My brush with role playing games was brief, and several years ago…during my junior high school days in the early 80s. Dungeons & Dragons was the game of choice among my friends in the neighborhood, at least until one of the busybody neighbors whipped out a tape from a radio show with testimonials from RPG “victims.” The one example I remember from this show was someone claiming that his copy of the Dark Tower game would talk to him from his closet at night, which should tell you the level of prevailing discourse in this program. Anyway, my friends, God love ’em, were a little on the “gullible” side of the scale and fully bought into this bullshwa, and thus ended our role playing escapades.

Even though I never really played role playing games after that (beyond the occasional computer game, but that’s hardly the same), I still maintained an interest in gaming, but mostly on a technical level – game design, gameplay balance, et al. It wasn’t an obsession or anything, but I’d enjoy reading instruction manuals for games, interviews with game designers, and so on, much more than actually playing the games themselves. Yeah, that may be a little weird, but there you go.

As a result of this particular interest in gaming, I would occasionally buy gaming books and supplements that tie in to other things I enjoy. For example, I have the GURPS Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon supplement, based on the books by Spider Robinson, and somewhere around here I have the DC Heroes Role Playing Game supplements based on Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon’s Watchmen.

Another DC Heroes supplement I own, and the one I plan on discussing here, is (it should come as no surprise) the Swamp Thing Sourcebook/Adventure published by Mayfair Games in 1991. The book comes in two parts…the main 32-page booklet details the characters and places prevalent in the Swamp Thing comics, both from the Len Wein/Berni(e) Wrightson era and from the later Alan Moore era. It opens (after reprinting, uncredited, Alan Moore’s “this is the place” passage used to advertise Swamp Thing during his run) with a fairly detailed summary of events beginning with the very first issue in 1972, and running all the way up to the aborted end of Rick Veitch’s tenure.

The first actual gaming information you see in the book are for Swamp Thing, of course, with a chart of numbered stats that may have meant something to me at one point, but don’t mean a lot now, beyond “higher is better.” The first character detailed is Swamp Thing’s human…”alter ego” isn’t exactly right, but you know what I mean. In addition to the stats, there are notes on the character’s Skills (Alec’s is Gadgetry and Scientist), Advantages (Alec has low connections to the U.S. Secret Service, but high connections to the Scientific Community), Drawbacks (being Married is a drawback, apparently…it sounds funny, but in superhero/adventure stories, I suppose that would make sense), and Motivation (“Upholding the Good”).



You also get stats for Swamp Thing as he first appeared in the 1970s, and a second set of stats for Moore’s Earth Elemental Swamp Thing (shown to the right). Listed under Equipment for the Moore version is “Psychogenic Tubers,” which gets its own sidebar description. A whole section of the book is devoted to Swamp Thing’s mindset, with section headings such as “Why Doesn’t Swamp Thing Chase Supercriminals?” (because he’s more concerned with the condition of humanity and the world as a whole, rather than individual wrongdoers). Additional stats and role-play information are provided for several other characters, including Alec’s wife Linda Holland (so you can role-play, um, the whole half-issue she appears in, I guess), John Constantine, and, of course, the various permutations of arch-nemesis Arcane.

The main book wraps up with a map of Houma, Louisiana, along with a brief description of the climate and special events (apparently the Blessing of the Shrimp Fleet occurs in April, so adjust your Swamp Thing role playing game accordingly).

So, after reading up on Swamp Thing, and all his powers, abilities, and “equipment,” you should be ready for a little adventuring. Luckily, this package includes a second 32-page booklet, featuring a solo adventure. Solo adventures are a little unusual in the role-playing field, as most RPGs require at minimum two people to play: one to actually run the game as the “game master” (or the more familiar “dungeon master”), and one (ideally, more) to run characters through the game. A solo RPG has more in common with the old Choose Your Own Adventure books, and this Swamp Thing adventure is no exception: it’s divided up into 134 numbered sections, and as you read through the adventure, each section ends with a series of choices which direct you to another numbered section…and so on and so on until you reach one of the endings. For example:

If you want to look around the office to get your bearings, go to Passage 52. If you want to have Miss Tremayne call the repair people to look at the copier, go to Passage 27. If you want to try and fix the copier yourself, go to Passage 33. If you want to go see Mr. Green, go to Passage 8. If you want to play your answering machine message, go to Passage 71.

The “role playing” aspect in this sort of solitaire game is generally reduced to having some decisions made for you by your stats and random dice rolls:

Make an Action Check using your WILL/WILL as the AV/EV against an OV/RV of 12/12. If you succeed, go to Passage 54. If you fail, go to Passage 121.

