Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.
Free Comic Book Day is just around the corner, but even that happy day can’t forestall the coming End of Civilization, predicted right here in the newest Diamond Previews! Grab your copy of the May 2014 edition and follow along, why don’t you:
p. 122 – 136 – The New 52 Future’s End one-shots with 3D covers:
Okay, so ordering DC’s 3D covers last time was a pain in the ass, what with the allocations and shortages and the ensuing hoohar with people trying to grab whatever covers they could find and folks charging $10 apiece for them right out of the gate and I think you’ll agree with me that all sucked.
So now DC is getting orders on 3D covers with (hopefully) enough leadtime to (hopefully) meet demand, and given that the excessive demand last time was mostly based on customers knowing the covers were in short supply, now I have to decide what numbers will actually be enough, if the 3D is “done” and customers won’t be as interested, if overall orders will be conservative and suddenly it’ll seem like there’s not enough to go around and demand jumps again and we won’t have enough, or if everyone overorders and we’re stuck with huge expensive excesses, especially on titles like Grayson which are getting a 3D special one-shot without any reasonable idea how that series is going to sell, aside from the mostly moribund sales for the Nightwing series its replacing, and so on and so on.
Or maybe I’ll get lucky and be hit by a bus before I have to think about placing any of these orders.
p. 143 – Batman Death of the Family Book and the Joker Mask Set:
Comes with “a replica hand-painted vinyl latex mask of The Joker that features sewn-on hair and a white elastic band.” Apparently the do-it-yourself kit that just came with a knife and formaldehyde didn’t make it out of the planning stages.
p. 145 – Forever Evil HC:
Hopefully Volume 2 will include the seventh and final issue of the series, whenever that comes out.
p. 265 – Rabbids Invasion Super Plunger Sound Blaster:
Sometimes things in Previews will make me feel really, really old.
p. 290 – Life with Archie #36:
Ah, yes, the Death of Archie, which 1) I have to explain to everyone looking for it that it’s not really the end of Archie comics for all time, it’s a possible future, blah blah they’ve stopped listening already, and 2) it won’t be out for months, so hopefully you’ll still care when it finally happens this summer sometime!
And look at this totally guilty dude:
p. 298 – Extinction Parade War #1:
Does anyone ever read Avatar’s solicit text all the way through? Maybe they should sneak, I don’t know, a secret phone number in there for people to call for prizes.
p. 414 – Swampmen Muck-Monsters of the Comics SC:
Oooh don’t you tease me again with this book, Twomorrows.
p. 451 – DC Board Book Batman Shapes:
“And what does this shape look like, Batman?”
“JUSTICE.”
“And this one?”
“VENGEANCE.”
“Er, okay. How ’bout this one?”
“M-MY PARENTS! A BLOO BLOO”
p. 451 – DC Board Book Superman Colors:
“And look, Superman, this one’s green!”
“Great Scott! Green (gasp) kryptonite! Feeling…weak! My powers…draining away!”
“Oh for God’s sake, Meryl Streep, it’s just cardboard.”
p. 451 – DC Super Friends Wonder Woman A Word Adventure! Board Book:
“‘It’s too what to make a Wonder Woman movie.’ It’s too what, now?”
“It’s too hard!”
“Yes, that’s right! Very good, Little Billy!”
p. 455 – The Twilight Zone FAQ SC:
“Which episode was the one….”
“‘Time Enough at Last,’ starring Burgess Meredith.”
“Well, what about…?”
“‘Nightmare at 20,000 Feet,’ starring William Shatner.”
“Okay, then what’s….”
“‘Showdown with Rance McGrew.’ Wow, no one ever asks about that one.”
p. 455 – The Big Butt Book 3D HC:
Comics, everyone!
p. 470 – Topps 2014 Chrome Wacky Packages Trading Cards:
Seems to me like “chrome trading cards” would be the very sort of thing Wacky Packages would make fun of.
p. 492 – Marvel Retro Spider-Man Limited Edition Action Figure Box Set:
Dress Spider-Man three different ways: based on the original ’70s Mego figure, with an updated costume, or as Elvis Costello!
p. 535 – Misc. 300 Rise of an Empire prop replicas:
You know, given enough time, these could be ancient artifacts displayed in a museum. “Here are the originals from approximately 500 BC…and then about 2500 years later, another now-extinct civilization duplicated these weapons and armor using inferior materials, which seemingly resulted in that culture’s eventual defeat and downfall.”
p. 539 – Zombie Magneto Mini-Bust:
why
p. 548 – Freddy Krueger Bishoujo Statue:
You know, just when I thought Freddy Krueger couldn’t possibly be made even more sexy….
p. 557 – Doctor Who Large Tote Bags:
I know y’all like to show everyone you’re a fan of the Doctor, but for the luvva Pete don’t bring this one with you to the airport as carry-on.
p. 584 – Peanuts Snoopy Keychains:
You’re Seriously Tripping Balls, Charlie Brown!
“p. 143 – Batman Death of the Family Book and the Joker Mask Set:
Comes with “a replica hand-painted vinyl latex mask of The Joker that features sewn-on hair and a white elastic band.” Apparently the do-it-yourself kit that just came with a knife and formaldehyde didn’t make it out of the planning stages.”
That one will come out with the softcover version — double-dipping the consumer for extra profit and all!
BTW, looking at that sucking chest wound on THE DEATH OF ARCHIE? If his death *isn’t* caused by the Punisher returning to finish the job that he shouldn’t have done the first time around, I’ll be sorely disappointed…
What, no mention of the “Women in Comics” tags scattered about? Because that’s a category worth highlighting the same way Halloween tie-ins are, and with some just as dubious connections…
That Rabbids Invasion to looks uncomfortably like a Fleshlight… er… or so I’ve heard.
You should take a look at today’s shirt.woot.com
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/through-my-veins?ref=cnt_dly_tl
“Hopefully Volume 2 will include the seventh and final issue of the series, whenever that comes out”
They never finished it?
“The Big Butt Book 3D HC”
They can’t lie, THEY LIKE BIG BUTTS!
Is Batman smiling on the cover of that Batman Shapes book? Because if he is, I’m pre-ordering six.
That Swampmen book apparently will never come out, since this is actually an issue of Comic Book Creator. Good luck filing this one!