Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ February 28th, 2013 § Filed under End of Civilization § 16 Comments

It’s another month…well, almost…which means there’s another issue of Diamond Previews, chock-full of all kinds of wonderful and crazy items that I am legally required by Internet law to carry in our shop! Grab your own copy of Previews, the March 2013 edition, and follow along as I see what will be filling our shelves in a few months’ time!

p. 82-3 – The Green Team #1 and The Movement #1:

Remember, everyone…whichever one of these series gets canceled first, that means the other side is the winner, and that’ll put the end to this political/economic debate forever.

p. 100 – Batman and Robin #20:

In light of recent events, I am hoping the Batman and Robin series will become a superheroic version of Weekend at Bernie’s. (CATWOMAN: “He’s not saying much.” BATMAN: “Um, he’s tired. Long night crime-fighting. Uh, GOTTA GO.”)

p. 103 – Batman The Dark Knight #20:

“It’s the penultimate chapter of the definitive Mad Hatter story….”

Somewhere, the ghost of Lewis Carroll sheds a single spectral tear.

p. 129 – Adventures of Superman #1:

Reminder: the Jeff Parker and Chris Samnee story from this issue will soon be available on its own for digital download, so be sure to buy it! Tell ’em Orson sent ya!

p. 134-135: Before Watchmen Deluxe Hardcovers:

In twenty-five years’ time, DC will announce their Before “Before Watchmen” project, and fandom will rage across the Ultranet about this betrayal, this brutal undermining of these beloved classics.

p. 154 – The Flash vs. TBA Action Figure 2-Pack:

Not sure what sort of rights hoops DC had to jump through in order to get Flash to fight one of Marvel’s most popular creators in action figure form, but here you go!

p. 226 – The Walking Dead Michonne Resin Statue:

That rotating base is quite thoughtful, allowing each person sitting around the dinner table at the fancy dress party to get a good look at this centerpiece from every angle.

p. 405 – “No Sweat” Punisher T-Shirt:

“And the award for ‘Most Ironically Named T-Shirt in Previews’ goes to….”

p. 408 – Doctor Who “Smaller on the Outside” T-Shirt:

People who aren’t familiar with Doctor Who are going to go through all kinds of mental gymnastics trying to figure out what exactly this shirt is saying about your penis.

p. 426 – Breaking Bad Walter White 6-Inch Action Figure:

Someday I will see a young kid playing with his action figures, and he’ll have his Punisher figure in one hand and his Walter White figure in the other, and he’ll be saying “STOP, CREEP” and he’ll reply to himself with “I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS” and it’ll be the finest, most glorious moment in my life.

p. 426 – Breaking Bad 8-Inch Plushies:

Oh my, those are so cute and cuddly and meth-hidable and huggable and sweet! Kids’ll love ’em!

p. 427 – Breaking Bad 6-Inch Bobblehead:


I don’t have a joke, I just wanted to type that to see what it looked like. Hmmm. HMMMMMM.

p. 430 – Lost in Space: 1/1-Scale Laser Pistol:

Man, that’s goofy-looking. Can you believe this ridiculous piece of…huh? What’s that? The Mass Effect 3: M-3 Predator Full-Scale Replica on page 435?

…I take it back, Lost in Space 1/1-Scale Laser Pistol. I like you just fine.

p. 434 – Seka 1:4-Scale Bookends:

“Seka’s natural beauty is captured by these two pre-painted, fully-licensed statues with removeable clothing.”

Comics, everyone!

p. 434 – Star Trek (2009) Starfleet Academy Class Ring Replica:

This will go great with my Starfleet Academy Yearbook! (CUT TO: old issue of Starlog with my senior portrait pasted into a photo gallery previewing Star Trek: The Motion Picture)

p. 446 – Batman The Dark Knight Rises 400% Be@rbrick:

Why isn’t this one of the available skins in Batman: Arkham City?

p. 461 – Space Invaders 60cm Hopper:

Remember back in the old days, when people would dress to the nines when going to the movies, or going out to dinner, or riding around on their inflatable hopping balls?


p. 471 – The Walking Dead TV Board Game 2: The Best Defense:

I picture any Walking Dead board game as the inverse of The Game of Life, where you start the game with your little car full of blue and pink pegs representing your family, and over the course of the game you just remove the pegs one or two at the time. And then eventually you have to abandon the car and hole up in the green hills surrounding the spinning number dial thingie, and other pegs, painted rotting brown and black colors, corner you, moaning and biting while the shattered remnants of your family cower in fear until your eventual brutal deaths.

