Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ August 4th, 2011 § Filed under End of Civilization § 17 Comments

Hey gang! I’ve come to a bipartisan agreement, with myself, to raise the entertainment ceiling and bring you a bunch of swell items from the latest Diamond Previews…so dig out your copy (the August 2011 edition, to be precise) and let’s see what the future has in store for us:

p. 34 – Star Wars Episode I Adventures:

Wishing they were in a better movie, I’d imagine. Well, except maybe Jar Jar.

p. 275 – Stan Lee’s How to Write Comics:

1. Face front. 2. Alliterate. 3. Take all the credit. 4. Grow a sweet mustache.

p. 361 – Star Wars: The Complete Vader:

Only complete if it includes a soundchip with this:

(in case the player doesn’t work for you)
Also, I will never, ever get tired of that sound clip.

p. 390 – Green Lantern Movie Master Wave 5 Action Figures:

I was going to say something along the lines of “why are they still hiding ‘spoiler’ images for the figures when the movie’s been out for a while” until I remembered that, all things considered, the movie’s contents still remain pretty much unknown.

p. 390 – All-City Breakers Mini-Figures:

This is what my set of army men figures needed…more of these guys, fewer of the dudes with the metal detectors.

p. 396 – Jeff Dunham 18-Inch Talking Dolls:


p. 404 – Friday the 13th Part IV Jason’s Mask Replica:

Suitable for wall-hanging, or ideally over the faces of appropriately-sized old family portraits. Liven up that 70-year-old painting of some great-aunt whose name you don’t even remember with the mask of a fictional serial killer!

p. 406 – Iron Man Space Armor Mini-Bust:

So long as we’re doing statues of Iron Man’s various armors, I’m putting in my request for the nose mask version.

p. 406 – Iron Man Hydro Armor Mini-Bust:

No one has ever demanded this.

p. 430 – Think Greek Annoy-A-Tron 2.0:

Geek-themed noisemaker. Never, ever bring this with you on a trip that involves, at some point, having to get onto an airplane.

p. 432 – DC Heroes Can Coolers:

If you’re having to depend on Robin to help you hook up, well, I don’t know what to tell you, man.

p. 432 – DC Heroes Aprons:

For all the hoohar going on recently regarding Wonder Woman’s costume status re: pants/no pants, be aware that there could have been a horrible third option.

p. 432 – DC Comics EFX Wristband:

So the embedded hologram will let me fly or form green energy constructs, right? That’s how the whole “magical hologram” thing is supposed to work, if I understand correctly.

p. 435 – Zombie Plush Slippers:

Please enjoy that one time you wear these around the house before the significant other tells you to put those things away.

p. 437 – Pop! Movies Gizmo Vinyl Figure:

WARNING: DO NOT GET WET…unless it gets a little dusty, in which case wipe off with a damp washcloth and a bit of soap.

p. 442 – Watchmen Magnets:

I was beginning to miss my regular infusions of fantastic Watchmen merchandise. “These magnets feature the memorable characters of Zack Snyder’s visionary film Watchmen, based on the best-selling graphic novel,” sez the solicitation. You don’t say.

I think Ozymandias is my favorite, here.

p. 448 – Star Fluxx Card Game:

Oh, there is an “L.”

Marvel Previews p. 12-13 – John Carter: A Princess of Mars & John Carter of Mars: World of Mars #1:

I’m betting Dynamite Comics is thrilled about this.

Marvel Previews p. 19 – Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #3 -:

Who, indeed? Man, imagine if it were, like, a non-white character! That would be pretty awesome. And I’m sure no one would say anything remarkably stupid or racist-sounding about it. Honestly, this is the 21st century – what are the chances of that happening?

Marvel Previews #52 – X-Men #1 20th Anniversary Edition:

In case that seven million copy print run of the original wasn’t enough, here comes another, oh, 15,000 or so.

