Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ September 4th, 2020 § Filed under End of Civilization § 13 Comments

All rise…this month’s End of Civilization is now in session! The honorable Spike Merling is presiding. …Do you solemnly swear on this copy of Hero Illustrated #2 from 1993 and its attendant Aliens Vs. Predator ashcan included in the sealed polybag to read along in your copy of the September 2020 Diamond Previews and DC Current #4?

Well, too bad, because you’re getting this End of Civilization anyway:

p. 38 – Darkness 25th Anniversary Commemorative Edition:


Celebrating 25 years of people bringing their copies back to the shop and asking “is it worth anything yet?”
 
 
p. 59 – Ice Cream Man #21:


Wait, hold on, how do they expect to sell piles of copies to speculators without a Dr. Seuss parody cover? C’MON, MARKETING
 
 
p. 72 – Stranger Things Dungeons & Dragons Crossover #1:


Oh yeah, sure, if you want to do the obvious thing. I think we all know the Stranger Things crossover we’re really waiting for.
 
 
p. 103 – Locke & Key Sandman Hell & Gone #1:


Finally, the dark, gritty horror version of Flint Marko we’ve been waiting for.
 
 
p. 123 – Goosebumps Secrets of the Swamp #3:


Is there some kind of…thing…in there? Is that the secret, that this is a surreptitious DC/IDW crossover to go along with that Locke & Key/Sandman one? HAVE I CRACKED THE CODE
 
 
p. 202 – Marvel Value Stamps A Visual History HC:


I just know these are going to show up in collections a decade or two down the line with some of the stamps clipped out.

[NOTE: yes, this solicitation was apparently cancelled, almost certainly due to time-traveling demand from an alternate future version of myself dealing with the very problem I just described]
 
 
p. 230 – Tremendous Trump Trade War TPB:


Collects together all those prevoius Trump parody comics so you can remember those things we were making fun of before they got repeatedly supplanted by new things Trump did.

Kudos on the great name for the book, however.
 
 
p. 231 – Punchline #11:


How pissed do you think these guys are at DC right now?
 
 
p. 248 – Everything Will Be Okay TP:


The new graphic novel from Matt Wilson! I bet his coloring will be great!
 
 
p. 250 – Batman 100 Greatest Moments HC:

Ooh, it better include this:

Or this classic scene:

Or this groundbreaking team-up:

Or this defining moment:

Or even this scene from Batman: Damned:


 
 
p. 309 – Batman and the Missing Punch Line Young Adult SC:

“Missing?” You can’t swing a dead Catwoman in this month’s orders without hitting a Punchline. You’re not even trying, Batman.
 
 
p. 310 – Little Big Book of Pussy HC:


Hey, great, I love cats!
 
 
p. 320 – Alien Official Cookbook HC:


Finally, an excuse to dust off and put out the ol’ John Hurt Lazy Susan.
 
 
p. M98 – Dragon Ball Super Monopoly:


Do not pass GO, do not go OVER 9000

Is that how that works? I have no idea. All I know is that this Dragon Ball Monopoly is nowhere near as strong as Superman Monopoly.
 
 
DC Connect p. 7 – Punchline #1:


How pissed do you think these guys are at Antarctic right now?
 
 
DC Connect p. 18 – Dark Night Death Metal Infinite Hour Exxxtreme! #1:


Look, there are people who find this title to be absolultely delightful, and there are people who are wrong. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
 
 
Marvel Previews p. 68 – Fantastic Four Antithesis #4:


Boy, after reading that first issue, it’s more like “Anti-TEETH-is, amirite?

Yeah yeah, “but wouldn’t that mean he wouldn’t have teeth?” Shut up, it’s still funny.

13 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Andrew Duncan says:

    > p. 310

    Uhh Mike, you might need to rethink your order numbers on that…

  • Daniel Frank says:

    Wait! The Value Stamp book was cancelled?!?!?!

  • BK Munn says:

    Some good larfs! I recently told my LCS to stop ordering a Previews for me since I’m trying to use the online version and also Mike Sterling always tells me the highlights.

  • William Burns says:

    I’m holding out for Death Metal Infinite Hour Exxxtreme Crisis!

  • philfromgermany says:

    So Flint and Cain Marko…, no relation, just a coincidence?
    Typical Stan Lee ! :D

    Please keep posting more of Mike Sterlings Greatest Batmans Greatest Moments!

  • Chris K says:

    Hm. I remember that there was a Marvel Value Stamp for Red Sonja, who Marvel doesn’t have the rights to anymore. I wonder if that’s why the MVS book was cancelled. (Too bad… I would have bought that)

  • Adam Farrar says:

    Spike, sir? I do have that issue of Hero Illustrated but I opened it. I might still have the ashcan though. Is that good enough?

    They’re going to sell Ice Cream Man #21 to Sandman fans.

    That value stamp book would be great if it included what was printed on the other side of the value stamp so I can see what I’m missing in that Incredible Hulk issue I’ve got where a previous owner clipped the stamp.

    Mike, you don’t need to say you don’t know about Dragonball since we knew that when you referred to Dragonball Super as Dragonball Z. Hah! Are you embarrassed or what?

  • Brad says:

    I’d rather see Stranger Things crossover with Dork Tower.

  • Mikester says:

    Adam – oops, fixed the Dragon Ball thing. It’s “One Piece,” right?

  • Allan Hoffman says:

    “All I know is that this Dragon Ball Z Monopoly is nowhere near as strong as Superman Monopoly.”

    Ooooooooooh, now you’ve done it.

  • Adam Farrar says:

    Oh sorry I didn’t mean for you to actually fix it! But yes, it should be spelled “Naruto.”

  • Turan, Emissary of the Fly World says:

    I presume that, in a Dragonball version of Monopoly, before each move the player must glare at his opponent for five minutes while either snarling or taking deep open-mouthed breaths.

  • Snark Shark says:

    ” this classic scene”

    “I’M THE GODDAMN BATMAN!” Damn right!

    Did they EVER finish that series???

    “Ice Cream Man”

    Stop him when he’s passing by!

    Chris K:”I remember that there was a Marvel Value Stamp for Red Sonja”

    I think there was one for Conan, too. Who they had the rights to for a long time, then didn’t, and now do again!

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