Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ February 18th, 2019 § Filed under End of Civilization § 8 Comments

GREAT SCOTT! It’s the End of Civilization, Marty! Hope into this DeLorean and we’ll travel back to February 2019 to try to stop it! We’ll use this copy of that month’s Diamond Previews that we found in a future comic book store/tattoo removal parlor to guide us along:

p. 50 – Little Girls TP:


Alas, no members of Oingo Boingo got back in time with any pull quotes for the cover.
 
 
p. 90 – Spawn #296:


Only four more issues to go before we can ratchet up the surprise from people shocked that Spawn is still coming out by adding on “yes, for over 300 issues now!”
 
 
p. 123 – Berserk Deluxe Edition Volume 2:


“Volume 2?” Oh, you mean Frenzy.
 
 
p. 132 – Star Trek Year 5 #1:


Revealing the tragic fates of Arex and M’Ress, which is why they don’t, like, help save the whales or search for Spock or anything.
 
 
p. 152 – TMNT Shredder in Hell #1 Director’s Cut:


Oh good, hopefully they’ll be restoring the scenes where he meets both Hellboy and Godzilla in hell.
 
 
p. 232 – Giant Super-Cerebus Annual #1:


C’mon, Dave, do these just long enough so that you eventually do a cover parody of House of Secrets #92. Look, “House of Cerebus,” I’ll let you have that for free. EDIT: Whoops! Dave beat me to it!
 
 
p. 291 – Star Wars Leia Organa Rebel Leader in a Box:


I had a joke for this but I’m holding it back because 1) I’m keeping people from um, actually-ing me with “Carrie was cremated,” and 2) a rare bit of taste.
 
 
p. 296 – The Worst Book Ever HC:


That’s a weird trade dress for the Purgatori collection.
 
 
p. M17 – Bruce Lee Minimates Series 1 Box Set:

“The many looks of Bruce Lee are on display here, as his Dojo, Clawed, Casual, and Completely Nude looks make up the four-pack.”

 
 
p. M117 – DC Heroes 5.5oz Scented Candle Tins:


You can light up the Harley Quinn candle to disguise that smell when you’re reading this comic:


 
 
p. M118 – DC Comics Batman Bat-Signal Kitchen Timer:


Surely some kind of Clock King timer would have been more fitting.
 
 
p. M118 – DC Heroes Batman Bat-Symbol Apron:


The Batman ’66 version of this apron just has a big “KISS!” sound effect printed on it.
 
 
Marvel Previews p. 100 – Star Wars Age of Rebellion Grand Moff Tarkin #1:


Here’s hoping Tarkin is a weird 3D CGI rendering in the comic while everything else is traditionally illustrated.

8 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Casie says:

    ‘House of Cerebus’…brilliant! Always fun to read your stuff, Mike.

  • Eric Lyden says:

    When I was a kid I’d see comic books with issue numbers in the two or three hundreds and I thought how cool it would be to be able to follow a comic book from it’s first issue to it’s three hundredth. Then as soon as they started getting close everyone went reboot crazy so it never happened. So I guess I have to respect Spawn for making it.

  • ExistentialMan says:

    Holy cow Sterling! THAT was one of the funniest EOC’s ever. I laughed out loud at at least seven of those!

  • Robcat says:

    I need the Princess Leia joke…. I NEED IT!

  • Matt Dow says:

    House of Cerebus is scheduled for January 2020. Has been for months.

    http://momentofcerebus.blogspot.com/2019/01/cih-2019-reversion.html?m=1

    Matt Dow
    Interim Editor
    Moment of Cerebus

  • Mikester says:

    Matt – SO NOTED! Sorry, things sometimes don’t become real to me ’til I seem ’em in Previews! And even then….

  • Matthew says:

    Huh, the other impressive thing about Spawn is that it’s still only $2.99. The ICV2 “top 500” list of comics for December literally only lists seven comics at that price point.

    The others are four New Age of Heroes titles from DC
    Sideways #11 (cancelled at #13)
    Damage #12 (cancelled at #16)
    Curse of Brimstone #9 (cancelled at #12)
    Unexpected #7 (cancelled at #8)

    and

    Scooby-Doo Where Are You #96

    Archie’s Christmas Spectacular #1

    Since Scooby-Doo is bimonthly in a couple more months Spawn will often be the only $2.99 comic.

  • Chris says:

    Lol frenzy

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