Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ June 11th, 2018 § Filed under End of Civilization § 4 Comments

HO HO HO! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! Let’s see what presents jolly ol’ Saint Nick is bringing us in his giant sack of goodies by looking in the newest Diamond Previews catalog, June edi–wait, hold on.

Er…happy summer, everyone, I think? Follow along in your June 2018 Previews and let’s see what we can expect in…the fall? I mean, some of this stuff may show up around Christmastime, right? Anyway, here we go…and I apologize in advance to my Italian videogame plumber friends:

p. 48 – The Walking Dead Comic Book Box:

“Wow, a box to hold all our Blu-ray sets! This is really neat!”
p. 94 – Super Mario Bros. Encylopedia HC:

“Remember-a me, Mario? I had a report due on space-a!”
p. 227 – Peanuts Dell Archive HC:

Look, it’s worth it just to get this story on nice paper:

Saved for future generations! Read it to your grandkids!
p. 261 – Casper’s Capers #1:

This here website is no stranger to questioning the semi-physicality of the unquiet spirits of Harvey Comics (for example). Granted, Casper isn’t shown actually eating anything here, so perhaps the ghosts of the Harvey Universe wander the earth, torturing themselves with memories of their long-lost ability to enjoy the taste of food, lustfully gazing upon that which is forever denied them, their desire never sated. I mean, as far as Casper goes. Hot Stuff’s nature as a “demon” is presumably not as phantasmal as Casper’s, and thus can eat things like cake, and souls, and, you know, whatever.
p. 296 – Star Wars Cookbook: Han Sandwiches & Other Galactic Snacks HC:

Whoever came up with “Han Sandwiches” deserves an award, followed by some jail time. Also, are the iconic Wookiee-ookies (as namechecked in the Star Wars Holiday Special) present in this volume? If not, then GOOD DAY, SIR.
p. 236 – DC Comics Anatomy of a Metahuman HC:

Boy, remember when we had to dissect actual metahumans in our high school biology classes? Now it’s all “computer simulations” and such and you kids have it so easy today.
p. 328 – Doctor Cthulittle Illustrated Novella HC:

p. M17 – Muppets Action Figures Swedish Chef Deluxe Gift Set:

…Okay, not really a joke as such, but it’s been stuck in my head since coming across this issue at the shop, and, well, there you go.
DC Previews p. 2 – Sandman Universe #1:

THE DEBUT OF THE SANDMAN’S NEW ARMOR COSTUME, WITH THE GIANT BOOTS AND FANCY CUFFS AND THE HIGH NECK COLLAR…well, okay sometimes he actually has the high neck collar, look, let me make my incredibly timely New 52 Superman costume joke.
DC Previews p. 38 – Injustice Vs. The Masters of the Universe #2:

Swamp Thing’s in it. …SIGH.
DC Previews p. 52 – Scooby-Doo Team-Up #41:

Someone inform Overstreet we’ve got a new bondage cover to be singled out in the price guide listings.
DC Previews p. 87 – Titans Book One Together Forever TP & Titans Vol. 4 Titans Apart TP:

Well, that escalated quickly.

DC Previews p. 88 – Watchmen DC Modern Classics Edition HC:

Finally, DC’s come up with the perfect reprint format for All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder. I expect this in the solicitations soon, DC .
Marvel Previews p. 12 – Fantastic Four #1:

“At last Marvel is bringing back the Fantastic Four! Surely they’ve come up with a new sales strategy to encourage readers to pick up a title that, over the last few years, has had trouble finding an audience!”

[sees $5.99 price tag on #1]

“Well, better luck next time.”
Marvel Previews p. 192 – Star Wars Beckett #1:

Finally, I can find out how much all my Star Wars trading cards are worth.
Marvel Previews p. 135 – Iron Man 2020 TPB (New Printing):

Couldn’t wait, like, another year and a half, could they.

4 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • philip says:

    Boy, the Flash’s physique on that Titans cover has always given me the creeps. What is happening with with his side? Is he sprouting a wing? Is it his unborn twin, demanding to be released?

    In re the Iron Man 2020, it is solicited for this fall so it’s still entirely likely it won’t see store shelves until the year on the cover. Also, did he make “angry armor”? Seems excessive.

  • GiantsInThoseDays says:

    The Sandman literally has Lucifer for his sex organ. Freudian slip much?

  • Sphinxbunny says:

    DC Comics Anatomy of a Metahuman…

    One chemically enhanced guy
    One cyborg
    One human/Atlantean hybrid
    Two aliens

    None of the characters on the cover are metahumans.

  • Robcat017 says:

    I had a friend 30 years ago who held up the Bork issue as an example of how “the best artist ever” (his words) could make even a lame comic/lame comic villain look awesome. He’s probably still doing it today. And even if he’s not, I can never get this issue out of my head… it’s followed me for 30 years…. and here it is again….