Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ May 28th, 2015 § Filed under End of Civilization § 13 Comments

It’s back, and more annoying than ever…the End of Civilization, as we gaze ahead two to three months (or up to six months, in the case of some merchandise) to see what dangers loom ahead for the world that we know. Take out your copy of the Diamond Previews, June 2015 edition, and follow along as we see what terrrors await us all:

p. 129 – Deathstroke Book and Mask Set:

If only this existed back when Seduction of the Innocent was published…we could have had manufactured data about kids putting their own eyes out pretending to be Slade Wilson.
p. 140 – Central City Police Badge:

Kids wearing their Central City Police Badge replicas, facing off against kids with their Gotham City Police Badge replicas on the playground, arguing all recess over who has jurisdiction. Oh, what a world that would be.
p. 146 – DC Comics Swamp Thing Action Figure:

“Excuse me, I don’t see the words ‘glow-in-the-dark’ anywhere in this solicitation. Do you expect me to go through life with only two different glow-in-the-dark Swamp Thing figures?”
p. 155 – Godzilla in Hell #2:

“On the Third Circle of Hell, we find the Gluttonous. On the Fourth Circle of Hell, the Greedy. On the Fifth Circle…Rodan.”
p. 157 – Star Trek/Green Lantern #2:

You know, if the Guardians of the Universe just gave Green Lantern rings to tribbles, they’d have the galaxy cleaned up in no time.
p. 217 – Sex Criminals #13 Coop XXX Variant:

Hold on just a second…Coop, doing a naughty picture for a variant cover? Well, I certainly find that hard to believe.
p. 276 – Ink for Beginners A Comic Guide to Getting Tattooed:

Okay, here’s something I’ve probably mentioned here before, but this is good comic-related tattoo advice, based on an absolutely true story.

One day, some folks from a local tattoo emporium dropped by and took some of our freebies — Comic Shop News, some Marvel flyers, etc. — to take back to their place. Some time later, one of those fellows returned to the shop and asked if I could answer a question for him. “Sure,” I said, and he immediately pulled up a sleeve to reveal a large forearm tattoo of a Marvel character.


“Uh…it’s X-23,” I managed to say, not quite believing that this was happening.

“Thanks!” the fella said.

Well, I mean, I guess he was happy, so who am I do judge, but seriously…if you don’t know who a particular character is and are sort of maybe curious about it, the time to find out that information is quite possibly prior to having that character become a permanent part of your body. Just a little bit of advice from your pal Mike to you.
p. 471 – Jurassic World Velociraptor Claws:

Finally they found a use for that warehouse full of unsold Hulk 2099 fists.
p. 494 – Stan Lee 1/6-Scale Action Figure:

I see the smaller scale prototypes are in for how they’re going to replace the real Stan when he can’t do film cameos any more.
p. 494 – The Simpsons Homer Buddha 3-Inch Figure:

There were apparently some marketing issues with the Ned Flanders Jesus figure.
p. 497 – Masters of the Universe Man-at-Arms 1/4 Scale Figure:

“Tom Selleck in a role you won’t soon forget.”
p. 508 – Attack on Titan Levi 1/8-Scale PVC Figurine:

Now if that top of that Titan head that functions as a base were actually some kind of rubbery skullcap, why, you’d have the fanciest topper at the ball, that’s what you’d have.
p. 530 – Hybrid Metal Figuration “Superman DC Comics Version” Figure:

These continuing redesigns of the New 52 Superman are just getting weirder and weirder.
p. 561 – Avengers Age of Ultron 5-Inch Bobbleheads:

“Rick Moranis is ‘Iron Helmet’ in Mel Brooks’s Avengers 3: Men in Spandex.”
p. 566 – Gumby Many Moods Bendable Figure Box Set:

I liked Gumby better when he was just fighting crime on Earth, instead of all these different Gumby Corps fighting each other in space all the time.
p. 567 – The Walking Dead RV Walker Ceramic Cookie Jar:

Little Billy: “Grandma, can I have a cookie?”

Grandma: “Oh, certainly dear, help yourself. They’re in the kitchen.”

Little Billy: “Okay, I’ll go get one right…AAAAAAAH! NEVER MIND, I DON’T WANT ONE!”

Grandma [whispering to herself]: “yessssssss, more cookies for me, excellent
p. 572 – Dungeons & Dragons Beholder Dice Bag:

The second item on today’s list that should have been a hat.
p. FS1 – The Top Ten Greatest Comic Book Video Games article:


Marvel Previews p. 100 – Fallen Son The Death of Captain America TPB:

“If only there were some way we could relive those couple of months where we all pretended Captain America was dead ‘n’ gone for good.”


13 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Jon H says:

    ” DC Comics Swamp Thing Action Figure:”

    The most important question: Is he chalk?

  • I hope Mike can forgive me, but lo… In the dark days, before MAN-THING would ever receive his own figure, I took a SWAMP THING figure and customized it.

    Now, MAN-THING has TWO official figures of his own and I feel badly for my misdeeds to old Swampy.
    (Though i do still have the custom figure and treat him just like one of his “real”brothers.)

    But alas, NONE of them glow in the dark or are made of chalk.

  • philip says:

    My kid is in vision therapy to correct a lazy eye. The beginning of therapy was to patch the strong eye to make the weak eye work harder. I am so bummed out that the Deathstroke mask was not available then. If for no other reason than it would have filled me with glee to see her wearing it every day. A father does what a father must to get through the day.

  • Andrew Davison says:

    Great to see “End of Civilization” back.

    Google knows the height of Stan Lee (!), and 1/6 of that is 12 inches (roughly), so he’s bigger than your 9 inch Swamp Thing. Incidentally, I’m pretty sure my Man Thing is over 9 inches as well. I’ll just go and check…

  • Walaka says:

    “The Gumby Corps.” Snort.

  • Casie says:

    Oh yay! Hilarious and entertaining as usual, Mike. The ‘cookie monster’ grandma made me so happy. Well done! :)

  • robb says:

    All joking aside, I really wish DC Collectables had given that Swampy a new body sculpt instead of just a quick wingless re-paint with a new head. A Jesús Saíz inspired design would have made such a great figure. Less barky- more planty to mix things up from that awesome Rotworld figure.

    C’mon, Swamp thing is ripe with potential variations!

  • MrJM says:


    Sorry, couldn’t keep it up.

    I bored and annoyed myself.

    — MrJM

  • Boosterrific says:

    Since when was “earthy” a mood?

    (Still, I guess that makes more sense than than calling “willpower” an emotion.)

  • “Mel Brooks’s Avengers 3: Men in Spandex.”

    I would watch that. I would watch the HELL out of that.

  • lythe says:

    first thought on that GL/Star Trek cover:

    why is Green Lantern fighting Aquaman?

  • Bill D. says:

    I still love the Atari 2600 Superman game. Unfairly maligned, that one.

    Now Superman 64, on the other hand, I still think the world undersells just how bad a game that was.

  • Snark Shark says:

    “Stan Lee 1/6-Scale Action Figure”

    A Kirby action figure would be better!

    A Ditko action figure would be reclusive.