Oh, and in case you were wondering what all that business was about copiers and answering machines in that preceding example…yes, that’s actually out of the Swamp Thing adventure. You know all that cool stuff you learned about Swamp Thing’s abilities in the first 32-page booklet? Well, forget it, because you don’t use any of that stuff in the adventure, which has you trapped in the delusion that you are once again in the human form of Alec Holland. You go to work, you wander around town, you work out an advertising budget(!)…I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s fine as an adventure, but I think the game may have been better served with an example adventure that demonstrates just how to use the Swamp Thing’s abilities in a role playing game.

I should also mention that the book features several black and white illustrations, mostly taken from Rick Veitch and Alfredo Alcala’s work on the comics, though some Steve Bissette/John Totleben work is present as well (most notably a sequence with Swampy facing off against a werewolf from Swamp Thing #40).

I was going to wrap up my look at Swamp Thing gaming with a discussion of the Heroclix figures, but I really don’t know a whole lot about the game beyond that some of the figures are pretty neat:


Heroclix images borrowed from this well-done site.



I just got ’em on top of my desk, staring back at me even as I write this.

Stick ’em if you got ’em.

What can you really say about the Swamp Thing puzzle (from RoseArt, a company that’s gone on to license slightly more profitable characters)? It’s got a hundred “fully interlocking” pieces (I know I’d be pretty steamed if none of the pieces fit together), and you get that great picture you see on the box lid once you’ve assembled it. (And before you ask…yes, I once spent about 15 minutes or so assembling the puzzle. I’m a lonely, lonely man.) I’m fairly certain that not once in the comic did Swamp Thing fire a weapon even remotely like that, um, log-lasso cannon-thing. And I’m sure giving the Native American chararacter (who’s already saddled with the name “Tomahawk”) a giant crossbow-gun that shoots huge Indian arrowheads isn’t demeaning at all.

The Swamp Thing Colorfo…er, “Presto Magix” set (also from RoseArt) lets kids create their own exciting Swamp Thing adventures with a whole seven different Colorf plastic removeable stickers. Now, I don’t really see the potential for a whole lot of exciting adventures in combining the stickers they give you:

Quite frankly, they all look like they’re dancing. That Swampy in the lower left corner is “raising the roof” or something, as you kids say.

Here’s the equally-exciting background:


Ah, yes, the ever-popular “Romantic Swampland at Dusk” setting, certain to fire children’s imaginations with visions of action and derring-do. However, maybe I’m being a little hard on the “Presto-Magix” set…when I was a kid, one of my favorite toys was the Evel Knievel Colorforms set, and I played with that thing until it fell apart. Maybe I’m too old to appreciate the play-potential for the Swamp Thing Presto-Magix set.

But then again, just look at the Evel Knievel Colorforms:


(image totally stolen from this eBay auction)

That thing comes with a ton more stickers, with a lot more variety…you could have Evel completely dismembered, flaming pieces strewn across the track in the aftermath of some horrible motorcycle-stunt mishap! (Er…not that I ever did that.) What does the Swamp Thing set get you? A bunch of characters waving their hands around and pointing things at each other. Feh…today’s (well, 1991’s) kids got rooked.

Yes, I really own all these things.

This is one of the very first things I’d ever bought on eBay, over six years ago now. In fact, I think this may be the very item that inspired me to get an eBay account in the first place. Let me distract you from that highly embarrassing and very sad bit of personal information and draw your attention to the ballyhooing of “ACTION! Movable arms” blurbed on the package. While, yes, the arms do appear to move, I would have had a hard time attributing any kind of exciting “action” to that. Maybe you could pretend to move his arms around as if he were writhing in pain as you jab a pencil into his hip. Also, there were apparently three different designs in the exciting Swamp Thing pencil sharpener line:

…but that was the only one I’ve found.

This piece of merchandise boldly tells you, the consumer, just what exactly you’re getting. “I’M CHALK!” exclaims the package, and by God, chalk is exactly what you get. Chalk carved in the general likeness of Swamp Thing and colored green, perhaps, but that, my friends, is Washable, Dustless chalk in its purest form. According to the back of the package, some of the suggested uses for Swamp Thing chalk are “Do Your Homework,” “Play Games,” and “Draw Funny Pictures” – yes, Swamp Thing chalk can cover the full spectrum of life. Also, according to the package, the Swamp Thing chalk “works great on chalk boards” which must come as great relief to someone.

