Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

§ July 30th, 2009 § Filed under End of Civilization Comments Off on Progressive Ruin presents…the End of Civilization.

Oh, good gravy, it’s that time again, when I poke through the latest issue of Diamond Previews and see what wonders await within. There’s a lot of good stuff in this issue, in fact (Complete Bloom County? What manner of sorcery is this?), but that can wait for another time. Until then, crack open your August 2009 Previews catalog and follow along with me as I take a gander at the goofy stuff. (And check out previous installments, linked in the sidebar somewhere.)

p. 128 – Catwoman (Classic) 1:6 Scale Deluxe Collector Figure:

For some reason it looks like it’s based on a Jim Balent design to me…not quite sure why, can’t exactly put my finger on it….

p. 171 – Witchblade #131:

So I guess it’s a big secret who the new Witchblade is going to be. There are so many well-rounded characters to choose from….

(Yes, that was two breast jokes in a row. I’m not proud.)

p. 201 – Archie #602:

This is part 3 of the “Future Archie Marries Future Veronica” story arc, and included in the solicitation is the absolutely last thing I’ve ever wanted to read in a description of an Archie story:

“Can Archie get through Lamaze class without causing a commotion? Can he make it through the actual birth without full-scale panic?”

Those two lines have upset the natural order of the world. Brother turns upon brother. Fire rains from the sky.

p. 217 – Tribute: Michael Jackson, King of Pop:

I was wondering who’d be first out the gate with a Michael Jackson tribute comic. Sorry Antarctic, IDW, looks like Bluewater beat you out. (I’m wondering if anyone will reprint that Captain Eo comic…dude, Tom Yeates art!)

p. 217 – Vincent Price Presents Special: The Tingler #2:

No idea how I missed #1 last time. Anyway, I wonder if there’s a way to randomly include electric buzzers to deliver a mild shock in copies of this comic? “Huh, that’s funny…this copy of The Tingler #2 has a giant bump and a bunch of wires under this endpaper glued into the inside back cover…I wonder whOW DAMMIT”

p. 254 – Stephen King & Peter Straub’s The Talisman #0:

Okay, I realize the pic is only symbolic, representing a full novel and not an actual image of the final printed comic, but it’s still amusing to see this:

…with this description:

Wow, those are some thick pages, apparently.

p. 327 – Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters SC:

Ah, from the “Hoping Lightning Strikes Twice” publishing library. When Pride and Prejudice and Zombies came out, we were making up our own “…and Zombies” books at the shop. Like A Tale of Two Cities, and Zombies. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…and there were zombies.” It’s fun, try it at home.

p. 348 – Zombie “Evolution” Black Glow-in-the-Dark Shirt:

I am terribly offended by the inclusion of such secular teachings in this issue of Previews. I must insist in the interest of academic freedom that the presentation of intelligent zombie design also be included.

p.349 – Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor’s Coat and Serenity: Malcolm Reynold’s Browncoat:

I don’t really have a joke here…just a story pal Dorian and Employee Aaron related to me from their San Diego Comic Con experience, which I was reminded of when seeing the Who jacket solicited right next to the Firefly movie jacket.

Anyway, Dor and Aaron (and Employee Timmy and pal Dana, who’d get mad if I don’t mention them, too) attended Sunday’s Doctor Who panel, which included the show’s star David Tennant. When the panel started taking questions from the audience, the first question to Mr. Tennant was the following (paraphrased):

“Was your decision to wear the trenchcoat as the Doctor meant to be a tribute to the Firefly tv show?”

According to Aaron, Mr. Tennant did briefly pull the “are you kidding me?” face, but answered very diplomatically, stating that he simply told the producers he had wanted to wear a long coat as part of the costume, and that was that.

Not sure what that teaches us, other than some folks just gotta find connections between everything.

By the way, the Doctor’s jacket is $300, and the Serenity jacket is $350. In case you want to save up.

p. 356 – Star Trek Kirk vs Gorn AF Two-Pack:

You know, when I was a kid, I had the Mego Star Trek figures, and the Gorn I owned looked nothing like the television show’s Gorn. You kids today, you’ve got it easy.

But then again, I don’t remember ever really being bothered that my toy Gorn looked different from TV Gorn. I guess I was able to manage.

p. 370 – Mr. Potato Head KISS Collector Set:

For some reason I’m now picturing the actual members of KISS applying their make-up via plastic pieces on posts jammed into holes in their faces. That’s just how tough they are, maaaaan.

p. 406 – The Big Lebowski: The Dude Wig & Goatee Set:

With minor alteration, will also round out your Charles Manson costume for this Halloween.

p. 410 – Obama Change Bust Bank:

Now, they tell me this bank was manufactured in America, but until we see the long-form factory manifests, how can any of us be sure? Just what are you hiding, Mr. Obama Change Bust Bank?

p. 411 – A Charlie Brown Christmas Nativity Set:

Until today I’ve never thought of Woodstock as a Christ figure. Would that make Snoopy God? How does Charlie Brown fit into this? …Clearly Lucy is the Devil. Or maybe the Cat Next Door.

p. 423 – Munchkin Halloween Chibithulhu Plush:

Aren’t they running out of holidays for these cutesy themed Cthulhu dolls? Have they done Arbor Day yet? National Secretary’s Day? Hanukkah?

Marvel Previews p. 51 – Marvel Zombies: Evil Evolution:

So the cover is too shocking to show in the catalog from which we need to make our orders, but apparently we’re expected to display on the rack once we get them. Okay.

Next time, just tell us the cover art wasn’t ready at press time.

p. 101 – The Thing: Project Pegasus Premiere HC:

A long time ago, one of Marvel’s earliest trade paperbacks was a collection of these same Marvel Two-in-One issues for…I don’t know, $6.95 or something. And as I recall, there was a lot of grief in the fan press at the time about Marvel unloading unnecessary and expensive reprint collections into the marketplace, some of it specifically in reaction to that original Project Pegasus book. Wonder what those people would have said if you told them that, someday, that very book would be a $25 hardcover.

Probably the same thing they would have said if you told them about $3.99 monthly comics.

A tip o’the toupee to Chris Sims for some production assistance. Hint: it was a breast joke.

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