when I see that phrase?
1. The punk band Doggy Style.
2. A literal reference to the fact that this is a style of shirt with the picture of a dog on it.
3. And nothing else.
p. 335 – Zombieland We Stand United T-Shirt:
I can’t help but think that this is just going to cause problems with people who don’t notice the Zombieland logo in the corner. “What, you got a problem with sick people, jerk?”
p. 373 – Wolverine & The X-Men Colossus Statue:
Oh, thank goodness, my Colossus “Tribute to Armpits” statue is finally on its way.
p. 378 – Sushi Erasers:
Ladies, gentlemen…let the pranks begin.
p. 378 – Mini Designer Chairs:
These are collectible 1/12 scale model chairs, sold in “blind mystery box” packaging.
I don’t have a joke. I’m too busy being stunned.
p. 379 – Marvel Comics Coloud Headphones:
“STUPID HEADPHONES NOT FIT RIGHT ON HULK’S HEAD. HULK CAN’T PROPERLY ENJOY GLORIA ESTAFAN AND THE MIAMI SOUND MACHINE. WANT RHYTHM TO GET ME TONIGHT.”
“War Journal Entry #5511: I had hoped the soothing sounds of Billy Joel’s An Innocent Man would ease away the pain I live with every day…the pain of loss that never ebbs no matter how many drug dealers or mob bosses I take down. But if Hulk doesn’t shut up about his Gloria Estafan record, I swear to God I’m going to shoot the son of a bitch.”
p. 380 – Tru Blood Soda:
“Tart and slightly sweet, Tru Blood pours like a regular soda but appears stormy and mysterious when poured into a glass.”
Well, hell, I’m sold. If it’s one thing I want to put into my body, it’s something “stormy and mysterious.”
p. 392 – Family Guy Clue:
“The loud, obnoxious character…did it in the living room…with the flashback to a pop-culture reference.”
p. 393 – John Wayne Monopoly:
“Ooh, I landed on The Conqueror square. What happens now?”
“You…really don’t want to know.”
Marvel Previews p. 24-31 – Spider-Man family titles:
That’s eleven different titles, including three issues of Amazing, two mini-series, a one-shot, and an annual. …Huh, I wonder how come Spider-Man‘s success doesn’t translate to comic sales? You’d think the transition from one movie every three years or so to nearly a dozen different stories a month would be a natural one.
Marvel Previews p. 99 – Runaways Live Fast Premiere HC:
Hey, it’s that cover again! I think I’d almost be a bit disappointed if they fixed this little problem.
p. 100 – Avengers Red Zone Premiere HC:
Wow, they pumped up Johns’ name on the cover there to almost “Writers Who’ve Licensed Out Their Novels to Marvel” size on the cover there. Must be because of all the advertising DC’s been doing for them.
Uh, is this “Tru Blood” soda actually related to anything, or are its makers simply hoping that people will mistake it for a tie-in to the HBO series TRUE BLOOD?
I’ve seen those random miniature furniture assortment boxes before! The ones I saw were various kitchen appliances and cabinets.
No I have no idea what they’re for either other than some additional conspicuous consumption from Japan.
I’ve read that Iron 2 Man joke 5 times now and it doesn’t cease to (amazingly enough!) Laugh Out Loud.
Still, you need to get with the times, man! Hulk wouldn’t be listening to Gloria Estefan (However, I’m pretty sure Tarantula would) Rather, he’d be listening to Ke$ha.
But… I have to admit that’s not nearly as funny as hearing(?) Hulk yell out GLORIA ESTAFAN AND THE MIAMI SOUND MACHINE. Dammit, Sterling. You win this round.
Sorry, I don’t understand your comments regarding Dan DeCarlo. Did he get screwed by Archie Comics?
Why make miniatures of weird furniture and if you’re not going to include the round chairs from The Prisoner?
