For those of you still looking for that perfect Christmas gift.
The upraised red-colored fist and the red star seem at odds with the overtly-capitalist “MAKE $$$” blurb, but who am I to judge?
And how would you make money with it, anyway? “Hold on, let me untwist that bottlecap for you!” [one bionically untwisted bottlecap later] “That’ll be $1.50, please.” Or extortion, of course: “Give me your money or you’ll get such a bionic tweak!”
I wonder what this actually was. It was only a buck back in 1977, which I realize is the equivalent of, what, $1300 today (well, okay, about three and a half bucks), which wouldn’t cover the cost of much of a toy, even a cheapie plastic one. Maybe it was one of these? I suppose you could make money reaching through sewer grates for coins with one of these.
Which does make me wonder what the “make $$$” come-on was with this item. Maybe a sheet describing how to market your item for sale, whatever it would be, like this dude did.
And I don’t know if the whole thing is “guaranteed,” or just the “life-like” nature of the bionic hand — excuse me, “bi-onic hand” — is guaranteed. “This hand isn’t fleshy to the touch at all…and I find its movements stiff and unnatural. Please return my one dollar purchase price at your earliest convenience.”
On top of all that…what if the bionic hand wasn’t in your control? ‘Hey, my bionic hand finally showed up in the mail…OH GOD IT’S STRANGLING ME”
…
So, the bionic hand…put that on your Christmas lists, kids!
Mike,
I think you nailed it with that last comment. Think about it for a minute, the clues are all there:
– Raised red fist
– Red star
– 1977 (14 years before the end of the Cold War)
– “Make $$$” blurb (appeal to capitalistic greed)
– Misspelling of the word bionic
– Potential for hand to come to life and strangle owner/owner’s family/comic shop employee
A clever yet desperate Communist ploy to destroy America? Yes, I believe so.
Actually, it’s liberation theology. I just heard how dangerous Mary’s Magnificat was to a Central American government was in the 1980s. Power to the people!
I think that belongs to Master Billy Quizboy.
Let’s order one today!
Guys, the clue is there. It’s a ”bi”-onic hand… which, we should note, is not how the real world “bionic” splits (the source is “bio”). So obviously, the implication is that you raise money by providing intimate hand services to couples. Of course, this ad was placed before the elimination of certain categories from Craigslist; the business model is harder to work today.
Maybe it’s a Onic hand that goes both ways.
The Bi-Onan-ic hand was the big seller.
I have another question – how was “LO-U” able to even collect his/her/its money? All the Post Office has to go on is three cryptic letters and a zip code!
I edit out street addresses/PO boxes in my scans of old ads. There was an address there, honest!
Maybe “LO-U” was selling one of these?
http://plaidstallions.blogspot.com/2010/09/almost-bionic.html