Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ March 31st, 2011 § Filed under End of Civilization § 18 Comments

ME: SWM, early 40s, non-smoker, reading through latest issue of Diamond Previews, April 2011: YOU: Following along in your own copy. LIKES: Long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, cracking wise on direct market merchandise, making obscure Green Lantern references:

p. 114 – Showcase Presents The Trial of the Flash TP:

Hopefully this story won’t kill the Showcase line of books like it did the Silver Age Flash series.

NOTE: I actually liked this run of comics. Don’t yell at me.

p. 115 – Firestorm The Nuclear Man TP:

Apparently this month is “DC Reprinting Series You Weren’t Expecting Month,” what with the original Firestorm series, a Secret Society of Super-Villains hardcover, some ’80s Legion of Super-Heroes, etc. Will DC kick down a reprint of those post-Wrightson ’70s Swamp Things, or those pre-Moore ’80s Swamp Things, so long as they’re delving into Reprinting the Unexpected territory.

p. 137 – Green Lantern Series 4 Action Figure – Arkkis Chummuck:

With exciting “eating the corpses of his fallen enemies” action!

p. 139 – Women of the DC Universe Series 3 Zatanna Bust:

“If only there were some way I could misdirect people from my hands while performing magic. Some way….”

p. 228 – Archie & Friends #186:

It’s the Cosplay special, with the just vaguely-upsetting image of Jughead as Spock:

…though it wasn’t until I scanned this pic and saw the larger image that I noticed Sabrina apparently dressed as Slave Leia:

Oh dear. Is nothing sacred?

p. 228 – Archie Babies Original Graphic Novel:

I’ve got nothing to say here. I’m just going to leave this here for you to think about, in those quiet times, late at night, when the fears and insecurities prey upon the edges of your awareness as you try to sleep and sleep just does not come.

Also, apparently Jughead still wears the same hat as a teenager that he did when he was a toddler. Well, I know I’d be lost today if it weren’t for my adult-size Garanimals.

p. 229 – Veronica #207:


“Kevin Keller returns to Riverdale in the pages of his own mini-series, from superstar writer/artist Dan Parent!”


“Kevin Keller returns to Riverdale in the pages of his own mini-series, from Goldwater-founded Archie Comics!”

p. 253 – Lady Death #6 Art Deco Order Incentive Cover:

I have to admit “Art Deco Cover” sounds a bit classier than “Crotch Close-Up Cover.”

p. 266 – Red Sonja Statue Inspired by J. Scott Campbell:

Just glancing through the catalog, when I first spotted this page I thought I saw something entirely different from what is actually here. “Boy, I’ve got such an itch back there….”

p. 344 – Star Wars The Official Figurine Collection Magazine:

Man, Lucas’ insistence that Greedo was molded into a die cast figurine first really doesn’t sit well with me.

p. 344 – Star Wars Heir to the Empire 20th Anniversary Edition HC:

Just noting this is 20 years old. And it was originally published about, what, fourteen years after the first Star Wars came out?

…Feeling old yet? Good, then I’m not alone.

p. 378 – Indie Spotlight Series 2 Action Figure 2-Packs:

Includes Zen, Intergalactic Ninja. Image unclear on whether it’s Zen with mouth or without.

p. 382 – Mega Bloks Hello Kitty Flower Shop Set:

Also on this page is the Hello Kitty House Set, and the Hello Kitty Candy Shop set, and the Hello Kitty School House set. Not pictured: the Hello Kitty Abattoir, the Hello Kitty Hooters, the Hello Kitty Military Surplus Warehouse.

p. 395 – Disney by Britto Jiminy Cricket Figurine:

I wish I knew more about sports and was aware what team had as their colors lime green and forest green, because I totally had a “Jiminy is clearly prepped for the next _______ home game!” gag ready to go.

p. 400 – The Twilight Zone Mystic Seer Replica:

Read that line near the end:

“Can’t you just see this in your living room or office?”

So now Diamond Previews is totally doing its own “End of Civilization” riffing, is it?

p. 404 – Ghostbusters Lucy Bishoujo Statue:

Here’s hoping Dan Ackroyd wears this exact outfit in the next possibly-theoretical Ghostbusters movie. “Uh, Ray…I can see your thong.” “Don’t get uptight, Egon…I am enjoying unrestricted movement in this new uniform!”

p. 410 – Ghostbusters Mugs No Ghost Logo:

“I’d like the mug with No Ghost.”

“All the mugs have ghosts on them.”

“No, no…I want No Ghost!”