Yes, Archie Comics treated Dan DeCarlo badly. It went out of its way to avoid giving him any credit (and, thus, royalties) for the creation of Josie, though she originated in a proposed newspaper strip (and was named after DeCarlo’s wife) that DeCarlo had developed outside of his Archie work. When he sued to get credit, Archie fired him. Later, to add insult to injury, a story in which Betty identifies DeCarlo as her favorite artist was altered in a reprint, so that she now praised the publisher instead.
That “We stand united against the infected” shirt is giving me flashbacks to about twenty years ago, when numerous right-wingers were convinced that AIDS was going to destroy Western civilization, and the only way to save it was to put all gays in concentration camps.
I know that is not what the people who made the shirt had in mind, but still…They really should have thought this one through more.
Wait… there was a Krypto Bad Doggie I t-shirt? There’s that much demand for Krypto Bad Doggie t-shirts that they needed to come out with a second one?
Being a copywriter by trade, I almost respect the decision to use “Doggie Style” in the Krypto t-shirt ad (I’m a sucker for horrible punning). But then they go on to say that he “bears … his teeth” which, while not technically incorrect, is a f*cking dumb mistake.
Also, Colossus needs to put in a little time on his legs.
And the Marvel headphones have made me wonder, “Who would win in a fight, Hulk or Punisher?” Somebody get on that, please.
Hulk and Punisher did have a fight of sorts during Peter David’s run. I can’t recall the exact issue, but it did take place in Vegas.
The post on the John Wayne Monopoly game…lol.
Thanks, Trinity.
Now that I think about it, that “We Stand United Against the Infected” shirt is also reminding me of the Lou Dobbs-style xenophobes who warn that allowing Mexicans into the U.S. will lead to epidemics of cholera, swine flu, and the bubonic plague.
That shirt is really annoying me.
The “Tru Blood” IS a tie-in to TRUE BLOOD since the synthetic blood in the series is actually called Tru Blood and the bottles look exactly like that.
Also, my favorite issue of IRON 2 MAN was the crossover with FROG BY DAY.
Thank you for the explanation, John. I do not get HBO, and I am deeply tired of vampires, so I have never seen TRUE BLOOD.
“The loud, obnoxious character…did it in the living room…with the flashback to a pop-culture reference.”
I would totally play this version of Clue if that’s how the board was set up.
“(Archie) went out of its way to avoid giving him any credit (and, thus, royalties) for the creation of Josie.”
And in doing so, they also cut him out of the creator credit from the Josie movie and the licensing and merchandising $$$ associated with it.
Hmm, they misspelled Coipel’s name there. Too much attention paid to embiggening Johns’ name, I guess.
Iron Man, Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can
Presses pants, any size
Even with button flies.
Look out! Here comes the Iron Man!
Did Mr. Sterling just make an obscure joke about an old terrible movie that is believed to have caused the deaths of many of the people who made it?
He did!
Did some jerk in Canada laugh his ass of when he read that obscure joke?
He did!
Krypto bears “more than just his teeth?” What the hell? Do I even want to know what else he’s showing?
I want to put my Marvel Universe 3 3/4″ figures in those little chairs. Like they’re having a little get-together.
You know what else is stormy and mysterious? Me. You want to put
Okay – I know making fun of t-shirt ad copy is low-hanging fruit, but come on no one is making fun of “Superman’s canine partner bears (sic) more than just his teeth”? Like what? Judging from the shirt that’s the only thing he bares. Unless… (shudder).
Looks like Krypto needs a visit from Victoria Stilwell.
Seriously. He does.
Doggie Style, Bad Dog, “Superman’s Canine partner bears[sic] more than his teeth…”
Are they going after the zoophile market with this one?
My wife literally has *all* of those chairs. She collects… “tiny chairs.” These are a small fraction of the assortment.
From the John Wayne Monopoly Community Chest card: “McQ: Punch a hippie and send him to jail. Send him directly to jail.”
Not sure if you’ve already seen it, but the “Iron” Man at http://verydemotivational.com/page/2/ is still hilarious to me.
The bears/bares thing is getting on my nerves. =/