Or maybe it’s like Chutes and Ladders. That’s a fun game.

p. 474 – Clue The Big Bang Theory Collector’s Edition:

“Howard…” (laughter) “…did it in Penny’s apartment…” (louder laughter) “…with Dungeons & Dragons!” (raucous laughter, applause, credits roll)

Marvel Previews p. 72 – Marvel Galactus Sculpted Metal Bottle Opener:

Man, that sure is nice, but after the Silver Surfer bottle opener and the Thor’s Hammer bottle opener and the Captain America’s Shield bottle opener, your average fan with apparently plenty of bottles to open would need one of these like he needs a…um, what’s that expression again? It’s right on the tip of my tongue.

Marvel Previews p. 91 – Wolverine First Cuts TPB:

Reprints, among other things, issues #1 and #2 of the Chris Claremont/Frank Miller Wolverine mini-series from 1982. Enjoy that half of a story, kids!

16 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • philfromgermany says:

    As soon as I saw it, I realized to my utter despair I will have to buy the Green Team / Movement books. Why? I honestly have no idea…
    Anyways, how has the response to Before Watchmen been in your store?

  • John says:

    The Seka bookends wold be perfect for holding one’s collection of Kraft-Ebbing and Leopold Sacher-Masoch.

  • LFC says:

    The creative teams on the Green Team/Movement have me sold.

    I hope those Seka bookends sell great and lead to a line of adult actor/actress bookends. I’m holding out for Ron Jeremy or Randy West.

  • “Clue The Big Bang Theory Collector’s Edition”

    Civilization has now ended, and this post series has to be renamed “After The End of Civilization.”

  • Mike Zeidler says:

    Dear lord, that Doctor Manhattan/Silk Spectre artwork actually gets MORE inappropriate when cropped.

  • >Tell ‘em Orson sent ya!

    Orson Welles? But he and Superman haven’t met since 1950!

  • Thanks to the popularity of the Seka bookends I understand they’re already producing Ron Jeremy coat hooks.

  • Tom W says:

    I know we’re all being clever and mocking this stuff and the twisted aesthetic sense of the fanboys who buy it, and I’ve never doubted myself before, but…

    …that Galactus bottle-opener is sweet. That is a nice piece. Yeah, very nice. How much, just out of interest?

  • Mikester says:

    Tom W. – Oh, I’m not mocking that…I’m a pushover for pretty much any piece of Galactus merchandise. I’m mostly just making fun of the number of comic book-styled bottle openers that are available.

    It’s $18.

  • BigFriendlyMike says:

    I’m thinking in the future, they’ll combine two different lines into one: Before Watchmen WTF. Or Watchmen: Zero Hour.

  • philip says:

    Unless the Walking Dead board game is exactly as you described it, I am not interested.

    And speaking of board games, does Hasbro even make games anymore or do they only release licensed versions of old games created by companies they have absorbed over the years?

  • Interstate Shogun says:

    WTF Before Watchmen. Maybe add a question mark to make it more ironic?

    WTF Before Watchmen?

    There. Fixed.

    I am long past the statue collecting phase of my comics career, but if I were still collecting, that Michonne statue would be pretty sweet.

    Okay, I thought of another one. Secret Invasion Before Watchmen. Could Dr. Manhattan be a Skrull? The answer will break the internet in half!

    Thankyouthankyouverymuch. Tip your waitresses.

    Man, I need some coffee..

  • Snark Shark says:

    only HALF of that Wolverine story? WTF???

  • BigFriendlyMike says:

    Just Imagine Stan Lee’s Before Watchmen. Featuring Dr. Manhattan of two worlds.

  • Sarah says:

    I am NOT comfortable with the placement of that guy’s hands in the Hopper ad. I think he may be looking right at those bookends.

  • JRC says:

    I’m interested in The Movement/Green Team books, I think the creative teams are great. But I have to admit, based on the quick death of all their replacement 52 titles, and the absolutely awful comments I’m reading from right-wingers about The Movement book, I expect they’ll be dead/gone in a year.