Okay, seriously, I’m sure the “I’M CHALK!” legend on the front is some kind of warning that this item isn’t candy, just in case having “CHALK” in orange letters on the front, and having pictures of kids drawing things with chalk on the back, weren’t clue enough.

Measuring a whopping 34 inches tall when fully erec…er, inflated, the Swamp Thing bop bag is certainly something to behold. At last, we now have something to punch in order to work out our frustrations over the poor quality of the Swamp Thing movies. (“This is for the saggy-bottomed costume! And this is for the annoying kids in the films! And this is for topless Adrienne Barbeau…oh, wait….”)

Additional linkage:

I’d not seen the French Swamp Thing movie poster before.

And what the heck…The Offical Adrienne Barbeau Webpage.

File under "What Did I Expect?"

I finally got it in my hot little hands, and believe you me, it’s only because I’m The World’s Biggest Swamp Thing Fan™ that I ordered this DVD in the first place. The cartoon is not good by any measure…well, it’s colorfu…no, no, there’s nothing good about it. And God help you if you hear the theme song, done to the tune of “Wild Thing.” (“Swamp Thing / You are amazing” is the opening, and it doesn’t get any better than that.)

The video quality is about as good as you can stand, given that the preferred alternative would be no picture at all. The color does seem to be a little washed out, but I don’t think that’s a problem with the transfer…I think that’s how the cartoon originally looked. The cartoons themselves were created solely to sell toys, so the characters tool around in vehicles with grasping claws, and Swamp Thing regularly performs actions that could be duplicated in the various Swampy figures from the toy line, and so on…they might as well have shown giant animated kids’ arms moving the vehicles and characters around.

Another thing with this DVD is how they padded out the description of what you get on the disc. Okay, there were only five episodes of this cartoon produced. And yet, this is how they indicated the DVD’s contents on the back of the package:

Three regular episodes, and two bonus episodes? In what way are they “bonus?” I’m pretty sure all the episodes actually aired, so it’s not like these are previously unseen shows (well, aside from no one watching them when they aired in the first place). Besides, it’s not as if they were originally planning on holding back those extra two episodes for a second DVD of this turkey, then decided, as a special gift to all of us loyal Swamp Thing fans, to somehow find the space to squeeze on these “bonuses” at no extra cost to us.

And here’s something else that’s always bothered me about DVD feature listings:

“Interactive menus?” If you couldn’t interact with the menu, what good is it? Okay, I’m sure what they mean is that the DVD actually has a menu, as opposed to some older DVDs that don’t (like my Aeon Flux DVD, where you have to manually skip ahead to any episode you’d like to watch, or some of those no-frills Universal DVDs that only had a scene-select function, like the 1980 Flash Gordon or Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie).

And I don’t know what they mean by “BONUS EPISODE,” unless they mean “BONUS EPISODES,” which I’ve already discussed above. Unless there’s some kind of Easter egg on here, and a sixth episode is hidden somewhere on the disc. Oh, the humanity.

There are also previews for other cartoon DVDs, totalling about 13 minutes, and none of these cartoons are any good either, except maybe the ones on the Tex Avery disc.

I really have no idea why this disc was produced…there can’t possibly be anyone else out there who wanted this…er, aside from me, that is.

 
 
(post updated 7/2016)

"SWAMP THING, defender of all good"

“DR. ANTON ARCANE, the twisted scientist, is preparing to drain the bayou in order to gain access to the vegetation and sediments at the bottom of the swamp. He believes that a series of experiments will reveal the secret of the origin of SWAMP THING and that once he possesses that secret, he can rule the world.

“Your mission is to protect the bayou against the evil DR. ANTON ARCANE and his mutant partners the UN-MEN!

“In order to save the bayou, you must travel through the swamp and confront ARCANE. Your journey will be perilous. Along the way you will have to overcome the dreaded UN-MEN – SKIN MAN, WEED KILLER, and DR. DEEMO. At the journey’s end you must battle and defeat DR. ANTON ARCANE!”

“Never fear! Help is at hand. SWAMP THING, defender of all good, is joined by TOMAHAWK, a Native American game warden, and Bayou Jack, a former Medal of Honor combat soldier. Together, these heroes help you foil DR. ANTON ARCANE’s wicked plans.”

And so begins the instructions for this game from Rose Art Industries (1991), for 2 to 4 players, even though the game comes with 6 player pieces:

Sadly, the pieces are not in the shape of Swamp Thing, as one would have hoped.

