Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ August 27th, 2009 § Filed under End of Civilization Comments Off on Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

Hey, look, it’s a new issue of Diamond Previews…the September 2009 edition, in fact! Come along with me as I point out some items of note. If you’d like, you can find links to previous installments in the sidebar somewhere.

Well, let’s see what’s being unleashed upon us this time around:

p. 130 – Women of the DC Universe Series 3 Batgirl Bust:

“…This rendering of Barbara Gordon as Batgirl, as the heroine dances the Watusi.”

The Watusi. The Watusi. You cultureless heathens, surely you must recognize the beauty of the Batusi:

p. 136 – Image United #1 [of 6]:

“You can’t miss this historic event as the original Image Founders draw all the characters they made history with. Each page is an amazing jam piece….”

I read that, and all I can think, however unfairly, is “latest…comic…ever.

Also, somewhere Jim Lee is thinking “I didn’t want to go to their lousy party anyway.”

p. 190 – Sherlock Ninja:

This month’s installment of End of Civilization contains three images that will unbalance your mind, make you question the nature of existence, and undermine any belief you may have in a loving almighty being. This is the first.

That said, given my love for peculiar permutations of Sherlock Holmes, I’ll probably give this a look. I mean, how could I not?

p. 196 – Archie & Friends #137:

“Archie Babies.” Really. (This is the second of the three disturbing images.)

Also, to build upon Employee Timmy’s idea, surely someday we shall see X-Babies Vs. Muppet Babies Vs. Archie Babies.

p. 348 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fugitoid Collector Figure:

Seriously, Fugitoid. Coming shortly after the debut of the Turtles themselves, this comic appears to have been ordered in large numbers by many stores at the time, perhaps in the expectation of another TMNT-like success story.

Well, um, didn’t quite turn out that way, though the character popped up in cartoons and another comic or two. But this original Fugitoid mag is one of those things that turns up in collections all the time. Seems like anyone buying comics in the mid ’80s picked up a copy (or three) of this. Hell, I have one. Even if you weren’t buying comics at the time, you probably have one in your collection. You might not even know it. I’m pretty sure they just spontaneously generate in one of your boxes once you acquire a certain number of comics.

In conclusion: a new Fugitoid figure. Huh. Neat.

p. 348 – Smurfs Urban Vinyl Figures:

Okay, at 6 inches tall they’re not quite the required “three apples high” to be “life-sized,” but, you know, they’re close. You can buy a bunch of these and set up your very own Smurf village in your living room. Then you can put on your Gargamel costume and pretend to chase the Smurfs around and…um, perhaps I’ve said too much.

p. 348 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Original Party Van:

Okay, that does look pretty rad (“rad” being the preferred term when describing something sufficiently gnarly from the 1980s), but you know what makes this a totally awesome party van?


p. 360 – Star Wars Mustafar Volcano Lab:

Surely one could have believed that the time-honored messy volcano “science project,” as seen in many a sitcom, could evade the Star Wars merchandising juggernaut, but no.

p. 364 – Aliens 1/1-Scale Lifesize Chestburster Bust:

At last, a little decor for the dinner table. All I need is a prone and gutted 1/1-Scale Lifesize John Hurt Statue for this to rest in, and I’ll be set.

p. 383 – Taki Corporation Collection: Ikki Tousen Nurse Uniformed Figures:

It appears the ceilings are mighty low in this hospital.

p. 385 – Spongebob Squarepants 400 Percent Be@rbrick:

This is the third of the three disturbing images. You’ll be seeing him again…in your dreams.

p. 385 – Star Trek The Original Series The Communicator VOIP Internet Phone:

In case you didn’t feel quite nerdy enough chatting with friends over the internet. Anyway, we’re one step closer to having an actual, honest-to-Roddenberry Star Trek cell phone that looks like the original communicators. (I know some Trek-themed cell phones have been released…but I can’t find any that look like those in the above picture. Am I missing them?)

Marvel Previews p. 3 – Marvelman by Joe Quesada Poster:

“Hi, kids! Miracl…er, Marvelman here. You’ll be seeing and hearing a lot about me in the months to come, while me ‘n’ the gang at the House of Ideas get a few more problems straightened out. In the meantime, enjoy my poster…put me up next to that Spawn/Miracleman poster you own, next to your display of the Miracleman action figures and statues. I’ll look great there! And, someday, you’ll have comics to put with your collection, too! Oh, boy, I can’t wait to team up with Wolverine, or join the New Avengers!

“Anyway, buy my poster, and I’ll see you soon. Thanks, pals! –MM”

p. 62 – Deadpool Team-Up #899:

Oh, good, a third ongoing Deadpool series. Hey, if we cut that goose open, we’ll get at those golden eggs even faster!

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