Your 2013 Predictions, Part Five: Deader.

§ January 10th, 2014 § Filed under predictions § 3 Comments

QUICKLY NOW: PART ONE and PART TWO and PART THREE and PART FOUR and today is PART FIVE. Also, don’t forget to give me your 2014 predictions.

• • •

Ed leads us off with:

“I had a list, but after reading Gordon and Michael’s suggestion of an After Watchmen, that seems like the most hardy horse to wager on.

“After Watchmen (a one-shot at least)”

Oh, Ed, Ed, Ed…you weren’t supposed to read the other predictions first! Just jump on in and lay ’em out there! But like I said, I was genuinely surprised that, once the Watchmen barrier had been breached, more Watchmen product didn’t follow.

• • •

Tom Cherry pits me against the following:

“Realizing superhero movies is where the money is at, Woody Allen writes and directs THE INFERIOR FIVE. He stars as Merryman, Scarlett Johansson is Dumb Bunny, and Diane Keaton plays Annie Hall.”

I wonder if anyone’s ever actually approached Allen about doing such a thing. Probably was immediately thrown out of the office for even trying. But in the meantime, there’s this:

• • •

Boosterrific lifts me up with:

“DC finally gets around to Nu52 Sugar and Spike, re-introducing the pair as a prostitute with a heart of gold and her brother, a dim punk with a penchant for getting into trouble. Naturally, they communicate telepathically and hunt vampires and zombies.”

Oh, you. I still think my idea for a new Sugar and Spike series is pretty good.

• • •

William Burns scalds me with:

“DC announces a new line of comics devoted specifically to pissing off Alan Moore. The first two projects: After Watchmen and a sequel to V for Vendetta written by Grant Morrison.”

Again, surprised they didn’t. Don’t know why, it’s not like Moore would have anything to say about…what? How’s that again? Oh, he did, did he? Well.

“Hardcover archival reprint series announced for Reg Smythe’s Andy Capp and Charles Barsotti’s Sally Bananas.”

Couldn’t find any news on any new Andy Capp collections, but I did discover that there was a computer game in the ’80s which sounds amazing. Nothin’ doin’ for all you Sally Bananas fans out there, either. Not even a computer game.

• • •

Roger Green makes me envious with:

“Roger Green will write a daily blogpost in September 2013 at that will crush Mike Sterling’s daily record of 8.3 years.”

I knew once I stopped the daily updating these new young gunslingers would wander into town and challenge me to duels. But…yup, he’s still updating daily, working hard and writing well while I sleep away!

• • •

Prankster tricks me with:

“Either Bob Harras or Dan Didio, or both, will leave their current position at DC (possibly kicked upstairs, more likely leaving the company altogether).”

Nope! Both still there, planning their mischief and tormenting online fans!

“Iron Man 3 and Thor 2 will both be quite good.”

I thought so, and judging by their box office, so did a lot of other people.

“Neither Seaguy 3, new issues of Astro City, nor a collection of the Alan Moore era Marvelman will materialize this year, because we live in a cold and uncaring universe.”

Well, maybe the universe cares a little, because we did get Astro City.

“Disney will buy DC, Image, Dark Horse, IDW, Warner Brothers, Microsoft, Belize, the Moon, and the concept of human happiness. All human beings will be fitted with EKG meters that will charge them a dime anytime they think of any of the pop culture characters the company owns. The years of tribulation begin.”

I am unable to respond to this prediction as I am in the process of being purchased by…well, you’ll find out soon enough.

• • •

POGressive Ruin‘s biggest fan, Crowded House, takes us (nearly) home with:

“Mike Sterling brings Pogressive Ruin to an end. The very next day, he finds a bomb planted underneath one of the tables in his shop. It explodes and he runs into his overstock back room. He emerges, reborn as…Pog Thing!”

Well, as I noted yesterday — or was it the day before? — I did stop the daily posts on my pog site, but I have updated it a small handful of times since then. I am trying to picture what a pog-encrusted mockery of a man would look like, and, um…it’s more terrifying than you might imagine.

• • •

Dwayne the canoe guy paddles on over with:

“Jonah Hex will stay in Gotham, Bat Lash will show up and cause a ruckus, the All Star Western will see a reboot of Scalphunter as well as the Trigger Twins but this times as cojoined Siamese twins.”