Marvel Previews p. 55 – Wolverine & the X-Men #1:

You see, Marvel’s actually doing us a favor by starting up yet another X-Men series. They’re cancelling Uncanny X-Men this month, but should the number of X-titles fall below a certain critical level, the natural balance of things would be lost, and the Earth itself could lose all orbital stability and spiral right into the sun. Thank you, Marvel, for saving us all from total destruction!

Marvel Previews p. 113 – Marvel posters:

Hey, you know what’s gonna keep us from ordering any posters for the store?

Go on…guess.

17 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • lankyguy says:

    I’ve always had a certain fondness for nose mask era IronMan.

  • ExistentialMan says:

    My cat will have a blast with the lolling tongue and dislocated eyeball on those zombie plush slippers.

  • Jer says:

    If you’re having to depend on Robin to help you hook up, well, I don’t know what to tell you, man.

    Let’s remember that Robin spent the 80s in a relationship with Starfire – a 7 foot tall golden supermodel.

    Of course during those years the same author had Donna Troy was improbably paired off with Terry Long. So I’m not sure where I’m going with this…

  • Nick says:

    Even before clicking on the Vader/audio link I knew it was gonna be that clip, yet still I clicked.

  • Jason says:

    So, Iron Man’s helmet is sufficient to travel through the vacuum of space but needs to be reinforced by a glass bubble helmet to go under water? I think SHIELD might need to reconsider some of those defense contracts that Stark Industries has been given.

  • g23 says:

    Interesting Dave Gibbons impersonation with the Watchmen magnets. He’s got Dr. Manhattan just right, but Silk Spectre & Ozzy seem off to me… if not for the Oz quote, I would have assumed that was some random “golden age” Watchmen hero.

  • CW says:

    How can Marvel be publishing John Carter comics when Dynamite’s doing so already? Is the character in the public domain?

  • I’m so happy to be getting 4th and 5th Warlord of Mars books. 1 or 2 just weren’t satisfying the customers demand. Maybe they can come out with a Green Hornet book too.

  • Shinwell Johnson says:

    CW–Some of the John Carter novels are in the public domain, but I think the more relevant facts here are: 1. Disney has a John Carter movie coming out, and 2. Disney owns Marvel. Offhand, I would presume that Dynamite’s license covers only the books, while Marvel is limited to stories based on the movie.

  • philip says:

    There is usually one thing in these posts that I sort of want. This time it’s that Wonder Woman apron. Because I do wear an apron when I cook. Don’t you judge me!

  • Scott Rowland says:

    I do like the FF poster much more than the Uncanny x-men one. Much better use of color. I’m on the fence about the third.

  • S says:

    What an odd drawing of Stan Lee to use for that cover. It looks like he’s snarling at the reader.

  • Loren says:

    Are there any artists whose posters you *would* buy sight unseen? Not a bunch, mind you, but maybe one or two?

    Alex Ross? John Cassaday? Mike Mignola? Brian Bolland?

  • random surfer says:

    Off topic, sorry.

    Was at a garage sale today and they had a Swamp Thing figure for sale; thought of you. I think it was the same as the one linked below, didn’t ask how much they wanted for it. But since I picked up a “Death of Superman” #75 still sealed in its plastic bag for 25 cents…

  • Dav-El says:

    @G23: the art for the Watchmen magnets looks more like Cliff Chiang’s work than Dave Gibbons.

  • Bear says:

    It’s been 20 years since X-Men #1?!?!

    … I’m old.

  • ShadZ says:

    The first six (or so) Mars novels are public domain (no longer covered by copyright). Dynamite’s comics depend upon this, as they are totally unlicensed.

    The phrase “Warlord of Mars” is not trademarked by ERB, which is why Dynamite uses it in their titles. The phrase “John Carter of Mars” is trademarked by ERB (and probably “John Carter” too), so Marvel (and Dark Horse) can use it on their authorized comics (and Dynamite will never put the words “John Carter” on their covers).