This boardgame was part of the massive marketing onslaught* that accompanied the very short-run Swamp Thing cartoon series, but unlike the cartoon, this game is actually somewhat enjoyable.

The board itself is fairly attractive:

Here’s a little closer look at a segment of the board:

Movement in the game is determined by cards:

Each player starts the game with three of the “Swamp Thing”-backed cards, which you can play one per turn. The cards are either just pure movement cards (the Swamp Thing card, where you can move your piece – in either direction – the number of spaces indicated); the Anton Arcane cards, which allow you to move other player’s pieces, hopefully onto a space detrimental to them; and the Escape Cards, which allow you to bypass the spaces on the board where you do battle with one of the Un-Men.

Doing battle with the Un-Men requires using the die (AKA the “Battle Die,” according to the instructions), and you must roll a number higher than the one indicated in the space in order to continue movement.

The Hero Cards, which you get to draw if you land on one of the spaces that tell you to do so, allow you to do one of three things: you can play one of your opponent’s Swamp Thing cards in place of your own; you can add to the number of spaces a Swamp Thing card tells you to move (a typo on the cards says that you add the number to the Hero card); or you can increase your die roll by one during battles.

Swamp Thing’s ability to enter “the Green” and regrow his body in other locations is duplicated by the “Green Spaces.” By landing on the space by exact count, you can move your piece directly to another location on the board. There are also red spaces on the board (marked with things like “Oil Slick causes you to return to Start!”) that, well, return you to the starting square. These aren’t as tragic as they seem, as there’s only three of them, and they’re all no more than about a dozen spaces from the start square…the game’s designers probably anticipated problems with younger players getting too frustrated at having to start over from a point much later in the game.

The game ends when you get to the final square, where Arcane is waiting…you have to roll a 6 (or a 5 and play one of your Hero cards) in order to defeat the big purple-headed guy and get him outta your bayou.

Anyway, it’s not a bad little game, and it’s fun for kids or drunk adults. It does sorta make one wonder what a game based on the comic book version of Swamp Thing would be like (“Eat hallucinogenic tuber – wander around the board for a couple hours;” “Send Arcane to Hell – take another turn”).

* Perhaps I exaggerate slightly.

 
 
[updated 9/20]

Swamp Thingery.

Here are a few DC characters (and a Marvel character) done in the Batman/Superman/Justice League animated style. The Swamp Thing seems a little light on the details (which is realistic, if it were to actually be animated), and the very existence of an animated-style King Mob hurts my head. The other pages on this site have some nice convention sketches as well. Look for the Swamp Thing sketch by Mark Millar!

Also, Swamp Things are apparently endangered.

More Swamp Things.

There’s a downloadable PDF preview of the new Swamp Thing series at the DC Comics site. It’s the same thing that’s in the Vertigo Horizon freebie that shipped to stores this week, but in case you haven’t been to your local shop in a while, here it is for your convenience.

In doing a Swamp Thing Google search, I found this page, a Swamp Thing message board, though with very few messages. It does have one of those mini-versions of Swamp Thing, like the mini-superhero characters you always see all over the John Byrne Message Board. (Where the heck do those mini-hero things come from, anyway? Who’s responsible?) And no, I have no idea why the address for the board is “FanFiction.”

And this is pretty neat…a complete chronology of the Swamp Thing universe.

Okay, I’m a big Swamp Thing fan, so sue me. He’s one of my two favorite corporately-owned characters…the other being Uncle Scrooge McDuck. Yeah, I know, that makes no sense. I don’t suppose I should hold my breath for the crossover.

Swamp Things.

Len Wein is interviewed, and not only talks briefly about the connection between his creation of Swamp Thing and Gerry Conway’s creation of Man-Thing, but also discusses writing the new Swamp Thing movie. He claims Swamp Thing will be CGI…mostly likely because the whole man in a rubber suit thing from the first film didn’t go over so well.

Swampy‘s costume was a little better in the sequel…and that sequel was either complete idiocy or utter genius. If you get your hands on the DVD, be sure to listen to director Jim Wynorski‘s very entertaining commentary.

Good luck getting the first film on DVD…due to a mother’s complaint (scroll down) the DVD has been pulled, which of course means it’s now an eBay favorite. The film itself is goofy and likeable enough, once you get past Swampy’s droopy drawers.

Never saw enough of the live-action TV show to form an opinion, though some people liked it enough to start writing fan fiction about it. And for pete’s sake, avoid the cartoon!