Well, he did stay in Gotham for a while, just not in his original century, what with this time-travel story no one expected. In recent stories, he’s left town, with a forthcoming encounter with a certain blue-clad Kryptonian of some repute.

• • •

And finally, Stevonicus wraps it all up with:

“Superior Spiderman will go the way of Firestorm and have both Doc Ock and Peter Parker inhabiting the one body. Expect a massive amount of issues to be published as marvel decides to start triple shipping the book in May leading up to a reversion of numbering and title in time for Amazing Spider Man #750 some time in 2014.”

It sort of looked like it was heading that way for a while there, until Peter was…expunged. Still don’t know what Marvel’s ultima…er, coming plan is, but there’s somethin’ going on.

“Grant Morrison’s Multiversity gets delayed on into 2014 because John Cassaday signs up to pencil an issue which takes six months to complete.”

It’s definitely not out yet, despite being confirmed as coming out late 2013. And let’s not bust on poor Mr. Cassaday…the man does good work worth waiting for!

“The Teen Titans GO spinoff comic sells more than the New 52 Teen Titans effort much to the chagrin of DC editorial.”

It sold okay for us…and actually did sell pretty darn close to New 52 TT numbers. Frankly, though, if DC could feel chagrin about anything, it should be regarding that stupid collar on Superman.

“Bill Willingham’s decision to finish writing Fables signals the final death knell for Vertigo. Shelley Bond joins Marvel’s editorial team as a consequence.”

It looks like you nailed the announcement of the ending of Fables, which wasn’t revealed until well into the fall of 2013. Well done! I think DC will probably try to keep Vertigo going for a while yet, though.

“Jim Zubkavich’s disappointment at being booted from Birds of Prey after one issue sends him into the arms of Marvel where he writes a new Heroes for Hire ongoing.”

He’s certainly writing a lot, but not at Marvel, far as I can tell. Be sure to check out his excellent blog and see what he’s saying about his writing career!

“Jim Lee will last 5 issues on Man Of Steel before needing a fill in artist. He will be off the book fully by #8.”

It was issue #5, in fact, where Lee was joined by another artist doing story pages. Jumping ahead to the solicitation info for #8, art is credited to “Jim Lee & various,” so either someone’s going to help him with the lead story again, or that’s referring to whoever’s drawing the back-up for that issue.

“Dan DiDio decides to write a new Metal Men book. he will suffer a torrent of abuse online and produce a lackluster effort wherein he misinterprets the central premise and the book is cancelled by the sixth issue.”

The Metal Men have been announced as returning, but in upcoming issues of Justice League (not by Didio!), which I’m sure people are hating already before ever even seeing it. Didio did write the Metal Men strip for Wednesday Comics, that newspaper-esque publication DC did a few years back, and that wasn’t too bad! It certainly didn’t misinterpret the characters like a certain other series I could mention.

• • •

There! Finally! It’s all done! I know I said…or maybe I just dreamed I said…I was going to go over corrections and additions and such at the end, but let me rest up a bit before doing so. Or maybe I’ll just go back and update previous posts for posterity’s sake. You know, for when my website is unearthed by future archeologists. Like when I made my “mummy is close enough to a zombie” gag regarding that issue of Daredevil when freakin’ Simon “The Zombie” Garth was right there on the cover. Man, I don’t know…my brain needs a tune-up, I guess.

I still need to go back and actually answer a prediction or two that needed a little more research than I had time to do, but I’ll do that…IN THE FUTURE! SO I PREDICT!

Anyway, if you read all this, I greatly appreciate it. I’m going to enter the Odinsleep for the weekend, and come back Monday with…probably just scans. Lots and lots of scans and no typing whatsoever.

3 Responses to “Your 2013 Predictions, Part Five: Deader.”

  • Snark Shark says:

    “a reboot of Scalphunter”

    Now, THAT, I would BUY!

  • Adam says:

    Wow. Moore doesn’t have a lot of nice things to say about Grant Morrison in that interview.

  • ExistentialMan says:

    Many others have said it already…but you are amazing! Great, great job Mr. Sterling. This is just one of the many reasons why we keep coming back.