“I really can’t help you. There are ghosts on all these mugs.”


p. 416 – Batman X Mimobot 4-Gigabyte USB Flashdrives:

Obvious joke coming in 3…2…

“Holy macrocephaly, Batman!”

p. 419 – Naruto Shippuden – Tobi Mask:

So there’s a guy in Naruto disguised as a one-eyed pastry? I’m not sure how I feel about that.

p. 433 – Dungeons & Dragons The Dungeon Master’s Keep DM Screen:

The Dungeon Master’s Keep is the perfect bastion of secrecy from which DMs can run their adventures and campaigns! The Dungeon Master’s Keep is cast from durable resin and comes pre-painted and ready to use right out of the box. The gatehouse is secured by two stout doors with a pair of familiar-looking door knockers, and above the doorway hangs the D&D 4th Edition Dragon Icon. Behind the screen are numerous shelves to store miniatures, game cards and other record-keeping notes. Two handy trays are built into the walls to hold your GF9 Dungeon Master’s Tokens. Plus, the towers of the gatehouse also serve as dice towers, with one tower facing out to your players (the rolled die exiting from a door in the tower) and one securely behind the screen for private rolls.

In case you’re wondering…yes, this is the single most awesome thing in this entire catalog. Worth every single penny of its $150 price tag. Yes, I’m totally serious.

18 Responses to “Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.”

  • Old Bull Lee says:

    Speaking of price tags, I was totally thinking of that Twilight Zone Mystic Seer replica for my office…until I saw its price tag of freakin’ $250.

  • Jake Wyckoff says:

    I’m waiting for the life-size “eerily-abandoned mid-American town” playset.

  • Sarah says:

    Not going to lie, when I was 12, I would have thought that DM screen was UNIMAGINABLY cool.

  • Thank you for remembering that one reason Barry was “expendable” when Crisis rolled around was because his sales were lousy enough to get him canceled.

    You’re a LITTLE unfair about the Trial: yes, it dragged on far too long, but the reason they ran the storyline in the first place was in a desperate attempt to attract readers to a book that had been hemorrhaging them for YEARS.

  • C. Elam says:

    Not only do I get the obscure Green Lantern reference, but I read that story when it came out.

    I don’t know if I should feel proud or ashamed.

  • adam barnett says:

    The Firestorm series reprinted! My mind can’t process all the awesomeness!

    Who the heck is Kevin Keller? Eh, never mind. That pic of him on the cover makes me dislike him already…

  • Jeff R., says:

    When you’re wishing for Swampy trades, go for the Millar/Morrison run, currently the second most inexplicable non-collection in Vertigo. [Right behind Children’s Crusade, which is the only uncollected Gaiman and the only uncollected part of Reiber’s Books of Magic run…]

  • A.L. Baroza says:

    “p. 404 – Ghostbusters Lucy Bishoujo Statue:”

    Wait, what?



    Buh wha…?



  • philip says:

    Your “End of Civilization” posts are one of my favorite things on the internet, but the Heir to the Empire timeline just makes me want to go home and lie down. It is one of the precious few post-film book efforts worth a damn (really just it and Splinter of the Mind’s Eye)but how is it 20 years old? How?! Feeling. Very. Old.

  • David Thiel says:

    Timothy Zahn used to live here in Champaign, Illinois, and so I went to a local book signing for “Heir to the Empire.” That was the same weekend my new girlfriend came to visit for the first time. We have now been married 18 years.

    Oh, and you’re absolutely right about the DM screen. I have a perfectly serviceable cardboard screen, but man…

  • De says:

    I remember the first time I saw Heir to the Empire at Crown Books (remember them?). It was pretty exciting to see a new Star Wars novel on the shelf at the time. Can’t believe it’s been 20 years since the debut of Grand Admiral Thrawn.

  • Bigfriendlymike says:

    When you stare at Lady Death’s crotch, it also stares back at you.

  • Tim O'Neil says:

    I think there is something more than a little pitiful about the fact that, while all his friends have picked recognizable characters from popular movies or TV shows, Archie has decided to dress as Pureheart, which is his own superhero identity. Which is kind of like sad.

  • DanielT says:

    One more note about The Flash. The trial storyline was never intended to go on as long as it did. Before it was near its intended end, Cary Bates was told the book was going to be cancelled and Barry killed in Crisis. So instead of having to come up with a new story that would be pointless anyway, he just drug out the trial.

  • Andres says:

    I’m still trying to figure out how that cover is Art Deco.

  • Jim Kingman says:

    The Trial of the Flash collected?!?! Time to break out Duran Duran, Bananarama and MTVintage ZZ Top!! I’m so happy, I might as well JUMP!

  • J.R. Farley says:

    So Jiminy’s hiring out as Harvey Dent’s conscience now?

  • That DM Screen is incredible. I want it. Bad.