Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ March 8th, 2019 § Filed under End of Civilization § 7 Comments

STOP! Don’t pass up this End of Civilization entry! My LIFE depends on it! Is this the last stand of the March 2019 edition of Diamond Previews? Mike stakes his life on–YOU!

p. 71 – MCMLXXV TP:


Greatly anticipating the sequel MCMLXXVII.
 
 
p. 74 – Paradox Girl Vol. 1 TP:


“Mike, when is Paradox Girl coming out?”

“In two weeks.”

“Really?”

“In one week.”

“But you just said….”

“In half a week.”

“Um….”

“In one fourth of a week.”

“DAMMIT MIKE”
 
 
p. 116 – Minecraft Vol. 1 TP:


“Wow, we have to go to a second printing on the Minecraft comic! Send someone out to get more sugar cane!”
 
 
p. 120 – Disney’s Frankenstein Starring Donald Duck TP:


“No, no, Frankenstein is the duck, Frankenstein’s monster is….”

“Peg-Leg Pete?”

“No, it’s not h–anyway, look, we can’t call him ‘Peg-Leg’ anymore, it’s not very sensit–”

“Okay, Black Pete.”

“AH GEEZ”
 
 
p. 121 – Disney’s Dracula Starring Mickey Mouse TP:


Now this has me thinking about Disney’s Night of the Living Dead. “Gawrsh, they’re coming to get you, Minnie! AH-HYUK!”
 
 
p. 190 – Red Sonja and Vampirella Meet Betty and Veronica #1:


I was going to make some kind of gag about this, but there’s really not much to add, is there?
 
 
p. 286 – Archie’s Big Book Vol. 6 High School Yearbook:


“Dad, I need to pay for the new yearbook, can I have some cash?”

“Archie, we already have like eighty yearbooks, do we really need another?”
 
 
p. 288 – Fathom #1:


So Fathom gives in to the current hot trend of relaunching your series with a new number one. I mean, they’ve only done it [checks notes] at least seven times before.
 
 
p. 308 – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and the Freshmen Force: New Party Who Dis? One-Shot:


Well, sure, why not. …Anyway, where’s my President Taft comic book? “TAFT SMASH PUNY MONOPOLIES!” C’mon, someone get on this.
 
 
p. M42 – Captain Marvel Feature Fashion Doll:


Cue the onslaught of angry dudes on YouTube videos complaining how a lady Captain Marvel is ruining their beloved medium of fashion dolls.
 
 
p. M88 – Cell Phone Girl Elder Sister Mobile Phone Stands:


“Hey, where’d I put my phone? I need to tweet something.”

“Um, it’s right where you left it, Mr. President.”
 
 
p. M103 – Captain Marvel Empire Collection Toaster:


“And they’re ruined toasters now, too! Is there no end to their perfidy?”

“Well, look, surely the Rorschach Toaster did more to….”

“NO! THE RORSCHACH TOASTER IS A SAINT! A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF TRADITIONAL MALENESS”


 
 
DC Previews p. 6 – DCeased #1:


Look, DC, just put out a book called “DC Zombies.” You know that’s what you wanted to call Blackest Night. Anyway, Dave Sim kinda sorta beat you to this title.
 
 
Marvel Previews p. 4 – Savage Avengers #1:


If Conan’s back in the Marvel Universe, will it be long before this guy worrying about the yen versus the dollar is back, too?


PLEASE SAY NO

7 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Turan, Emissary of the Fly World says:

    Note to Disney: You are impressing no one if you merely copy what Mr. Magoo did fifty years ago.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWlDZiYCH-U

  • Thelonious_Nick says:

    I’m confused as to the timing of the Disney Frankenstein and Dracula books. Surely, those are better released in October than in March?

  • Whenever Marvel corporate press releases say that Marvel has over 5K characters, realize they’re counting the “Yen vs the Dollar” guy.

  • Andrew-TLA says:

    Those Disney monster books are them taunting Universal, right? Like, “We know the regulators would finally look askance if we offered to buy you, but here’s proof we can do your characters better than you can.”

    Also, “Keep failing at the Dark Universe and Marvel’s next Phase will feature N’Kantu, Jack Russell, and our Dracula because it turns out we have one of those now.”

  • Turan, Emissary of the Fly World says:

    Well, that Frankenstein monster is clearly based on the old Universal model (created by make-up man Jack Pierce, to give credit where it is due). However, the Dracula appears to be based on the Coppola film, and that was a Columbia production. That may be simple prudence, though–Bela Lugosi Jr. is a copyright lawyer (no, really), and he has been zealous in guarding his father’s image.

  • philfromgermany says:

    Don’t worry, Comicsgaters. Girl Elder Sister Mobile Phone Stands are still marketed exclusively to the likes of you and will be for a good while longer.

  • Fishheadned says:

    Is DC publishing that Paradox Girl collection? I’m surprised an indie publisher can get away with putting the big red S on the cover like that. I googled to see if it was a DC thing, and the Comixology version has her wearing a cape with a “P,” so they went out of their way to do it.

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